luckyme
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Post by luckyme on Mar 8, 2011 22:50:03 GMT -5
school if they received a scholarship? DS, very bright, qualified for an expensive prep school not too far away. They are currently looking to "diversify", too many rich white/Indian kids , and although we aren't rich, we are Caucasion, so I don't know how much of a scholarship he will qualify for. It's not just about scores or need. The public schools leave a lot to be desired, but he has a great group of friends, I know all the parents well, and we are very supportive of each other. I know we don't "fit" with the lifestyles of the the families that send their kids to the prep school. He has hated school since he was little, bored out of his mind, so the academics would be wonderful, but does that outweigh the negatives? Of course, if we don't get a scholarship, it won't matter, but still something I keep going back on forth over.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2011 22:51:42 GMT -5
Is this a trick question?
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luckyme
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Post by luckyme on Mar 8, 2011 22:57:16 GMT -5
Is this a trick question? Well, it's a question, I don't know how tricky it is.
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vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Mar 8, 2011 23:24:59 GMT -5
It's a toss up - he may not fit in well either place - but if the money works out the private school would probably give him a greater chance for future success
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2011 23:40:48 GMT -5
Yes. You can always pull him out if he doesn't fit there but you may find him thriving academically and finding friends with the same level of intellect and desire.
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dcmetrocrab
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Post by dcmetrocrab on Mar 9, 2011 0:21:04 GMT -5
I would further investigate the schools, get a sense of the families and social situation. Fitting in would be a concern, but it doesn't hurt to try. Also, how does your son feel about leaving his friends?
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 9, 2011 0:39:13 GMT -5
He has hated school since he was little, bored out of his mind, so the academics would be wonderful That would answer it for me. What do I know though, I'm just a smart kid that was bored out of my mind in public schools, right up until I decided it was a waste of time and dropped out at 15. Granted I went on to a community college after that, but I probably would have had the "regular" high school experience my mom kept talking about if I wasn't going to school with a bunch of knuckle dragging morons.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2011 2:18:28 GMT -5
Yes, yes, and yes... and I don't even have a kid yet ;D
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on Mar 9, 2011 3:50:37 GMT -5
How old is your son? And how far is not far away?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2011 7:35:55 GMT -5
This is just an anecdote so take it for what it's worth. It's comparing apples to oranges, but . . .
My ex-bf's son qualified for the high-achieving high school that served the entire county. It is nationally ranked. His son wanted to stay at the local high school where he had friends and could play in the band. Fast forward ten years . . . the son never went to college, worked three different jobs in the time I dated his dad, and is obviously in collections from the number of phone calls I still get for him.
I was incredulous when I heard this story. I said, "You didn't make him go?" As another poster said, you could always transfer back to the regular high school. But chances like this don't come along often.
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Post by isabella on Mar 9, 2011 7:53:31 GMT -5
the common denominator at the private prep schools are the parents are seeking out quality educations for their children. All students pass academic testing into the school which insures those who are not serious, not living up to the educational standards are moved on. The environment in the school will be much different in many ways than the public schools. A lot of academic competition between the students as they strive to score higher than the next student.
Where you may see differences in income that may make a student uncomfortable ...some of the families travel to exclusive destinations, vehicles that the students drive, clothing tends towards designer. Weekends activities that are not school sponsored tend to get expensive etc..
If the school is seeking diversity .. your child will get placed into an environment that includes a wide spectrum of incomes, parent educational levels, race, gender, religions, ethnicity etc... again, the common denominator will be the children tested into the school because they are the bright, intelligent kids.
also know kids are kids, teens are just that .. some experiment with drinking, sex, rock n roll (whatever) this is where a parent comes in with their values. Some you will agree with, some you will not ... as in any school environment stay in close touch with your child, the activities they seek, friendships out of school. The prep schools have a reputation that they keep in high regard, any child that threatens the reputation of the school usually gets removed a lot quicker than you will see at a public school.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2011 8:12:00 GMT -5
Furthermore, some children, though rich, are of poor character. Many exclusive schools have even worse problems with drugs and hellraising than those containing those of lower economic means. Yes, but troublemakers in private schools can be expelled. After all, the parents with money aren't going to send their kids to a school where cocaine is being sold openly in the dorms. I do agree with the rest of your post about getting a feel for the atmosphere there. It could be a group of kids as academically intense as your son, or it could be like the rich frat in the movie "Animal House". The final decision needs to be his. I'd do it in a heartbeat if the school looked OK. It could give DS the clout he needs to get into a better college if that's important to him. I sent DS to a military boarding school- hardly "exclusive" and more diverse than our suburban public school system, but it changed his life for the better.
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Post by isabella on Mar 9, 2011 8:35:27 GMT -5
oh also know ... in the prep schools, particularly the teachers in the middle/high school grades will also meet high level qualifications (doctorates etc), class sizes are smaller. Typically if the school is known to be an exclusive/prestigious private prep school, graduating high school is an accomplishment in itself and colleges do recognize this fact. Seriously, the teachers aren't interested in babysitting students on any level.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Mar 9, 2011 8:41:19 GMT -5
What does your kid want?
DH's younger brother was offered a full ride to an elite private school in Atlanta to play football. His parents are too lazy to drive him, so maybe when he is 16 he can go. Their other issue is that there are 2 boys left younger than the one offered the scholarship who likely would never be offered the same deal. So I think that is also part of their hesitation, not wanting to give something to one that they can't give to the two youngest.
Also they are pretty poor right now and DH's brother would be the type that is upset that he doesn't have the same things as his peers.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Mar 9, 2011 9:19:43 GMT -5
Perhaps the more important question is whether you can afford to send him even if he does get the scholarship. The clothing and transportation costs of sending him will not be covered.
I would not assume that he'll be treated like dirt as a scholarship kid. I wasn't a scholarship kid when I attended such a school, but my family definitely had less money than my peers. You may find it difficult to believe me, but I found the kids at that school to be a totally awesome bunch. At least at that school, picking on someone on the basis of their family's moolah was strictly taboo. Maybe I got lucky and was attending an amazing school in the right era, but I really did not get picked on for being relatively poor.
I know it is popular to portray prep schools as hotbeds of snotty, ill-behaved, over-entitled brats and I'm sure some are, but that was not my experience. Compared to previous schools that I had attended, the social stresses and hallway dramas were minimal.
I was a boarder. I thought the day students were a tad more sensitive to social status and a bit snottier. Since they got to go home each day, they could probably afford to be meaner. The boarders seemed to realize that there wasn't much to be gained by this game and we all had to survive each others company.
If this school is anything like the one that I attended, the child is actually the one that chooses to stay or leave. There were lots of rules and many opportunities to break them. If a kid liked the school, they figured out the rules and didn't get caught breaking them. Conversely, if a kids wanted out, all they had to do was break enough rules that they would be expelled or asked not to return. I didn't keep very good track at who didn't come back but expulsions were quite rare. Most of the kids at that school realized that they had lucked into an excellent education and wanted to stay.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Mar 9, 2011 9:40:19 GMT -5
If your child gets the scholarship, I'd at least try it for one year. The better he does academically, the more opportunities he'll get for college $$$$ later on. If the kids are too snotty, or your child doesn't like it there, you can rethink it at the end of the school year. Go for it!
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Mar 9, 2011 9:56:17 GMT -5
Does the school have a formal program for getting the scholarship kids adapted academically and (without mentioning it) socially? If they do, it's probably a good sign. A special program for special kids is a bit off-putting but it sure beats sink-or-swim. The opportunity to meet up with other kids having the same difficulties is probably more valuable than the academic help.
The kids who were part of the inspiring motto program at my school frequently swore by the extra support and often said very complementary things about the program director.
I don't have any memory of inspiring motto being used as a stand-in for "scholarship". You'd expect that to happen, but I never heard it. Somehow, my school did a very good job of convincing the students that the scholarship kids were just as smart or smarter than us and had "belonged" even more than we did.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Mar 9, 2011 9:57:24 GMT -5
I would definitely go for the private school. All 3 of mine went to private school, DD from 4-12, DS 3-12 and DS2 K-11 (current). We live in a small town, there is one "expensive" private school and one church based "less expensive" private school. Mine go to the second. Either one is much better than the public schools. some of the things (based on actuall experience)
The teachers at the private school generally get paid less, but are much more dedicated teachers. They are allowed to care about their students. They all WANT to teach. The few bad teachers that we have encountered have been let go. The private schools have much more control over who is teaching your child.
The private schools are much more focused on having their kids get good college test scores and attending good colleges.
Kids can be dismissed from the school. Our kids school is VERY strict (maybe too strict on some things). Pregnancy, getting a girl pregnant, drug use will get you dismissed from the school. Alcohol use probably 2nd offense will get you kicked out. Yes their are all the anecdotes about the rich kids doing more drugs, but I still think you are way better off in private school.
There are rich kids at the school who drive fancy cars - remembering the boy with the Lexus convertable a couple years ago. My kids are definitely middle class there. I tell them there are always people who will have more than they do. Learn to deal with it. Their school has a scholarship program. Even though it is not published who gets a scholarship/financial aid, it is pretty well known which kids are, especially in a small school. Last year we had several kids transfer from one of the really bad public schools in the area, don't know exactly how much financial aid they got, but everyone was very supportive of the kids and welcomed to the school. The ones that I have met and talked to are so grateful to be in the private school. And they all seem like great kids.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Mar 9, 2011 12:38:29 GMT -5
I'm with Dark - as a 'bright' kid who spent almost all of gradeschool bored out of my mind and even part of HS pretty bored (until I figured out I could escape the 'regular track' classes and get into AP courses by talking to the right people - counselors). Unfortunately by HS I was pretty set in my habit of "laziness" and felt that getting B's was sufficient... thankfully a "B" in an AP course was alot harder to get and required alot more work... I did achieve some 'A's mostly when I had to keep up with friends who I admired.
I would also talk to your DS - if he's bored at school now he may missing out on alot of skills and knowledge that will help him when he gets to an environment where he can choose the harder more stimulating courses. (I missed out on alot of math and literature and science-y stuff because I went to a crappy Grade School. At the HS level I was behind as well - but with alittle bit of catch up work I managed to get into better courses. I didn't have the same "education" background as many of the kids though... I don't think I would have ever been able to keep up with the really smart kids (the future physicist, rocket scientist, and an astronomer) but atleast I wasn't bored after my freshman year at HS...
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Post by robbase on Mar 9, 2011 13:26:41 GMT -5
If you won the lottery would you accept the million dollars? This is how your question sounds to me
have you seen the movie "Waiting for Superman"?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 9, 2011 13:57:33 GMT -5
I don't understand why this is even being asked, quite frankly. Your son is being given an opportunity to get a MUCH better education than he's currently getting, he's currently bored out of his skull in his school now and you're more concerned about his social life?
He's not being challenged and it sounds like this school will challenge him - and possibly give him a leg up as an adult - or at least in college.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 9, 2011 13:57:55 GMT -5
school if they received a scholarship? DS, very bright, qualified for an expensive prep school not too far away. They are currently looking to "diversify", too many rich white/Indian kids , and although we aren't rich, we are Caucasion, so I don't know how much of a scholarship he will qualify for. It's not just about scores or need. The public schools leave a lot to be desired, but he has a great group of friends, I know all the parents well, and we are very supportive of each other. I know we don't "fit" with the lifestyles of the the families that send their kids to the prep school. He has hated school since he was little, bored out of his mind, so the academics would be wonderful, but does that outweigh the negatives? Of course, if we don't get a scholarship, it won't matter, but still something I keep going back on forth over. Some questions: How old is DS? What grade is he in? Is the school boarding or would he commute? How does he feel about it? My grandson attends a college prep middle school on a generous financial aid grant. Approximately 1/2 the students receive some form of financial aid. The school is totally focused on academic performance. He is not a very social kid, but has become friends with one other kid (whose parents have average incomes). Unless your son really did not want to go, I'd sure give it a shot if he's going to get a better education.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2011 14:02:29 GMT -5
I think I would only do it if the schools in our area were really bad. I think there is something to be said for learning how do deal with all kinds of people. Learning isn't just about reading books and doing schoolwork. And if we wanted to, our kid would qualify for a minority scholarship.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Mar 9, 2011 14:19:50 GMT -5
I would definitely send my child to a private school if we could either afford it outright or get assistance, like through a scholarship, to make it affordable. If it was a situation where she wasn't starting out at that school and had to transfer, I would definitely make sure she was okay with going to a new school.
As it is, private schools around here are way out of the budget, so we've chosen to live in a place that has one of the better public schools in the county.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 9, 2011 14:31:30 GMT -5
I think there is something to be said for learning how do deal with all kinds of people. Except middle to upper class people who prioritize academics apparently... wouldn't want your kids associating with them, they might decide to take school seriously, develop friendships with a lot of the future professionals and business leaders in their area, and who knows what other calamities. No, the school he hates because he's bored out of his mind (ops words not mine) is obviously a far superior choice. It builds character and stuff.
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ihearyou2
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Post by ihearyou2 on Mar 9, 2011 14:50:27 GMT -5
I'm with Archie, I don't see the question.
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Post by dragonfly7 on Mar 9, 2011 15:17:33 GMT -5
If the local public schools were not meeting my child's academic needs and refused to make any changes, then YES. This is my same answer to, "Would you homeschool your child?" Is your son's current school trying to challenge him at all? Are they open to grade or subject acceleration? Have you proposed any other ideas? (See A Nation Deceived at www.accelerationinstitute.org/nation_deceived/) Also, does he see his current friends in any activities outside of school, like Boy Scouts or church? "He has hated school since he was little, bored out of his mind, so the academics would be wonderful, but does that outweigh the negatives? The only negative you've really mentioned is leaving behind friends and a parental support network. DH and I were both GT kids with unmet acceleration needs during elementary school. Most of his friends also attended Boy Scouts and/or his church, so this type of opportunity wouldn't have meant leaving friends. I went to a tiny elementary school, and when my class of 5 entered high school in a MUCH larger district, we scattered to the winds. In my case, having academic peers dramatically increased my number of close friends.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2011 15:22:23 GMT -5
I think there is something to be said for learning how do deal with all kinds of people. Except middle to upper class people who prioritize academics apparently... wouldn't want your kids associating with them, they might decide to take school seriously, develop friendships with a lot of the future professionals and business leaders in their area, and who knows what other calamities. No, the school he hates because he's bored out of his mind (ops words not mine) is obviously a far superior choice. It builds character and stuff. I was answering the question in the thread name, not answering according to the OP's situation. when did you get so snarky anyway?
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Mar 9, 2011 15:23:53 GMT -5
If I had the money. Waiting for Superman sold me on home schooling but I still think the home schooled kids miss a lot of socialzing but they, hopefully, are kept away from drugs, gangs, and bullies.
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Post by illinicheme on Mar 9, 2011 15:36:17 GMT -5
This is just an anecdote so take it for what it's worth. It's comparing apples to oranges, but . . . My ex-bf's son qualified for the high-achieving high school that served the entire county. It is nationally ranked. His son wanted to stay at the local high school where he had friends and could play in the band. Fast forward ten years . . . the son never went to college, worked three different jobs in the time I dated his dad, and is obviously in collections from the number of phone calls I still get for him. I was incredulous when I heard this story. I said, "You didn't make him go?" As another poster said, you could always transfer back to the regular high school. But chances like this don't come along often. I can offer an opposing anecdote. I could have attended one of two different highly-regarded private high schools starting in my sophomore year. I chose to stay at my local high school, largely because of the band program. I went to a state college and got a degree in engineering. Then I went to another state college (a "public Ivy" for what that's worth) and got an engineering PhD. I'm now a well-compensated research engineer in the pharmaceutical industry. Staying in local public schools isn't necessarily the wrong answer. I don't have kids yet, so any questions about what I would do for my offspring are totally hypothetical. I think you have to balance the quality of the current and proposed schools, the importance of things like extracurricular activities, and make the best decision for your child. Definitely don't underestimate how soul-crushing being bored in school is for a gifted child. (I was fortunate that my local high school was decent. Not nationally recognized or anything, but certainly not bad.)
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