Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 25, 2013 13:39:10 GMT -5
I was discussing it with DH this weekend and got curious as to what surprised other people the most. For me, I think the biggest surprise is that I expected to "feel" like a mom and I don't yet.
Not sure if this will change down the line, but so far I haven't grown a new facet of my identity labeled "Mommy." I feel exactly the same as before, yet there's this little person at home who depends on me. So that's kind of weird.
What were/are your biggest surprises about parenthood?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 25, 2013 13:45:21 GMT -5
I didn't "feel" like a mom for a long time. Even today, I think it is weird that I'm someone's mom.
The biggest surprise to me was how hard educational choices were going to be. I had no idea how much time and energy I would spend trying to figure out the best path for my kids. And it was everything - what pre-school was best, how to deal with kindergarten, what teachers to request, how to motivate the kids to do their homework, what was the best way to teach them to organize their projects, how does homework and playtime and sports all fit together, where should they go to school, do they need to be in the same school, are they ready to ride the bus, etc. It is a never ending list of questions relating to their schooling.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 25, 2013 13:46:19 GMT -5
I didn't "feel" like a mom for a long time. Even today, I think it is weird that I'm someone's mom.
Good to know I'm not alone in that one.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 25, 2013 13:46:56 GMT -5
The amount of self-doubt I have about the decisions we've reached. And yes, the decisions were made jointly but if they're bad it's on me. If they're good, it's on us.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2013 13:47:00 GMT -5
How much easier/natural it is than i thought it would be, even by myself.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 25, 2013 13:47:26 GMT -5
There was no surprise to me that I didn't "change" the minute that kid was born. I always thought it was cheesy when people said it. I'm glad for them, but I didn't need to "change" to be a good parent.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on Mar 25, 2013 13:49:32 GMT -5
The biggest surprise for me was how easy it was when they were babies, no second guessing, I was always pretty sure it was ok. The second biggest surprise is how I said things and I am not doing them.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 25, 2013 13:50:35 GMT -5
That there is now a human being on the planet that can out stubborn me.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 25, 2013 13:51:50 GMT -5
The amount of self-doubt I have about the decisions we've reached. And yes, the decisions were made jointly but if they're bad it's on me. If they're good, it's on us. Wisconsin Beth, is that something with your particular partnership or do you feel like it's that way in general - one parent takes the heat for "bad" decisions even if they were reached jointly? How much easier/natural it is than i thought it would be, even by myself.@bunnysmom, I think your particular partner would have actively made your life HARDER, but even so - I very much admire the way you've embraced the single parent thing in such a tough situation. I'm really happy for you and your bunny
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Mar 25, 2013 13:52:36 GMT -5
Lack of control. I always figured (unconsciously of course) that it was more nurture than nature - all I had to do was choose to nurse and the baby would co-operate, offer healthy foods and he'd be a good eater, give him enough educational toys and he'd be smart, play with him enough and he'd be self-confident, etc. I've learned from experience that so much of parenting and who your child is is totally beyond your control.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 25, 2013 13:54:33 GMT -5
The amount of self-doubt I have about the decisions we've reached. And yes, the decisions were made jointly but if they're bad it's on me. If they're good, it's on us. Wisconsin Beth, is that something with your particular partnership or do you feel like it's that way in general - one parent takes the heat for "bad" decisions even if they were reached jointly? No, it's me. DH never says bad things about me or my skills. And when I say something like this, he's right there to tell me that I'm wrong. It's probably tied to my self esteem or something.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Mar 25, 2013 13:54:57 GMT -5
I was never the maternal type. I babysat for other people to earn money but didn't really enjoy it, especially when the kids were babies. I think a lot of this had to do with being required to take care of my baby sister, and I thought she was disgusting (She used to wake up from a nap and get into her diaper and paint the rails of her crib with poop - it was nightmarish). I didn't play dolls much growing up - I was a tomboy. Even as an adult, when someone brought their new baby around, I didn't want to hold it, and when I was out in public, I really didn't want to sit near a family with little kids, and a baby crying sounded like fingernails on the blackboard to me.
My biggest worry when I was pregnant was that I wouldn't like my baby and wouldn't take care of it well enough. I had fears that I would do things like let it get squished between the pillows of the sofa, or forget to change the diaper all day, or forget and leave it in the cart at the supermarket.
So I was surprised at how protective I became when DS was born. Not in the sweet, good-mommy nuturing way, but in the 'touch my kid and I'll ripe off your arm' way. I felt like a female tiger ready to kill and eat anyone who messed with my kid. And strangely, all the stuff that I hated when I had to take care of my little sister was now ok, and when DS cried, it wasn't like fingernails on a blackboard. Once, he had an upset stomach before he was old enough to talk, and he puked all over my shoulder, down the back of my nightgown and all over the kitchen floor - and that was ok.
Didn't last, though, and never extended to anyone else's kid, only my own. It will be interesting to see what happens when I have grandkids.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Mar 25, 2013 13:57:01 GMT -5
It took me time to adjust to being a "mom". When my first two were born (15 months apart) my mom came to stay with us for the first week. Both times I remember bawling my eyes out, thinking that I wanted my mom (at age 28 and 29!). Obviously I was affected by hormones, and on my 2nd child I was also dealing with the death of my grandfather, so very emotional time.
On the stress of educational choices, I remember going through that, but looking back I kind of chuckle at all the grief. I really think now my kids would have been fine with pretty much any school. My SIL is going through that now, and I just tell her to chill out.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Mar 25, 2013 13:57:06 GMT -5
I was discussing it with DH this weekend and got curious as to what surprised other people the most. For me, I think the biggest surprise is that I expected to "feel" like a mom and I don't yet. Not sure if this will change down the line, but so far I haven't grown a new facet of my identity labeled "Mommy." I feel exactly the same as before, yet there's this little person at home who depends on me. So that's kind of weird. What were/are your biggest surprises about parenthood? The biggest surprise I remember was when we were leaving the hospital after DD1 was born. It just sort of hit me at that handoff point that I/we were now responsible for this new infant. It seemed too ordinary the way the nurse was just letting us go our merry way. I still didn't mentally lump myself w/ the adults yet. Now I think of myself as "Mom", but I'm not really sure when it happened. I think it must just gradually sneak up on you over time.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 25, 2013 13:58:21 GMT -5
Beth - I will do that too. If anything goes wrong with the kids, it is because I did something wrong. If anything goes right, it is because they are great people, or my husband did a great job, or something. I feel like I own all the crap. Let's see what happens when they are teenagers and there might be some real crap. So far, our experience has been pretty easy.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 25, 2013 14:00:06 GMT -5
With DS, how much I hated that first year and how tough it was for me to transition from workaholic to working mom. It also surprised me how much I like having a toddler (3 yo has been a little rough though). With DD, how much I love having a newborn and a girl. I didn't think I would get into the girly stuff, but I am just dying for summer to get here and put her in dresses and rompers. I'm also surprised that most of the time 2 (for me) is easier than 1. I can't obsess as much about DS and what is going on with him, but I still have time to play with him. I think the personalities right from the get go is so surprising and then you have one that is so much different from the other one and it is like WOAH where did that come from. All I can say is that I am glad I had the hard one first. I am able just to relax and enjoy how easy DD really is. I'm also enjoying that she is a major mama's girl. DS is totally daddy's boy and was from the get go, so I just am enjoying it so much more.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 25, 2013 14:01:00 GMT -5
That there is now a human being on the planet that can out stubborn me.
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roxanne
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Post by roxanne on Mar 25, 2013 14:04:32 GMT -5
Boys between 2 and 3 become obsessed with their anus.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Mar 25, 2013 14:07:08 GMT -5
Another surprise is how fast it all goes by. I went by teenstweensandatot on the old MSN boards, for my kids. Well, my "teens" are now 20 & 22, the "tweens" are both in HS, and the "tot" is 8 . Blink and they grow a foot.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2013 14:08:26 GMT -5
I was a bit overwhelmed by the feeling of love that overtook me. I was scared at first about the responsibility of a baby that too was overwhelming!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 25, 2013 14:10:56 GMT -5
Boys between 2 and 3 become obsessed with their anus. ROFL - don't remember that, but I've said "Stop touching your penis" more times than I can count since my son turned 3. I thought the 12 times a day I had to say it to my husband was bad - but sheesh!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 25, 2013 14:19:44 GMT -5
Another surprise is how fast it all goes by. I went by teenstweensandatot on the old MSN boards, for my kids. Well, my "teens" are now 20 & 22, the "tweens" are both in HS, and the "tot" is 8 . Blink and they grow a foot. No kidding! Just wait until your daughter calls you to remind you it's her 50th birthday and she's going into mourning!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 25, 2013 14:20:33 GMT -5
I was and still am surprised by how much I like being a mom. I went into it knowing that I was signing up for a lifetime of guilt and worry and that children, especially toddlers were just walking grossness.
Most of those things are still true, but I am happier now than I ever was before. I guess my life has meaning. Idk...
I was shocked at how much it changed my marriage. I thought we were an unshakable rock, and even though I read about pitfalls in that first year I knew that wouldn't be us. Then I spent the first 6 months back to work crying during my pumping breaks, wondering how such a jackass could have tricked me for 12 years. (So far with the 2nd kid Dh and I still like each other most days. 100% improvement from our first).
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 25, 2013 14:21:29 GMT -5
Boys between 2 and 3 become obsessed with their anus. If you don't nip that in the bud, they'll grow up to be arseholes.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 25, 2013 14:24:07 GMT -5
I am surprised at how much of my day is spent trying to keep the kid from maiming/killing herself.
I've succeeded so far in keeping her from killing herself but just yesterday she flipped off the couch and landed on her head.
Second thing that surprises me, how hard a toddler's head is.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2013 14:26:38 GMT -5
Boys between 2 and 3 become obsessed with their anus. oh, so they DO take a break from being fascinated with their penises! Mine is that I never expected to feel the guilt that I feel over doing X/not doing X for DS. I like to think we're doing a good job with him, but most days I just cross my fingers and hope he'll turn out well. Also, I never realized how tired I would be and that I'd have pregnancy brain well after the birth.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 25, 2013 14:26:51 GMT -5
I was shocked at how much it changed my marriage. I thought we were an unshakable rock, and even though I read about pitfalls in that first year I knew that wouldn't be us.
Oh yeah, that was another surprise - but flipped around in my case. I expected Babybird to change my relationship with DH way more than she did.
I heard all these horror stories about how you and your spouse will hate each other and to just deal with it the first 6-12 months and that wasn't our experience at all. I don't know why, it just wasn't. Things are almost exactly the same between us as they were before.
(Maybe Babybird isn't a real baby at all... maybe she's a gerbil or something.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2013 14:27:25 GMT -5
How much DH and I disagreed on the parenting nitty-gritty even though it seemed like we were in agreement before we had a kid.
How much of personality/temperament seems to be something we are born with.
How much I love DS.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 25, 2013 14:27:39 GMT -5
I am surprised at the number of dumb questions I am asked on a daily basis.
I am also surprised at the bizarre arguments I have had. Yes, you have to wear a shirt to school. No, you can't have 4 cupcakes. No, you can't play your DS for 6 hours straight.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2013 14:29:30 GMT -5
I was shocked at how much it changed my marriage. I thought we were an unshakable rock, and even though I read about pitfalls in that first year I knew that wouldn't be us.
Oh yeah, that was another surprise - but flipped around in my case. I expected Babybird to change my relationship with DH way more than she did. I heard all these horror stories about how you and your spouse will hate each other and to just deal with it the first 6-12 months and that wasn't our experience at all. I don't know why, it just wasn't. Things are almost exactly the same between us as they were before. (Maybe Babybird isn't a real baby at all... maybe she's a gerbil or something.) oh yeah - I VASTLY underestimated how much it would change our relationship, especially in the beginning. But I'm starting to suspect I had undiagnosed PPD so that may have been the bigger issue.
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