muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 15, 2013 10:02:44 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure my hubby would say that his 40s were the best thing that ever happened to him. Of course he married me at 40 and we've since had 2 kids. Maybe that is wishful thinking on my part. He turned 48 on Sunday. He used some of the money my parents gave him for his birthday to buy a race track for some of DS's cars. You are only as old as you think you are.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Mar 15, 2013 10:15:28 GMT -5
I wasn't afraid of 30. I'm not really afraid of 40, either..it's coming in a few.
But, I've been lucky that I knew who I was from a very young age (my teens.)
Some people are 60 and don't know who they are or what they want out of life.
Not knowing yourself is not limited to a specific age.
It also seems that of the things you listed, the only important item to address is whether or not you want to stay together with your wife. To me, it would be foolish to have kids, buy a house with someone, and otherwise link yourselves more than you already are if you aren't sure you want to stay together.
I've also learned that I'm much happier waiting for my life to unfold, as it should, in its own time, rather than trying to "force" things to happen.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Mar 15, 2013 10:23:28 GMT -5
I wasn't afraid of 30. I'm not really afraid of 40, either..it's coming in a few. But, I've been lucky that I knew who I was from a very young age (my teens.) Some people are 60 and don't know who they are or what they want out of life. Not knowing yourself is not limited to a specific age. It also seems that of the things you listed, the only important item to address is whether or not you want to stay together with your wife. To me, it would be foolish to have kids, buy a house with someone, and otherwise link yourselves more than you already are if you aren't sure you want to stay together. I've also learned that I'm much happier waiting for my life to unfold, as it should, in its own time, rather than trying to "force" things to happen. to all giramomma said. I like having goals and a bucket list because it makes life more interesting to me but I have seen people force things such as marriage, careers, etc. and they ended up very unhappy. It definitely seems like there are certain things in life that need to happen on their own.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 10:33:23 GMT -5
I don't remember caring about turning 30. I remember caring quite a bit about 40 though. I also don't remember asking many questions about life in my 20's. I was still just floating along, having a good time and working to reach my dream of my own little horse farm. I was poor but very optimistic and life was great. The 30's were life changing for me in so many ways. Reality hit me like a Mack truck. It's all good though.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 15, 2013 10:48:36 GMT -5
I am turning 62 this year (May baby) and I'm retired. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Mar 15, 2013 11:00:45 GMT -5
Rukh, so sorry. But then, you're a survivor, and that's something to celebrate! For me, every decade seems to get better. I don't know if you ever get "everything" figured out. In less than 4 years our youngest will be done with high school, so my DH & I are asking ourselves some of the same questions. Where do we want to live? Is this a community we'd want to retire in, or is it time to plan a move to somewhere warmer? Do we want to keep doing the same type of work up to retirement, or should we make a change? Life is full of questions. You have to answer them in a way that makes sense to you & your DW.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Mar 15, 2013 11:24:44 GMT -5
I think you guys are ahead of the game - you are asking the Big Questions without actually having to pass thru years and years of 'floating' or 'getting by' or 'hoping that everything would be ok' or 'waiting for the perfect moment to start your life' or 'wondering why you weren't getting the things you 'thought' you should have'. You guys probably aren't gonna wake up one morning look around and go "How did I get here?!? This isn't where I want to be!" You guys will be the couple other people will wish they were like. Congratulations! An unexamined life isn't worth living.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 15, 2013 13:48:10 GMT -5
I don't even remember my 30th. I do know that from about mid40's my life just got better and better. I was 48 when I married DH (old enough to have learned a few lessons). Things were so much easier financially; we were able to save and still be able to travel.
I'd say the last 20 years have been the best of my life....
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 15, 2013 14:01:41 GMT -5
I remember my 30th. It was kind of fun. I was the public defender and I had 4 courts with the same Asst. DA in one day. I told him that morning it was my 30th birthday and he had to give me whatever I wanted taht day. I wouldn't ask for any outlandish offer, but he couldn't argue with me. Whenever he started to argue, I would just say, "I'm 30 today, be nice or I'll cry."
I got a ton of cases closed that day.
30 is when I finally felt like an adult. I had a "really responsible job" and bought a house.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 15, 2013 14:12:13 GMT -5
Getting old beats the alternative. Like others I put more thought into turning 30 when I was 28 or so because I was in my late 20's and it was a transition point in life as my 20's were winding down. I only turned 30 last year but it came and went and I didn't think twice. I don't have kids yet but things are definitely different as all my friends are either married, engaged, have kids or living with their SO where a few years ago we were all going out regularly on the weekends and having fun. I tried doing that again about a month ago and I sure can't recover like I used to. Now on the weekends I prefer to get stuff done around the house, recharge and hang out with my better half when she gets off work. Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Mar 15, 2013 14:30:58 GMT -5
When I turned 30, I was working at a job I hated, still uncomfortably single, dating a guy I should have cut loose months before, and wondering if I was going to be the old cat lady.
When I turned 40, I was married with 3 beautiful kids, had a job I liked, and my birthday was a celebration.
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WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on Mar 15, 2013 14:58:09 GMT -5
I turned 30 last year...will be 31 in 13 days...and so far I have enjoyed my 30's. My 20's kind of sucked (battled cancer twice, my father passed away when I was 24) so I wasn't too sad to see them go. It must be something about age 28, because that is when I started to really examine where I was in life and we (DH and I) decided to try to have a baby even though I had been told I probably wouldn't be able to due to all the chemo. My little boy was born a few months after I turned 29. So I guess my 20's ended well. Embrace 30! I enjoy every birthday because I had to battle so hard for them. As others have said, it beats the alternative!
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Mar 15, 2013 15:17:01 GMT -5
I'm almost 35. To be honest, I don't remember my 30th birthday. I was in a really crappy period of my marraige (yes, there's been more than one) we had our first and I was working in a pretty good job.
You seem to be worried that if you do or don't do something right now that you've seriously screwed up the rest of your life. I can remember thinking that way when I was younger. Like if I didn't buy a house before I was 30 then my whole financial plan would be shot. Same thing with career goals and family goals. I think that's why you're so obsessed with making grand finanical plans. You really need to step back a little and let life get in the way. Stop worrying so much if what you're doing is the "right" thing. It will work itself out somehow.
Although if you're considering whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with your wife, then yeah, hold off on the house and kids.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 15, 2013 15:23:09 GMT -5
That is awesome.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 15, 2013 15:34:28 GMT -5
Although if you're considering whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with your wife, then yeah, hold off on the house and kids.
iI can safely say that neither DH or I despite facing the Big 3-0 and Big 4-0 have ever questioned if we want to stay together. We took care of that before we got married. Not saying things can't change in a relationship but that's a rather odd/alarming question to have on your checklist of things to do before 30.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Mar 15, 2013 15:37:41 GMT -5
That is awesome. Justice is not only blind, it is open to flirtatious bribery.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Mar 15, 2013 15:41:01 GMT -5
Carl, Just wanted to add that I made an enormous life change when I turned 28 -- moved 1,000 miles away and started a professional graduate school full-time. I didn't get married until I was 35. I had 2 kids by the time I was 40. I didn't buy my first house until I was 50. Has my life gone as I planned at 28? Hell no. But that doesn't mean it hasn't been a good life with all of its joys, sorrows, stress, and laughter. You just can't plan and control everything. What's the saying? "Man plans. God laughs." Quit obsessing over your life and go live the darn thing. It really is a wonderful, amazing ride.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 15, 2013 15:53:23 GMT -5
Turning 30 sucks. You realize you're a real honest to god adult, and for most people, nowhere near where you want to be in life. You don't have as much money as you thought you'd have. You don't have the job you thought you'd have. You don't have the house you thought you'd have. You either had kids too young and missed out on your twenties, or you haven't started yet and now it's getting late biological clocks are ticking and in your head you're going to be the oldest parents in the history of the world. Seriously, it feels like there's not one single even halfway decent thing about turning 30. It just blows all around.
It can be a good swift kick in the ass to reorganize your life and get what you want. Nobody likes a foot in their ass while it's happening, but looking back on it later you might appreciate it.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Mar 15, 2013 16:04:23 GMT -5
Turning 30 sucks. You realize you're a real honest to god adult, and for most people, nowhere near where you want to be in life. You don't have as much money as you thought you'd have. You don't have the job you thought you'd have. You don't have the house you thought you'd have. You either had kids too young and missed out on your twenties, or you haven't started yet and now it's getting late biological clocks are ticking and in your head you're going to be the oldest parents in the history of the world. Seriously, it feels like there's not one single even halfway decent thing about turning 30. It just blows all around. It can be a good swift kick in the ass to reorganize your life and get what you want. Nobody likes a foot in their ass while it's happening, but looking back on it later you might appreciate it. I'm glad I didn't read this thread as I was turning 30! I would have been so stressed!!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 15, 2013 16:10:01 GMT -5
You think 40, 50, and 60 are any better??
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Mar 15, 2013 17:25:47 GMT -5
You think 40, 50, and 60 are any better?? They have been for me. Over time, I've learned that planning is great but even with it so much is out of my control. I've learned not to sweat the small stuff. I've learned that you can't have everything you want. And, frankly, you might not really want all of the things you *think* you want. You can have a lot of the things you want with hard work. But, sometimes, even then, you can't have everything you want -- at the same time. Life is short. Really freaking short. Scarily short. None of us knows the day or the hour of our death (unless we plan it but that's a whole nother thread). So, live in the moment and enjoy the life you have now. You might not live to see the life you *think* you want. Besides, in the end, it's not whether you made plan or how big your house is or how successful you are/were or whether you have a fat bank account or which school you or your kids went to. Really, it's all about whether you left enough of a positive mark on this rock we live on that there are people who will genuinely miss you when you are gone. Miss *you*. Not your money. Not your things. You. I didn't know any of this in my 20s or 30s. Heck, it wasn't until I hit 50 that I really came into being me. Hopefully, I still have plenty of years left to leave many positive marks on this rock...
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 15, 2013 17:30:23 GMT -5
Don't listen to Dark I think he's just bitter he had kids during all of his 20's.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 15, 2013 17:32:55 GMT -5
See. 30 blows. You aren't the you that you want to be which makes you miserable. 40 is even worse because you're still not the you that you want to be and now it feels like you're out of time to get there. This is usually when people start drinking a lot. Somewhere between 50 and 60 you make your peace with the fact that you just flat out aren't going to do a lot of things you want to do. As long as you have some money set aside for retirement life gets better from that point on. If you don't you start stressing the fuck out because you've only got a few more years left to work and if your body gives out on you you'll end up in some shitty basement mooching off your resentful kids. In short, being an adult sucks then you die. It's usually better if you don't think about it too much... and drink a lot.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 15, 2013 17:39:31 GMT -5
Sometimes. But really, what would I have done with myself in my twenties without the pressure of providing for them pushing me to make something of myself?? Sometimes I'm curious, but usually I really don't want to think about that answer too much. The most likely outcome is I would have fucked around, worked a string of basically pointless jobs, and still live in the shitty town I grew up in. If I hadn't had kids young my life would probably look a lot like Doxie's does now. No fucking thanks.
I would have had a few more years of fucking around with my friends before we all settled down, and I'm sure I would have enjoyed the shit out of it, but I wouldn't trade where I am now for it.
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grits
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Post by grits on Mar 15, 2013 17:41:37 GMT -5
As I learned to be comfortable with myself, those big numbers no longer mattered. If turning 30 is making you freak out, just wait until you find grey body hair.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 15, 2013 17:45:44 GMT -5
Shit, I wish mine had gone in that order.
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hurley1980
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Post by hurley1980 on Mar 15, 2013 18:22:37 GMT -5
I find my life just keeps getting better as I age! I will be 33 in May, and I am absolutely LOVING my 30's so far. Childhood was awkward, teen years were even worse, and I don't even remember half my 20's!
I find it funny how some people think 30 is sooooo old! Isn't 40 the new 20 or something like that? People are living longer, having children and getting married later, buying homes later, etc. There is really no rush.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Mar 15, 2013 18:29:35 GMT -5
Wait until you hit the big 60 ! On the other hand, my father is such an optimist that he and my stepmother are already planning his 90th birthday party, which is two years from now. They're already working on getting accomodations for the whole family ( gobs of people on both sides ) on Marcol Island in the high season. It's amazing. They're working out a schedule for the activities, too. Gotta love it.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Mar 15, 2013 19:00:40 GMT -5
Yes, I was scared of turning 30. As Dark pointed out, that was a kick in the ass, and was not a bad thing.
It prompted me to get a graduate degree. Ironically, I got a degree in an area related to my prior work in teaching, but some of the classes I had to take, such as statistics, made me much better at my current work. I learned that I liked analyzing numbers and some aspects of accounting, so I ended up taking classes in business and accounting after I finished my graduate degree. That path led me to be able to do work that I enjoy now, both in my job and as an independent contractor.
Turning 40 kicked my DH in the ass and prompted him to make some life changes too. Some people are already living the life they want to live, but for those of us who weren't, I think that re-evaluating can be really generative.
We both still have a lot of questions and unrealized goals, but hopefully we still have a lot of years left to answer/meet them.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 15, 2013 19:12:26 GMT -5
Turning 30 in and of itself didn't scare me. But looking at where I was while turning decades was a bit of a bummer. I had expected to be married, on my way to building a decent net worth, and possibly even expecting the first child. I did not expect to have over $1k in CC debt for every year of my life and then some.
I'm working towards 40 being a lot better. Time will tell.
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