Pushing your kids...

[swamp]

I'd push them a little, but private coaching for a 10 yo sounds extreme to me.

But, after saying that, I wish I had been pushed a little more. I swam in HS, held a sectional record, qualified for and competed at the state meet, and then swam DIII in college. I was recruited by a few DI schools, but I didn't want to go. All this after swimming the short August to October season, no lifting, no dry land training, and one week of swim camp in the summer. I often wonder what I could have done if pushed.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

The parents who push the kids to the extreme are the ones who usually end up having their kid hating the activity the parent is so zealous about. (Just check out the child-models shows and you'll see how unhappy those kids are, and how nuts the parents get). And hiring a coach for a 10 year-old is over the top, IMHO.

The best thing you can do is encourage her progress no matter how small, and even do a little 'daddy' coaching & practice, and give her some playing pointers in your spare time. You might also want to tell her what you said here, so she knows that it's not going to happen without her working at it too:

I do know that she won't be that great unless she takes it pretty seriously and is willing to spend the hours paying the blood and sweat that it takes to get good at something.

[flopsy]

unless it is a true passion of hers any pushing from you could lead to a burn out. i'd emphasize the team aspect of the sport, have get togethers or let her hang out with her teammates before or after practice/games. if she gets along well with her teammates they can be the biggest driver for her to be competitive and to excel.

[swamp]

I also think true drive comes from within. If it's not there, it's not there, and no amount of pushing will ignite it. What makes someone like Derek Jeter tick?

[Mad Dawg Wiccan]

My father pushing me into Little League when I was 10 left me with a life long hatred of most team sports. If I had kids, I would encourage but never push.

[Deleted]

My town is all about baseball. Parents do go out and hire private coaches, send their kids to baseball camp, and spend hours at the batting cages! It can seriously be ugly at the fields at times. I actually have never hired a private coach and I have to say, my son is one of the best players on the team. He has made the All Star team every year and can play every position. He truly loves the sport though and plays it to have fun. I don't push him.

He is also very good at soccer and has played in league tournaments every year (kind of like the All Star game for baseball). I tell him all the time he is either the next Jeter (even though I hate the Yankees), or the next David Beckham!

I have watched some kids throw absolute shit fits about having to play and their parents still make them play. I could never do that to my kids.

[Miss Tequila]

I'm in the middle. I expect my daughter to do her best when she is playing (she's not exactly what I would call athletic and certainly not aggressive), but I also want her to have fun playing. I'm one of those annoying parents who truly believe that in each game there is a winner and a loser and all that matters is that each team plays their best. Some of the kids on my daughter's old soccer team played year round with private instruction. They were also 10 and I think that is crazy.

My dd is now in gymnastics. She goes 6 hours a week and I think that is enough. Some of these girls go up to 20 hours a week...they are 11 and 12! To me, that is absolutely insane.

Perhaps if my dd showed true athletic ability, but to be honest, I never cared much for sports so I don't know that I would really push her.

[swamp]

I understand not being a Yankee fan, but nobody can seriously knock Jeter's work ethic and commitment to the game.

[Miss Tequila]

Feb 7, 2011 21:16:02 GMT -5 @angel33 said:

My town is all about baseball. Parents do go out and hire private coaches, send their kids to baseball camp, and spend hours at the batting cages! It can seriously be ugly at the fields at times. I actually have never hired a private coach and I have to say, my son is one of the best players on the team. He has made the All Star team every year and can play every position. He truly loves the sport though and plays it to have fun. I don't push him.

He is also very good at soccer and has played in league tournaments every year (kind of like the All Star game for baseball). I tell him all the time he is either the next Jeter (even though I hate the Yankees), or the next David Beckham!

I have watched some kids throw absolute shit fits about having to play and their parents still make them play. I could never do that to my kids.

It sounds like your son has the natural talent and the internal drive to succeed. True talent needs nurturing, not pushing. You are doing the right thing by not going crazy with him (IMHO, of course)

[flopsy]

who is jeter?

[swamp]

Feb 7, 2011 21:24:17 GMT -5 flopsy said:

who is jeter?

Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter.

[Sharon]

I work with a man who pushes his son in basketball and can not see the fact that the kid doesn't want to play. He sends him to multiple camps a year and fights with him constantly about going to the camps. For some reason the kid keeps getting hurt or sick and calls Dad at work wanting to skip that evenings camp. Hmmmm get a clue Dad the kid doesn't want to do this.

This kid was pushed to what I would almost consider abuse and the Dad can't figure out why he only gets migraines during basketball season and why he keeps coming up injured. The latest is a knee injury that the doctors show was injured but is healing nicely. The doctors are confused as to why he still has pain in his knee. The pain in his knee is his dad.

If your DD seems to be down because she isn't as good as the other kids use that as an opportunity to maybe spend a little one on one time with her or maybe get a neighborhood pickup game going some weekend and let everyone get some extra practice while having fun.

[flopsy]

and then i say, what is a yankee? i honestly have no idea what shortstop is. my sports viewing is limited to a few of the track and field events of the olympics, a few games of the fifa world cup, and drinking copious amounts if hockey is on.

[Deleted]

I for sure wasn't knocking Jeter.

Tina, yes, he has a natural talent. He is very athletic and does well with everything we have let him sign up for (soccer, baseball, Tae Kwon Do). My older son is not naturally athletic. He will still occasionally sign up for a sport, but he is mostly into art and computers. I am hoping to sign him up for more artistic type things once we move (he has wants to start taking guitar lessons again). I am also hoping that there are some summer enrichment classes for computers that he can sign up for. If he wants to do sports, that is fine, but I don't push him to be athletic when I know he doesn't enjoy playing that much.

[Mad Dawg Wiccan]

<<and then i say, what is a yankee?>>


Someone with utterly no reguard for State's Rights.

[swamp]

Feb 7, 2011 21:31:58 GMT -5 flopsy said:

and then i say, what is a yankee? i honestly have no idea what shortstop is. my sports viewing is limited to a few of the track and field events of the olympics, a few games of the fifa world cup, and drinking copious amounts if hockey is on.

The Evil Empire formerly run by George Steinbrenner, RIP George, you old bastard.

And I think you're full of crap if you're saying you've never even heard of the Yankees.

[Miss Tequila]

Feb 7, 2011 21:33:40 GMT -5 @angel33 said:

I for sure wasn't knocking Jeter.

Tina, yes, he has a natural talent. He is very athletic and does well with everything we have let him sign up for (soccer, baseball, Tae Kwon Do). My older son is not naturally athletic. He will still occasionally sign up for a sport, but he is mostly into art and computers. I am hoping to sign him up for more artistic type things once we move (he has wants to start taking guitar lessons again). I am also hoping that there are some summer enrichment classes for computers that he can sign up for. If he wants to do sports, that is fine, but I don't push him to be athletic when I know he doesn't enjoy playing that much.

Isn't funny how two siblings can be so different?

It's hard to explain my oldest. She is good at things where she is on her own. She is really doing well at gymnastics, and she laps me around the track when we go running (ok, that isn't really setting the bar that high.. )...but she is not aggressive and believes in self-preservation..so, when three girls are coming at her, she kindly lets them take the ball. I think she is smart (I wouldn't want three girls and their feet coming at me, either!) but my husband winds up yelling at her...he's a borderline pushy parent, not that it helps as my daughter just doesn't have "it"

[flopsy]

i couldn't help myself : )

[Mad Dawg Wiccan]

<<And I think you're full of crap if you're saying you've never even heard of the Yankees.>>



Keep in mind that not all posters are from the US or even North America for that matter.

[Mad Dawg Wiccan]

<<i couldn't help myself : ) >>


Odd, the judge in my case rejected that defense.

[ummboutthat]

Feb 7, 2011 21:51:50 GMT -5 Mad Dawg Wiccan said:

<<And I think you're full of crap if you're saying you've never even heard of the Yankees.>>



Keep in mind that not all posters are from the US or even North America for that matter.

Exactly
Good Point

[Malarky]

Both my kids have been in karate for years.
What started out as a replacement for physical therapy for my son, became a serious pursuit for both of them.
DS tried many other sports but none captured his fancy. DD cheers as well as doing karate.
I let them both choose their direction. They put the effort into it because it's important to them.
I hate it when I see kids dragged to activities they clearly wish they didn't have to participate in. And if they do want to be there, it's OK to be an average player as long as the child is enjoying it.

[Malarky]

It's hard to explain my oldest. She is good at things where she is on her own. She is really doing well at gymnastics, and she laps me around the track when we go running (ok, that isn't really setting the bar that high.. )...but she is not aggressive and believes in self-preservation..so, when three girls are coming at her, she kindly lets them take the ball. I think she is smart (I wouldn't want three girls and their feet coming at me, either!) but my husband winds up yelling at her...he's a borderline pushy parent, not that it helps as my daughter just doesn't have "itRead more: notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=fun&thread=3055&page=1#ixzz1DKhOJBJT

She's like my son. He doesn't thrive in a team sport environment. He excels at karate because it's about what he can do.
I gotta say that your hubby isn't doing a thing for her. Sounds like her "it" just isn't the typical team sport "it."

[rovo]

I pushed my son into soccer and baseball and DW pushed him into karate. The karate was for physical therapy for scoliosis. The reason for the pushing was because we live in an area with only a few neighbors and even fewer children. The team sports provided after school bonding with his classmates and taught him about teams and working together to achieve a team goal.

Now my son was no great athlete or anything but he enjoyed the sports and it didn't do him any harm (note 1). A side benefit was it allowed me to spend more time with my son as he frequently wanted to play catch with me. I ended up being an involved parent in Little League and eventually league President. He ended up playing right up to the maximum age limit without us having to prod him to do so.

(Note1) Actually baseball almost killed him when he took a hit to the head which crushed his skull. Very difficult time for us parents with decisions on treatment of which we were not qualified to make. He still has a baseball size dent in his head as we decided not to have surgery to repair the skull as the risk of surgery and brain damage was greater than the threat / chance of epilepsy. Very scary time.

[Sammy]

Dark: So, tomorrow is my daughter's first softball practice. I'm probably a bit too nervous for her. I think it says something unpleasant about me that I'm more worried about how she'll perform compared to the other kids than I am about whether or not she'll have fun. It's been a while since I was a kid, but I seem to remember the two being pretty closely related.

Oh for crying out loud, r e l a x. It's not about you, it's about a little girl playing ball and learning a team sport and making friends. Best part is she is branching out into the big world without her parents. Team sports at her age teaches a lot more than swinging a bat.

[rovo]

Go to practice with her but you concentrate on the better pitchers. Watch their movements and how they position themselves. For you the job is to become expert enough so as to be able to show your daughter how to do it or at a minimum to not let her get into any bad habits. If she has the desire to do it you have already won the hard part of the battle. Work with her at home whenever she wants to practice and let her know you are available. You're her hero so don't let her down.

[flopsy]

if you are this worried about it and she has the drive i doubt that you are the type of parent that will lead to her burn out. keep it light and constructive, stay positive, and remind her if she ever gets too lax that this is her game and she can quit at any time.

[queenofcorona]

Whether or not this is true, I've been told women's softball pitching is way less prone to arm/shoulder injury than men's baseball pitching. In my small hometown there is a girl who's a HS senior this year who's signed intent at a D1 school with a full ride scholarship. She's done the pitching coaches, nation-wide all star summer team, etc. Her parents have pushed some, but she truly seems to enjoy it too. I've heard she works with some of the younger girls on their pitching - maybe there's someone like that in your area (rather than a full-blown pitching coach) who can help your daughter get a handle on the fundamentals?

[Mad Dawg Wiccan]

<<I've been told women's softball pitching is way less prone to arm/shoulder injury than men's baseball pitching>>


Very true. The underarm, motion of softball pitching is far more natural for the body than the overhand pitch of baseball. I know, I have a cousin who was a semi-professional softball pitcher.

[Deleted]

I think it says something unpleasant about me that I'm more worried about how she'll perform compared to the other kids than I am about whether or not she'll have fun.

I had a similar discussion with a parent once (I was the coach) because their son wasn't doing real well. I explained to him that different kids perform at different levels that others their age because they mature at different speeds. The fact is that a lot of professional sports players were terrible players at some point in their lives. If a child isn't competitive at a certain age with others that age it's meaningless.

My oldest was horrible from 7 to 8 years old. He turned into a good player at 9 & was fairly dominate from 10 on. You just never know.