another sad loss

[Sharon]

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.

[InsertCoolName]

Yes there is insurance. And I have already spoke with the bank. And I think I have to wait til I have the final death cert. for ss, but i will TRY to call them next week.

But I think every place needs to see the final death, not the pending. And the doctor who done the autopsy said it would take 8 weeks.

And I have all of our families and our friends. I am not alone. Just feel like it. Ya know?

Hoping that I will be allowed to keep the house. He had no will written up saying the house could go to me. So I am just assuming that it might not. I can't think straight. And my world is crushed into a million pieces at the moment. Maybe I will find that things won't be that bad?

But I don't think having those things in place means I should still think that I can be a SAHM.

[Deleted]

ICN,

When you feel up to it, check out this site or many other like this one in your area.....

www.youngwidow.org/

[midjd]

ICN, I sent you a PM. I may be able to provide some advice on the mortgage issue since we're in the same state. Generally the mortgage documents will include language specifying what happens upon death. Unfortunately, if you're not on the mortgage, getting copies of these documents is difficult if you don't already have them.

In theory you can continue to pay and it's unlikely the mortgage company will do anything - but this can present some problems. Since you're not on the loan, they won't be able to discuss it with you; you won't get to claim any interest paid on your taxes; and you won't receive payoff statements or other info.

Ultimately it really depends on your lender and how much they're willing to work with you. The good news is that since the multistate foreclosure settlement, they've been much better about trying to work things out with borrowers in lieu of legal action (although they're certainly not perfect).

Anyway - I may be able to point you to some local resources.

It seems cruelly ironic that so many of these huge decisions must be made at such an emotional time.

[mrsdutt]

Dec 8, 2012 8:01:20 GMT -5 InsertCoolName said:

I haven't been able to see him because he hasn't been here. He was found in his truck in a town/city south of Toledo, OH.

When I was trying to contact him, I went to our bank website and found the address of the ATM he took money out on Tuesday night. He was 361 miles from us.

Sunday at 2 will be our alone time. The public will be there at 3.


It's waking up that is the hardest thing to do. It hits me all over again. It's real. I didn't dream it. He is really gone.

I've got to remember everything that I possibly can. Because our 18 month old won't. And my dad died when I was just under 3, and I don't remember him. And when I ask my mother things about him, she tells me it's been too long and she doesn't know..she can't recall. I NEVER want that for my baby.

Our DS, he turned 18 months old the day they found my husband. Why that day? Why this close to Christmas? We were going shopping today. Because we live in such a small town, and there is only a small Walmart here, we were going to head up to the mall.

I've been a SAHM, so I had nothing to wear. I had to go find something last night. There were too many people laughing and too happy. There was just too much holiday cheer for me.

And the paperwork I have been having to try to find. OMG. I should have paid more attention to where and what I was keeping and I can't find the mortgage papers!!! I don't know what happens, I don't know if they will just need his death cert. or if I need to just pack up because I wasn't on the loan. And there is NO way I can get a loan...I'm not employed. And I've got to figure out when I start looking.

I think that I am a YM failure. I thought I knew what we needed to do. What I would do if this ever happened. And I can't think, and I don't know anything. I want to just take the time to let us feel the pain and to stop spinning, but I feel like I just need to put on my big girl panties.

But I am a horrible mother too, because I am letting myself just fall apart in front of the kids. In waves. I'm ok. Then I am not ok.

Just random thoughts. I know it doesn't make sense. But I am thankful for being able to just get it out. Sigh.

This is a time you need to get through. Literally, one thing at a time. Don't worry about the house or anything right now. Just saying good bye is enough for you at this very moment.

[Peace77]

What a terrible shock! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

.

Don't worry about making changes to the mortgage right now. Just make the payments for now.
Focus on just getting through the next few days.

Next week, contact Social Security to apply for the death benefit and survivor's benefits for your children.

Since he had no will, his assets will be divided as your state decides. Normally, all goes to the next of kin, starting with spouse and children.

Contact his employer regarding his life insurance policy. Sometimes banks have life insurance policies for account holders too. The funeral home can help you with getting several copies of the death certificate.

Bless you.

[suesinfl]

sorry I could not post earlier today. My heart grieves for you and your family.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry! This just doesn't happen to 42 year olds! No kidding you are in shock.

I had to buy insurance on my mortgage that pays it off in case of my death. And I had to assign a beneficiary. I hope that is the case for you now.

[Sammy]

Oh sweetheart I am shocked and deeply saddened to read of the loss of your dear husband. My deepest condolences.

Sam

[happyscooter]

Sorry for your loss. On the keeping your 18 month old baby close to their dad, play videos every chance you get. Point at the TV and say, there's daddy'.

And I will add this as gently as I can. Be selective as to who you take advice from. You will have people who say 'don't cry in front of your kids, they need you to be strong.' Well, if you never cry, they will think they shouldn't cry and one day after several months the dam will burst. If your DH's parents are still alive, people will say 'they are hurting more than you.' True, they are hurting. A child is a child, no matter the age. But you are hurting too.

Remember, people won't know what to say, so they will say dumb things without thinking.

We are here for you. Try to post, if nothing else but to type out your anger, sadness, frustrations, unhappiness, etc... We are all friends.

[InsertCoolName]

I will see him in an hour. I get an hour, just me and the kids. Then at 3 pm the public will be there, til 8pm.

This is going to be hard.

[Deleted]

It will be hard. Lean on the people around you, and we here will hold you in our thoughts and be here if you want to vent after.

[Deleted]

Thinking of you and your family right now - strength to get through the next few days and weeks.

[Jaguar]

We are here for you.

[Deleted]

Oh, I am so sorry ICN. I pray for you and your family. I believe the loss of a significant other is one of our harshest endurances to overcome..

I lost my mother suddenly when I was 10, and had 5 siblings....aging in range from 2-18. (2, 4, me:10, 14, 16, 18) My parents were married a month shy of 20 yrs., and my Mother was the nucleus of our family.

Take all the time you need, again..I am so sorry you have to endure this...blessings to all of you.

[Deleted]

Insert Cool Name,

I'm very sorry for your loss and I wish you courage through this difficult time.

With respect to your situation with the mortgage, I don't think you need to worry about it. Can you afford to keep making the payments?

It sounds like you are likely to inherit the house pursuant to your state's intestate (no will) rules but the house is likely to need to go through probate before the transfer can happen. The poster Mid JD may be able to help to select an estate attorney who can guide you through the process at a reasonable cost.

By law the mortgage company MUST not call the loan or refuse to accept your payments. Here is a link to the law; scroll down to item d 5

www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/12/1701j-3

I was in a similar position when my mother died 5 years ago. The loan remains in the Estate's name but I am able to deduct the mortgage interest et cetera on my taxes. You will need to get paperwork from the court in order to obtain copies of the documents et cetera but that will all happen in due time. If anyone from the bank gives you a hard time turn the matter over to your attorney to deal with it. Because my back ground is in real estate I knew immediately that when I contacted my mother's rental property mortgage company that the rep was giving me wrong information so I wasn't too upset.

Also, they may want to make you legally responsible for the loan. That is entirely your choice. I chose not to. I wasn't sure I could afford to keep the property (she died in 2008) and I might have to let it go into foreclosure. I didn't want any possibility of a black mark against my credit. Your situation may be different. If there's a lot of equity in the property and if you don't have much of a credit history you might want it. Please consult with an attorney who is knowlegable about real estate matters before you do anything.

Of course you are welcomed to PM if you think I can be of any help.

[jitterbug]

Can't help but think of you tonight, as seventeen years ago, I was also suddenly widowed when my husband died of a heart attack at age 40. I found this great website called Widownet. Here is the link.

www.widownet.org/wnbb3/index.php Its all people who have been in your exact same situation and you'll find much sympathy, help, and shoulders to cry on there! There are no ads, no spam. You can read a lot of the message board topics without registering - but there are more if you actually sign in. Create a user name that is pretty anonymous (like the one you use here) because you will be sharing this web site with any other widow you meet - and you don't always want to share your inner most thoughts with that person via the bulletin board.

[lurkyloo]

Thinking of you, and wishing you strength

[taz157]

Dec 9, 2012 13:28:22 GMT -5 @wrongsideof30 said:

Dec 9, 2012 13:01:09 GMT -5 InsertCoolName said:

I will see him in an hour. I get an hour, just me and the kids. Then at 3 pm the public will be there, til 8pm.

This is going to be hard.

Sending you a virtual hug...

[Jaguar]

ICN I'm thinking about you and your little ones. I'm hoping all the best for you during this time and in the coming days.

[zibazinski]

This is where cyber is hard. We all want to help and no one is local to do so.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Dec 8, 2012 21:56:05 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

I'm so sorry! This just doesn't happen to 42 year olds! No kidding you are in shock.

I had to buy insurance on my mortgage that pays it off in case of my death. And I had to assign a beneficiary. I hope that is the case for you now.

I'm hoping for that too.

Hugs and more hugs ICN.

[Formerly SK]

Dec 10, 2012 8:33:34 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

This is where cyber is hard. We all want to help and no one is local to do so.

It's so frustrating. I thought of you yesterday OP and was so sad for you, and there is not a thing I can do to help except possibly post on this board some words of support. No, perhaps we are not all "friends" in the traditional sense, but we are all most definitely here for you and in some ways it may be nice to have an anonymous board to vent to.

[Sam_2.0]

I've been thinking about you & the kids all weekend, ICN. I wish there was something, anything I could say that would bring some comfort to you.

[InsertCoolName]

I now have to figure out what to do.

A few questions. If you don't mind.

1. IF there is an insurance on the mortgage, that would pay it off upon his death, would the mortgage company let me know that? I can not find any of the papers that he signed. Or can they just not say anything?
2. There was no will. Do I NEED to make an estate? Won't that hold up all of our funds? What is the purpose of one?

I can't think of anything else right now. I'm trying to take care of all the stuff that has to be done like right now, even though I don't want to do anything.

[justme]

If your name was on the bank accounts you probably have survivorship on them, which from what I know that means they pass right on to you and aren't held up in the estate so you'll have access to them. Your bank should be able to tell you for sure. (When my parents re-did their will they put my brother and I on the accounts in some way, I can't remember the name, that if they both die the account just goes straight to us so we can pay bills).

[Deleted]

ICN,

You are not a long........Just to remember that. And many hugs to you.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yes, hugs to you. And because a shot might do you some good.

[Peace77]

Call the bank that hold the mortgage and say you have heard about insurance that pays off the mortgage and wonder if your account has that kind of insurance.
If they say yes, ask them how to file the claim.
If they say no, there's nothing more that you can do about the insurance.

We fund some of his papers in an old briefcase.


You can call your local offices and ask for the Register of Wills. They can tell you the procedure for your county. In the county where my friend and her husband lived, they have "a small estate" Under a certain $ amount, there is no probate required. She had to pay $3, provide a copy of the death certificate and make a list of all assets and debts. Nothing was held up. Your county may have something similar or be different.

[Deleted]

Dec 11, 2012 12:33:44 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Call the bank that hold the mortgage and say you have heard about insurance that pays off the mortgage and wonder if your account has that kind of insurance.
If they say yes, ask them how to file the claim.
If they say no, there's nothing more that you can do about the insurance.

We fund some of his papers in an old briefcase.


You can call your local offices and ask for the Register of Wills. They can tell you the procedure for your county. In the county where my friend and her husband lived, they have "a small estate" Under a certain $ amount, there is no probate required. She had to pay $3, provide a copy of the death certificate and make a list of all assets and debts. Nothing was held up. Your county may have something similar or be different.

I think if she's not on the mortgage though, the bank won't give her any information.

but yes, call your local office or look at its website to determine what you have to do since there was no will. my mother's county office was invaluable to me when she died and my sister wasn't doing what she needed to do to settle the estate.