Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Nov 23, 2012 11:43:14 GMT -5
tcu2003 is right It does get better. Praying for you and the girls.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2012 12:09:18 GMT -5
First actual holiday is behind me - feeling ambivalent and heavy hearted this morning. Lost my father years ago and all the milestones are very difficult. They get easier though. Glad you are trying to work through it instead of pretending everything is ok.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2012 12:13:05 GMT -5
Kd, the meltdown was necessary. You NEED to go through the process. Your friends understand. I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead. Everyone has a different process. Hugs to you, just know that each day it gets easier. There are always those time of course where it hits you hard and you will deal with it in your own way.
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Nov 23, 2012 13:26:33 GMT -5
Funny, long drive home with country music playing makes a person introspective. I hate trite sayings like its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but there was a song about unrequited love and I did have to be grateful for the knowledge that I was loved, truly and fully to the end.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 23, 2012 13:31:58 GMT -5
kd, have as many meltdowns as you need to. Every one of them is a release of emotion, and very necessary. And do not delay grieving. I did it after my mother died. Very, very bad idea. I have the help of a good friend who has encouraged me to get the process started. And he would know about grief, having lost his own son two months ago. I marvel at how strong he is, but we lean on each other a lot when we need to.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Nov 23, 2012 14:13:35 GMT -5
kd, grief is different for everyone. Take your time with the process, lean on your friends, family and us here. I'm sorry that you and the girls are having to grieve without the comfort of one another. Hopefully the ex will realize that the girls need you to help them, just as you need them to help you. Take care of yourself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2012 20:01:35 GMT -5
What Anne and the others have said is true, it does get easier over time. Time truly does heal all wounds, at least to some extent. The pain will never go away completely, but you will learn to live with it. It sounds like you have wonderful friends IRL. That doesn't come as a great surprise. KD, you WILL get through this.
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on Nov 23, 2012 20:09:38 GMT -5
K - God love you and pass the chocolate! ;D
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gawgagranny
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Post by gawgagranny on Nov 23, 2012 20:56:43 GMT -5
Kd, you have been much on my mind and in my prayers.
PS: I suspect your meltdown was very therapeutic for you....so glad for your RL life friends who were there to help!
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Nov 24, 2012 20:55:14 GMT -5
kd, just checking in with you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2012 21:07:21 GMT -5
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Nov 24, 2012 22:48:31 GMT -5
Funny, long drive home with country music playing makes a person introspective. I hate trite sayings like its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but there was a song about unrequited love and I did have to be grateful for the knowledge that I was loved, truly and fully to the end. I'm glad you found a positive for yourself. It is a blessing to know you were both in love with no unkind words hanging between you two.
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Nov 25, 2012 8:53:29 GMT -5
Funny, long drive home with country music playing makes a person introspective. I hate trite sayings like its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but there was a song about unrequited love and I did have to be grateful for the knowledge that I was loved, truly and fully to the end. I'm glad you found a positive for yourself. It is a blessing to know you were both in love with no unkind words hanging between you two. That is very much a blessing
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Nov 25, 2012 8:58:55 GMT -5
Silly memory - I went to one of the 'gang's' houses last night and I stayed because I have a hard time sleeping at home. As I was driving home I flashed back to a time this summer when we stayed there because we had too much to drink and as we were driving home I ordered him to pull over because I was sick, so he held my hair while I puked my guts up and when i was done he told me - even when you're throwing up you're beautiful'
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 25, 2012 9:00:23 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 25, 2012 9:01:03 GMT -5
Go somewhere warm and non holiday-ish this Christmas. Someplace where they don't even celebrate it.
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Nov 25, 2012 9:09:44 GMT -5
Go somewhere warm and non holiday-ish this Christmas. Someplace where they don't even celebrate it. Zib - I am going to Scotland like we had planned. Our neighbors who are good friends are going with me. I'm going to cry a million tears and then I'm going to spread his ashes in his favorite part of the world, them I'll work on healing.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 25, 2012 9:16:52 GMT -5
Perfect. We are with you in spirit. Take care of YOU.
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Nov 25, 2012 9:33:49 GMT -5
Perfect. We are with you in spirit. Take care of YOU. Thank you, and I will. There are just things that I have to do first. I know he loved me, so I can give of myself to the ones that didn't know he loved them.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 25, 2012 10:28:36 GMT -5
Silly memory - I went to one of the 'gang's' houses last night and I stayed because I have a hard time sleeping at home. As I was driving home I flashed back to a time this summer when we stayed there because we had too much to drink and as we were driving home I ordered him to pull over because I was sick, so he held my hair while I puked my guts up and when i was done he told me - even when you're throwing up you're beautiful' My sister once told me that "you know they really love you when they hold your hair back when you're puking."
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 25, 2012 10:29:13 GMT -5
Perfect. We are with you in spirit. Take care of YOU. Thank you, and I will. There are just things that I have to do first. I know he loved me, so I can give of myself to the ones that didn't know he loved them.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Nov 25, 2012 10:46:10 GMT -5
I'm happy to hear that you have friends going with you. I was afraid that you would be going alone.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Nov 25, 2012 10:55:57 GMT -5
I'm glad to see that you are making the Scotland trip with friends. I hope it will help you in your grieving process. It also sounds like you have a wonderful group of friends who will be there for you through every tear.
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Nov 25, 2012 16:52:57 GMT -5
First holiday weekend almost over. Youngest step daughter called me crying because she missed daddy and after that we texted for a couple hours. At least it's contact...
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Nov 25, 2012 16:54:16 GMT -5
I'm glad to see that you are making the Scotland trip with friends. I hope it will help you in your grieving process. It also sounds like you have a wonderful group of friends who will be there for you through every tear. I do have wonderful friends. I knew that before, but you never know how truly loved you are until tragedy.
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Nov 27, 2012 13:09:00 GMT -5
Who has been through this? How long till you can focus? How long till I stop just staring at my computer and crying? How long until that first shock really starts to fade?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 27, 2012 13:11:39 GMT -5
A long time. I'm so sorry. There will always be a hole where he used to be. But it will lessen with time. You won't think about him every single day. Then it'll be special occasions where it hurts. It does get better with time. Just time is so hard.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 27, 2012 14:38:38 GMT -5
Who has been through this? How long till you can focus? How long till I stop just staring at my computer and crying? How long until that first shock really starts to fade? I've lost my mom (who I was no longer very close to) and it took me months! I can't imagine if it were my DH. You may be much stronger than I am but it will take some time. At least a good year before you will feel somewhat yourself again from people I've known who went through it. It will be a year in December for me and I still have those moments out of nowhere because I'm still stunned that she passed. Nobody knew how sick she really was and we expected her to live much longer since her mom is still alive at 91. But we at least knew she was sick. You had NO warning whatsoever... Please take your time to mourn properly so you don't get sick later. It will come out one way or another so just feel the pain and go through it like your body and heart are asking you to. (((Hugs))) That you are going through this.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 27, 2012 14:45:45 GMT -5
I agree with POM. You have to listen to your body and do what it tells you to do. I wish I had; I wound up so sick because I didn't. And that was before all the emotional suffering kicked in.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 27, 2012 14:48:04 GMT -5
Nancy I feel so bad that I wasn't a help to you.
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