kdamron
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 10:52:02 GMT -5
Posts: 566
|
Post by kdamron on Nov 22, 2012 20:49:36 GMT -5
So, first holiday without DH is almost over. We already had plans to go out of state with friends so I went ahead and came alone. We would have had the girls but EX won't let me see them. I call or text every day. My lawyer is going to sit down with her lawyer on behalf of my relationship with the girls and splitting personal items. I can only hope.
I had a pretty big meltdown when it came time to sit down and eat. I just sat on the couch sobbing, a friend brought me a plate. Spent the afternoon reading an excellent book on grief given to me by one of my very thoughtful partners which calmed me down some. Journaled, talked to adult step daughter and DHs sisters.
I have a good friend who was widowed 4 years ago and I watched her try to date right away and try to go around the grief and saw it hit her hard a year and a half later. I am determined to go through one step at a time.
I wish you all the best and thank you for your hugs and prayers for me. Take care.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,327
|
Post by swamp on Nov 22, 2012 20:51:01 GMT -5
((hugs))
|
|
kgb18
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 8:15:23 GMT -5
Posts: 4,904
|
Post by kgb18 on Nov 22, 2012 21:15:57 GMT -5
kd, I wish there was something I could say. Just know everyone here is thinking about you.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 5, 2024 9:22:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2012 21:31:01 GMT -5
So I am confused, Kdamron. Are you in a gay marriage? It doesn't matter to me personally, but your use of pronouns is confusing me. You mention a DH and you mention and EX and "her" lawyer.
I also wish there was some comfort I can give you. Maybe it is this: I have two adult children that I didn't see on Thanksgiving or Christmas, and we live maybe 30 miles apart (15 for one). We won't be doing Christmas either.
Divorced kids have lots of obligations, particularly if they are married. My daughter did two Thanksgiving meals today. Although sometimes I cry because I am "perpetually last," I don't ever want to make my kids' lives harder than they already are. Some of us just have to accept that although I will reiterate, "It hurts."
Hugs!!!! Lots of them.
|
|
kgb18
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 8:15:23 GMT -5
Posts: 4,904
|
Post by kgb18 on Nov 22, 2012 21:33:43 GMT -5
susana, The "ex" kd is referring to his her late husband's ex-wife.
|
|
Knee Deep in Water Chloe
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 21:04:44 GMT -5
Posts: 13,818
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1980e6
|
Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 22, 2012 21:34:28 GMT -5
Susana, Kd's husband was killed in a motorcycle accident two -three weeks ago. The ex is her DH's ex wife and the mother of her Dh's two young daughters.
Hugs, kd.
|
|
kdamron
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 10:52:02 GMT -5
Posts: 566
|
Post by kdamron on Nov 22, 2012 21:36:35 GMT -5
So I am confused, Kdamron. Are you in a gay marriage? It doesn't matter to me personally, but your use of pronouns is confusing me. You mention a DH and you mention and EX and "her" lawyer. I also wish there was some comfort I can give you. Maybe it is this: I have two adult children that I didn't see on Thanksgiving or Christmas, and we live maybe 30 miles apart (15 for one). We won't be doing Christmas either. Divorced kids have lots of obligations, particularly if they are married. My daughter did two Thanksgiving meals today. Although sometimes I cry because I am "perpetually last," I don't ever want to make my kids' lives harder than they already are. Some of us just have to accept that although I will reiterate, "It hurts." Hugs!!!! Lots of them. No -LOL I refer to DHs ex wife who is the mother of his two youngest children. They have been my step children for years and I am having issues with her.
|
|
kdamron
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 10:52:02 GMT -5
Posts: 566
|
Post by kdamron on Nov 22, 2012 21:37:38 GMT -5
Thank you all for the hugs
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,831
|
Post by taz157 on Nov 22, 2012 21:39:18 GMT -5
kd, I wish there was something I could say. Just know everyone here is thinking about you. Agree with the above. ((((((hugs)))))))
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 5, 2024 9:22:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2012 21:42:44 GMT -5
Hugs to you. This is a difficult transition in your life and you can only take it one day at time.
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 22, 2012 22:01:17 GMT -5
Kd, the meltdown was necessary. You NEED to go through the process. Your friends understand. I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 22, 2012 22:02:10 GMT -5
|
|
kdamron
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 10:52:02 GMT -5
Posts: 566
|
Post by kdamron on Nov 22, 2012 22:21:21 GMT -5
I know it was necessary and I actually feel much better. His sister also sent me text reminded me of the time DH told her and their mom he had finally found 'the one'...
A good friend of ours was compelled on the Monday after he died to buy parchment paper and charcoal pencils and drew a picture of a stop watch surrounded by ivy and tears, she had titled it 'Time' - the time on the clock was the exact time I received that last text message...
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 22, 2012 22:28:12 GMT -5
I know it was necessary and I actually feel much better. His sister also sent me text reminded me of the time DH told her and their mom he had finally found 'the one'... A good friend of ours was compelled on the Monday after he died to buy parchment paper and charcoal pencils and drew a picture of a stop watch surrounded by ivy and tears, she had titled it 'Time' - the time on the clock was the exact time I received that last text message... Wow!! I'm not a huge believer in ghosts and other paranormal stuff, but I do believe that we still have some kind of connection with those who have died. Sounds like your DH guided your friend in her drawing. He wants you to keep remembering that text message.
|
|
kdamron
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 10:52:02 GMT -5
Posts: 566
|
Post by kdamron on Nov 22, 2012 22:32:30 GMT -5
He's telling me that he loved me to the very end, I have no regrets on that end. It's just 'time' we didn't have enough of it...
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 22, 2012 23:18:18 GMT -5
I'm glad you have wonderful family and friends that are there for you, Kd. This time must be so hard for you.
|
|
kdamron
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 10:52:02 GMT -5
Posts: 566
|
Post by kdamron on Nov 22, 2012 23:31:27 GMT -5
There were 2-3 hours that I just totally melted down but tears can be cathartic, and so can counting your blessings - it wasn't long enough but at least I had him.
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 22, 2012 23:34:34 GMT -5
That is good that you are letting it out. The pain could really hurt you if you don't. Yes, you two were very blessed to have each other and your memories will pull you through this. (((Hugs)))
|
|
lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 5,594
|
Post by lurkyloo on Nov 22, 2012 23:36:00 GMT -5
We're here for you, and glad you have good friends who both are there for you and know when to leave you alone. Thinking of you.
|
|
DVM gone riding
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 23:04:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,383
Favorite Drink: Coffee!!
|
Post by DVM gone riding on Nov 23, 2012 0:51:16 GMT -5
KD I just want to add to how sorry I am for you. Its never easy, loosing your life fast is so much harder and the holidays ontop its just not fair but I really hate the fact that the ex is keeping you from the girls that is just unreasonable pain ontop of pain. I hope you have lots of real life friends to lean on and can work it out so you still are able to have a relationship with the girls and don't have to wait until they are adults to be able to connect with them.
One of my co-workers daughters husband died in a motorcycle crash 3 months after they got married very difficult thing to work through such a sudden devastating thing. Take care of yourself
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,974
|
Post by cronewitch on Nov 23, 2012 1:38:15 GMT -5
Sorry the holidays are so hard for you this year.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 5, 2024 9:22:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2012 4:18:30 GMT -5
Kd.
|
|
Nazgul Girl
Junior Associate
Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 23:25:02 GMT -5
Posts: 5,913
Today's Mood: excellent
|
Post by Nazgul Girl on Nov 23, 2012 7:44:32 GMT -5
I hope that you get to see the girls soon. My thoughts are with you during this holiday season.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 5, 2024 9:22:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2012 7:55:08 GMT -5
(((HUGS))) kd. It sounds like you have some wonderful RL friends.
|
|
kdamron
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 10:52:02 GMT -5
Posts: 566
|
Post by kdamron on Nov 23, 2012 9:05:10 GMT -5
First actual holiday is behind me - feeling ambivalent and heavy hearted this morning.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 5, 2024 9:22:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2012 9:16:08 GMT -5
First actual holiday is behind me - feeling ambivalent and heavy hearted this morning. Nothing will feel "normal" for a while. And then it's not that it will go back to what it was, you will just adapt to a new normal. This is not one of the nicer facts of life.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 23, 2012 10:25:51 GMT -5
Hugs to you. This is a difficult transition in your life and you can only take it one day at time.
|
|
Jake 48
Senior Member
keeping the faith
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:06:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,337
|
Post by Jake 48 on Nov 23, 2012 10:48:26 GMT -5
kd,
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 63,514
|
Post by Tennesseer on Nov 23, 2012 11:14:10 GMT -5
kd-embrace your dreams. Good or bad, they will help you get through this.
|
|
tcu2003
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 15:24:01 GMT -5
Posts: 4,942
|
Post by tcu2003 on Nov 23, 2012 11:16:46 GMT -5
Hugs, kd! My dad died last December, and that Christmas was especially hard on my mom. It doea get bettet - never the same as it was before, but still better eventually. So happy you still spent the day with loved ones - it doesn't make the hurt and sadness go away, but it's so important to have loved ones near for support and to lean on.
|
|