Length of maternity leave

[Sam_2.0]

I took 10 weeks with DD. Was going to do the full 12, but needed to save some time for appointments and other things. It worked out well for us. She was a great baby and I was doing really well by about 8 weeks. The last two I was getting kind of bored.

My sister went back to work 3 weeks after DN was born because she couldn't afford to be off more than that (all unpaid). It was her 2nd kid, and it was ROUGH on her even though DN was a good baby.

One thing I wish we got out of the ACA was a PAID twelve weeks leave. I think in Canada they pay a separate insurance for that (like UE). I would love it if we had something comparable here. Even 60% pay would be nice. I am fortunate to work for an employer that lets me use up to 2 weeks of paid sick time on top of my 4-6 weeks, and then I can use vacation to make up the difference. I think we are planning to have a kid in 2014 so I could buy an extra week of vacation to use and almost have my whole leave paid with some time still to spare.

[Angel!]

I could have started back part time at 2 weeks, but it would have been hard. I wanted to start back part time at 4 weeks because I was bored, but couldn't. I started back at part time at 6 weeks with both & luckily had the option & vacation time saved to drag that out to about 4 months.

There are a lot of factors though. I know I felt like hormones or adrenaline somehow kicked in so lack of sleep wasn't a huge issue. It seems most women suffer exhaustion & I am apparently weird.

[kgb18]

I have 3 children. I took 12 weeks off for all three. Part of the leave paid with vacation, etc and the rest unpaid. I didnt' care about the money. I wanted to be home with my babies and i was. I don't regret taking that much time at all and am glad i did and would do it again.

Exactly the same with me, except I have two kids.

I was not physically or emotionally ok to go back after just a couple of weeks. My first labor and delivery was kind of rough. It took me a long time to feel physically ok.

Emotionally, it was hard for me to go back both times. I love the baby stage. I was not bored at home. I had plenty of stuff, including the kids, to keep me busy. I always wondered how I managed to fit work in!

And I was definitely exhausted after both births. Heck, I still am, but I'm expecting that to be the case for the next couple of years.

[alabamagal]

For all 3 of my kids I worked past my due date (engineer and did mostly office work, but on my feet a bit). I proudly say that I never missed a day of work before delivery, but on all 3 I stopped work on a Friday (4-12 days past due date) and said I wasn't coming back and all my babies were born on Monday (thus did not miss any work days). No C-sections

I took 8 weeks off with the first one, but could have gone back after 6 weeks, but DH was a school teacher at the time and 8 weeks was the beginning of his summer break. He was home all summer and DD didn't go to daycare until she was 6 months old. Second child was born in summer, so went back to work at 6 weeks, DH had one extra week before school started. With the third, he was born in Sept, but DH had quit his teaching job due to kids, so I went back at 6 weeks (NOTE: The SAHD thing worked only about 3 months!).

It is highly dependent on your job, health and daycare situation.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I went back at 8 weeks. I could have taken the full 12 if I wanted to but our finances were getting tight and I wanted those extra 4 weeks of leave available just in case.

I wouldn't have been able to go back at 3 weeks, I still didn't have full bladder control. That would have been awful to deal with at work, not to mention embarassing.

I don't know honestly if I could have gotten myself cleared to come back before at least 6 weeks. I suppose if I had pushed my OB she would have cleared me before then but I didn't need her to so I never asked.

It was the sleep deprivation that killed me when I came back. That wouldn't have been resolved by 4 extra weeks of leave.

[raeoflyte]

I didn't feel whole again until 6 weeks, although we were out and about including long hikes at elevation around 3 weeks, so I suppose I could have managed if I had to. I took off 9 weeks with ds and dh took off 7.

This time we're both taking off 6 weeks, then I go back part time for another month. Dh works 30 hours a week so he's already 'part time'.

[vonna]

I was active duty military, and got 6 weeks -- 2 kids, both c-sections. I think 8 would have been about right for me. The hardest part was fitting back into my uniform after 6 weeks, but I suppose that gave me extra incentive to loose the baby belly quickly!!

[Colleenz]

I was not eligible for maternity leave since I had only been at the new job three months. I had two weeks of vacation. I had an emergency c section, and drove myself home from the hospital (an XH story for another thread). Then my incision got infected landing me back in the hospital. I had to go back to work four days after the second hospitalization.

Luckily it was a desk job and I had a great boss and coworkers. It sucked, but it is doable.

[Deleted]

Well, some women feel better than others and some have more difficult pregnancies and recoveries than others. I don't necessarily think it is a badge of honor that someone feels better and can work longer and return sooner.

[raeoflyte]

And I don't think that the length of time one chooses to stay home after the birth of the child reflects how much they love said child or motherhood in general.

[muttleynfelix]

Nov 13, 2012 10:39:53 GMT -5 @shooby said:

Well, some women feel better than others and some have more difficult pregnancies and recoveries than others. I don't necessarily think it is a badge of honor that someone feels better and can work longer and return sooner.

No one says it is. I certainly don't recommend going back early, but it can be doable. But when someone says that a woman is going back early because she chooses not to afford a longer maternity leave. That is offensive. You don't know they details of her life or her family. You don't know the circumstances behind her decision.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Who said it is a badge of honor? The discussion is about how long you took off and why. I don't see anybody bragging about how long they did or did not take off.

[Colleenz]

The OP said the cousin has not been at her job for a year, so not eligible for FMLA. I didn't read it as a badge of honor, but more what she's got to do. In my case, had I not gone back I would not just be unpaid. I would have had to reimburse my employer for what they paid for my health insurance. It was definitely not the best thing for me or my kiddo.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

There was a poster on here that was facing going back at two weeks because she had assumed she would get a full paid leave based on her last employer. She waited till she was almost due to confirm and that wasn't the case.

So she had no money saved and was facing the possibility of having to go back almost the day after she gave birth so she could pay her bills and keep her job.

That's nuts. That's why I tell any of my newly pregnant friends to check, double check and triple check your work's leave policy and do it ASAP. My employee services said if they had a dime for every time someone doesn't bother to call till after they give birth.. .they could retire now.

[Deleted]

My point is that not every woman is capable of working to the day of delivery or coming back early even if they want too.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nobody said they could. In fact most posters have said they couldn't or wouldn't.

[giramomma]

I was able to take 4 moths off paid from my day job. I have no paid leave program at work. You take sick leave, vacation time, and the unpaid leave. I was back working at my part time job, minimally at two weeks after birth. I'm the primary breadwinner, and while we had bills pretty covered, I didn't want to cut back on income a ton.

I love to snuggle with my kids, but I haven't found a way to pay the mortgage or the grocery bill with those snuggles

I also for the most part, have easy births. I also have a husband that works part time and we use formula. So, we really do co-parent.

[ontrack]

As a federal government worker, we don't have paid maternity leave or short or long term disability. However, we can use our sick and annual (vacation) leave for the birth or adoption of a child. I have quite a bit of sick leave and some annual leave saved up that I will use if we decide to have a kid (probably six-eight weeks). If I want to stay home longer, I can alternate leave and unpaid FMLA.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If I could have swung it 3-4 months would have been nice. Dealing with oversupply issues at work SUCKED.

[muttleynfelix]

Nov 13, 2012 10:48:54 GMT -5 @shooby said:

My point is that not every woman is capable of working to the day of delivery or coming back early even if they want too.

Not one of your posts said that at all or even close. It was why would you go back so early? Easy - the mortgage, the groceries, the heat, and the insurance all need to be paid.

[Deleted]

Nov 13, 2012 10:55:46 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Nov 13, 2012 10:48:54 GMT -5 @shooby said:

My point is that not every woman is capable of working to the day of delivery or coming back early even if they want too.

Not one of your posts said that at all or even close. It was why would you go back so early? Easy - the mortgage, the groceries, the heat, and the insurance all need to be paid.

well clearly you didn't marry very well. mom's responsibility should have only been to cuddle with the little darling all day and marvel at the miracle of children.

[muttleynfelix]

Nov 13, 2012 11:06:16 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

Nov 13, 2012 10:55:46 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Not one of your posts said that at all or even close. It was why would you go back so early? Easy - the mortgage, the groceries, the heat, and the insurance all need to be paid.

well clearly you didn't marry very well. mom's responsibility should have only been to cuddle with the little darling all day and marvel at the miracle of children.

[shanendoah]

This is what I know. In the state of WA, state short term disability covers maternity leave. For a regular vaginal birth, it's 6 weeks at 67% pay. For a C-section, it's 8 weeks at 67% pay. I believe that, per state law, your employer has to allow you to use any vacation or sick time to bring that up to full pay, IF YOU WANT TO. If you can get by at 67% pay for those weeks, you are not required to use paid time.
That is only for mothers who give birth. It does not cover adoptive mothers or ANY father.

FMLA protects your job for up to 12 weeks in a rolling year, regardless of birth/adoption/foster care/guardianship or mother/father. If the child first enters your home through foster care and you don't use all 12 weeks, or it has been more than a year since you took your 12 weeks, FMLA will also protect your time for any court appearances or legal meetings associated with adoption. You can get 12 weeks when the foster child is placed with you and another 12 weeks once the adoption is finalized (if they are more than a year apart).

My company gives 2 weeks paid to all employees (outside of other PTO) the moment a child enters their home- through birth/adoption/foster care/guardianship. We get this one time per child (so no 2 weeks when a foster kid is placed and another 2 weeks when the adoption is finalized).

My plan right now is to take 6-8 weeks off, depending on circumstances. Right now, I have 4+ weeks of PTO banked to go with my 2 weeks child bonding leave. By Janaury, which is the earliest I currently expect to get our foster license, I will have 5 weeks PTO banked. 3 months later, I'll have 6 weeks banked- which puts me very near the limit of PTO my company allows me to bank. I do want to have some time left over after my leave in order to cover doctor's appts, court dates, etc.
One other plan is, especially if we get very little notice for a foster placement, for me to work from home one day a week (actually, more like a couple hours a day, equaling 8 hours) after the initial 2 weeks off, and be able to extend my time off, or just keep a nice bank of PTO.
How much time I need/want will depend a lot on the child- age, personality, etc.

I am the sole earner for our family though, and we can't know at this time how much the adoption will cost, so I won't put my entire family at risk for an extra week of unpaid leave. That seems incredibly irresponsible to me.
It doesn't mean that we can't afford a child, or adoption. How many people would tell a sole -earning father that if he can't afford to take an extra week or two unpaid off at his child's birth than maybe his family couldn't afford kids?
DH and I have made the decisions about who will be primary care giver (him) and primary earner (me). And I won't lie and say this isn't part of the reason we're chosing to adopt. It is. And we're both good with it, so that's all that actually matters.

[midjd]

I never even considered the possibility of going back part-time... hmm, something to ponder when the time comes. It would be nice to take 8 weeks off and then go in 2 or 3 days a week for another couple of months.

I don't handle sleep deprivation well - at all - and that is my main mental stumbling block when it comes to kids. Keeping my work 'face time' to a few days a week might be best for all involved

[shanendoah]

Mid: I'm pretty certain that FMLA doesn't care whether your 12 weeks for parental leave are continuous or not, so if your employer was good with the part time, you could even still be technically full time and have those days you're not working protected by FMLA. (So your employer couldn't just choose to make you permanently part time.)

[telephus44]

With my first, I ended up getting laid off while on leave (entire plant shut down) so I stayed home for 6 months. I had an unplanned c-section but felt physically ok by about 2 weeks. My pay situation was unusal in that since my plant shut down, corporate didn't know what to do with me so they paid me full salary instead of the 60% per the handbook, then after I officially got laid off they had to pay me severance, and then I was eligible for unemployment.

With my second, I ended up with 11 weeks at full pay and I used 7 days of vacation. I had to bargain for it though. I had a scheduled c-section, and was also physically ready to work at about 2 weeks.

Personally, I would support some kind of national or state program to pay 60% of pay for 12 weeks, similar to STD. I know some states have it, some don't, but I'd like to see it everywhere. I think 12 weeks is a reasonable amount of time to heal the body and figure out and adjust.

[thyme4change]

My doctor wouldn't clear me for work until 6 weeks - and I sit at a desk. However, I didn't even ask if that was negotiable. I bet she it would have been.

[thyme4change]

And I worked up until the final day with both kids - my daughter was born on a Monday, but I worked on Friday. My son was born on Saturday, and I was at work on Friday.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 13, 2012 11:21:07 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Mid: I'm pretty certain that FMLA doesn't care whether your 12 weeks for parental leave are continuous or not, so if your employer was good with the part time, you could even still be technically full time and have those days you're not working protected by FMLA. (So your employer couldn't just choose to make you permanently part time.)

This is what my HR told me. I hadn't planned on going back part time until my 3rd trimester, but once I had the okay with my boss I spoke with HR and I'll just have to report weekly how many fmla hours I'm using.

My company doesn't pay benefits for anyone under 40 hours a week so I really have to make sure they don't flag me as part time except while I am using FMLA.

[Angel!]

Nov 13, 2012 11:21:07 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Mid: I'm pretty certain that FMLA doesn't care whether your 12 weeks for parental leave are continuous or not, so if your employer was good with the part time, you could even still be technically full time and have those days you're not working protected by FMLA. (So your employer couldn't just choose to make you permanently part time.)

I think it might depend on workplace, but with my work FMLA was 480 hours to use as you choose. I used 6 weeks straight because otherwise I would have gotten no disability, but then stretched the remaining 240 hours out for several more months. Which was also nice because I didn't have a full 12 weeks of vacation/sick saved initially, but since I continued earning sick/vacation, then I was able to cover most of the time I took off.