How can you slap some sense into some folks?

[Deleted]

We don't mind my MIL praying for her cousin first, we know for a fact she needs it more. We have our health, we can pay our bills and drama is non-existent right now.

The cousin needs a strong support system and now she doesn't have it, her mom is sticking her head in the ground and ignoring all the signs.

Instead of pushing her/encouraging her she is enabling her behavior by telling her it is ok to not go to work, etc.

The other thing that have people worried and the mother seems to be ignoring: the daughter might be off her medication ; at least there is a strong likelihood she has been off them for some time.

My wife had her birthday party in May and witness her taking them, so we know for sure that from Feb till May she was taking them.

End of May/beginning June She left her old job for her current job which have a probationary period where you cannot sign up for health insurance unless you've been there for some time. My MIL told my wife that they have been without insurance since she started her new job and they had the baby on a NY state insurance program that covers kids.

So we are thinking No insurance = no doctor visits = no medication; at least that is the way it is looking.

My MIL has been spending a few nights at their house helping them out by : cleaning, cooking and making sure that she gets her ass off to work.

But my wife said something that is true: it is easy for someone like me to say she needs to slap out of it, put her big girl panties on and fight tooth and nail for her kid. But she has a mental disease and no one knows what is going on in her head and how is she taking it; everything is control by emotions for her. Instead of moving forward she is now pad paddling because her world is in turmoil and making her more depressed.

My answer: why the fuck isn't she committed to a hospital yet then? Sorry I am thinking damage control here... Not let it get worse.

My issue with a lot of adults in my family and my wife's is that every time something bad happen they leave it up to God, pray harder, go to church more often (my mom goes 2-3 times a week, my mother in law goes every day sometime twice a day).

I am all for praying God, asking him for assistance but sometimes you need to get off your ass and do some of the work to; stop waiting around for God to do everything. Off course those are the same folks when sometime bad happen saying it is God's will, maybe yes but sometimes it is your own fault, your inactions and stupidity that got you there. God can only do so much for folks not willing to help themselves.

[zibazinski]

. Which is why you live the way you do and they don't. Don't EVER let them tell you YOUR priorities aren't straight.

[lurkyloo]

If your wife can take it, it would probably be helpful to her cousin to continue being there for her and talking to her. She's gotten herself into a really awful situation; I'd probably be hiding from reality too The problem is that it's hard to resist the urge to "fix" things--to just point out all the things that are wrong and all the things that she should be doing to fix things, which runs a high risk of making her mental state worse.

Obviously what she really needs is a therapist, but since that's unlikely a sympathetic ear and moral support is probably the best you can do.

[Deleted]

Can she record the phone calls?

It sounds like they are headed to divorce and most people need some sort of hand holding, mental help, or medication when they go through such a big change.

[constanz22]

Carl,
If she is indeed without insurance, she needs to get herself to the local county run mental health clinic to be seen. They have to provide services regardless of insurance or ability to pay. She can also go to the local 24 hour crisis center (usually at a local hospital) and they will see her, give her her meds, and set her up with a follow up appointment somewhere within 5 days (NY law). One of the 2 agencies can help her get her needed medication until she has insurance. She is not currently hospitalized because she probably is not actively threatening to hurt herself or someone else, which is the criteria for a psychiatric hospitalization.

[Opti]

Being committed to a hospital doesn't fix things. It is just the preferred avenue for stabilizing someone on psychiatric meds. If she believes stupid things like any man is a good man and it is better to appear to be rich and not be versus being rich and looking poor all the medication in the world and all the therapy in the world is not going to "cure" her. Being hospitalized probably wouldn't help her much Carl. It could however be a great way to lose her new job.

Contrary to popular belief these drugs aren't miracle workers. I don't know of any that have changed anyone's core beliefs although they can make someone happier, suicidal, etc.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"You can't just sign off the deed and put him on it. The mortgage company has to agree.":::...

In VA, one must be on the mortgage to be on the deed, with one exception: one spouse can add another. Not sure if this is the case in NY, and/or if the aunt being on there adds an additional party. Wise move not signing though.

...:::"When I thought "my ex won't do that". I was wrong.":::...

And when people are mad, scared, or feel wronged, they do things they would never do otherwise. I understand your wife's cousin not preemptively rescinding her husbands access for fear of escalating the situation. At the same time, she's going to be kicking herself if he beats her to it and drains everything.

[8 Bit WWBG]

I thought a little more about this thread in light of the "hidden spending/addiction" thread.

Intellectually I'm sure she realizes she'd be better off without him. But the reality of getting there is probably much harder to swallow. It would involve some combination of a bunch of taboos, including but not limited to "failing at a relationship", "financial hardship", "losing standing in the community", and so on.

I think some people would really love to be in better situations, but just can't or won't take that first step. Its easy to have immediate gratification for just one more day. But changing long term is much harder, and uncertain.