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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 10:39:05 GMT -5
Also how much alimony can someone ask for when they were only married for 2 years?
The wife is a social worker in Queens,NY. I am guessing she gross about 50-60k/year.
So what will it be? 1-2 years alimony max?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 10:41:23 GMT -5
Alimony should be far down on the list of things for her to currently be worrying about. Right after giant mutant space goat may possibly swallow the earth.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 7, 2012 10:41:39 GMT -5
I'm not sure how much the judge is going to look into the past, or how heavily s/he will weigh the husband's long stretch of unemployment. Generally the most important factor is - what is best for the child NOW? And I'd say the husband has a strong argument in his favor, whether that's fair or not.
No clue on how alimony works up there (our state doesn't have it). Swamp should know. Agree that alimony shouldn't be her primary concern right now.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 10:52:45 GMT -5
The way I see it ending is not pretty; and the fact she is not sleeping, not eating and crying point that she may go down the same route.
I just wish this would wake her up and make her get her act together, go for custody of her son (shared custody) and the loser
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 7, 2012 10:54:28 GMT -5
I'm glad that Carl has enough sense to stay out of this. This woman made her bed and now she has to lie in it. For whatever reason, she chose a bum to be the father of her children and now she's permanently entangled with this guy.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 7, 2012 10:54:32 GMT -5
She's in a bad place for sure. This is why you should select who you marry very carefully. There is such a thing as a bad spouse.
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greenstone
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Post by greenstone on Nov 7, 2012 11:19:07 GMT -5
To join Mid in playing devil's advocate maybe the husband is trying to act in the best interest of his son. IIRC, didn't the husband sign his wife into the mental hospital against the strong objection of his wife's family because it's not 'their way'? I also thought he wanted her to stay longer in the hospital but wife and mother said no. It sounded like he was trying to get his wife much needed help. Maybe the wife is still in denial over her mental health and not in counseling or taking her meds. She may have her head in the sand and is going down the exact same road as before. This time the psychotic breakdown may not occur at work but at home with their son. His leaving might be his last ditch effort to get her to face her problem Or he could just be a douchecanoe. That's why I wouldn't act quickly to get involved or even to take sides. No one really knows what goes on in someone else's home.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 7, 2012 11:27:47 GMT -5
::Or he could just be a douchecanoe.::
Or he could be both (which is how it sounds to me). You can be a douchecanoe and act like a jackass while still not wanting to leave your kid alone with someone with severe mental issues while they're in one of their breakdowns.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 7, 2012 11:31:26 GMT -5
Wait - I'm confused. Who, exactly, are we slapping sense into?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 11:31:58 GMT -5
Wait - I'm confused. Who, exactly, are we slapping sense into? douchcanoes and douchbags and just plain old douches.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 7, 2012 11:34:27 GMT -5
It was time for either a Doxie thread or a Carl thread.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Nov 7, 2012 11:37:28 GMT -5
I'm not really sure what the question is. Does his work history have some bearing on whether he should be able to have custody of the child? The standard for primary custody is what is in the best interests of the child. I say an employed nurse (I think that's what Carl's cousin does) will far better meet those standards than a lazy, unemployed, couch-surfing, spendthrift who has no means to buy diapers, formula, food, etc. for the child. But, what do I know? I'm no expert nor do I play one on tv. That is all up for a judge to decide. But, I will concede that the father in this case is entitled to visitation if that helps you understand my point. While your perspective is logical, GRG, that's not always how it works. Daughter of a friend also married a loser who preferred not to work. When she finally dumped him, he sued for custody of the kids. His argument? He didn't work, so he would be more available to care for the kids. The courts decided that Dad would get primary custody of the kids, Mom would get visitation and the opportunity to make child support payments because she was the one working for a living. In the end, the responsible, hard working parent didn't get rewarded for their efforts. The court took the path of making sure that a working single parent wouldn't have to leave their job to care for the kids, and in the process, become a social services recipient that the county would have to support. Giving primary custody to the loser father and mandating child support ensured that Mom would be able to/need to continue to work to support the kids.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 7, 2012 11:39:33 GMT -5
::Or he could just be a douchecanoe.:: Or he could be both (which is how it sounds to me). You can be a douchecanoe and act like a jackass while still not wanting to leave your kid alone with someone with severe mental issues while they're in one of their breakdowns. Her mental health history isn't going to help her custody case. And that he's the SAHP is going to go towards him being the primary parent. And she'll have to pay maintenance for about a year. She married and unemployed bum and agreed to support him. She's got to support him afterwards for a little while.
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PK Bucko
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Post by PK Bucko on Nov 7, 2012 11:41:41 GMT -5
She's in a bad place for sure. This is why you should select who you marry very carefully. There is such a thing as a bad spouse. Word.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Nov 7, 2012 12:42:32 GMT -5
...:::"...than a lazy, unemployed, couch-surfing, spendthrift who has now fallen back on his own mother who works to financially back him and the kid":::...
Fixed.
...:::"I also thought he wanted her to stay longer in the hospital but wife and mother said no. It sounded like each day she was in the hospital and not earning a paycheck impacted their ability to maintain a cushy lifestyle they can't afford, thereby losing standing in the community, which is not an option":::...
Fixed.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Nov 7, 2012 12:43:40 GMT -5
Oh and a quick OT:
cawiau, its after election day. Did your relative win her race?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 12:46:15 GMT -5
Oh and a quick OT: cawiau, its after election day. Did your relative win her race? Yep she did, she is now assembly woman and will be heading to Albany, NY. Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 7, 2012 12:47:43 GMT -5
Oh and a quick OT: cawiau, its after election day. Did your relative win her race? Yep she did, she is now assembly woman and will be heading to Albany, NY. Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app Congratulations! I hope she's more fun than the politican in my family
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 12:48:56 GMT -5
::Or he could just be a douchecanoe.:: Or he could be both (which is how it sounds to me). You can be a douchecanoe and act like a jackass while still not wanting to leave your kid alone with someone with severe mental issues while they're in one of their breakdowns. Her mental health history isn't going to help her custody case. And that he's the SAHP is going to go towards him being the primary parent. And she'll have to pay maintenance for about a year. She married and unemployed bum and agreed to support him. She's got to support him afterwards for a little while. That is what I figure. It seems she spend some time talking to her cousin that is a lawyer an got all the different possibilities/outcome. This cousin told my wife that she should not left the mental hospital to begin with , that she never got well and this will only make it worse. Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 7, 2012 12:49:59 GMT -5
You cannot be an effective parent unless you are mentally healthy yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 12:52:40 GMT -5
Yep she did, she is now assembly woman and will be heading to Albany, NY. Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app Congratulations! I hope she's more fun than the politican in my family If she becomes like her brother that was elected Legislator last year the answer is no. If she remains like she is, the answer is yes. But politics have a way of changing people... Ex: her brother I will never invite to my house or gatherings; tired of a grown man always trying to turn every single event into a campaign moment or be the center of attention. Last I saw him I wanted to scream: "Dude STFU, you won and you are not up for re-election yet; this is a 1 year old birthday party." Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 12:55:23 GMT -5
You cannot be an effective parent unless you are mentally healthy yourself. True; but will losing custody of your son only make it worse? Can she recover from it? Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 7, 2012 12:59:44 GMT -5
You cannot be an effective parent unless you are mentally healthy yourself. True; but will losing custody of your son only make it worse? Can she recover from it? Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app Frankly, it doesn't matter if losing custody of her son makes her worse. The Courts look for what is in the best interests of the child, and if she's untreated mentally ill, she's probably not the better parent for custody. She can recover if she follows the treatment she's supposed to get. If she spent an extended time in a mental health unit and is not medicated and is not going to counseling, it's not going to go well for her.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 7, 2012 12:59:47 GMT -5
Congratulations! I hope she's more fun than the politican in my family If she becomes like her brother that was elected Legislator last year the answer is no. If she remains like she is, the answer is yes. But politics have a way of changing people... Ex: her brother I will never invite to my house or gatherings; tired of a grown man always trying to turn every single event into a campaign moment or be the center of attention. Last I saw him I wanted to scream: "Dude STFU, you won and you are not up for re-election yet; this is a 1 year old birthday party." Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app Oh, I see you know my relation already.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 7, 2012 13:01:34 GMT -5
Probably (will make it worse); but that's not the main issue as the court will see it. It isn't in the child's best interest to be parented by someone who is on the verge or in the process of a mental breakdown... so even if removing the child will make her mental state "worse," that's an unfortunate side-effect of the best of several bad solutions.
OTOH, it may be best for her in the long run - if she has the time and space to focus on treatment rather than worrying about taking care of her child, and is motivated to get well so she can seek full custody, the treatment may be more effective.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 7, 2012 13:01:36 GMT -5
She'd probably get worse. As far as recovery it would depend on if she pulled her head out of her ass and got help rather than listening to her relatives who keep telling her she doesn't need it.
I don't think the courts are really going to care about how she feels, they are going to do what is best for the child. The fact is she has mental problems severe enough to result in a mental ward stay, left against doctor's orders and now appears to be having another breakdown.
Even if he is a douchecanoe, he is not the one that was locked in a mental ward.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 7, 2012 13:04:00 GMT -5
and she chose to breed with and marry said douchecanoe, even though he hasn't held a job in years.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 7, 2012 13:08:08 GMT -5
You cannot be an effective parent unless you are mentally healthy yourself. True; but will losing custody of your son only make it worse? Can she recover from it? I guess it depends on how she looks at it and how the laws are set up there. If she looks at this as an opportunity to get healthy and get her act together, things could turn out very well. But if she decides to wallow in self pity, then she's well on the road to another mental breakdown and permanently loosing her child.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 13:08:18 GMT -5
and she chose to breed with and marry said douchecanoe, even though he hasn't held a job in years. Maybe his douchcanoe can make big waves.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Nov 7, 2012 13:11:05 GMT -5
If she REALLY loves her child, she'll do what it takes to get herself together.
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