midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 6, 2012 15:05:19 GMT -5
Phoenix, I will also be in Indiana over the holidays, not far from Mid. Mid - you know the makeover montages in 80s movies? Let's do that!!! Scarves flying everywhere!!! Yesssss!! ;D With a catchy song too. Phoenix, she and I can vouch that neither of us are crazed serial killers or organ harvesters. At least she wasn't the last time I saw her...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 6, 2012 15:17:32 GMT -5
So I go through the effort, put myself out there, be nice, smile, try to start interesting coversations, pay for first dates, and then they just tell you they aren't interested Maybe you are trying too hard and it's coming off as fake or desparate. I'm not the most socially comfortable person on the planet either. Took me awhile to realize that when I was TRYING to be social that I was coming off as really weird and fake. It was more obvious than I realized that I was putting on a face. I didn't know that till I talked to a guy friend of mine that I dated briefly. It hurt, but I am glad he was honest with me. I met DH when I decided to drop the act and just be me. I decided to be comfortable in my own skin, everyone else could take it or leave it. I also met him when I decided I was done trying to find "the one" and just enjoy myself. I wasn't looking to date, I had actually sworn off dating. He just happened to ask me to a movie I wanted to see really badly so I decided why not. I told myself don't evaluate him as relationship material, just have fun. I was a rebound for him. We actually planned on ending it when I went off to Simpson. 8 years later and I'm stuck with him.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Nov 6, 2012 15:19:44 GMT -5
I think single people are ripe to be converted into gay marriages if the demy-crats start calling the shots.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2012 15:22:33 GMT -5
It depends on their age. As long as they're twenty something or younger I don't really think about it at all. Once they hit 30+ and have remained single I tend to think there's something wrong with them. By the time they're 50+ and have remained single their whole lives I figure they're gay/lesbian and living in the closet.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2012 15:26:51 GMT -5
I envy them.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 6, 2012 15:35:49 GMT -5
Thanks for making me laugh guys Phoenix--don't be afraid to flirt a little too (not the over the top kind, but smile, joke a little, etc.), even at the "boring" places like grocery store (seriously, I can get the flirting going sometimes and really wish a guy had shown more interest, or I had been brave enough to ask if they were single). There are a lot of girls who dig the strong, silent type--a lot of times they are just a little quiet, maybe shy, themselves. Maybe. I'm always worried about "crossing the line" with flirting on dates and especially young women in public. So I usually don't. I'm too much of a gentlemen I guess. "Maybe you are trying too hard and it's coming off as fake or desparate." Fake? That's a distinct possibility, I'm not sure about desperate. If anything (as noted above) I don't think I push the envelope enough. As I mentioned before, I have Aspergur's, so "being social" DOES take work. It's hard to find a balance between "being yourself" and being your best self. I'm not sure really where that line is. I'm better than many with my condition, but subtle things like smiling at the right time or showing the right expression at the right time doesn't come naturally. "I also met him when I decided I was done trying to find "the one" and just enjoy myself." As I mentioned, that's what I'm trying to do. Just accept my life as it is right now and enjoy myself as much as possible. Focus on doing things I want to do.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Nov 6, 2012 15:44:19 GMT -5
It depends on their age. As long as they're twenty something or younger I don't really think about it at all. Once they hit 30+ and have remained single I tend to think there's something wrong with them. By the time they're 50+ and have remained single their whole lives I figure they're gay/lesbian and living in the closet. HEY, you two - I am not a lesbian! Stop picking on me. (Am I taking this too personally? )
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 6, 2012 15:52:48 GMT -5
As I mentioned, that's what I'm trying to do. Just accept my life as it is right now and enjoy myself as much as possible. Focus on doing things I want to do
Honestly I've made more friends marching to my own drummer and having people fall into my life than I ever have trying to make myself be sociable and friendly.
I think it is because now I am me, I attract more people similar to me and have similar interests.
When I was being fake social I was attracting people but those people were really nothing like me. That's why those friendships and relationships didn't last very long.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 6, 2012 16:03:54 GMT -5
"(Am I taking this too personally? )" I think the lady doth protest too much
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 6, 2012 16:08:34 GMT -5
Are you sure? Maybe it's like switch hitting in baseball, you don't really know whether you can do it or not until you try.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Nov 7, 2012 9:07:47 GMT -5
Are you sure? Maybe it's like switch hitting in baseball, you don't really know whether you can do it or not until you try. Of course I'm sure - I took that test somebody posted a few months back. ;D
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Nov 7, 2012 10:15:15 GMT -5
Phoenix, I will also be in Indiana over the holidays, not far from Mid. Mid - you know the makeover montages in 80s movies? Let's do that!!! Scarves flying everywhere!!! Yesssss!! ;D With a catchy song too. Phoenix, she and I can vouch that neither of us are crazed serial killers or organ harvesters. At least she wasn't the last time I saw her... Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. I can see it now - Phoenix doing a catwalk for us in, like, a Gap. You and I shaking our heads and frowning, then pushing him into a dressing room with a bunch of shirts. Awesome. Phoenix - I didn't know you have Aspergers. I could definitely see that making it hard to date.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 8, 2012 22:21:54 GMT -5
"Phoenix - I didn't know you have Aspergers. I could definitely see that making it hard to date."
Yes, pretty mild, at least I think so. I do pretty well in the workplace where there are fairly established rules of social behavior. Dating is tougher.
The best way I can describe it is an unwilling detachment from the world. As I said, simple things like reacting the right way at the right time is difficult and does take effort. Or simply saying the right thing at the right time.
Anyway, i don't think I'm desperate. It's possible I'm unwlllingly giving off that vibe, but on the contrary I'm actually somewhat picky on who I date. I guess I didn't mention that. I don't think my "critera" is exactly high. I just want someone who's a good person and shares life and career goals. I prefer smart women to bimbos. One reason I like this message board, lots of smart ladies.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Nov 8, 2012 22:41:23 GMT -5
I have so much respect for how you have handled yourself when you have been in the hot seat on this board, Phoenix. I would imagine Aspergers would make situations like the one's I have seen you face more challenging, but you have been a class act.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 8, 2012 22:45:06 GMT -5
I have so much respect for how you have handled yourself when you have been in the hot seat on this board, Phoenix. I would imagine Aspergers would make situations like the one's I have seen you face more challenging, but you have been a class act. Thank you for the kind words. It's usually easier on these boards to express myself than it is in real life.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 9, 2012 8:13:47 GMT -5
Phoenix, I taught a young man with Aspergers. Other than some really off the wall comments, like when he blurted out that "no matter how much I wanted him to, he would never marry me" he was pretty normal. I mean, no weirder than any other 3 rd grader. I think if that can be your issue, that sometimes you act or say things a little quirky for the normal expectations, simply explaining it might make a difference. Or find someone artistic because a fair amount of their world is a little quirky and you may find the love of your life. I have two male friends married to artist types and although they love them dearly, they shake their heads and laugh at them a fair amount of the time. We all do, they are adorable. Find your inner quirk and love it and yourself.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Nov 9, 2012 10:42:36 GMT -5
I didn't realize about the aspergers either, but honestly, it makes a little sense (and that's not a bad thing). My son has it and after I started looking into it I realized I've probably got it as well, although like you, much more mild. I'm social in very small groups with people I know well (like at work), but if there is a retirement party our something and more people are there, I feel awkward and out of place. I don't talk much so a lot of the things I think, I don't say out loud. My son doesn't have a filter yet and so he's brutally honest if pressed, often it's taken as rude or mean, but if you push at him, he's not going to lie or sugar coat, so you better really want to know what he thinks. I can also see why flirting would be difficult. I'm sure there it's someone out there who will completely "get" you, it just sucks trying to find them.
An "artsy" personality would tick me off, fine in small doses, but not as an SO. I'd guess a pretty logical, creative problem solver (really able to see different angles to figure something out) would be a good "match".
Good luck!
ETA to fix all the errors, I hate typing a lot on my phone!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 9, 2012 10:55:50 GMT -5
Honestly, the two guys I know would have to be married to women like these. They drive me nuts but I'm not like their wives. Their wives handle their quirks and the husbands handle their wives. It works for them. I'm not sure anyone else could be happily married to any of them. Glad they found their soul mates.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Nov 9, 2012 11:36:38 GMT -5
Honestly, the two guys I know would have to be married to women like these. They drive me nuts but I'm not like their wives. Their wives handle their quirks and the husbands handle their wives. It works for them. I'm not sure anyone else could be happily married to any of them. Glad they found their soul mates. It's good when anyone finds their soul mate. Going to refer to a popular TV show now because it's an example people can "see", lol... The difference is kind of like a Big Bang Theory Leonard and Sheldon. Penny works well for someone like Leonard--he's smart, logical, etc, but not "aspergers". She drives Sheldon nuts because of the same qualities others find cute. There is just an extra "quirk" in his personality that makes it intolerable for him. (and I'm not saying that Phoenix, me, or my son is as bad as the Sheldon character--that one is pretty extreme). Me personally, I like a guy who can make me laugh, but what really turns me on is if he is smart too. I know some very blue-collar, manly men, guys who are very good looking, who make me laugh a lot. The most "attractive" ones are the ones with a good mind, who, when I find an issue, can kick good ideas back and forth with me to figure out the best solution (and often we have to come up with several options because of various limitations--time, money, physical space, power availability, mechanical limitations, etc). I know for me, that's what I have to look for in a mate. (ETA: Sorry, it's just that when I think "artsy" I think of people who live in Eugene or Portland, while I'm very much "eastern Oregon" )
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 9, 2012 12:42:36 GMT -5
Well, one of my artsy friends lives in the Midwest And the other in Miami and their husbands aRe saints but then aGain, those women are saints as well.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 9, 2012 12:43:11 GMT -5
Ah, c'mon warm, doesn't the no makeup, Birkenstock look appeal to you?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2012 12:54:40 GMT -5
apple is a girl, zib
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 9, 2012 14:01:11 GMT -5
I know it. Eastern Oregon as in Bend?
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Nov 9, 2012 14:37:50 GMT -5
I don't really think anything different if someone is single or married but admittedly I was single for most of my 20's. I had opportunities but never with anyone that I clicked with and in a few cases it was with co-workers and I prescribe to the "don't **** where you eat" mentality when it comes to that even though I know quite a few people who met their SO through work. I went out regularly until my late 20's but I did it more to go out with friends and it really wasn't my thing because I'm not the type to walk up to someone and just strike up a conversation. Met my GF of almost 2 years through mutual friends who were dating and like me she's fine with dinner in or something simple out, maybe a few drinks then we head home.
Over the years of going out I got to know a lot of regulars and it's interesting to see that a lot of them are single or in the case of the couples they don't usually have kids and that's one reason why they go out so much. They aren't out getting wasted all the time but they also aren't the type to stay in.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Nov 9, 2012 14:46:03 GMT -5
I know it. Eastern Oregon as in Bend? Lol, no, further east still, where the state has turned red My mom grew up in Redmond though
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 9, 2012 17:17:42 GMT -5
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on Nov 10, 2012 17:04:27 GMT -5
If they are over 25 or so, I tend to assume people (myself included) are single for a reason. I consider these people smart. They know what they want and won't settle. I'm widowed. (2 years) I'm starting to get accustomed to my freedom. I've also just begun to gain back my intellect. It's been a couple of difficult years for me. Since DH was my one true love, I have no interest in anyone else. So, it may be safe to say, there are a variety of reasons that people are single.
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on Nov 10, 2012 17:07:06 GMT -5
I wonder if they need to get laid. But, I also think that about some married people. Im an equal opportunity jerk.
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