raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 30, 2012 15:48:12 GMT -5
Most of the people I know IRL who are well-known for having guns are the same ones who have suffered burglaries and home invasions. Apparently criminals like to steal guns, who would've thought it? I'm always curious when people talk about needing their guns to defend themselves what kinds of people and situations they associate with. I've never felt that a gun would make me safer and I live in a 'rough' part of town. 4 dogs and a cell phone on the other hand do.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Oct 30, 2012 15:51:36 GMT -5
I think the wishes of the OP are perfectly reasonable. Asking for a particular gender in the race that you'd have if you conceived naturally is pretty easy to swallow.
I think the key is that if they are willing to put in the time necessary to get it, then they can want what they want. If they were like doxie, expecting faster results while simultaneously ruling out perfectly good solutions, I'd have less sympathy.
Milee, was part of your walmart bingo the pregnant girl with the tramp stamp?
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Oct 30, 2012 15:58:59 GMT -5
Just to we're all clear - I'm on board with the idea of using a gun to defend yourself or your family from harm. IMHO, a coworker yelling at you or someone stealing your TV do not qualify as the type of "harm" I want to shoot someone over. That's exactly what worries me, there seem to be a lot of people that are highly reactionary to minor things and also advocate carrying guns... dangerous combo. Never a good combo. On the other hand I know plenty of people with guns who are very calm. The last time I remember my brother being very pissed off was when the tower operator at work cleared a train to be moved while he was under it. Not exactly a minor thing. I grew up my whole life surrounded by guns. I presume people have them. We have a small arsenal upstairs. The most recent purchases the AR-15 and 1911 were bought with cash from working 16 hours a day every day in July.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Oct 30, 2012 16:00:36 GMT -5
Can I specify that I want to adopt a baby who is beautiful on the inside?
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Oct 30, 2012 16:01:17 GMT -5
Can I specify that I want to adopt a baby who is beautiful on the inside? You figure out a test for that and you can retire early easily!
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 30, 2012 16:04:09 GMT -5
I want to be clear, I don't have an issue with her wishes/requirements. I just can't understand how she can't understand that she can't be so specific in her method of adoption and characteristics of a child and expect to have a baby in a few months. Either she was not properly prepared by her adoption agent or she chose to ignore what she didn't want to hear. She just keeps saying, "I can't believe this is taking so long."
I think wanting to be a parent has to absolutely be the number one reason to adopt. I also think it is a good deed. The two don't have to be mutually exclusive.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 30, 2012 16:05:58 GMT -5
kgb, LOL!! You may want to correct that misspelling. It could be taken wrong.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 30, 2012 16:08:34 GMT -5
I saw it and fixed it POM Thanks!
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Oct 30, 2012 16:16:22 GMT -5
IMO, wanting to be parent(s) is the only reason to adopt. The attitude that adopting is some sort of magnanimous good deed is revolting to me. Since I'm the only one that mentioned that I think people who adopt are amazing (I said I have the greatest respect for them) I'd like to respond to this because I disagree. Maybe it's not in all cases but we've had people around here lose their child back to the original parents after they changed their minds and got the courts involved. The idea of falling in love with a child that can be removed because of a change of heart or mind - to me - is amazing because I could not handle the heart break. A very good friend of mine just lost her 2 foster kids because of her teenage daughter's actions. Her heart is so broken right now I can't even tell you. She (my friend) was also in the foster care system because her mom abused her and she wanted to make a difference in their lives like was done in hers. The rules are very strict! I think people willing to take that chance or any other issues that could change for them are amazing. Oops - didn't mean to bring this back to topic. Carry on with your guns and Wal Mart speak. You can disagree, but I'm still revolted. Are all parents amazing, or only the ones who adopted? Should all children be grateful for the good deed their parents did, or only the adopted ones?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 30, 2012 16:18:07 GMT -5
It takes a LOT of time, effort, and money to raise a child. Hats off for those that do.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 30, 2012 16:18:23 GMT -5
What kind of activities do you do in your house such that you think you need fire insurance? Cook, grill, burn incense, light candles, make popcorn in the microwave. Lots of things that could burn my house down. I don't really care if people have guns, but in general I think its a false sense of security and (again in general) are more likely to cause problems than to prevent them. Dh gets a handful of dogs in the ER each year from owners who accidently shot them (usually trying to scare off wildlife).
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 30, 2012 16:27:07 GMT -5
Geez, Steve. This whole thread has gone off topic. No reason for you to delete or apologize. All parents who love their children and do their best are amazing whether they gave birth to their children or adopted them. But there is, to me at least, something inherently different about having the willingness and capacity to take a child who isn't yours by birth and raise and love them as if they are. Not everyone is willing to do that. It doesn't make them bad people, it's just not something everyone is capable of or willing to do. They are taking a child who is already in this world who is either unwanted or is loved but unable to properly be cared for by their birth parents and giving them a loving home. It's just different than making the conscious decision to bring your own child into this world. I'm sure many here will disagree with me on that. It's just my opinion.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 30, 2012 16:29:13 GMT -5
I've said that all parents are amazing often on these boards but this thread was mostly about adoption situations. Petunia, LOL!! Revolt away! It's all good.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Oct 30, 2012 16:47:35 GMT -5
Geez, Steve. This whole thread has gone off topic. No reason for you to delete or apologize. All parents who love their children and do their best are amazing whether they gave birth to their children or adopted them. But there is, to me at least, something inherently different about having the willingness and capacity to take a child who isn't yours by birth and raise and love them as if they are. Not everyone is willing to do that. It doesn't make them bad people, it's just not something everyone is capable of or willing to do. They are taking a child who is already in this world who is either unwanted or is loved but unable to properly be cared for by their birth parents and giving them a loving home. It's just different than making the conscious decision to bring your own child into this world. I'm sure many here will disagree with me on that. It's just my opinion. I agree that all parents who love their children and do their best for them are amazing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2012 0:53:27 GMT -5
I didn't adopt because I thought I was doing a good deed. I adopted because I wanted a little girl. I just happened to be a person who had been affected by seeing friends get tossed around in the foster care system with no one to call mom or dad. If I hadn't seen that, I am not sure if I would have wanted to adopt. It was that experience that made me seek out adoption for our daughter. It was something that was important to me. Not because I wanted to be a hero or do a good deed. I wanted a daughter and I wanted to adopt. It worked for me. I don't feel like my daughter should feel lucky and it does irritate me when people tell me she is so lucky.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 31, 2012 7:58:53 GMT -5
Angel, you've taken her to live in Italy for 3 years. SHE'S LUCKY. ;D
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2012 8:10:48 GMT -5
Angel, you've taken her to live in Italy for 3 years. SHE'S LUCKY. ;D I am up for adoption if you want another son by any chance
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2012 8:12:35 GMT -5
Well last night when she talked back to me she WAS LUCKY that I didn't whoop her ass! She is lucky her dad was there to deal with her and I had a bottle of wine! I SWEAR she is going to be a lawyer some day. She sure likes to argue! She was so much cuter before she started her period!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 31, 2012 8:25:59 GMT -5
;D
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Oct 31, 2012 10:00:29 GMT -5
I don't think any CHILD should have to feel lucky/grateful for having a safe, loving home. I think that all children automatically deserve that and it breaks my heart that they don't all get it. At the same time, I think as a society, we should be grateful to those who are permenent foster parents, those who take in the hardest cases and work to give them the best outcomes possible. I think as a society, we should be grateful to those people who seek out the sickest children and do their best to give them loving caring homes. In many cases, these are kids whose parents failed them, who the system failed more than once, too. They have a right to be angry and rebellious and I admire greatly the people who are able to care for them. I don't feel the kids should be asked to feel gratitude for finally being given what they've deserved from birth, but we as a society should recognize the difficulties these parents face.
That said- I am NOT one of those parents. I'm not strong enough to be. I am adopting for purely selfish reasons. I'm pretty certain that once a match is made, I'll feel like I'm the lucky one. And that's how it should be.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 31, 2012 11:15:29 GMT -5
I don't feel that children should be grateful either. Fact is a fair amount of us do not grow up in them. I'd have given anything to have been in a loving foster home versus what I grew up in. Fact is with lousy bio parents having rights to continue to destroy their children's lives, it's a good thing that there are willing foster parents to pick up the pieces.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 31, 2012 11:49:21 GMT -5
I think all kids who end up in a good family should feel lucky. Lousy parents is just the beginning - even in today's world, kids are growing up on the streets in abject poverty, growing up in war zones, still working in sweat shops, etc. etc. We tell our kids all the time that life is not fair, and they are, by far, on the winning end of that statement. And then I eat the last cookie in front of them. They need to have some adversity to build character.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Oct 31, 2012 11:50:03 GMT -5
Didn't read the whole thread (I need to stop doing that) but to me - at this point - gender would matter, race would DEFINITELY matter, medical conditions would DEFINITELY matter.
That being said, I don't know if I ever seriously considered adoption, but I would love to be a foster parent, but I don't think my DH would ever agree.
Lena
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 31, 2012 11:51:00 GMT -5
I think people think she is lucky because her life could have been so much worse had you not come along. Thank you from me for her.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 31, 2012 12:04:47 GMT -5
I don't think the great majority of people who adopt do so because they are trying to do a good deed. But you can do something that you want to do or something that benefits you and it can also happen to be a good deed. That's in general, not just with adoption. Sometimes something that is beneficial to you or something you want can also be really good for someone else. There's nothing wrong with that.
I agree with thyme that any child, whether by birth or adoption, who ends up in a good home is lucky. I'm not saying a child should be burdened with thinking about it or should go around having to act gracious because they have a good home, but they are still lucky. In my job I see so very many children who do not have loving parents and good homes. My heart breaks for them. Every child should have a safe, loving home life. Many don't. And it's the luck of the draw for those kids. It's not right. But it's the way it is.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 31, 2012 12:08:22 GMT -5
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Nov 1, 2012 10:13:58 GMT -5
I think there's a difference between me telling my kids they are "lucky" because they were born in the US/first world, because they have all their needs met and even some of their wants, are getting an education, etc and someone telling kids they are "lucky" because they were adopted, regardless of where they started out in life. Kids who are born into those families are lucky in exactly the same way that children adopted into those families are- so commenting that one is "luckier" than the others, or making them seem like they should have to be grateful in a way we never expect bio children to be grateful bothers me. In a case like Angel's I think that whenever someone told my child how "lucky" they were for being adopted, I'd try to make a comment about how lucky *I* was, to have that child in my life. And if it were someone there was going to be a long standing relationship with, I'd ask them to please not say things like that to my child again. edited to add: not in front of the kid, I'd wait until a time when the child wasn't there to ask them not to say those thing. On the other hand, I would tell Angel's daughter that she was lucky for getting to live in Italy for three years, but then, I'd say the exact same thing to all of Angel's children, and to Angel herself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2012 10:27:43 GMT -5
Ok so I am getting the Mother of the Year Award for SURE. I was talking to DSD about my family and how I MUST be adopted because I am not like anyone in my family(parents and siblings). I said maybe if I keep chanting "I am adopted...I am adopted..." then I really WILL be adopted. DD is looking at me funny. I just laughed and said just think DD when I do something that embarrasses you, you really CAN say "I am adopted...I have no blood relation to these people!" She started laughing hysterically and said she would remember that. Then on the drive home a Prince song came on and I was singing to the top of my lungs...DD said "I am SO ADOPTED!!!"
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Nov 1, 2012 10:37:35 GMT -5
Angel: Definitely Mother of the Year material
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 1, 2012 10:41:40 GMT -5
Angel gets mother of the year award for telling her kid how great it is that she is adopted, but you cut down your friends when they say how great it is that you adopted?
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