milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Oct 1, 2012 8:20:41 GMT -5
Unsolicited advice, but IMHO - take it to the grave. Nothing good can come of disclosure and some very bad things could happen between you and the family you have left should you ever spill that one.
If you do decide to take it to the grave, you'll never hear this from them, so I'll say it for them, "Thanks. Thanks for protecting us. Thanks for doing the right thing even when it was hard. Thanks."
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,706
|
Post by wvugurl26 on Oct 1, 2012 8:27:23 GMT -5
I agree with milee. While it is a big burden to carry, I understand your decision. You did what you needed to protect those who couldn't or wouldn't protect themselves. I don't see anything good coming from telling them. Some things are best kept secret.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 3, 2024 22:15:21 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2012 8:29:07 GMT -5
What milee and wvugurl said.
|
|
lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 5,594
|
Post by lurkyloo on Oct 1, 2012 10:37:23 GMT -5
Dark: I think you absolutely did the right thing. Kudos for protecting your family.
That said, I would also consider deleting that post now. You've scattered enough personal information around that it's possible to trace you IRL (damn easy to trace Loop, and from there...) Catharsis is powerful, but now you've gotten it I wouldn't risk your security clearance by leaving the post up indefinitely.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 1, 2012 10:51:38 GMT -5
Dark: I think you absolutely did the right thing. Kudos for protecting your family. That said, I would also consider deleting that post now. You've scattered enough personal information around that it's possible to trace you IRL (damn easy to trace Loop, and from there...) Catharsis is powerful, but now you've gotten it I wouldn't risk your security clearance by leaving the post up indefinitely. I agree, also because I don't know if you've shared this with Loop or not. And great big hugs for everyone who's carrying secrets. And here are mine. I slept with a married man. We both were in shitty places and I kept saying I wasn't going to do it until the moment I did. He never thought I would either. It was short term and in my opinion, a mutual using of each other. I'd have never dated him seriously because of a couple of issues and yeah, he did talk about being together if he was free. As a result of this, I no longer participate in discussions about how stupid/god awful women who sleep with married men are. #2, I watched my dad choke my younger sister. My Mom intervened while I stood back and did nothing, no words, no actions, nothing. I think I was about 12-14 at the time. I regret not doing anything. And my family has NEVER discussed it. Sometimes I wonder if it was a dream, except I know it wasn't and it happened.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Oct 1, 2012 11:02:13 GMT -5
WB, you were a KID, not an adult. Don't blame yourself. Dar, you are doing the right thing for your family, as you always do.
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Oct 1, 2012 11:30:39 GMT -5
To my family? Probably not.
Loop is the only person I've told. I told her everything, all my secrets, while we were discussing keeping the pregnancy. I was trying to get her to understand that I'm a mess and wasn't good enough for her. She's not too bright though, so she stayed, kept the baby, and we got married.
|
|
mrsdutt
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 12, 2012 7:39:38 GMT -5
Posts: 2,097
|
Post by mrsdutt on Oct 1, 2012 11:36:31 GMT -5
'I am the only one of my siblings that made something of myself and I still don't have a close relationship with my mom. I have tried to forgive her for the things she did because I know that was how she was treated (actually she was treated worse). I can't forget though and it does cloud our relationship.'
I'd like to give some input here because I know how the underlying pain can mess with your peace of mind. I had a hard time forgiving until one day when I was 58, I decided I didn't want her to control me anymore. Not forgiving hurt only me. I cleared my mind and asked God to help me here. I forgave her later that day and the freedom was an extreme blessing. My attitude toward her was never of any sort of love again. When she went into a nursing home I did everything I would do for any other elder person. I took care of everything and visited once a week. I took her places and spent our money on clothes for her. But, I never loved her. I told her we could be girlfriends, but she no longer had a daughter. I stayed with her as she spent her last moments on earth, but left just before she died. She died alone. I never cried, nor did I hold any service for her. She was cremated and laid next to the man she stole from another woman. (prearranged)I never touched her either. No hugs or kisses. Just kindness and compassion from a stranger. God help her, because I don't have to any more. I know I sound harsh, but I did do all of these things with compassion, just like I would for anyone. The child's love was gone. I can't help this. The love was a generic one that I have for all of mankind.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Oct 1, 2012 12:10:38 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. I had a very good talk with my mom the summer before she died. It helped some. Did it heal the hurt? No, but it got a lot of my feelings out. Which is what I needed.
|
|
mrsdutt
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 12, 2012 7:39:38 GMT -5
Posts: 2,097
|
Post by mrsdutt on Oct 1, 2012 12:17:21 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. I had a very good talk with my mom the summer before she died. It helped some. Did it heal the hurt? No, but it got a lot of my feelings out. Which is what I needed.
|
|