susanb
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:09:01 GMT -5
Post by susanb on Sept 21, 2012 11:09:01 GMT -5
So many lady posters seem to be married to SAHD's. It seems like the number of women married to SAHD's on this board is not at all representative of the population at large.
Do you agree? Why do you think that is?
My theory is that women with SAHD's might be taking the lead more in the investment/financial side of the relationship, which attracts them to this site, but I am not sure.
(My intent isn't to insult SAHD's in any way. Being a SAHP can be great if both parties are on board.)
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zibazinski
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:21:00 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Sept 21, 2012 11:21:00 GMT -5
I'm trying to explain to DD that if she chooses a military career and children she may need a SAHD. She doesn't see this as an option at all.
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muttleynfelix
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:26:48 GMT -5
Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 21, 2012 11:26:48 GMT -5
Yes. There are more posters with SAHDs or dad's with secondary careers and primary caregivers than the general population.
I think part of it is what you say with the women taking the lead in finances. I think the other part is those of us with SAHDs also have careers that allow us time to spend on the internet during the work day from time to time (or all the time).
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whoisjohngalt
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:28:36 GMT -5
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 21, 2012 11:28:36 GMT -5
In general, you are probably right. It's not my case, but that really doesn't mean much
Lena
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Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 17:43:20 GMT -5
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:28:41 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2012 11:28:41 GMT -5
What ladies here are married to SAHDs? And do you need another husband? I can share.
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susanb
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:30:55 GMT -5
Post by susanb on Sept 21, 2012 11:30:55 GMT -5
What ladies here are married to SAHDs? And do you need another husband? I can share. Many posters have talked about wanting a second wife. I can't recall anyone mentioning that they want a second husband.
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swamp
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:31:47 GMT -5
Post by swamp on Sept 21, 2012 11:31:47 GMT -5
I'd take a second husband. AS long as he cleaned up after himself, slept in the garage, cooked, and didn't talk to me.
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raeoflyte
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:31:51 GMT -5
Post by raeoflyte on Sept 21, 2012 11:31:51 GMT -5
Dh isn't truly a sahd, but because of our work schedules he does the full time child care during the week when I'm at work (and he only works 30 hours a week, may cut back to 20 hours a week in the near future).
He would be bored out of his mind on this site, and by finances in general, so your theory holds true for us.
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susanb
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:32:56 GMT -5
Post by susanb on Sept 21, 2012 11:32:56 GMT -5
I'd take a second husband. AS long as he cleaned up after himself, slept in the garage, cooked, and didn't talk to me. Archie, an offer is on the table!
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cronewitch
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 11:40:01 GMT -5
Post by cronewitch on Sept 21, 2012 11:40:01 GMT -5
My coworker has a SAHD for her girls. He lost the use of one arm in an accident 8 years ago. The girls are 3 and 5 so he has done the SAHD thing their entire life. He and the girls get SSDI so she isn't supporting all of them.
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Phoenix84
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Sept 21, 2012 12:00:43 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 21, 2012 12:00:43 GMT -5
People here tend to buck many trends from the norm. By virtue of this being a money message board, people here are more interested in money. Therefore, one would assume women who are breadwinners are more likely to be interested in money, so therefore we have a higher proportion of women breadwinners than America at large. Seems logical to me, though SAHD's are a growing trend. And I think it will continue to grow as more and more women are earning more and better degrees than men.
Franklyk, for more and more famlies, it makes more sense for women to work these days.
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zibazinski
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 12:07:09 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Sept 21, 2012 12:07:09 GMT -5
I think, if possible and both parties agree, that it's good for a parent to stay home and raise the kids but when the last one hits school, if not before, back to work you go. No reason for any grown adult to be dependent on another.
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susanb
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 12:10:28 GMT -5
Post by susanb on Sept 21, 2012 12:10:28 GMT -5
I think, if possible and both parties agree, that it's good for a parent to stay home and raise the kids but when the last one hits school, if not before, back to work you go. No reason for any grown adult to be dependent on another. I agree that a SAHP situation works for many. As far as re-entering the work force once the kids are in school.....That is sometimes easier said than done, especially if the SAHP has advanced skills. Compromising my ability to make money for myself is something I worry about a lot as DH and I make family plans.
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Formerly SK
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 12:17:59 GMT -5
Post by Formerly SK on Sept 21, 2012 12:17:59 GMT -5
I've been a SAHM for almost 8 years. My BIL became a SAHD about two years ago (when their one DD started Kindy actually). When the DD was younger it was easier to just put her in daycare while they both worked. Now that she is in school with a bazillion activities, it's easier for him to stay home - they found it really stressful constantly juggling all the logistics of school breaks, etc. He was a civil engineer, so it's not like he didn't have a career beforehand. My SIL does the finances for their family, but then she is a CPA so it makes sense.
I think the trend of more SAHDs will increase. Women have the same career options as men now, so it would make sense that there would be more SAHDs.
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raeoflyte
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 12:19:23 GMT -5
Post by raeoflyte on Sept 21, 2012 12:19:23 GMT -5
I think, if possible and both parties agree, that it's good for a parent to stay home and raise the kids but when the last one hits school, if not before, back to work you go. No reason for any grown adult to be dependent on another. The more I talk to parents of tweens/teens it seems like they value having a sahp even more than the toddler years. A toddlers needs are fairly straightforward and simple and can be hired out, but that isn't true of a teenager. I think there is a real value in having someone at home when the kids get home and just being available for face time on the rare occasions the older ones might actually want to share with mom or dad. For families who are going to do a long term sahs/p arrangement I think they really need to have a lot of open and upfront conversations about expectations/needs, and contingency plans in case of separation or divorce.
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Formerly SK
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 12:22:30 GMT -5
Post by Formerly SK on Sept 21, 2012 12:22:30 GMT -5
I think, if possible and both parties agree, that it's good for a parent to stay home and raise the kids but when the last one hits school, if not before, back to work you go. No reason for any grown adult to be dependent on another. I agree that a SAHP situation works for many. As far as re-entering the work force once the kids are in school.....That is sometimes easier said than done, especially if the SAHP has advanced skills. Compromising my ability to make money for myself is something I worry about a lot as DH and I make family plans. I'm currently struggling with this right now. I was an accountant before, and didn't understand how much it would hurt my career to take such a long break. I also didn't predict the economy would be in the crapper when I decided to return PT. Entry level jobs pay $10-$15/hr - and I'll lose 33% to taxes. Add in the cost of before/after care and care for two kids for all the school breaks and I don't think I'll even turn a profit. I'm now thinking I pretty much have to work for the schools (so I get the same calendar breaks) in order to actually make money. It's pretty limiting and frustrating.
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muttleynfelix
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 12:36:11 GMT -5
Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 21, 2012 12:36:11 GMT -5
I think, if possible and both parties agree, that it's good for a parent to stay home and raise the kids but when the last one hits school, if not before, back to work you go. No reason for any grown adult to be dependent on another. The more I talk to parents of tweens/teens it seems like they value having a sahp even more than the toddler years. A toddlers needs are fairly straightforward and simple and can be hired out, but that isn't true of a teenager. I think there is a real value in having someone at home when the kids get home and just being available for face time on the rare occasions the older ones might actually want to share with mom or dad. For families who are going to do a long term sahs/p arrangement I think they really need to have a lot of open and upfront conversations about expectations/needs, and contingency plans in case of separation or divorce. Personally, I really don't care if DH goes back to work in 6 years. There are lots of logistic issues to work out once the kids are in school. Look susanb's thread from last week (or earlier this week). Several parents commented that they would rather be SAHP now that the kids are in school. Once the kids are in school, DH can take care of the house, yard, 10 acres when they are in school, make sure there is supper on the table. Take care of his mom, etc. I don't see the value of him re-entering the work force at 53 unless he really wants to (assuming we can swing it financially). I like being able to go to work and have everything at home taken care of. It helps me be a better work and higher earner at my job. Really, who cares what other people are doing? If it works for them, it is none of your business.
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zibazinski
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 12:37:17 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Sept 21, 2012 12:37:17 GMT -5
Schools need accountants.
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giramomma
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 13:23:39 GMT -5
Post by giramomma on Sept 21, 2012 13:23:39 GMT -5
DH works part time (20 hours a week). I absolutely do not want him to work full time, unless it means I can dial back or quit my day job. DH gets enough of the housework done that I really just need to do the deep cleaning, in addition to caring for our 5 month old. He's also able to get the kids to their activities after school so they can go to bed at decent times. DH is also likely going to have to be the caretaker of his parents. We're probably a decade away from them needing help. By the time you balance family life with work needs, it doesn't make sense for both of us to work full time (and in my case, multiple jobs).
We live in a liberal city and do private school. There are a fair amount of SAHD's at the school, and the whole school is skewed more to the SAHP lifestyle. My oldest is 8 and can't fathom a lifestyle where both parents worked all the time. He'd actually prefer that we both work part time.
A decade a go, you didn't see as many SAHDs as you do now.
I'm here because I find this an interesting place to be, particularly when work is mind-numbing.
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whoisjohngalt
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 13:26:48 GMT -5
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 21, 2012 13:26:48 GMT -5
All I know is that if I could make DH's money, I would be at work faster than he could say sahp.
Lena
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zibazinski
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 13:27:51 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Sept 21, 2012 13:27:51 GMT -5
But he still has some kind of a job and if situation changed, he could work full-time. The ones that just disappear from the workforce for 20 years or so, that just scares me.
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Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 17:43:20 GMT -5
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 13:34:30 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2012 13:34:30 GMT -5
Even if i didn't homeschool, one of us would be home when the kids were home, which would dictate at least one of us working less.
Because we homeschool, i continue to be the SAHP, even with school age kids.
I know people for whom the SAHSpouse situation works. Generally it seems to be SAHW, but i could see where SAHH would work as well.
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Deleted
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 13:37:04 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2012 13:37:04 GMT -5
Its been said before, but todays SAHP are rarely uneducated, stay out of the workforce and education for 20 years types. Some very well might be, but its not the norm.
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thyme4change
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 13:43:51 GMT -5
Post by thyme4change on Sept 21, 2012 13:43:51 GMT -5
I know a surprising number of fathers that are the primary caregivers. I only know two that are genuine SAHDs - the rest have the flexible career. Like, I know one family where she is the primary earner, and he does freelance work out of his house. But he is almost always able to be there when the kids are home from school - including most all of summer. I know one family where she goes to an office, but he manages their rentals, and he is always the one picking the kids up from school, and driving them around, and such. I know another guy that got the opportunity to take a part time job, while his wife is partner at one of the big law firms. I know a guy whose wife is always at work. He "works for the family business" but he doesn't ever say exactly what he does for them, and he is ALWAYS home. I call BS on his job. I know another guy who takes pictures and sells them to the AP. I don't know if he is an actual employee, but I know his pay depends greatly on how many pictures he sells and how many assignments he gets. He does all the kid stuff, and most of his assignments are nights and weekends. I believe his wife pays all the bills - but I don't ask too many details on that one. I really don't want to know.
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muttleynfelix
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 13:57:52 GMT -5
Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 21, 2012 13:57:52 GMT -5
But he still has some kind of a job and if situation changed, he could work full-time. The ones that just disappear from the workforce for 20 years or so, that just scares me. You don't have to live it. You worked and now you are retired. Why does what other people do bother you so much? Most SAHP I know that didn't go back to work had some good reason (being primary caregiver to parents, had grandkids they became full-time caregivers for, etc) why they didn't go back to work. A lot did go work once the kids graduated high school. The mother of my best friend growing up didn't work at ALL until K graduated from college. Then she got a job at Target when her DH was laid off a couple years ago.
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thyme4change
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 14:00:11 GMT -5
Post by thyme4change on Sept 21, 2012 14:00:11 GMT -5
I know several people who got divorced after being home for 15 years or so. They were able to re-enter the workforce. If you have to, you find a way.
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Formerly SK
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 14:07:54 GMT -5
Post by Formerly SK on Sept 21, 2012 14:07:54 GMT -5
I know several people who got divorced after being home for 15 years or so. They were able to re-enter the workforce. If you have to, you find a way. We have plenty of insurance if DH dies or gets disabled. If we divorce, we live in a community property state so I'd get half. If I had any inkling that we were having problems, I could return to work to prepare myself "just in case." I guess the only real risk is if I were to be blindsided. Of course it could happen, but if you knew my DH (never ever EVER tells even a white lie let alone a substantive one) you'd know it isn't that big of a risk. FWIW, my father left my mother after 23 years of marriage. I've seen "the worst" happen. I still feel comfortable with my decision.
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tskeeter
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Sept 21, 2012 15:47:40 GMT -5
Post by tskeeter on Sept 21, 2012 15:47:40 GMT -5
And as being a SAHD becomes as socially acceptable as women pursuing highly compensated, demanding careers.
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tskeeter
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 15:55:00 GMT -5
Post by tskeeter on Sept 21, 2012 15:55:00 GMT -5
Schools need accountants. Yes, but the school business managers (accountants) that I know don't work a teacher's schedule. Like many school administration jobs, it's a twelve month a year, 8 to 5 job, not a nine month, 8 to 2:30 type job.
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zibazinski
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SAHD
Sept 21, 2012 16:15:43 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Sept 21, 2012 16:15:43 GMT -5
School bookkeeper?
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