susanb
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Post by susanb on Sept 17, 2012 15:17:52 GMT -5
Hey Firebird, Thanks for the feedback. I haven't been painting DH in a very fair light as my husband. DH won't budge on some things at work as my boss. At all of my other jobs, I wouldn't even mention my boss not budging because I followed their direction. DH takes my input on things as his wife and partner, but he has the most business experience and talent, and he is my boss. No, we haven't sorted all of that out because I have a hard time taking off my wife hat and putting on my employee hat. In our personal life, there is little DH won't budge on. He has said that if I have a career I am passionate about, we would find a way to make it work. As it is, I like working, but am not all that career oriented. I have lived too close to the edge in my life to feel comfortable leaving the work force for 5 years, so I just want to keep my foot in the door. Not judging any SAHM's, just not a financial risk I am willing to assume. I asked DH about what his bottom line is with help during lunch. He said that if he/we got to know someone over a 6 months or so, he would be fine with leaving our child with them. So, I could go to the office and leave my kid with helper. We have discussed a number of issues such as allowances, discipline, religious education, family influences, etc.....We see eye to eye on most child related issues and DH hasn't been unwilling to compromise on any that we disagree on.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 17, 2012 15:47:19 GMT -5
No, we haven't sorted all of that out because I have a hard time taking off my wife hat and putting on my employee hat. Totally understandable - I'd have a lot of trouble answering to DH as a boss. Or being HIS boss. I think that would be weird or even unworkable for a lot of couples. I'm really glad to hear that he's willing to compromise on important points That's very key, I think. I'm not a mommy quite yet (talk to me in another month ) but I think that there are so many variables that go into work/childcare and you can't predict so many of them. For example, I never even really considered that I wouldn't go back to work once my maternity leave was over. And now that Babybird is nearly here, I still feel the same way. BUT, she's not here yet and I recognize that I could feel very differently come December. Which isn't to say I'd change my mind, just that I might not be as gung-ho about returning to work anymore. Babies have ways of using your life plans as baby wipes, I think So it's good to think about it in advance, but also good to stay open to the idea of different arrangements later.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 17, 2012 16:01:55 GMT -5
As far as working at home while you have a helper, I think you have to be willing to go in your office, and not come out running every time the child cries. The wahm that I support couldn't stand to hear the baby crying while her mom was making the babies bottle, so she would come out and nurse her instead. I really think that if mom had been offsite for a week or 2 to let baby and grandma get into a groove that she would have been fine taking a bottle, but they couldn't ever get that far.
As the kid gets older it would have to be an expectation that mommy can't be bothered while in her office except during specific times.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2012 16:08:02 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2012 16:09:43 GMT -5
I have a few friends that work full time from home. In practice that means they work a ton after their kids go to bed and on the weekends. A couple of them have hired babysitters to come in a few hours during the week so they can get work done. I work from home while DS is in preschool. I have trouble sitting down and working instead of doing errands, cleaning, watching tv, etc. But I'm lazy.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 17, 2012 16:11:53 GMT -5
anne - I'm pretty horrified by that. That isn't a picture of you, is it?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2012 16:13:49 GMT -5
No - it was the picture on the guide to the Ergo when we bought it. DH and I damn near died of laughter. As a marketing tool it was effective though - look! Buy this carrier and you will have a mellow 6 year old!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2012 16:15:45 GMT -5
No - it was the picture on the guide to the Ergo when we bought it. DH and I damn near died of laughter. As a marketing tool it was effective though - look! Buy this carrier and you will have a mellow 6 year old! And you can teach him how to pee standing up!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 17, 2012 16:16:47 GMT -5
And a green thumb!
But, unfortunately, your kid would wear crocks - and that just sucks.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 17, 2012 16:28:27 GMT -5
And a green thumb! But, unfortunately, your kid would wear crocks - and that just sucks. Wisconsin Beth sent her kids crocs down for DS. He now has 2 pairs - pink and black. He asks to wear his crocks, but unfortunately he has a hard time pronouncing "r's". So he asks to wear his black cocks and pink cocks and DH and have to stop hold in a laugh every single time.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 17, 2012 16:34:23 GMT -5
Ugh, that's a creepy photo. Kids that age are old enough to walk (and help).
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 17, 2012 16:47:51 GMT -5
No kidding! I know our kids are tough about those things - but there was no way I was going to carry (or push) my kids around, and then have them full of energy and terrorizing me at night. I followed Cesar Milan's advice - give them enough exercise/walk them/play with them, and keep a consistent set of rules, and then they will be well behaved and won't chew on the couch.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2012 19:56:20 GMT -5
But, unfortunately, your kid would wear crocks - and that just sucks. We both wear crocs.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Sept 17, 2012 21:48:11 GMT -5
Dang it, you all are bursting my bubble here. I was thinking of talking with my boss to see if I could work out 1-2 days working from home during our slow season coming up. The way I see it - I am already here, so I could use that day to cycle over the laundry and other things between work tasks. With my job I get maybe 3 calls a day if I am busy, or I could go 3 weeks without a call. Everything is pretty much done by email, and as long as my reports are submitted by the deadlines, it really does not matter when I prepare them. TBH, especially during our slow season, I could probably not do much of anything and be fine (as evidenced by the amount of time I spend on here during the day!).
But our house is little - no room for an office. It would have to be the dining room table with DD playing right next to me in the living room or her bedroom.
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Sept 17, 2012 22:35:28 GMT -5
I am doing what you describe to a certain extent and while it works in theory, in practice it is pretty tough. I basically take care of the girls all day and then teach 3-4 nights a week and on weekends. I basically am "on" all the time either with childcare or with work and it sucks. I'm in the process of changing things around so that my schedule is more balanced In a perfect world, I would work or stay at home, not both. I have also realized that being a full-time SAHM is not something I'm cut out for.
What we did before moving worked so, so much better. We had a nanny who worked anywhere from 10-25 hours a week depending on what I needed to get done. Sometimes I was home working in the office, sometimes I was home cleaning, and sometimes I was running errands etc. Then, I worked in the evenings and weekends as I do now. The biggest difference was that I wasn't "on" all the time. I also lucked out that I found the most amazing nanny every who I got along with great and who was totally cool with me being home but not available. The girls also got used to it and the nature of what I was doing was such that if they did come in to say hi or request my attention, it wasn't a big deal. The other thing that was great about the arrangement was that I was home for the first few weeks while the girls got used to her and I got to know how she took care of the girls while I popped in and out.
My DH is against daycare for very little ones and I always hoped to make it to age 2 before daycare for both girls. I made it with DD1 but DD2 will be starting at 14-15 mos and I'm totally ok with that now. She'll be attending the same place the DD1 goes for preschool and we're only starting her 1 morning a week. As others have said, being flexible and thinking outside the box can help you figure out a plan that works and allows you to be the primary caregiver but still work.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 18, 2012 13:34:42 GMT -5
Sam--if you can schedule your work at home time that you just have to be able to react (and you don't expect too much of it) then I think you'll be okay. You may have to work on reports after your dh gets home or the kiddo is in bed.
Encourage people to email instead of call you. When I work from home and I have to take a call I do preface it by stating that I'm working from home upfront if they hear the kid or the dogs.
I think it is harder for people who are trying to everything at home since you just can't schedule (or at least we never managed) when the kid is going to be insanely clingy, or take an hour to go down for a nap, etc.
As long as I just have to be available I can usually make it work, and I'm always working on the couch in the living room/dining room.
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