Career and Kids

[Formerly SK]

Sept 14, 2012 9:45:43 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 14, 2012 9:29:17 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I thought being a working Mom of babies and toddlers was easy compared to being a working mom of elementary aged children. School might not be a panacea that makes working 40 or 50 hours per week worth it. Daycare was much easier. They went to daycare, and stayed there all day, and were very happy. That is just not true of 2nd grade.

They don't come home from daycare with home work and projects. They don't have a open house at night at daycare. They don't have concerts and plays at daycare.

They don't generally have hockey/tball/soccer/lax/wrestling/gymnastics/dance/music lessons/cub scouts when they are in daycare.

x1000

If I had known then what I do now, I'd have worked more when the kids were babies. I'm thinking of returning to work PT now that they are in school but their schedules are so erratic that I don't know how to fit it in. Plus DD **really** wants to be in girl scouts and has been wait-listed for a year (not enough volunteers). If I want her to do it this year, I'll have to step up and be a troop leader. I don't know if I can fit that plus a PT job plus everything else and still feel sane.

[Deleted]

why do people have kids, again?

[susanb]

Seriously Archie. A baby is going to cost me all of this money and sleep and I have to wear the baby and even then I still can't balance work and the baby. Tyrants, kids just sound like tyrants!

Both of our mothers are constantly asking us about having kids. After this thread, I am thinking that I will just have the kid spend half the year with my mom and half the year with MIL. I can take the baby when they need a vacation. ETA:

Actually, the feedback has been super useful. Thank you!

[Sum Dum Gai]

why do people have kids, again?

Somebody has to do it or we'll never get SS checks.

[Deleted]

Sept 14, 2012 13:23:37 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

why do people have kids, again?

Somebody has to do it or we'll never get SS checks.[/quote

So, like putting in a pool, let someone else do it and then just reap the benefit by using it.

[Sum Dum Gai]

So, like putting in a pool, let someone else do it and then just reap the benefit by using it.

Too many people are mooching off the neighbors pool when it comes to SS though. Some damn idiot invented the pill and screwed the whole system up. Each worker was supposed to replace himself with 3-4 workers to keep the system going. So, unless you've got a friend with 6 kids, you gotta crank out your own replacements.

[tcu2003]

Sept 14, 2012 10:00:37 GMT -5 giramomma said:

OP, I didn't mean to scare you about babywearing. I'm actually a pretty big fan of it, particularly with more than one kid. If you get a kid that wants to be held all day, and you don't have any help, putting a sling on or a front carrier and putting your kid in for naps lets you get a ton of stuff done. And, if you have a two or three year old that just wants to do something other than sit and watch the baby sleep, well, putting the baby in the sling/carrier so you can play with the older sibling/go out for a walk, etc can be helpful.

I wore my kids while I worked when they were newborns. After feeding them, I'd put them in a baby bjorn to sleep. I got really good at typing with them in front of me. Much quicker than trying to type one handed.

Love, love, love babywearing! DH will even wear baby as well. We use an Ergo, ring sling, and occasionally a Moby wrap. When baby is fussy, we can put him in a carrier and go for a walk (or even just walk around the house) and he'll almost instantly calm down.

[muttleynfelix]

SeriouslyArchie. A baby is going to cost me all of this money and sleep and I have to wear the baby and even then I still can't balance work and the baby. Tyrants, kids just sound like tyrants!

Yeah, they are tyrants and you will get more unsolicited advice than you ever wanted once you get pregnant (or before if you advertise you are trying to conceive). The thing is that with a baby (and child), you have to figure out what works for you and your baby. We've all just given info as to what worked/didn't work with our babies/kids. It doesn't mean that will be the case for you. A lot of us love babywearing, but it isn't for everyone. I have things that are considered "normal baby things" that everyone does that I hate - onsies and strollers top the list. They just don't work for me. Doesn't make it right or wrong, just makes it what works/doesn't work for me and my family.

Bottom line, if you want to have a baby that grows into a child and then an adult. Have a baby. But do it because you want to, not because clock is ticking and it is what you should do.

[Deleted]

I loved my sling with my second, but man, they are so much better today... I have several fiends wearing lately and their wearers are so comfy looking and versatile... Yes, a moby, that's hat they use.

[thyme4change]

Love, love, love babywearing!

The problem is that it is a pretty insignificant amount of time compared to the question of how you are going to deal with raising a child. Having a plan for the first 6 months is fine, but you better have a plan for the years after that. I think bringing a 18 month old to work, or working at home with an 18 month old is totally unreasonable. By the time they are 3, their napping time is a pretty small percentage of their day, and their energy is boundless. I don't think you can work AND parent without help. So, if your husband thinks outside help is not an option, be prepared for a serious reduction in your work hours, or full time help with household chores (not a cleaning lady every other week - but someone there every night to cook and do dishes and laundry.) I think your planning is short-sighted.

[Deleted]

Baby wearing can go long into the teenage years.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

No kidding. When all she did was sleep and nurse all day I could have worked at home easy. Now that she is mobile and naps at most once a day? Not so much. The kid doesn't sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. I wish I had the type of kid I could park in front of Elmo all day and get some chores done.

I don't have to watch her every single second of the day but I need to be able to keep an eye on her enough that she doesn't split her lip climbing on stuff or draw with a Sharpie all over my kitchen counter. There is no way I could devote a full day straight to working at home with her around.

If they didn't mind me doing it haphazardly and most of it at 10 pm then maybe. If they want it done 9-5, not happening.

[thyme4change]

Now that she is mobile and naps at most once a day? Not so much.

My son stopped napping when he was 2.5 years old, and he wasn't the only one. In the "threes" room - there were two equal groups, the nappers and the non-nappers.

At home we had quiet time where both kids had to go into their room and be quiet. But, that was for my sake, not theirs. It didn't last long.

[swamp]

I tried the "quiet time" thing with my kids after they gave up naps. They weren't having any part of it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If Gwen is quiet, I know something is going to go down and might possibly involve an ER trip.

[thyme4change]

Baby wearing can go long into the teenage years.

[muttleynfelix]

We are in the throws of DS losing his nap. It stinks. Especially if I have work to do on the weekend. Of course the flip side is that he goes to bed by 7 instead of 8:30 when he doesn't nap. But getting things done around the house has become challenging for DH.

[Chocolate Lover]

My sister climbed the bookshelves in the living room when she was 2. Got up but couldn't figure out how to get back down. She never went around anything, over was her preferred method. No getting anything done with her at home without help.

[thyme4change]

We are in the throws of DS losing his nap. It stinks.

LOL - we have all been there. I was at a party where there were a bunch of kids the same age as my kids (9-ish) and then there were a couple of toddlers/pre-schoolers. One of the young kids totally unglued, and the Mom looked at all of us and said "So...my son has recently stopped napping." And the rest of us just howled with laughter. It is easier when you are past it, and you can enjoy the pain of others.

[Deleted]

Sept 13, 2012 19:07:34 GMT -5 susanb said:

DH and I have been having some oh shit if we don't have a kid now we likely never will family planning discussions.

We might have stumbled onto a good solution regarding work/childcare balance, but we might just think that because we don't have kids.

I currently work for DH. If we had a kid, we are thinking I would work part time (25 hours) from home and go into the office as needed. Office is 7 minutes from our house. I could bring a kiddo for surprise trips and we could afford some help for regularly scheduled office days.

I don't want to be a full time SAHM, nor do I want to be a long term SAHM, so this would be a solution until pre-school. I feel very fortunate to be able to keep my foot in the working world and be able to be a semi SAHM, but I am not sure if our idea is realistic.

What do you think, ladies and gents?

How realistic is it to work from home with a baby?

Would you miss your office/getting away for a while?

For SAHP and working parents, did your desire to be a SAHP increase after you had a baby?

It all depends on the type of parent you want to be and the nature/disposition of your child. Some babies are just easier than others.

[muttleynfelix]

LOL - we have all been there. I was at a party where there were a bunch of kids the same age as my kids (9-ish) and then there were a couple of toddlers/pre-schoolers. One of the young kids totally unglued, and the Mom looked at all of us and said "So...my son has recently stopped napping." And the rest of us just howled with laughter. It is easier when you are past it, and you can enjoy the pain of others.

I feel all warm and squishy inside when you put it that way. Almost like you really care. ;D

We'll survive. Thankfully, DS is enthralled with Toy Story 3. We can get him some quiet time by putting that on TV and he'll veg out in front of it. His yet-to-born sister needs some quiet time today. Good grief that girl has been kicking me pretty much non-stop since 4 am! I still have 15 more weeks to go!!! UGH!

[thyme4change]

Almost like you really care.

Almost...

[giramomma]

Sept 17, 2012 13:11:44 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Love, love, love babywearing!

The problem is that it is a pretty insignificant amount of time compared to the question of how you are going to deal with raising a child. Having a plan for the first 6 months is fine, but you better have a plan for the years after that. I think bringing a 18 month old to work, or working at home with an 18 month old is totally unreasonable. By the time they are 3, their napping time is a pretty small percentage of their day, and their energy is boundless. I don't think you can work AND parent without help. So, if your husband thinks outside help is not an option, be prepared for a serious reduction in your work hours, or full time help with household chores (not a cleaning lady every other week - but someone there every night to cook and do dishes and laundry.) I think your planning is short-sighted.

This also assumes OP is really inefficient in home caring tasks. There are ways to simplify one's life without hiring help. Cooking in batches and using a crock pot will save a ton of time. We are a family of 5 now, and it doesn't take more than 5 minutes to load a dishwasher, and then another 10 to unload it.

When I did laundry, I would put a load in to wash before I went to bed, and then I put it in the dryer the next morning. We also have laundry sorters and sort as we go. So, again, loading the washer doesn't take more than 5 minutes.

We try to keep our house picked up during the week. We also don't have a ton of crap, which means it doesn't take me long to clean. With my kid's help, I can get our house deep cleaned in under 3 hours. I also am now trying to clean up after myself every day, because that then reduces the need to clean. (Ie, if I wipe down the bathroom sink with a cleaner every morning, it's clean, I don't have to spend more time cleaning it.)

Now, if my kids' rooms look like a tornado went through it, it can take 3 hours just to pick up their rooms. So, we try to not let it get to that point.

[thyme4change]

This also assumes OP is really inefficient in home caring tasks. There are ways to simplify one's life without hiring help. Cooking in batches and using a crock pot will save a ton of time.

If she thinks she is going to be able to do a significant amount of work AND be the primary caregiver for a toddler - that is one hell of a crock-pot.

I think her plan is a pipe dream.

[susanb]

Good points, Thyme and Gira.

Thyme, DH isn't against outside help as long as I am around most of the time. He would be fine with a mommy's helper. Your posts have made me realize that we are probably underestimating how many hours a week we would need a helper.

Gira, I do batch cooking, freeze meals and use a crock pot. In general, I am efficient at housework other than laundry (haven't needed to be). I have someone clean my house 2X a month, but would change that to 1X a week.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If she thinks she is going to be able to do a significant amount of work AND be the primary caregiver for a toddler - that is one hell of a crock-pot.

[swamp]

Sept 17, 2012 13:55:30 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

If she thinks she is going to be able to do a significant amount of work AND be the primary caregiver for a toddler - that is one hell of a crock-pot.

[thyme4change]

Your posts have made me realize that we are probably underestimating how many hours a week we would need a helper.

It would likely be equal to the number of hours you want to work, give or take some napping hours.

Also, I know people that tried to work at home with helpers, and they found it difficult because their young kids prefered to be with the parent rather than the caregiver. This was even true with Dads that tried to skip commuting by working a few days from home while their SAHM-wife was in the house with the kids. The kids were pretty sad that Daddy was in the next room, but wouldn't play with them. Maybe it would be easier if you started out that way.

Another consideration is the economy. We considered a part-time nanny, but had a really difficult time finding anyone who wanted to work a shorter number of hours. We did find a few students that were willing - but their schedule was not our schedule. However, our neighbor just hired a part-time nanny, and she had several applicants. I believe the economy was a main factor.

[susanb]

Thyme, good point about a child wanting the attention of their parent.

As far as finding a part time nanny, I volunteer teaching ESL and know a number of older women who have limited marketable skills and English proficiency who would be happy to have a part time gig. I would make sure to comply with the law.

[Firebird]

Sept 13, 2012 19:19:58 GMT -5 susanb said:

Thanks, Shooby. Good point about being flexible. Concerning daycare....DH is an old school Italian who doesn't think kids should go into daycare or have a full time caregiver outside ther family until they are verbal and can report abuse. I don't agree and am not criticizing any parent's choices, but DH won't budge on this issue.

So I have my own ideas about the question you actually asked but may I ask one in return? Did you and DH ever get the "you working for him" issues resolved?

I ask because "DH won't budge" seems to be something of a theme when you talk about him. I might be over-reaching but that's how it comes across to me. I think, as shooby said, flexibility is key when deciding childcare agreements. "It has to be this way and X is not an option" isn't a great starting point when discussing something like childrearing.