susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Sept 13, 2012 19:07:34 GMT -5
DH and I have been having some oh shit if we don't have a kid now we likely never will family planning discussions.
We might have stumbled onto a good solution regarding work/childcare balance, but we might just think that because we don't have kids.
I currently work for DH. If we had a kid, we are thinking I would work part time (25 hours) from home and go into the office as needed. Office is 7 minutes from our house. I could bring a kiddo for surprise trips and we could afford some help for regularly scheduled office days.
I don't want to be a full time SAHM, nor do I want to be a long term SAHM, so this would be a solution until pre-school. I feel very fortunate to be able to keep my foot in the working world and be able to be a semi SAHM, but I am not sure if our idea is realistic.
What do you think, ladies and gents?
How realistic is it to work from home with a baby?
Would you miss your office/getting away for a while?
For SAHP and working parents, did your desire to be a SAHP increase after you had a baby?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 11:00:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2012 19:12:28 GMT -5
I think that just being flexible is key. You may want to be a SAHM for awhile or work part time or go full time or whatever. It isn't an all or nothing decision. I think most women really move in and out of many of those roles. I think there are some women who were SAHMs for awhile then moved back more into the work place and vice versa. So, it isn'all or nothing or something you really have to have all figured out. Things will become clear as youove along in life. As for a kid at hoe, you can try it, if it doesn't work out as planned you could hire a sitter for a time, daycare or explore many other optiions.
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Sept 13, 2012 19:19:58 GMT -5
Thanks, Shooby. Good point about being flexible. Concerning daycare....DH is an old school Italian who doesn't think kids should go into daycare or have a full time caregiver outside ther family until they are verbal and can report abuse. I don't agree and am not criticizing any parent's choices, but DH won't budge on this issue.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 11:00:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2012 19:21:41 GMT -5
I guess my point is sometimes you just gotta jump in with both feet, you won't have all the details figured out but things will really work out.
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Sept 13, 2012 19:24:57 GMT -5
I guess my point is sometimes you just gotta jump in with both feet, you won't have all the details figured out but things will really work out. What? I thought that I was supposed to have a contingency plan for every possibility or I am a horrible parent/person who, through my failure to plan, is actually planning to become a welfare recipient. Have I accidentally wandered on to another board?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 11:00:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2012 19:27:26 GMT -5
Oh yeah! I forgot! YM Absolutes! As for me, i have come to realize that i don't even know what is going to happen in the next 5 min and sometimes you just gotta go with the flow.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2012 19:28:44 GMT -5
I took my newborn to our new business. She stayed in her rockaroo while I answered the phone and made appointments. It wasn't the career I chose but until we got it going, I was needed so I did it. When she got to 2 , she went to daycare and I went back to teaching. It can work as long as you both really divide the power and make a rule of no business talk at home. EX did the billing after kids went to bed and I did the laundry for the clinic so we had clean sheets and towels and hot packs for the next day but we didn't talk patients or anything else relating to the business. I did front office only and he did patient care.
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Sept 13, 2012 19:33:24 GMT -5
Thanks, Zib. I have worked for DH for a while now, and it is a difficult balancing act. We are pretty good at leaving work at the office, or at least leaving the discussion of work at the office.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,320
Member is Online
|
Post by swamp on Sept 13, 2012 19:53:09 GMT -5
It depends on the kid. With DS I could get lots done. DD, eh, not so much.
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Sept 13, 2012 19:59:50 GMT -5
Thanks, Swamp. That is exactly the type of thing that we have failed to consider. Our imaginary baby is very well behaved.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,320
Member is Online
|
Post by swamp on Sept 13, 2012 20:02:25 GMT -5
Thanks, Swamp. That is exactly the type of thing that we have failed to consider. Our imaginary baby is very well behaved. My first baby was quiet and happy and rarely cried. Of course it was because I am an exceptional parent. God gave me a colicky second child with an attitude problem to give me a dose of humble pie.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Sept 13, 2012 20:08:03 GMT -5
It depends on the kid. With DS I could get lots done. DD, eh, not so much. My kids' temperaments would never have allowed me to work 25hrs/wk from home. But I do know others who have done it (usually the Superwoman type). I don't think it is the most relaxing thing to do as you constantly feel like you're behind at your job and yet neglecting your child. Would your DH mind a "mother's helper" who could entertain the LO while you worked? After all you would be right there, but at least the child would have an engaged person playing with him/her instead of a TV while you try to get your work done.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Sept 13, 2012 20:10:58 GMT -5
It will probably work early on if they are a mellow kid. I took dd to work until she hit 4 months & it wasn't a problem.
It is going to get tricky probably around 9 months or so until around 18 months. That is the age where they become mobile, but don't at first understand "no" or understand rules such as don't push the glowing button on the computer that will turn it off while mommy is working. That is when they need a lot of supervision & get into everything.
If you have a super baby-proofed area that you cam keep them in, while keeping an eye on them it will be easier.
You can do it, but don't be surprised if some days it takes 10 hours to get 4 hours of work done due to interruptions.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Sept 13, 2012 20:12:37 GMT -5
susan - I have exactly 4 months of motherhood experience, and only 1 month of being back at work full-time, so take this for what it is worth. I would love to do what you are suggesting, with the caveat that I would want those 25 hours to be in the office, and I would want someone else taking care of her during that time. I love DD to death, but days with her are really intense - and she is, by all accounts, a very mellow baby. But working full time I miss her so much. So that's my 2 cents. Good luck!
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,326
|
Post by giramomma on Sept 13, 2012 21:52:49 GMT -5
I brought my first to kids into work on occasion. With my third, I didn't really even try. Mostly, because bringing in 3 kids to work wasn't particularly appealing.
Working from home with kids depends on the kid and your parenting style. If you have a "high needs" baby, and are OK with babywearing, I could see it working. If you have a baby that is independent, I could also see it working.
If you have a crappy sleeper, I don't see it happening.
If you breastfeed, you are going to be spending a lot of time feeding your child, and that will likely cut into your work time. Even at like 3 months, some breastfed babies are still eating every 2 hours.
I would also consider your level of professionalism and how much you need to talk to clients. Try as you might, you can't control a kid. Kids ARE going to announce or ask questions at not so great times. When we were potty training, my oldest announced that I had gone to the bathroom for about 10 minutes to the whole store. In church, when he was 3, he also asked how babies were made. I'm sure if you are on the phone with a client, a client doesn't want to hear that you just went to the bathroom in a sing songy voice.
I would suggest finding a mother's helper if you are going to work from home. It would seem like a nice compromise. Someone to change diapers and bring the baby to you to feed without putting the child in a daycare setting.
Also, can you work during prolonged bouts of sleep deprivation? Our 4 month old is going through a pretty weird stage right now. Last night I slept for 4 hours, and the night before I slept for 3, maybe? The night before that, I got closer to 5 hours of sleep. I'm still working 60 hour weeks, and it's taking a toll on me.
DH was a complete SAHP for the first two years of #1's life. He took a part time job, and works 20 hours a week. I flex my work time, so our kids are only in daycare 2 days a week. My DH does much better working 20 hours a week (going into the office).
We plan on him working minimally pretty much until the last kid graduates. But, it works better for our family to have me get the income because I can make twice as much as he does at one of my jobs.
Now, I really didn't have a choice about whether or not I could SAHP. However, going back to work after the birth of #1 and #2 was pretty easy for me. Not so much for #3.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 11:00:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2012 22:15:17 GMT -5
I have run the gamut with my kids. With my first, i was working full time and then some. On the fast track. With my second, i cut back to 3 days a week PT. Before i had my daughter, i took a career opportunity and am now self employed. All of my kids went to some daycare. My daughter who is the youngest got sick a lot and just needed me home more, couldn't go to daycare because of her illnesses and i also had grandma to help with her. So, you just adjust based on the needs of your family
|
|
tcu2003
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 15:24:01 GMT -5
Posts: 4,942
|
Post by tcu2003 on Sept 13, 2012 22:26:32 GMT -5
As others have said, it depends on the kid. I've only been a parent for 3 months now, but there is no way I could work from home with DS. He is a high needs baby who wants lots of attention. He's mellowed out a bit the past few weeks, but not enough for me to get any meaningful work done.
|
|
Loopdilou
Well-Known Member
AKA Mrs. Dark Honor
Joined: Feb 27, 2012 19:41:33 GMT -5
Posts: 1,365
|
Post by Loopdilou on Sept 13, 2012 23:08:31 GMT -5
Our family practitioner brought baby into the office for the first year, her admin staff became part time babysitters
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Sept 14, 2012 1:50:33 GMT -5
Thanks for the input, everyone. Really. You have touched on some issues I had never considered. Skinny – Love the idea of a mommy’s helper. DH would be fine with that, and I think he would eventually learn to trust a good person Angel – Your point about age and stage is well taken and it fits in well with Skinny’s point about a mommmy’s helper. Maybe by the time the baby is moving and shaking, DH will be comfortable with my mommy’s helper and baby alone. Either that or he will hire a replacement for me. Again, I know I am really blessed that I am in a position where I can tell DH to deal with mommy's helper or hire a replacement for me at the office if this situation doesn't work. Bsbound – You have touched on what I think might be my reality. I am not sure if I am cut out for being with baby 24/7. Work is a wonderful escape for me. Gira - You scared the carp out of me with the term “babywearing.” Shudder. I actually rarely interact with clients in the office (not a traditional brick and mortar business). I am responsible for b to b relationships, and would definitely leave baby (with mommy’s helper, thank you, ladies) at home for meetings. Shooby - You are right. Being open to change is definitely going to be important for me (and DH). Tcu - Good point about a special needs or high maintenance baby. Loop – I actually could bring my baby to work and ask people to lend a hand. However, I try to follow all the same rules as other people in the office (I don't always succeed). I do understand where your practitioner is coming from...If I had prescriptive authority I could get away with all kinds of stuff at the office that I can't now! Don’t get me wrong, we are very kid friendly. We actually have an office set aside for the kids of our employees if they need to bring them to work (along with the title of BOSS for the day). However, we don’t encourage bringing babies to work, so I want to minimize bringing baby to work as much as possible.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 11:00:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2012 2:49:34 GMT -5
My first child I took to work with me until he was a few months old. He was a good mellow baby that rarely cried. My employees loved playing with him and would come back to my office for baby breaks. My 2nd child I stayed home with him until he was 3 almost 4. As an infant he was demon spawn. He screamed non stop. I was afraid to leave him with someone because I was worried they would get frustrated and shake the shit out of him. There was no way I could take him to work with me had I had a job. He mellowed out as a toddler and was the funniest best toddler in the world. I put him in preschool and I went back to work part time. So it really does depend on the kid, and the nature of your work. My part time job wouldn't have allowed for me to bring my kid to work. My other job, I was the boss and therefore it wasn't a big deal.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 11:00:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2012 5:49:19 GMT -5
Our family practitioner brought baby into the office for the first year, her admin staff became part time babysitters I just don't think anyone should assume they can just bring their kid to work. And, expecting others to watch your kid, not cool.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,893
Member is Online
|
Post by happyhoix on Sept 14, 2012 7:59:30 GMT -5
Thanks, Swamp. That is exactly the type of thing that we have failed to consider. Our imaginary baby is very well behaved. HAHAHHAHHA!!! No seriously, I DID have a very well behaved baby, but even so, he rarely slept more than 4 hours a night for the first six months. Then there was the enormous amount of dirty laundry he generated, way out of proportion for such a tiny thing. He was like this tiny dictator, controlling our whole household. However, that said, I think you guys have a very workable solution. Most women don't have the option of flexible hours or bringing the baby to work. It will be different, there will be sleep deprivation, sometimes it will be hard, often you will want to punch your spouse, but it will be worth it, I think ya'll should go for it.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 14, 2012 9:00:19 GMT -5
Like everyone else said, it is going to depend a LOT on your baby. Unfortunately, you don't get to just order those up. DH is a full time SAHD and during the first couple months I was suppose to work some from home. It did not happen. We have a full time dedicated office in our house that is 2 doors away from the main living space (our laundry/garage entry area is in between - so that area is actually insualted from the rest of the house), If I wanted to get anything I had to leave the house. It felt like it took 2 full time SAHP for us to make the transition with DS. Obviously, we would have managed with less. But having a non-sleeping newborn that does not follow any of the "books" and none of the advice you get works for, is rough (to say the least). Honestly, I was relieved to go to the office. Yes I felt guilty about leaving DS some, but it was a major relief to not have to "figure out" how to deal with a baby that would not sleep. I stopped having any desire to be a SAHP when I finished my degree at age 22. I didn't have DS until I was 28. By then I fully entrenched in my career that I like a lot. I was married to someone who I knew would always make less money than me. Even with him at the top of his earning potential and me just starting out, I was making more money. Things worked out that he liked staying home. So, it never really crossed my mind to stay home. It just was not an option. My advice is to be flexible. If you want to have kids, have them and you can make things work out. I would definately keep conversations open with your DH once you have kids about if the situation works for him and for you. DH and I talk pretty regularly if he wants to go back to work or not. I'm good with him not working, and he has no desire to go back doing what he was doing. I also have a flexible office where my DS can on occaison come to work with me. I don't get much done with him here. 2 weeks ago DH had an emergancy dentist appointment and my MIL had a doctor's appointment and DS (age 2.5) ended up spending the entire afternoon in the office with me. I had a deadline I was working on and it was nearly disasterous. Thank goodness for watching TV on the computer, that no clients showed up, or the phone didn't ring much. My boss was out of the office and it was just me and one coworker.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 1, 2024 11:00:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2012 9:01:17 GMT -5
Start your family and then realize all your "plans" are going to fly out the window! Have fun. It will be the best thing you ever did.
|
|
telephus44
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 10:20:21 GMT -5
Posts: 1,259
|
Post by telephus44 on Sept 14, 2012 9:26:42 GMT -5
With my first, I was laid off when he was born and spent 6 month as a SAHM. I wasn't happy about it. With my second, I almost kind of wish I could do a part-time work from home sort of arrangement.
Part of it depends on your job - is it something you can do from home or part-time? Only you can answer that question.
I also know that for me personally - I would never be able to work if I had my child with me. If I did a work from home thing it would have to be while the baby napped or if I had a mother's helper watching him. I just can't get anything done with my kids all over me. Maybe it's me, and maybe it's my kids, but it's the honest truth.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,409
|
Post by thyme4change on Sept 14, 2012 9:29:17 GMT -5
I thought being a working Mom of babies and toddlers was easy compared to being a working mom of elementary aged children. School might not be a panacea that makes working 40 or 50 hours per week worth it. Daycare was much easier. They went to daycare, and stayed there all day, and were very happy. That is just not true of 2nd grade.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Sept 14, 2012 9:43:23 GMT -5
I was thinking about this more last night. I worked quite a bit from home over the last 20 months. My kids just turned 2 & 4. What I discovered is that there was no way to work at home if I had both kids home. I spent too much time refereeing their arguments, someone was always crying, they didn't nap at the same time, there was just always something that kept me from working. But, as long as I only had one it wasn't too bad. There were days when DD was just needy (my youngest) & I spent more time attending to her than working & sometimes it was so frustrating that I would just decide I was done working for the day because I couldn't get anything done. Other days she would play in the corner happily for an hour or two & then crash for a 3 hour nap & I would get a lot done.
My thoughts are you need a lot of flexibility. It will work best if you don't have to put in a certain number of hours each day & if you don't have tight deadlines. The other issue is phone calls. I felt unprofessional making phone calls with the possibility of a baby crying in the background, so I only made calls when she was sleeping & even then I made my calls in the basement far from her room just in case she woke up crying.
Other ways to approach it might be that your DH is on baby duty from like 6-8 at night or something & you lock yourself into your office to work. Or as the baby gets older you could schedule a few hours before the baby wakes up in the morning or after bedtime, but all those solutions will cut into time with your DH & may not be great. As others have mentioned hire an in-home nanny for a few hours a few times a week. She can do the feeding, cleaning, & playing, but you will be in the house so you will be right there if needed.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,320
Member is Online
|
Post by swamp on Sept 14, 2012 9:45:43 GMT -5
I thought being a working Mom of babies and toddlers was easy compared to being a working mom of elementary aged children. School might not be a panacea that makes working 40 or 50 hours per week worth it. Daycare was much easier. They went to daycare, and stayed there all day, and were very happy. That is just not true of 2nd grade. They don't come home from daycare with home work and projects. They don't have a open house at night at daycare. They don't have concerts and plays at daycare. They don't generally have hockey/tball/soccer/lax/wrestling/gymnastics/dance/music lessons/cub scouts when they are in daycare.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,326
|
Post by giramomma on Sept 14, 2012 10:00:37 GMT -5
They don't come home from daycare with home work and projects. They don't have a open house at night at daycare. They don't have concerts and plays at daycare. They don't generally have hockey/tball/soccer/lax/wrestling/gymnastics/dance/music lessons/cub scouts when they are in daycare. Yes, and there aren't the demands to volunteer during the school day, either, when kids are in daycare. At least in our school, the younger grades get parties/special activities for everything: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's day, 100 days of school, St Pats, and Easter. I've also helped with math and reading in my kid's classroom. The librarian also looks for help checking out materials and what not. When I'm room mom, I'm in the school every week. When I'm not a room mom, it's 2-3 times a month. OP, I didn't mean to scare you about babywearing. I'm actually a pretty big fan of it, particularly with more than one kid. If you get a kid that wants to be held all day, and you don't have any help, putting a sling on or a front carrier and putting your kid in for naps lets you get a ton of stuff done. And, if you have a two or three year old that just wants to do something other than sit and watch the baby sleep, well, putting the baby in the sling/carrier so you can play with the older sibling/go out for a walk, etc can be helpful. I wore my kids while I worked when they were newborns. After feeding them, I'd put them in a baby bjorn to sleep. I got really good at typing with them in front of me. Much quicker than trying to type one handed.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,736
|
Post by raeoflyte on Sept 14, 2012 10:25:43 GMT -5
As the in office support staff for a wahm, I will reiterate the need for a mothers helper. The worst part is watching someone try to do both full time, all the time. She never gets to feel like anything is done (let alone done well or right) because she has set herself up to be available for both 24x7.
I would love to stay home with our kids, but I prefer my position to hers since at least when I'm at work I can focus on work, and do the same at home.
|
|