midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 11, 2012 12:24:02 GMT -5
We've had a lot of discussions about not being on the same financial page as your partner. But what about other issues? DH and I have concluded that we should agree to disagree on the following topics (though we've had some pretty interesting discussions): - Violence in the media - Hunting - Appropriate amount of toys for young children - What constitutes "good music" - Whether spiders should be rescued and deposited outside to eat bugs or heartlessly crushed by someone's giant shoe
Luckily none of them are real dealbreakers, though I can see a couple causing friction when we have kids.
On what issues/topics do you and your spouse not see eye-to-eye? What effect has it had on your relationship?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 11, 2012 12:25:35 GMT -5
farm subsidies.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Sept 11, 2012 12:31:22 GMT -5
Politically we disagree about almost everything. There are a few topics we agree on.
The single biggest disagreement is how much time he spends away doing things just for him. He hunts and fishes and goes away quite a lot. He doesn't think it's a lot. I do. I get to have a few hours out by myself about once every three months, and he goes away for days at a time multiple times during the year. Since hunting season is upon us, it's that time of the year where he's really gone a lot, and I'm at home pissed off managing work, a toddler and now this year, a baby.
Sorry. Rant over.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2012 12:31:22 GMT -5
my wife leans left
i lean right
we disagree on LOTS of items as you would imagine
what we agree on would be easier to list
we agree to love each other no matter what.....and that one is all that counts
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 11, 2012 12:35:48 GMT -5
Religion. It hasn't really had much affect on our relationship until it came time to baptize Gwen and he told me my opinion on the matter did not count since I was an atheist. We had a pretty big fight over that one.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Sept 11, 2012 12:36:09 GMT -5
1. Management issues with employees - I am more forgiving in the day to day, but quick to want to cut ties if I don't think it is working out. DH is very harsh in the day to day, but very forgiving of big issues.
2. Weight loss - DH wants to lose a significant amount of weight. He goes on crazy detox/crash diets to try and achieve this. He also used to inform me of the diet the night before and expect me to suddenly cook specialized meals. These diets don't work long term. It drives me nuts.
3. Whether or not kids should work in high school
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Sept 11, 2012 12:37:07 GMT -5
Probably home decor.
DH would have all concrete furniture and live in a home with concrete floors and floor drains so that he could periodically hose things down. Paper plates and cups for dishes.
House plants, pets, curtains, carpets, things that have no function (like knickknacks) would be banned completely, and no one would be allowed to ever move the furniture around (it disorients him to move it around).
Consequently we have had to compromise. I have pets and houseplants but my sisters know to come rescue them in the event of my untimely death (before DH sets them all out on the front lawn - "liberating them" as he refers to it). I've changed my home decorating style from sort of a country-shabby chic look to a spare craftsman style look; any 'knickknacks' are locked into a pie safe. No curtains - only blinds. No fru fru pillows on the beds or couches, bare hardwood floors, the kitchen counters have a toaster and a coffee maker and that's it.
He doesn't get everything he wants, and neither do I , so it works.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 11, 2012 12:39:44 GMT -5
DH would have all concrete furniture and live in a home with concrete floors and floor drains so that he could periodically hose things down
Are you married to my DH?
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Sept 11, 2012 12:42:01 GMT -5
One that comes to mind is vacations. We both love to travel. But I like to settle for a week in some nice hotel. He wants to road trip, back up our bags and stay in a new place each night.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 11, 2012 12:42:32 GMT -5
1) Rescuing bugs vs. killing them 2) Politics--we actually agree on pretty much everything, but dh is such an extremist that I get ticked off even talking to him 3) Cleaning standards/priorities 4) Needs vs. Wants when it comes to finances 5) Acceptable boundaries with family
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Sept 11, 2012 12:51:38 GMT -5
He is a lot more conservative than I am, both religiously and politically.
He also has a more traditional view of the virtue of hard work. I would rather hire some things out like yard work and cleaning, but he considers that to be both decadent and embarrassing if people were to find out about it. This whole area is very self reliant and I don't see anyone hiring much of anything out. He also sees the weekends as time to work on projects around the house, while I see them as leisure time.
I am not sure how it will end up in the long run. I suspect that over time I will learn to work a little more and he will learn to work a little less. We knew how each other behaved before we got married, so none of this was a surprise.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Sept 11, 2012 12:53:11 GMT -5
I also have a DH that spends a crazy amount of time having fun without the family (fishing/golfing/etc). Like MM, we are always striving to find that balance.
Home maintenance - DH doesn't care about cleaning gutters, fixing leaks, etc. Conversely when I see moss on our front walkway I think it should be pressure washed. This is by far our biggest source of friction and I think it always will be. As the years go by though we get better at compromising.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2012 12:53:53 GMT -5
I always found the idea of living with something forever turned out to be easier than the reality of living with it forever. Good luck.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Sept 11, 2012 12:54:35 GMT -5
I also find that now that the kids are grown we have a lot less conflicts. Child raising had some issues.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Sept 11, 2012 12:55:25 GMT -5
I always found the idea of living with something forever turned out to be easier than the reality of living with it forever. Good luck. There are worse things than living forever with someone that is always working hard on the house and the yard though.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 11, 2012 12:59:36 GMT -5
Home maintenance - DH doesn't care about cleaning gutters, fixing leaks, etc. Conversely when I see moss on our front walkway I think it should be pressure washed. This is by far our biggest source of friction and I think it always will be. As the years go by though we get better at compromising. My dh cares about those things, but not enough to do them. Just enough to talk about it until I figure out how to get it done.
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jaya3300
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Post by jaya3300 on Sept 11, 2012 13:03:42 GMT -5
1. politics 2. religion 3. money (how much, importance of money, value of money) 4. guns 5. housekeeping
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2012 13:08:38 GMT -5
After 48 years I don't think either of us have the energy to worry about the small stuff. Shoot, we don't worry about the big stuff either.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Sept 11, 2012 13:15:16 GMT -5
The current list is:
1) him obtaining a passport 2) what is the appropriate time to seek medical intervention for an injury ie BEFORE the ingrown toenail is infected instead of after 3) fencing in part of the yard - currently tabled 4) what his wearing to the wedding 5) his father
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 11, 2012 13:20:44 GMT -5
"Religion. It hasn't really had much affect on our relationship until it came time to baptize Gwen and he told me my opinion on the matter did not count since I was an atheist. We had a pretty big fight over that one." So you want to raise a heathen and he wants to raise a God fearing woman. That sounds like an interesting plot for a sit com.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 11, 2012 13:22:07 GMT -5
Hmmmm.....
1. Sports. Dh doesn't like to watch it and that is my favorite things to watch. 2. Money - DH would prefer to spend more, I would prefer to save more, but we don't really fight about it. We compromise.
There are other things, but nothing we feel very strongly about. We don't even fight about the 2 things listed above. We work them out. Of course if we only had one TV, we would fight a lot more about #1.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 11, 2012 13:24:29 GMT -5
So you want to raise a heathen and he wants to raise a God fearing woman. That sounds like an interesting plot for a sit com. I actually didn't mind her being baptized. What pissed me off is that he was discussing her religious education and baptism with his mother instead of me. When I brought that up he said it didn't count because I was an atheist. I said I count because I am her *bleeping* mother and therefore her religious education is my business. It sure as hell isn't your mother's business. We had a pretty big fight over that one because he could not get thru his head that my religious beliefs are just as important as his and count because I am her mother. They don't cease to count because I don't believe as he does.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Sept 11, 2012 13:24:59 GMT -5
"Religion. It hasn't really had much affect on our relationship until it came time to baptize Gwen and he told me my opinion on the matter did not count since I was an atheist. We had a pretty big fight over that one." So you want to raise a heathen and he wants to raise a God fearing woman. That sounds like an interesting plot for a sit com. so far this thread is basically a bunch of bitter women bitching about their husbands....SHOCKING!
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 11, 2012 13:25:52 GMT -5
Ah, that's another one for us. DH says my epitaph will be "you should put some Neosporin on it." We are mostly on the same page with religion (he's atheist, I'm agnostic). I do think we would react very differently if we had a child who decided s/he wanted to start going to church.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Sept 11, 2012 13:26:30 GMT -5
Message deleted.
taxman- that is not only not relevant it is insulting. Knock it off.
deminmaine- Moderator
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Sept 11, 2012 13:27:31 GMT -5
are you for or against??
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 11, 2012 13:27:43 GMT -5
Taxi, quit hijacking my thread.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 11, 2012 13:29:25 GMT -5
I thought of another one we disagreed on pretty strongly at first. DH's mother was a SAHM and I was a latch key kid growing up. We had VERY different views on daycare. He was really opposed to it at first because he had this idea that daycare was some kid of baby jail. So I did all the legwork and chose the daycare. He was a real pissant at first but he came around over time as he got to know the place.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Sept 11, 2012 13:32:36 GMT -5
Mesage Deleted.
deminmaine- Moderator.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Sept 11, 2012 13:37:12 GMT -5
6) what is the appropriate speed to go on the highway relative to the speed limit 7) what is the appropriate distance to follow a car relative to the speed at which you are travelling and road conditions
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