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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 17:43:05 GMT -5
Thyme, given your responses, I see that trying to get your current employer to "work with you" on whatever level is indeed not an option. I never realized you travelled so much ... that can't be easy every day. Can you remind me how old your kids are? Rocky, thanks! Anne has some great ideas too. Decide which you hate most, yard work or cleaning, and get either a lawn service or a cleaner. Or both. One thing I haven't seen from you, since I think at this point you've hit your limit and you just want OUT. Have you tried applying to other FT jobs? Hear me out ... You are travelling A LOT. For all you know another FT job that was less stressful, with less travel, could do it for you. And even if long-term you DO decide to quit / work from home / consult / start your own co, a less stressful job, even a FT one, could be a good transition for you. And it would allow you to make even more contacts. The other thing I'm thinking is that in May we are nowhere near the end of either the calendar or the fiscal year, so with summer coming up, this is probably NOT the ideal time to be scouting for new private clients. You may well have MUCH better luck with this in the fall. Given your answers to my questions, I'd start by trying to transition to a less-stressful, less travel-happy job, even if it is FT. FOR NOW.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 17:44:15 GMT -5
elementary aged - 7-10.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 17:45:44 GMT -5
Those are good points golden. But, i would add that being a SAHM doesn't mean you are home alone with a child with no other "adult" contact. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize with people in other ways. You don't have to go to work to talk to other intelligent adults and have social contact. I just point that out because this seems to be a point that is made and i disagree that is the case. Well, sure, one can volunteer in the schools or in the community or join a book club or play mah jong. But, I moved from a town that had a hefty population of stay-at-home parents to one where there are more families with 2 working parents. Not a bad change at all -- I don't mean that! -- but it is a change in the quantity of adults around during the day for casual, unscheduled socializing. Contrast that situation with most workplaces where you can often have conversations (work related, personal, small talk, etc.) all day long starting from waiting for the elevator to grabbing a cup of coffee to waiting for the copier to waiting for a meeting to start to lunch to helping a customer to getting parts to...well, you get the idea. No matter how you slice it, working parents who change to SAHPs WILL see a drop in the frequency of adult conversations. Eh. Well. I don't go to work to socialize. And, work "socialization" is a bit overrated. I really don't miss the people all that much when i don't see them. I would rather invest that time with my child.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 17:48:57 GMT -5
elementary aged - 7-10.
In that case my post above definitely still holds.
I can definitely understand why you are thinking about this. Believe it or not, IME they will need you to be available even more as they get older.
So personally I think this would be a great time to transition into a less stressful FT job FOR NOW, which would give you more time to figure out how to be your own boss / a consultant / save up more "fun" money so you can just quit.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 17:50:34 GMT -5
We do have a cleaning lady and a yard guy. I tried grocery delivery, but was disappointed because they seemed to bring me all the crappy produce. I'm very picky, and we eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. I haven't outsourced laundry, I guess I could. Dinner and cleaning up are obvious stress points, but I actually really like cooking, and having freshly prepared meals is important to me. I don't care for anything that has been cooked, frozen and cooked again - so those places that prepare a months worth of food just do not appeal.
As far as finding another job - even without the travel, it will be the same crap. My kids get out of school at 2:30 four days, and 1 o'clock 1 day per week (unless they have a half day, and then they are finished at 11:30.) Even if I find a job where I can leave right at 4 every day, plus a commute, I've missed 1/3rd of the time I could have with the kids every night. It is more likely that I would get out at 5.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 17:51:03 GMT -5
Eh. Well. I don't go to work to socialize. And, work "socialization" is a bit overrated. Sure, but try spending an entire week only talking to people under the age of 12. Trust me, it's just as over-rated.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 17:52:03 GMT -5
I really don't want to spend an entire week talking to ANYBODY period! ;D
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Post by maryjane on May 17, 2012 17:52:08 GMT -5
I haven't read the whole thread, but I did read the part where you said that you ran consulting past people and didn't get any takers.
Does what you do lend itself to being done remotely? If so, have you tried elance? I have used it in the past to find all sorts of contractors for my company. You could sign up and see what happens.
Also, I have done a decent amount of freelance work. Here is what I have found - when you have energy and passion about what you are doing, clients come. You seem really burned out, it might take a few weeks/months of not working to have the energy needed to attract clients.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 17:55:22 GMT -5
My house is actually a gathering place for my kids and their friends. I really enjoy their friends. Many days there are like 5 or 10 kids here. I enjoy them. And, teens are interesting people to talk to, btw. I cook for them and make them cookies and pepperoni rolls and stuff like. You can choose to make anything as fun as you want to make it or not. If you choose to be a SAHM then make the best of it. If you are a WAHM , then make the best of it. If you are somewhere in between, then make the best of it. Pineing away in either direction, what is the point? The only life you have is Today.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 17:58:17 GMT -5
Never heard of it. I will look into it. I could probably do a lot of stuff there. I'm not sure how contractors do this. I have no idea how to get the information I would need, or anything like that. This would be totally new to me. That is why I was hoping I could get my foot in the door with someone I know. I could tell them that I would give them a great deal, under the condition that I'm new at this, and I don't have a developed process. Once I get a good run at one or two places, then I would know what I was doing.
Thanks for the info. This might be a real possibility for me - maybe not now, but if my husband's situation stabilizes quickly, I could see this being a great solution for my family.
I think I'm going to talk to a friend of mine who does freelance work. She is in a totally different discipline, but I wonder if any of her clients would be interested in some freelance analysis.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 17:59:50 GMT -5
Thyme, I can't see how not having to travel doesn't make a difference. If you get out at 4 or even 5 and go home it's NOT the same thing as having to be away overnight X times a week or month. But it sounds like you really need / want to do this. So talk to your DH, and if you have his blessing, then go for it. I went through the same thing a few years ago but neither DH nor I earn much. Then my company moved, I had a 1 3/4h commute each way. It was hell, I cried every morning and every night. The company (press) was in bad shape so after the move they announced that they would give a VERY generous severance package to anybody with a 1H commute or more. I could not sign up fast enough! It still took over 6 months for the paperwork to go through, I think those were the longest six months of my life. But it finally happened. I took a year off. I have four kids, I had NEVER taken a year off. I shopped smarter, I cooked, I met friends for lunch. I took my younger kids to school and picked them up every day. It was one of the BEST years of my life! But it wasn't financially sustainable for us long term, hence my reincarnation as a teacher. Three years later I'm still not up to my previous (modest, probably laughable to you) income, but I would have been this year if not for my quitting my second job after DH's accident. But I will be back to my previous salary come September. I am SO much happier! But, money is tight. Sometimes we just need to do what we need to do. If you need to go for it, then go for it. Things generally work out.
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Post by maryjane on May 17, 2012 18:03:44 GMT -5
Never heard of it. I will look into it. I could probably do a lot of stuff there. I'm not sure how contractors do this. I have no idea how to get the information I would need, or anything like that. This would be totally new to me. That is why I was hoping I could get my foot in the door with someone I know. I could tell them that I would give them a great deal, under the condition that I'm new at this, and I don't have a developed process. Once I get a good run at one or two places, then I would know what I was doing. Thanks for the info. This might be a real possibility for me - maybe not now, but if my husband's situation stabilizes quickly, I could see this being a great solution for my family. I think I'm going to talk to a friend of mine who does freelance work. She is in a totally different discipline, but I wonder if any of her clients would be interested in some freelance analysis. Elance is a site where people with professional skills sign up (assume they have to pay) to do remote contract/consulting work. I have hired process mappers, bookkeepers, people to test our website, etc.... As far as getting your foot in the door, the only real barrier to entry is that customers are looking for contractors who have good reviews (think yelp). You could probably get your first few reviews by offering people you know a discount in exchange for a review.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 18:04:04 GMT -5
thyme - you might consider networking with an accountant that specializes in small to medium size businesses and partnerships. Our accountant is like this and we have used his referrals for lawyers, appraisers, and other professionals. It might take awhile to build the trust but when you do it will be an invaluable resource. Are you capable of determining whether or not an investment makes sense? DH and I have run our own numbers multiple times but it would have been great to have a professional on tap that we could ask for a specific question or project.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 18:04:13 GMT -5
It would make a difference, but it wouldn't solve my problems. The good news about my job now is that my supervisor is far away, so when I'm not traveling the 8-5 routine is a little more flexible. So, when I'm traveling I work crazy hours, and then, at night, I have "me time." When I'm not traveling, I can slide out early and pick up the kids and spend time with them.
If I go to a different job, I will be in the office every day until 5, home at 5:30. I will never get to cheat.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 18:06:03 GMT -5
I've done lots of ROI and payback analysis. I did M&A for several years. I was a schlub at the time, but I ran the numbers.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 18:10:23 GMT -5
Thyme, you're going to laugh at my next suggestion LOL.
I know you're not comfortable with a bunch of little kids. Even though I have four kids, neither am I. So the idea of teaching is abhorrent to you.
What about teaching at college level, maybe a community college?!
I quit my first teaching job at a rough middle school when I became literally suicidal. Then I was VERY lucky, I was hired by friend of a friend to teach at a business school (college level). It went GREAT. I had a second job at a primary school. The college LOVED me, the primary fired me for being "too demanding and not enough fun." LOL
Unfortunately that business school closed down, but I was immediately hired at another, much more prestigious one. I LOVE it there, and they love me, and I will be doing 50% more hours come September.
So Thyme, keep in mind that teaching does NOT necessarily mean teaching little kids! I am MUCH MUCH better with young adults, and my guess is that you probably are too.
It's something else that is worth looking into!
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 18:20:42 GMT -5
Although I'm sure we can all agree that I'm super-smart, and know so much, that if only everyone had the chance to listen to me, the entire human race would be further evolved...I'm a horrible teacher. I've had a lot of opportunity to train people in my current career. Everything from one-on-one, classroom scenarios, small groups, written training, etc. I'm just bad at it. I'm like the old SNL character Nick Burns the IT guy. Someone starts to use excel in front of me and I push them out of the chair "MOVE!" and just do it myself. In fact, they just removed training from my job description and gave it to someone else. I probably should be worried about that, but I was so happy that I wouldn't have to go in there and suck at it.
My husband, however, would LOVE to do that. I hope someday we win the lottery and he can teach anything he wants in any facility that will take him. He is so good at it, and it makes him so happy.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 18:24:51 GMT -5
OK, I give up LOL. Please let us know what you decide!
And again, good luck!
ETA: WHAT not when.
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Post by Firebird on May 17, 2012 18:26:04 GMT -5
It's not just a money equation. Here are a few questions that you should answer truthfully. And, before anyone starts throwing flames, I do not mean to imply that only stay-at-home parents do the following things. Not at all. This was just MY experience in our lifestyle shift when I needed to stay home with my kiddos 13 years ago (I was only working part-time at the time and ODS' speech/physical/occupational therapy appointments and the cost of childcare times two made even part-time work impossible/pointless). Your mileage WILL vary. How stable is your DH's job/career/skill set? It would totally suck if you quit to stay home and he gets laid off in a year. Would you be willing to cancel the vacation you just bought airline tickets for? You really, really need to rein in your spending for a while until you get a true handle on the costs of staying at home. Do you like your kids enough to want be around them 24/7? I'm not trying to be a jerk, here, but there is love for children, and there is liking them. Sometimes, the 2 just don't coincide. Also, stay-at-home mothers are often (although, admittedly, not always) magnets for neighborhood kids and classmates, etc. In other words, you might end up being the house where everyone congregates after school because your house will be a house with an adult home. Are you okay supervising (not necessarily babysitting) extra kids on a regular basis? Are you okay spending hours per day alone without another adult to talk to? Depending upon your neighborhood or town, you could be bucking the trend and might find that other mothers are working and not around to grab coffee or a walk or just a chat at the grocery store. How much do you need to socialize each day? Can you take on any jobs you currently hire out? If you stay at home, do you have the physical ability and the skills to do basic home maintenance, yard work, house work, etc.? Are you ready to eat most meals and snacks from home? That means you will have to grocery shop for pantry items and prepare most foods from scratch to save money? Do you genuinely like to cook? Are you really, really ready for most of your day to be centered around your home and your family? Karma for you. These are fantastic questions and if I ever get a hankering to be a SAHM I'm going to dig them out to examine.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 18:32:46 GMT -5
I really love the suggestion. I know I'm sounding like those YM drop-ins that ask for advice, and then reject all the advice. Teaching would be a great solution, but I just don't see a good reason to put someone through that. (That someone might be me, or the students - whatever.) I have actually thought about taking classes on how to teach something. Or, possibly doing Toastmasters or something. Maybe I would be better at it if I had a better approach. I might also be more patient in general if I wasn't so unhappy. Patience probably adds a lot of quality to the teaching. I just remember having terrible teachers in college and great teachers in college. The terrible ones were more like me.
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Post by quince on May 17, 2012 18:36:56 GMT -5
I really love the suggestion. I know I'm sounding like those YM drop-ins that ask for advice, and then reject all the advice. Teaching would be a great solution, but I just don't see a good reason to put someone through that. (That someone might be me, or the students - whatever.) I have actually thought about taking classes on how to teach something. Or, possibly doing Toastmasters or something. Maybe I would be better at it if I had a better approach. I might also be more patient in general if I wasn't so unhappy. Patience probably adds a lot of quality to the teaching. I just remember having terrible teachers in college and great teachers in college. The terrible ones were more like me. Might not be just patience- people who are highly intelligent sometimes have a hard time understanding people who learn differently or at a slower pace. Classes on how to teach something might help, though.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 18:41:22 GMT -5
Funny, a close friend and I have wanted to do Toastmasters for a while, but it's really far from me. I agree that patience has a LOT to do with it. Plus, my two older kids were about college-aged when I started teaching. I used to joke (actually I still do) that my students are just like my DS1 and DS2: really bright, curious, great students. But my students are much more polite, because my students never send me flying LOL. Maybe it's nostalgia, but I adore that age group because it's a time when literally everything is still possible. The world is indeed their oyster. But I agree, it's definitely an issue of patience and "space in your head". My DS1 is working and has been for a few years, my DS2 is finishing grad school, DD is in college (although she's EXTREMELY high-maintenance). So for sure I have more "space in my head" than I used to. It could be something to keep in mind for later though.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 18:44:10 GMT -5
I like this explaination! It makes me sound so hoity-toity!! Ooh-la-la, I am so smart I can't even figure out why you can't understand me. But alas, I don't think that is it.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 17, 2012 19:03:58 GMT -5
I'm totally missing how genitalia prevents you from being a SAHP. I'm a guy. I work. She's a woman. She stays home. Since she's already staying home, I can't quit and stay home. That spot is already taken, and we sure as hell can't raise two kids on $0 a month in income. That's what welfare is for - catch up, man.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 19:06:17 GMT -5
That's what welfare is for - catch up, man. But I like my crappy little car, and I'm not really that big of a fan of crab legs.
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Post by Firebird on May 17, 2012 19:10:21 GMT -5
I really don't want to spend an entire week talking to ANYBODY period! ;D This is the part that scares me about the SAHP thing. Left to my own devices, I basically become a hermit. Not such a great lifestyle for a kid.
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Post by Firebird on May 17, 2012 19:17:01 GMT -5
That's what welfare is for - catch up, man. But I like my crappy little car, and I'm not really that big of a fan of crab legs. Hmm, that is a problem. What about salmon? Truffles?
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 17, 2012 19:23:10 GMT -5
I really don't want to spend an entire week talking to ANYBODY period! ;D This is the part that scares me about the SAHP thing. Left to my own devices, I basically become a hermit. Not such a great lifestyle for a kid. That's what parks are for. So you can teach your kid the art of pointing and laughing at others. That's considered social interaction, right?
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 20:21:42 GMT -5
Thyme, you need to find PT options. And if you can live off your DH's salary, it won't matter that you're not earning your usual rate. Something is better than nothing, right?
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 22:07:24 GMT -5
Ok . . . steps. This month is a challenge . . . you see if you can live exclusively off your DH's salary. You totally bank yours except maybe what you think the tax difference is worth. If you can do it, you can turn in your resignation. If you can't, then you need to think about working toward that goal.
I will say that I didn't work full-time until my youngest child (I had two, two years apart) was in 8th grade. I went to graduate school (working on a PhD I didn't get) and working as a TA/Asst editor. Then I worked at the school my kids went to.
All you super moms deserve congrats. I couldn't do it because I was expected to do 100% of the home front.
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