Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 14:08:14 GMT -5
I think you were given an answer:
Husband income - expenses
If it is negative, you need to start cutting things out that are not essential.
If it is still negative after that, you need to either keep on working or find part time work (accounting clerk? AR? AP? Book keeper?)
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imawino
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Post by imawino on May 17, 2012 14:11:36 GMT -5
Are you guys strictly credit card spenders or do you use cash frequently? I put pretty much everything on my credit cards (and pay them off every month, nobody get their knickers in a twist! ), so it is fairly easy to know my spending. I also don't have kids, so that streamlines things a bit. But wait, why am I talking about me? Back to you! So, if you put most things on a card, you should be able to download those statements pretty easily. My cards give me an end-of-year report also, you could probably pull one of those for 2011 that summarizes things. Add housing, utilities and kid expenses for school and activities (if any) to your card spending and you should arrive at a rough estimate. Who is responsible for the family's health insurance? Is that you now or your husband?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on May 17, 2012 14:14:37 GMT -5
1) Figure out your current expenses - Mint is good for this, or just combing through bank statements. Use the calculators at TurboTax to try to determine your new tax burden. Divide into "fixed" and "discretionary" categories. 2) Figure out your DH's current income; 3) Decide what to cut to fit 1) into 2).
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imawino
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Post by imawino on May 17, 2012 14:16:50 GMT -5
Regarding the "emotional" component, you actually sound like you know you CAN do it but you're concerned about how having so much less discretionary income might suck balls. And it probably will. But will it suck more balls than whatever misery your current work situation is? Only you know the answer to that question.
if your husband is supportive and you are at wit's end, you cold just be wild and go for it! If it turns out to be a terrible decision you will realize before too long, and then you wouldn't have been out of the workforce long enough to make your job hunt too daunting of a task.
Hey, is this your midlife crisis??
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on May 17, 2012 14:22:23 GMT -5
Larry Burkett wrote a book on this topic (getting ready to switch from 2 incomes to 1) that you might find helpful. You can purchase it used via Amazon. "Women leaving the workplace" www.amazon.com/Women-Leaving-Workplace-Larry-Burkett/dp/0802491650I found it helpful in preparing to quit my job back in 2005, which cut a huge chunk of $$ from our income. A lot of our spending had to change ... some of it easier than others. We still have cable and we still shop at Whole Foods, so it's not like we had to revert to the Dark Ages.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 14:37:43 GMT -5
BTW, thyme, how old is your child/kids?
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 14:37:54 GMT -5
It's not just a money equation. Here are a few questions that you should answer truthfully. And, before anyone starts throwing flames, I do not mean to imply that only stay-at-home parents do the following things. Not at all. This was just MY experience in our lifestyle shift when I needed to stay home with my kiddos 13 years ago (I was only working part-time at the time and ODS' speech/physical/occupational therapy appointments and the cost of childcare times two made even part-time work impossible/pointless). Your mileage WILL vary.
How stable is your DH's job/career/skill set? It would totally suck if you quit to stay home and he gets laid off in a year.
Would you be willing to cancel the vacation you just bought airline tickets for? You really, really need to rein in your spending for a while until you get a true handle on the costs of staying at home.
Do you like your kids enough to want be around them 24/7? I'm not trying to be a jerk, here, but there is love for children, and there is liking them. Sometimes, the 2 just don't coincide. Also, stay-at-home mothers are often (although, admittedly, not always) magnets for neighborhood kids and classmates, etc. In other words, you might end up being the house where everyone congregates after school because your house will be a house with an adult home. Are you okay supervising (not necessarily babysitting) extra kids on a regular basis?
Are you okay spending hours per day alone without another adult to talk to? Depending upon your neighborhood or town, you could be bucking the trend and might find that other mothers are working and not around to grab coffee or a walk or just a chat at the grocery store. How much do you need to socialize each day?
Can you take on any jobs you currently hire out? If you stay at home, do you have the physical ability and the skills to do basic home maintenance, yard work, house work, etc.?
Are you ready to eat most meals and snacks from home? That means you will have to grocery shop for pantry items and prepare most foods from scratch to save money? Do you genuinely like to cook?
Are you really, really ready for most of your day to be centered around your home and your family?
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 14:41:36 GMT -5
Those are good points golden. But, i would add that being a SAHM doesn't mean you are home alone with a child with no other "adult" contact. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize with people in other ways. You don't have to go to work to talk to other intelligent adults and have social contact. I just point that out because this seems to be a point that is made and i disagree that is the case.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 14:42:05 GMT -5
I need to figure out what his net income will be once we change our tax rate. Two years ago we didn't withhold enough, and instead of us each raising our withholdings, he just went in and upped his by enough to cover the full shortage. The amount of taxes that come out of his check are far and above what they would be once we are no longer in our current tax bracket. I think the first thing is tax planning.
I also need to find out how much health insurance would be from his employer. I think that my company's policy was cheaper - it might be the same. His is one of those employers that give you 15 different options - so we would have to think through what makes the most sense.
After that, I will know what his net income is.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 14:43:06 GMT -5
As for 'liking your kids' enough, well do you really 'like' your coworkers to want to be with them 40 hrs a week? Do you like your spouse all the time? Heck, does anyone like anyone all the time? Of course not.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 14:44:09 GMT -5
Also, is your DH on board with this? If so , great. If not, then you should try to work out something that works.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 14:46:53 GMT -5
Ding, Ding!!!
Golden - those are perfect questions, and there are some things in there that I'm still struggling with. One is filling my day. My kids are in school, so I would have "alone time." I took a day off a few weeks ago to catch up on my long-forgotten chores. I did them all and was bored by 2 o'clock. I even texted my husband and said "Maybe I shouldn't quit my job." His response was "LOL." He has long questioned if I was the type.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 14:49:07 GMT -5
Another thing we have to figure out is what my husband will expect of me. Right now, we share a lot of the chores (he cooks, etc.) I would expect to pick up a significant amount of chores - but does he want me to start doing yard work? (I HATE yardwork.) Will he stop cooking all together? I will need to pin him down, because the very, very last thing I want to do is disappoint him.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 14:49:11 GMT -5
Those are good points golden. But, i would add that being a SAHM doesn't mean you are home alone with a child with no other "adult" contact. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize with people in other ways. You don't have to go to work to talk to other intelligent adults and have social contact. I just point that out because this seems to be a point that is made and i disagree that is the case. Well, sure, one can volunteer in the schools or in the community or join a book club or play mah jong. But, I moved from a town that had a hefty population of stay-at-home parents to one where there are more families with 2 working parents. Not a bad change at all -- I don't mean that! -- but it is a change in the quantity of adults around during the day for casual, unscheduled socializing. Contrast that situation with most workplaces where you can often have conversations (work related, personal, small talk, etc.) all day long starting from waiting for the elevator to grabbing a cup of coffee to waiting for the copier to waiting for a meeting to start to lunch to helping a customer to getting parts to...well, you get the idea. No matter how you slice it, working parents who change to SAHPs WILL see a drop in the frequency of adult conversations.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 14:50:22 GMT -5
My kids are in school, so I would have "alone time." Don't quit completely then. There's nothing going on at your house that needs you there for 8 hours every single day while the kids are in school. Cut to part time work, freelance, consult, or something.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 14:53:19 GMT -5
The one thing I won't commit to is volunteering in the schools. Large groups of children freak me out. I've never been comfortable when I'm on the kids' campus. And I'm not good at teaching or any of those things, so I couldn't run the art program, or do the supplemental reading thing or really any of the other things they are always asking the parents to do. I could do the school directory or something - but nothing that would require me to go and be with more than 10 kids at any given time, and nothing that would involve me teaching to even 1 child.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 17, 2012 14:53:42 GMT -5
Well Thyme, we lost 40%+ of our household income when my DH was laid off over 3 years ago and we just decided to run with it and make our budget work from my income only. We did have the benefit of DH getting unemployment for a few months while we decided what to do. Then I got knocked up and we decided he'd just stay home.
That first year sort of set the stage for what was to come/what was expected without having the newborn in the picture. DH takes care of all the laundry, all cleaning, and puts the crockpot on for a supper most days a week (he doesn't really cook, but we manage). He took on volunteer work at church to keep busy and he always has a big project going on around the house. I know your kids are in school, so I think the non-financial impact of what you are going to do while they are in school is important.
I think if it is important for you to be at home, do it. Yes, there is a financial impact - smaller vacations, less retirement, etc. We're having money stress right now, but I don't see the answer is DH going back to work. I think we would be replacing money stress with time/chore stress. So, we're looking out of the box for how to fix it - sell things, I earn more money (getting a mid year bonus, woohoo), etc. My job is stable (as long as I don't spend too much time on the internet); I have no real desire to leave right now. Anyway, that is my 2 cents.
Oh just 2 months before we went down to 1 income, we had finished paying off our consumer debt. We've since taken a small car loan after we refied our house for a lower payment. We still do some juggling when an unexpected bill comes up, but it works. We aren't going into debt, begging my parents for money, or paying bills late.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 14:54:29 GMT -5
I'm getting dead-ends on this front. My company won't accept me moving to part-time, and I've run the consulting / freelancing bit up the flagpole with a few people, and I'm not getting any takers.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 14:56:18 GMT -5
Ding, Ding!!! Golden - those are perfect questions, and there are some things in there that I'm still struggling with. One is filling my day. My kids are in school, so I would have "alone time." I took a day off a few weeks ago to catch up on my long-forgotten chores. I did them all and was bored by 2 o'clock. I even texted my husband and said "Maybe I shouldn't quit my job." His response was "LOL." He has long questioned if I was the type. Thyme, is it that, after working all day, you don't feel you have the psychic energy to deal with the kids now that they're getting older and their needs are less physical and more social/emotional? Are you trying to find a way to muster up the energy to be "there/in the moment" in the evenings? Because there is a huge shift in kids' needs as they hit adolescence and it can make weeknights really challenging if a (NOT all!!!) parent doesn't have the energy for it after a long work day.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 17, 2012 14:57:45 GMT -5
But, I moved from a town that had a hefty population of stay-at-home parents to one where there are more families with 2 working parents. Not a bad change at all -- I don't mean that! -- but it is a change in the quantity of adults around during the day for casual, unscheduled socializing. Repeat after me, retired people are your friends. For DH and myself, our best friends are retired couples. It is crazy, I know, but it is so much easier to get together with people who don't have a work schedule to worry about. We actually really enjoy their company.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 14:58:19 GMT -5
I'm getting dead-ends on this front. My company won't accept me moving to part-time, and I've run the consulting / freelancing bit up the flagpole with a few people, and I'm not getting any takers. Look outside your field. Run a little home based business. Sell crafts on Etsy. You'll have almost 40 hours a week where the kids are at school, the only person home making messes will be you, and unless you live in a 10,000 sq ft estate it just plain don't take 8 hours to clean and throw a dinner together. You can do a lot of volunteer work just to keep busy, but that's still putting all the financial burden and stress on your husband. If you can keep busy and bring in some income, even if it's not much, that's a big help.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 14:58:31 GMT -5
golden - you are nailing this left and right. That is a huge part of what is going on. I can still get the laundry done - but the homework, and the listening and the participating, etc. I'm more like the maid than the Mom.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 15:02:17 GMT -5
If I'm going to do something, it has to be something I enjoy. Plus, my kids aren't in school for 8 hours a day. The most they are in for any given week is 31 hours. Next year school lets out at 2:30.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 15:02:36 GMT -5
I think if it is important for you to be at home, do it. Yes, there is a financial impact - smaller vacations, less retirement, etc. We're having money stress right now, but I don't see the answer is DH going back to work. I think we would be replacing money stress with time/chore stress. So, we're looking out of the box for how to fix it - sell things, I earn more money (getting a mid year bonus, woohoo), etc. My job is stable (as long as I don't spend too much time on the internet); I have no real desire to leave right now. Anyway, that is my 2 cents. We struggle with the same balance -- if we reduce money stress by my going back to work, then we'll face time/chore stress. I KNOW most families in the world juggle this all the time. I admit that we've gotten comfortable in the easier lifestyle we have because I am at home taking care of the family details. But, the financial stress IS there. It's definitely a trade-off and every family has to do what is right FOR THEM. (I have absolutely no intentions of starting a working/SAHP war -- there is NO correct answer.)
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 15:04:06 GMT -5
Repeat after me, retired people are your friends. I know what you mean, and you are right, but it is still hilarious advice.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 15:04:52 GMT -5
If I'm going to do something, it has to be something I enjoy. Says the woman who wants to quit working so she can sit around all day scrubbing the house and making spaghetti.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on May 17, 2012 15:05:58 GMT -5
If I'm going to do something, it has to be something I enjoy. My sister chooses to be a SAHP for her kids' sake, and this is not the ideal way to look at things. She does what she has to in order to meet their financial needs and still be there for her kids. I think you need to determine first if you will need to work. That's where the budgeting comes into play. If you then determine that you need to work, you'll have the motivation to find your happy medium.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 15:08:41 GMT -5
I wanna quit too. Me too, but I was born with the wrong genitalia, so I can't just not work because I feel like I'm missing too much time with the kids. On the plus side though, when work gets to be totally unbearable I can buy a sports car that I don't really want, and shag some skank at work.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 17, 2012 15:08:47 GMT -5
Ding, Ding!!! Golden - those are perfect questions, and there are some things in there that I'm still struggling with. One is filling my day. My kids are in school, so I would have "alone time." I took a day off a few weeks ago to catch up on my long-forgotten chores. I did them all and was bored by 2 o'clock. I even texted my husband and said "Maybe I shouldn't quit my job." His response was "LOL." He has long questioned if I was the type. Thyme, is it that, after working all day, you don't feel you have the psychic energy to deal with the kids now that they're getting older and their needs are less physical and more social/emotional? Are you trying to find a way to muster up the energy to be "there/in the moment" in the evenings? Because there is a huge shift in kids' needs as they hit adolescence and it can make weeknights really challenging if a (NOT all!!!) parent doesn't have the energy for it after a long work day. That's what most moms I know who work complain about too. The SAHMs do all their chores or shopping and have lunch with friends while the kids are in school and then get home in time to pick them up from school or bus stop (little ones). Then they make their snacks, then it's homework, chores... whatever the family does then. Dinner is much calmer because they aren't rushed and can cook while watching the kids do their homework and the groceries were already bought and put away. Their paperwork is done and laundry and errands are caught up most days. They also go to all the kids games, dances, etc. and can put something in the crock pot to cook while at the event.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 15:08:49 GMT -5
I know that I'm a PIA on these things. But, I just don't seem to have the variety of interests that other people do. I go to work, I love the process of business, and I cook, and I watch TV. I don't have any other hobbies. I'm not inspired to garden, or draw a picture, or play an instrument. I don't take dancing lessons, or shop, or have the desire to write the great american novel. I don't want to run a marathon, or act in community theater or join a rock band.
What types of things could I really do from home? I won't do child care, I can't create anything, I don't have room to carry inventory. Throw out some suggestions and let's see if anything even remotely interests me. Dark - I know you have talked about gaming and bowling and bars and pool halls - none of that interests me in the least.
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