muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 17, 2012 15:10:46 GMT -5
We struggle with the same balance -- if we reduce money stress by my going back to work, then we'll face time/chore stress. I KNOW most families in the world juggle this all the time. I admit that we've gotten comfortable in the easier lifestyle we have because I am at home taking care of the family details. But, the financial stress IS there. It's definitely a trade-off and every family has to do what is right FOR THEM. (I have absolutely no intentions of starting a working/SAHP war -- there is NO correct answer.)
Totally agree. For us, we realized that we were stressed with the 2 of us working and feeling like we had no time before we had kids. With money stress, we have savings and so if we have an issue then we decide if we want to pay off an unexpected bill over a couple months or just raid our savings now and try to pay it back. It was getting hit with 3 unexpected bills at once, plus an insurance change within 2 weeks and finding out I was pregnant that brought the money stress back into the for front. Now that we have a solution and tightened up our budget some more, it will go back to the background. For us, we just have trouble dealing with the lack of time stress. I think other people have the issue with the financial side of things.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 17, 2012 15:12:07 GMT -5
Me too, but I was born with the wrong genitalia, so I can't just not work because I feel like I'm missing too much time with the kids. My husband did. (ok, not the real reason he stays home, but staying home has nothing to do with if it is the mom or dad)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 15:14:29 GMT -5
So, what if I got up, got the kids off to school, worked out, came home, showered and did my hair, did 90 minutes worth of chores, ate lunch and watched TV for an hour. Then, got the kids from school, helped with homework, played games with them, drove them to their activites, had dinner ready, cleaned up after dinner, and hung out with my husband. (And by hung out, I mean have sex more than once a month.) Would that be a life worth living?
Right now, I'm unhealthy, my kids never see me, I have no energy at night to do anything meaningful with either my kids or my husband, and I spend all weekend doing chores to catch up.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 15:15:26 GMT -5
I love the process of business Elaborate please. Dark - I know you have talked about gaming and bowling and bars and pool halls - none of that interests me in the least. The actual business doesn't have to interest you. You think people sell plumbing supplies because they love pipes, fittings, and shit? Focus on the running of the business. Advertising, marketing, negotiation, deal making, who cares what particular widget you sell?
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 17, 2012 15:16:18 GMT -5
Repeat after me, retired people are your friends. I know what you mean, and you are right, but it is still hilarious advice. Isn't it? All my friends that have new babies and toddlers and don't have any help, I'm like make friends with retired people. We have about 5 people that would watch DS in a heartbeat if need be who are all retired. We're going to call on them to watch the new baby after I go back to work a day a week so DH and DS can get out of the house (something we didn't do when DS was a baby). They really make a great support network.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 15:18:09 GMT -5
So, what if I got up, got the kids off to school, worked out, came home, showered and did my hair, did 90 minutes worth of chores, ate lunch and watched TV for an hour. Then, got the kids from school, helped with homework, played games with them, drove them to their activites, had dinner ready, cleaned up after dinner, and hung out with my husband. (And by hung out, I mean have sex more than once a month.) Would that be a life worth living? Nice work... if you can get it. So, does your husband make enough to allow this right now or not? That's really all it comes down too. Either he makes enough and/or you guys are willing to make the cuts necessary to do this, or he doesn't/you aren't.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 15:18:32 GMT -5
If I'm going to do something, it has to be something I enjoy. Says the woman who wants to quit working so she can sit around all day scrubbing the house and making spaghetti. You say it like spending the day doing that is a bad thing.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 15:19:39 GMT -5
I guess that makes sense. What I would really like to do is to find a couple of clients that need a small amount of financial analysis on a monthly basis. But, if they are small businesses, they won't be able to pay what I earn now. Which would be okay. The hard part is selling myself to those types of people. That is why I was hoping I could lock in a couple of business people I know already. They could be my training ground for how I deal with those types of customers. They could also be my references.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 15:19:44 GMT -5
I wanna quit too. Me too, but I was born with the wrong genitalia, so I can't just not work because I feel like I'm missing too much time with the kids. On the plus side though, when work gets to be totally unbearable I can buy a sports car that I don't really want, and shag some skank at work. I'm totally missing how genitalia prevents you from being a SAHP. I mean, presumably, if you stay at home, Loop would go back to work, so your genitalia wouldn't get in the way.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 15:20:38 GMT -5
There are many questions in this one question - aren't there. Those all need to be answered.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 15:23:32 GMT -5
I'm totally missing how genitalia prevents you from being a SAHP. I'm a guy. I work. She's a woman. She stays home. Since she's already staying home, I can't quit and stay home. That spot is already taken, and we sure as hell can't raise two kids on $0 a month in income.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 17, 2012 15:25:31 GMT -5
I'm totally missing how genitalia prevents you from being a SAHP. I'm a guy. I work. She's a woman. She stays home. Since she's already staying home, I can't quit and stay home. That spot is already taken, and we sure as hell can't raise two kids on $0 a month in income. Right, but the fact that you have to work is because she isn't working. Kind of like I can't quit because my DH is already staying at home. So therefore in my family, I don't have the right genitialia to stay home? I don't think that logic works.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2012 15:27:07 GMT -5
There are many questions in this one question - aren't there. Not as many as you'd think actually. If this is something that's important to you guys you'll figure out a way to make it work. Maybe that will involve major changes in lifestyle, but as long as your husband is making an alright wage, you guys could afford to live on only his income. I can practically guarantee there are families in your town living a single income lifestyle on less than he makes. You may not want their lifestyle, and maybe it's too much sacrifice compared to what you have now, but it's more than likely possible. Unless your husband is like the drive through guy at McDonalds. The only real question is how much are you willing to sacrifice in order to do this, and based on his income how much would you actually have to sacrifice? That's really all it comes down too.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 15:28:38 GMT -5
I guess that makes sense. What I would really like to do is to find a couple of clients that need a small amount of financial analysis on a monthly basis. But, if they are small businesses, they won't be able to pay what I earn now. Which would be okay. The hard part is selling myself to those types of people. That is why I was hoping I could lock in a couple of business people I know already. They could be my training ground for how I deal with those types of customers. They could also be my references. I could see the need for that -- new businesses, small businesses, non-profits, etc. could use timed financial analysis -- i.e., after the month/quarter/year end and for budgeting. So, how much do you want to stay home? Join the Chamber of Commerce, or an industry trade group and network. Last I recall, SCORE used retired execs to mentor small businesses, but maybe they'd be interested in a SAHP with good skills. The goal is to get your name and your skill set out there so the people that just opened the frozen yogurt shop/day care/bakery learn that they can hire an experienced financial analysis consultant for 3-4 hours per month to help them grow their business without having to add him/her to payroll. When I first started staying home, DH did bookkeeping and F/A for our parish. It took him 10 hours/month or so and gave us a nice little extra cash. (Of course, then the diocese reconfigured and the parish closed, but it was good gig while it lasted. ;D)
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 17, 2012 15:29:54 GMT -5
I'm totally missing how genitalia prevents you from being a SAHP. I'm a guy. I work. She's a woman. She stays home. Since she's already staying home, I can't quit and stay home. That spot is already taken, and we sure as hell can't raise two kids on $0 a month in income. There is no reason that genitalia prevent you from reversing the roles. Your own personal brand of chauvinistic sexism, maybe. But not genitalia. ;D
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 17, 2012 15:32:53 GMT -5
Oh for part time work, my office manager does the books for about 4 different places. Most of them, she only does it once a month, but occaisonally it is only once a quarter. She does work for a Travel Agency and auto repair place that I know of (besides working for us). She also managed rentals part time for her ex-husband and his partners for many years. All that work she can do from home.
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justme
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Post by justme on May 17, 2012 15:42:17 GMT -5
www.irs.gov/individuals/page/0,,id=14806,00.html That should give you an idea of what you'd change his withholding to and should help you come up with a net income. Also, maybe run your current & projected numbers if you quit through turbo tax and see what pops out. It won't be 100% correct since it'd be using 2011 tax tables, but it'd give you an idea. As for the health insurance - does your husband's work have open enrollment? If not and you carry the insurance (which it sounds like you do), he won't be able to sign up for health insurance until the open enrollment period that's usually at the end of the year. If it does have open enrollment, don't get too overwhelmed in choosing an option. At the end of the year you'd be able to pick a different plan once you have a better idea how his insurance company works.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on May 17, 2012 15:44:52 GMT -5
So, what if I got up, got the kids off to school, worked out, came home, showered and did my hair, did 90 minutes worth of chores, ate lunch and watched TV for an hour. Then, got the kids from school, helped with homework, played games with them, drove them to their activities, had dinner ready, cleaned up after dinner, and hung out with my husband. (And by hung out, I mean have sex more than once a month.) Would that be a life worth living?
Yes. And since you're sick and exhausted now and you can afford it, it would do you a world of good. And summer is coming up, so you'd have a full summer with your kids while they're still young enough to want you around.
If I remember correctly, you do something similar to what I do. High level sales/marketing analytics but not an accountant? It's funny, but earlier this week I was thinking about what I'd like to do if I could work part-time in a few years. My company won't do the part-time thing either. The last time I was out of work, I did some consulting for a guy who has a small business and a bunch of investment interests. I computerized his contact list in Outlook giving him different ways to sort (first name, last name, subject), Subcontracted some IT work to a former co-worker to optimize his computer system, and set up a bunch of tracking spreadsheets and templates for his amortization schedules and rental income and to run scenarios. This is something that's no big deal to you or I, but to this semi-retired guy I was the next best thing to sliced bread. And I could set my own hours and did some of the work at home for a fair hourly rate. I was thinking that would be a great business for me in retirement if I could get referrals from a accountants who specialize in doing tax filings for small businesses who may or may not employ a bookkeeper, but occasionally need a Financial or Management Analyst and can afford to hire one for a project, but not as a full-time employee.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 17, 2012 15:45:55 GMT -5
They'd have to talk to HR but most employers have a "major life changes" clause to their benefits where you can enroll before the open period date. I know if I lose my job DH can apply to have us put on his insurance because I am now no longer able to carry it. They'd give him 30 days to get us on otherwise he'd have to wait till November.
I wouldn't think it would be any different if your spouse quit but it's always a good idea to talk to HR about it first.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 16:00:00 GMT -5
Me losing my job is a "life event" and that opens a window for enrollment.
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justme
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Post by justme on May 17, 2012 16:02:28 GMT -5
Ah, wasn't sure whether they are overly finicky about what qualifies.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 16:32:26 GMT -5
I know a guy who owns his own CPA firm. He is pretty connected. I wonder if he would toss me a little business. I'm not exactly sure what he does (what types of business) - but I suspect that he knows bunches of people. The trick would be convincing him that I'm a quality professional. He is a Dad from school, and has never seen me in any capacity but "Mom" capacity - and when we had a party and I was serving margaritas. I wonder if I could put together some work samples. Of course, I'm forbidden from removing any financial information from my company.
What types of things would sway a small business owner to part with a few hundred bucks?
What is a fair hourly rate for this type of work? I would probably do a more project oriented deal - a day of financial analysis will cover your month or quarterly results - how much is that worth to a small business?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 16:35:33 GMT -5
I don't think this is company policy - I think this may be a law or regulation of some sort. The policy seems to be exactly the same at every company I've been at - so I assumed it was a law. It might not be.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on May 17, 2012 16:42:11 GMT -5
Huh. I thought we agreed that you were going to do something wild and crazy and report back, so that if it was awesome and fun I would do it and if not I would say "at least I wasn't dumb enough to do THAT!" But maybe this will qualify - one way or the other. The insurance question needs to be sorted out first. Obviously with kids, you need to be insured. Generally this would be pretax dollars, so you need to find out how much it will be provided by your husband's employer before you can accurately run the tax calculator, though I'm sure you can ballpark it. I don't know how you are set for retirement at the moment. Will your husband need to up his contribution while you are out of work for your retirement planning to stay on track? I am assuming you guys are one pot money people now, and not "yours, mine and ours"? Because if there is no "yours" coming in, you'll have to make some major changes in how you view money as a couple. But I think you said before you do all joint monies? I think the whole new business idea is great - but to be honest it doesn't help you NOW. You have to figure if and how you can live on your husband's income for now. If you can create a business and bring in money that's great, but it's not going to happen quickly, and shouldn't be factored into in any calculation to determine whether you can make this choice now.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on May 17, 2012 16:42:39 GMT -5
Temp work might fill the gap in too much time if a SAHP. You could take a job for 1-2 weeks then have 4-5 weeks off and make a very little amount of money.
Learn a new job skill like bookkeeping or tax preparing so you can work part time or start a tiny accounting/tax practice at home or in a rented office space. Then you could work 4 hours a day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 16:42:51 GMT -5
Thyme, just curious. Do you know for a fact that your company won't let you go PT, or are you assuming?
Do you think you could do your job in less time? If you do, you could try to argue for it. You work less hours, they pay you less salary. It probably wouldn't be a radical change from how much you're working now though, and it sounds like you want a radical change. But it could be a consideration, even for a while till you get things figured out.
Do you have vacation / PTO days accumulated? Could you work 4 days a week for a while till you figure it out? On the other hand, you may prefer to cash them out if you do leave.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide!
ETA: Other thought: could you negotiate working from home part of the time?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 17:05:51 GMT -5
Fact.
The company just put in a "No working from home" policy. We had a big meeting and everyone got ticked-off.
The reality is, I'm not sure how long my full-time employment with this particular employer is going to last. They are closing regional offices and have asked me to relocate.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on May 17, 2012 17:05:59 GMT -5
Do you have vacation / PTO days accumulated? Could you work 4 days a week for a while till you figure it out? I think this would be a splendid idea! It might help take some of the strain off her while they figure out how to make it work being a SAHP. That way, she's less inclined to make a rash decision due to the current level of frustration. I went to a 4-day week about 18 months ago, and I love it!! That extra day in the weekend makes a world of difference.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 17, 2012 17:09:59 GMT -5
***The reality is, I'm not sure how long my full-time employment with this particular employer is going to last. They are closing regional offices and have asked me to relocate. ***
I just realized how wrong this sentence sounds. It is all true, but put together badly. They asked me to relocated, and I declined. They said "Okay, you can stay where you are." That was months ago, and no one has brought it up since. They are closing regional offices, but there is no rumors about closing our location. That doesn't mean we aren't on the list, but I don't have any indications we are. But, my job really doesn't belong here long-term, even if they leave this office open. So, I worry about my long-term prospects.
I did ask about going part-time, and the answer was absolutely clear. Plus, I'm suppose to be traveling 30-40%. Hard to work part-time when you are in a hotel. Taking the pay cut doesn't bring me much value.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2012 17:31:50 GMT -5
Are there things you can automate/outsource in order to free up time in the evenings and on weekends? Things like laundry service, full service lawn care, grocery delivery, mail scanning, meal prep companies, etc. Would that give you enough time? I think you should find a way to keep your hand in the work market, so to speak, because it's obviously important to you. You've worked hard to achieve your level of success and skill. Is your DH still considering starting his own practice? For the chore thing - I pretty much do everything but bring in money. Appointments (medical, contractor, vet, etc), financials (runs to the bank, pulling out cash for DH, filing statements, pulling together tax documents, emailing the accountant, paying bills), going to the dry cleaner, volunteering, education, any form of shopping, scheduling social activities and prep, mail, etc. I do all the research as well - what activities are we going to do on the weekends, how do we buy tickets, make reservations, get there, etc. DH loves to work but is also tired by it - he prefers to come home and have nothing waiting to do but hanging out with DS. Some things to keep in mind: your health and being able to be "present" are really important to kids. Even toddlers know when you are blowing them off or when you feel too crappy to care, damn it. Your DH will also experience more free time. Because we get so much family time and aren't packed with chores I don't give a flying bleepety bleep if DH goes golfing or hangs out in his shop. It's important to both of us to have unstructured, fun, "me" time. We also don't feel like we are stealing from our kid when we spend time alone together. Free time: you will find things that interest you that you had no idea you gave a flying f--- about before. When I was a student and worked full time there was no space to find out what I enjoyed as an adult. I've expanded my interests, tried and abandoned or kept some things. It's made me a better partner. I'm not scared to retire with DH. But please keep some room in the budget for your interests otherwise you will be miserable. Good luck! I hope you find a solution that works for you guys.
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