FRI 1/14 QUESTION: When do you feel secure?

[thinblue]

At what point do you feel secure? Is it a strong EF, no debt and great stockpile? I have been very good for at least a year on saving, paying down debt and starting a good pantry, but I don't feel secure yet? What about you?

[Apple]

I felt secure when I had no debt (other than my mortgage), was paying hundreds extra on my mortgage every month, had a nice EF and could take vacations.
Now that I'm building the house security feels like it's gone for a couple years. Once the house is finished (or at least livable) I'm sure I'll feel secure again.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Confession: I don't feel secure.

I know this is sad/silly, but I don't feel secure. I am hoping that I will feel secure once my wonderful DH is fully "vested" (qualified for) a military retirement ... which will happen at the end of 2014. His plan is to stay in 6 years past that, if he can. This will guarantee us both access to purchase decent health insurance at a reasonable cost, and he will actually start collecting his retirement $$ as soon as he retires.... and not at a specified age.

Other than THAT hanging over my head, I also worry a lot about his chosen career (military pilot), and can't help but be concerned ... sometimes ... about what might happen to him. From a financial standpoint, we've insured him for $1 million .... so at least we're being prudent there. (Note: it can be a challenge to get insurance when you're an active duty military pilot ~ the vast majority of policies want to exclude acts of war or flying. Some of this insurance is through the military, the rest is through private companies)

I like that we're completely debt-free, including the house.

And I like that we're working diligently to build up our savings.

And I like that we're NOW working on retirement savings (other than the military pension.)

And I like that I've qualified for MediCare and Social Securty, work-wise. (Of course, who knows where things will be in 17 years when I want to start collecting at age 62?)

And I like that I've got B.A. degrees in Journalism and English as well as a lDoctorate law degree (and a currently voluntarily inactive status with the State Bar) ... so that if I needed to find a job out there as an attorney or a paralegal or something else, at least I've got the education and some not-so-recent experience to work from.

But I still don't feel secure.

[dragonfly7]

When we have enough income to pay all our bills and have at least a $500 per month cushion left over. Debt paid off = rich.

[Tiny]

I don't have a Worry Gene or a "Not feeling Secure" gene (and I have a teeny tiny "maternal instinct" bone in my right foot) so I don't experience those things the way other people seem to... so bear with my wording/explanation here:
Years ago I was in alittle bit of "panic mode" about "not doing enough" with my finances and life in general - kind of a mid life crisis... I got to a "good place" financially (after cutting back, saving, learning financial stuff, the whole nine yards) over a couple of years, but I still felt like I wasn't doing 'enough' - so I sat down with my goals many of which I had met! and decided to actively qwell the "OMG! It's not Enough!!" feeling by changing my train of thought and working on re-enforcing the positive gains I had, well, gained! and positive thoughts about how I would achieve the longterm/new goals. I use my past successes and how I'm currently doing on achieving long term goals and adding and updating goals as necessary to make me feel what I guess you could call "secure"... It makes me feel like I have some control over my life and that there's some stability in the general chaos I seem to experience.
The Plan, Working the Plan, and seeing progress on the Plan makes everything right with the world for me... I know I'm not 'normal'... but that doesn't stop me.
I get uncomfortable and "panic stricken" when everything about a Plan comes crashing down... atleast until I can set up a new Plan.

[Deleted]

I am not a worrier either... and I DO feel secure. I have for decades....
No debt and no mortgage, with 1 year expenses banked, will do that.

And now we feel even MORE secure since the kids are through college and married, and we have savings for retirement.

[thinblue]

I think my problem is that I am a worrier. I never thought of it like that before. When I was a kid we were pretty poor, divorced family with 4 kids. I remember eating popcorn for dinner on several occasions.

At least (as adults) DH and I are on the right track, we have goals, we have a plan to meet our goals. At 37 I feel confident that we will be able to help the kids with college and fund our retirement. I am at a place now that I think I need to stop obsessing about the future and really enjoy the here and now.

[telephus44]

I am also not a worrier. Once I set up my savings and bill payments on auto pilot, I have enough left over to do most of what I want. We have been through various periods of unemployment. But I trust in myself enough to feel secure.

[rubyslippers]

Like Molly, I don't feel secure either but since I started late on smart spending, it's my own fault. I do try to see the progress I've made like ATsiaRu mentioned, and that makes me feel a little better. I also have less stess due to paying off the mortgage and having an emergency fund. And to be truthful, I don't think there would ever be an amount to make me feel secure because a catastrophe could wipe out everything. But in the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive and make improvement, s all around and to pass on some of my blessings and knowledge to others. I've had a gratitude journal for over ten years and finding small daily things to be grateful keeps me going, namely family, friends, health and my job.

[Deleted]

I'm not sure I would go so far as to say I feel secure, but I don't feel afraid anymore. I can cover all my expenses with EI, I have 6 months EF and I have access to a year's worth of expenses in credit. If I can't figure things out in that time frame I will be living a totally different life.

[Deleted]

BTW I exalt thinblue for a great question!

[djmj3284]

I'm certainly not feeling secure now. Maybe in about 9 years when all of our small business financing is paid off. I'm making progress on the home front but honestly since our whole family income depends on our small business and it's got financing from the original purchase I won't feel secure until maybe a year after it's paid for. By then all the personal debt will also be paid off and we will be able to save at least $6k/month and live much better than we do now. I am a worry wart though so maybe even then I'll be scared

[suzwantstobefree]

I am not secure at all!!! But it is mostly because I am scared of something happening that will leave me broke.

I have a great job and I feel secure it in (as much as anyone can feel secure). A never thought I would have any insecurity about my job, but in 2007 when the wind went out of the sail for our industry (I work for an auto dealership) I haven't felt completely secure since. I always think of it like this - I am the manager of the accounting department. I know that I will be the last person to lose my job in the event of layoffs since I am able to do all the jobs "below" me.

I have way too much stuff in my pantries and closets as far as what my needs are as a single woman. The reason I do this is because I worry about not having enough food. It is completely irrational, but I worry anyway.

I worry about having an accident or illness that would prevent me from working. I don't have sufficient reserves for "every" possible scenario (who does?) but I do have a decent EF and I can always use my credit cards or tap into my 401K with a loan.

I worry about retirement although I am in a decent position for savings for retirement.

I guess I should say I don't know what would make me completly secure or make me not worry, but I can say one thing would be to have a husband to depend on and/or more of an emergency fund, but I think I would still worry.

But the nice thing about feeling insecure or worried is that it has made me take action. Because I worry, I think about my spending, my savings, and my debt.

[Tiny]

Jan 14, 2011 17:02:23 GMT -5 @suzwantstobefree said:

But the nice thing about feeling insecure or worried is that it has made me take action. Because I worry, I think about my spending, my savings, and my debt.

It is good when the feelings spur you to positive action. I know a person who seems to be paralyzed by her "fears/insecurities/worreis" and does nothing to alleviate them. Maybe it's denial or Peril Sensitive Glasses?
I know another person who seems to do extreme things (leap without looking) when they get in the grip of fears/insecuriteies/worries which sometimes makes their situation far worse.

I realize everyone feels abit of the "wow! will every thing be ok? What if X happens?" feeling every now and then. I think that's part of being human. I guess it's how we deal with it that makes or breaks us.

[cronewitch]

Jan 14, 2011 11:56:17 GMT -5 @thinblue said:

At what point do you feel secure? Is it a strong EF, no debt and great stockpile? I have been very good for at least a year on saving, paying down debt and starting a good pantry, but I don't feel secure yet? What about you?

I feel secure when I can take the worst that can happen and still be happy.

I keep my fixed cost low so I can live on unemployment long term. I have job skills where I could be self employed. I have a strong family that wouldn't let me suffer if I had a bad time I didn't cause. I am old enough for Social security and smart enough that if I had to live on it I could.

My very worst that I could see happening is losing every cent that is invested, house destroyed and then find out I didn't have coverage and ending up alone, on the street with nothing filing bankruptcy isn't an option except on the mortgage because I don't have debt.

I would find a place to live with a credit card like a motel or a room in a house. I would apply for unemployment and social security and low income senior housing and food stamps. I might land a job as a nanny or live in housekeeper for free rent and take a job at account temps then start an accounting firm.

If I couldn't work at all I would live low income but I can cook and shop and don't have expensive taste. Low income housing is cheap and pretty nice and has vans for shopping so I could sell my car if I couldn't afford to keep it.

Right now I have about 525K saved up invested in mutual funds if I take out 20K a year it will last about forever so with about 18K in SS I would have 38K for living, I can live happy on 38K.

[998fbird]

I feel secure everyday when I remind myself that I am ok, just for today, and all of the bills that need to be paid today are paid, I'm healthy, clothed, feed and employed. That I have everything I need and lots of what I want and not to buy trouble by worrying about things that haven't, and may never, happen. I can only deal with what is, not my fears.
I've spent time in a 12 step program and one of the things they say about FEAR is that it is an acronym False Expectations Appearing Real.
One of my daily goals is to remain in the day.

[Deleted]

Worrying is total waste of time, IMHO!

One of my favorite quotes is:
"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ Seven Years in Tibet

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Unjfortunately, worrying isn't something I can turn on and off like a light switch. :/

[Sharon]

I do not feel secure and worry a lot. There is too much debt and not enough savings. Things are starting to get under control. I did not get into this mess overnight nor will I be out of it overnight.

I am the sole source of income for our family. DD's father has never paid child support. Not from any lack of caring more a matter of he has nothing. After DD was born he returned to his families farm in Mexico to help his mother run the farm. They don't have electricity of running water on this farm.

I worry constantly about losing my job, having a catastrophe etc. It is amazing how much my little EF that I now have from the spare change challenge means to me. It is up to $118.00. I am always calculating if I were to lose my job today I could feed my family for x number of days on that.

I'm rambling to I better post this and continue on.

[suzwantstobefree]

Sharon - I am proud of you for having an emergency fund no matter how little it is One of the things I think about in regards to my debt is - How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. LOL. I have quite a bit of debt but I am taking a bite out of it each and every single month. That is all I can do but eventually I will feel better about it - and so will you

[Agatha]

"When do you feel secure?" I wish I could answer that question. I know when I felt secure: I felt secure when my husband was alive. It's nice to know there are two of you, one for the other.

I used to feel secure in my job. It's in high demand and pays well. The emotional and physical stress were playing havoc with me so I left. Security was like a rollercoaster; some weeks I felt secure and others I didn't.

I will feel more secure when I have a new job. I will feel more secure when I pay off my mortgage in 2013. I'm not afraid now. I just know I will feel more secure when that happens. My needs are simple and I will manage. . .I always have. I think most of us here know that. . .we will manage. After all we have managed or are managing. No one can manage a real crisis. I'm thinking Katrina or Mount St. Helen's here. If something like that happens all you can do immediately is cope.

Ah, I've been wordy, enough.

[sbcalimom]

I feel more secure now than I did before. We have enough of an EF to cover expenses for 4 months and 6 if we stretched it. With other savings we have, we could probably exist for a year with no income. This is a huge change from a few years ago and I sometimes still feel uncomfortable about our finances and wish we had more. I try though not to obsess about it and just do as much as I can to reduce expenses, boost income, and manage fun spending.

[marvholly]

I have a BIG EF, no debt and a GREAT stockpile.
However, I still feel better when income>outgo.

Like cronewithch, I am also old enough to collect soc (a bit early) but want to wait until full retirement age (1.5 years) otherwise too big a hit forever and thing are NOT going to get any cheaper in the next 25-30 years. Unemployment & savings are WAAAY more than enough to carry me until then.

[bobbysgirl]

I've been thinking about this thread for a few hours. Security (feeling of) is one of those things that may come from within a person. Or reaching goals can create a sense of security.

As my avatar states, "I am much too serious", so my answer will be a bit to the right and complicated. It is something I have taken the time to reflect on in the past. Being loved creates a sense of security for me. And me loving in return does too. Knowing that whatever I goof up on, I am still loved by those people important to me. To complete the picture being debt free absolutely contributes to the big picture. The first gives me the courage to do the second.

[thinblue]

Thank you Later! I have always been a little too shy to post but I think I am coming out of my shell ;D.

[dancinmama]

I have felt fairly financially secure our entire lives because we never incurred any debt other than our mortgage and we always have had a sizable EF (due to the fact that in our younger years DH's job was tentative).

I have to admit that the economy does bother me a little bit. I have never seen it this bad or for this long. DH is supposed to retire in a year and doing so in this economy is a little disconcerting.

[readsalot]

I just joined~ Hello!

I feel secure that we own our home outright. I feel secure that we have a big EF. I will feel more secure when our kids are both out of college, we're not paying in-full but we are helping them. I don't think there's total security, but we have done enough/are doing enough that I feel good about it.

[Deleted]

Hi there!

[MN-Investor]

I guess I've always felt secure. My DH and I have had good jobs. We don't have children. We've always lived within our means. I didn't quit working until our house was paid off and we had substantial savings. We're now in our late fifties and probably have enough so that my DH could retire today.

Our most insecure month was in Feb 1981. We bought our house in Dec 1980 with a 14% mortgage (the going rate for mortgages at that time!). My DH and I worked for the same company and they were going through a very difficult time. My DH was laid off in Feb '81. Thankfully, even though unemployment was high, my DH had a new job within a month.

I've always had in the back of my mind that I could go to my parents if there was some sort of financial disaster. But the reality is that I don't think I could ever do that. We did borrow $1,500 in 1980 when we bought our house, but paid it back within a few months.

[bobbysgirl]

I felt secure when my husband was alive. It's nice to know there are two of you, one for the other.



AGATHA: There are a few of us here that know exactly how you feel. There's nothing to do but to move forward. I am sorry for your loss