When you leave out a few details.....

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

moms.today.com/_news/2011/10/04/8128080-excluded-why-dont-you-want-my-special-needs-kids-at-your-wedding

I was checked out this link from another site that brought it to my attention, so have been following it since almost the beginning.

When you first start reading it, you can feel the mother's outrage. Until you realize that she's left out a few pertinent details. Like the ONLY kids invited to the wedding are IN the wedding. Like her kids are not well acquainted with either the bride or groom. And if you delve even a little further, apparently the children are not even potty trained (or at least she was discussing how the 10 year old was not). She's written several articles where her 3 girls (all with autism) have severely disrupted life.

But what is even more interesting is that the author is culling the web site of those who disagree with her in the discussion section. Apparently last night, someone who knew the bride and groom set the story straight. Closest I figure, it was about 8 pm last night. When I checked the web site this morning, there is a huge gap in time where those posts should have been.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

And here's my contribution. I wonder how long it's going to take to be deleted....

What I'd like to know is who is culling out posts of those who are asking the hard questions? I think it's kind of interesting that while this initially seems to be a travesty, a few pertinent details that are missing from the original post - and have popped up later - paint an entirely different picture.

I can't believe that the owners of this web site are allowing such a biased view, without allowing some discussion. Actually, it disgusts me. If you want an HONEST discussion about the effects of autism in families, perhaps you should be HONEST in the first place. Lies by omission are still lies.

LOL......since this is a post disagreeing with the sheeple, I fully expect this one to be deleted too.

[happyscooter]

Remember there are always 3 sides to every story. The 2 parties and the truth.

[happyscooter]

Rick, I'm sorry. WHAT??

[happyscooter]

Rick, are we partying?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I saw only one comment by Kelly and couldn't find any more. Is there some magic key needed to read the others?

At the bottom of the article, there's a red bar with Comments on it. At this point, there have been 403 comments made.

[Deleted]

It seems like the bigger tragedy is that the kids are not well-acquainted with the bride and groom, yet the girls are the bride's nieces. Screw the wedding, it sounds like their whole lives are messed up.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

It seems like the bigger tragedy is that the kids are not well-acquainted with the bride and groom, yet the girls are the bride's nieces.

It takes 2 people to be interested in maintaining a relationship.

[zibazinski]

I like how she got busted and called out on her lies. That is going to go over real well in her family. Yeah, I'll just BET she is understanding of her girl's limitations. What I really BET happens is she is down whining about everything all the time so her girls are treated better than any other student or person on the planet and because she can sue, she gets away with it. This time she didn't get away with it and she can't control it but she CAN control her husband and it looks like she did. He isn't going to his own sister's wedding. Shame on him for checking his balls at the front door.

[moon/Laura]

I see all the comments.. Including the one mich mentioned from the friend of the bride/groom.

The only thing “excluded” from this story by Kim Stagliano are the facts. I know the bride and groom well and felt the need to set the record straight. This work of fiction that has been posted is not the truth. The facts are these:
1. There were no children invited to the wedding, period.
2. The only 4 children who will be at the wedding will be participating in the ceremony as part of the wedding party. They have a special relationship with the bride and groom who felt would enhance the ceremony.
3. Kim’s daughters were not invited.
4. The bride’s brother also has two boys who were not invited. Yet, her brother and his wife are happily coming without their children.
5. There were no children from the groom’s side of the family included or invited.
Yet all those who can attend are coming and none of them wrote and posted a fictional story about children being excluded due to special needs.
It is sad to think that someone who is a published author could put out such a deliberately misleading piece all for the sake of advancing a book and her own personal agenda at the expense of a family member. Shame on you Kim, for using your daughters and Autism this way again all for your own personal gain. Considering how much of the truth was left out of this story makes me wonder how much truth there is in any of your other writings……hmm, I wonder.
Again, shame on you.

[Apple]

I found the "friend of the bride and groom"s comments, they were burried under "ten more comment" you had to click and expand...

"Kelly Burke Kaine
Anthony Smith wanted you to see this; every time he posts it, Kim deletes it. Yes, she is using her children's disability to milk the system and sell books at the expense of family members. I know the family intimately and this is absolutely fact."

"Lynn Dalbora-Dowd · New York, New York
The only thing “excluded” from this story by Kim Stagliano are the facts. I know the bride and groom well and felt the need to set the record straight. This work of fiction that has been posted is not the truth. The facts are these:
1. There were no children invited to the wedding, period.
2. The only 4 children who will be at the wedding will be participating in the ceremony as part of the wedding party. They have a special relationship with the bride and groom who felt would enhance the ceremony.
3. Kim’s daughters were not invited.
4. The bride’s brother also has two boys who were not invited. Yet, her brother and his wife are happily coming without their children.
... 5. There were no children from the groom’s side of the family included or invited.
Yet all those who can attend are coming and none of them wrote and posted a fictional story about children being excluded due to special needs.
It is sad to think that someone who is a published author could put out such a deliberately misleading piece all for the sake of advancing a book and her own personal agenda at the expense of a family member. Shame on you Kim, for using your daughters and Autism this way again all for your own personal gain. Considering how much of the truth was left out of this story makes me wonder how much truth there is in any of your other writings……hmm, I wonder.
Again, shame on you."

[Apple]

Lol, moon beat me to it!

[Apple]

Ok, this comment is pretty sad though

"Debra Jean Brackett · 49 years old
My younger daughter, then 25, un-invited her 2 younger brothers to her wedding 2 yrs ago when her fiance threatened to call off the wedding if she allowed them to attend. The boys were 13 and 9 in which the older one has autism and Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy and wheelchair bound. They were heartbroken. We haven't seen/heard from her since her wedding day when we were told to leave before the reception started because we brought the boys. Her new husband referred to my son as a circus freak when he is actually very well behaved a lot. We even brought his personal care attendant with us, but wasn't allowed to stay. I'm actually in the process of writing my first book now.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Whoops! I did miss those. But I do know that she deleted posts from those that disagreed with her at the beginning.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

My younger daughter, then 25, un-invited her 2 younger brothers to her wedding 2 yrs ago when her fiance threatened to call off the wedding if she allowed them to attend.

Let me put a different spin on this.

Chances are, the parents have directed the larger proportion of their money, life and energy on their disabled children, leaving the daughter with minimal/little parental support whatsoever.

On one day of her life, she wanted 100% of her parent's attention centered on her and her fiance did the dirty work for her. Her parents ignored her wishes and brought the younger boys to the wedding.

Being the normal child in a family where all of the resources are directed in a single direction has to be rough. There's a thread on YM about the Duggars and the biggest objection to this is that by there being so many kids, the kids have to make an appointment with their mother for one on one time. The only difference with the disabled kids is that the normal kid gets to feel guilt for feeling this way too.

No one wins.

[Apple]

Oct 8, 2011 10:54:34 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Whoops! I did miss those. But I do know that she deleted posts from those that disagreed with her at the beginning.

Yeah, even that first comment said that everytime a guy posted something she would delete it.

DS has asperger's and has a very hard time making friends, often feels left out, etc (gets along with adults great though). But it does kids like him NO GOOD to lie or leave out part of the story! I also would have a hard time trying to figure out what in any of her story is true, or if she just has a martyr complex. I'm sure her family HAS seen some discrimination, but don't make it up where there is none, it just makes you look bad.

[Apple]

Oct 8, 2011 11:00:35 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

My younger daughter, then 25, un-invited her 2 younger brothers to her wedding 2 yrs ago when her fiance threatened to call off the wedding if she allowed them to attend.

Let me put a different spin on this.

Chances are, the parents have directed the larger proportion of their money, life and energy on their disabled children, leaving the daughter with minimal/little parental support whatsoever.

On one day of her life, she wanted 100% of her parent's attention centered on her and her fiance did the dirty work for her. Her parents ignored her wishes and brought the younger boys to the wedding.

Being the normal child in a family where all of the resources are directed in a single direction has to be rough. There's a thread on YM about the Duggars and the biggest objection to this is that by there being so many kids, the kids have to make an appointment with their mother for one on one time. The only difference with the disabled kids is that the normal kid gets to feel guilt for feeling this way too.

No one wins.

I was trying to figure out a way to word my thoughts on this, you did much better (I had erased what I wrote). I noticed that the parents went against the bride's wishes and brought the boys anyway. The bride did invite them and then uninvited them. So, shame on both. I wonder how pushy this mother has been during the girl's life and if she has just decided to cut ties. The groom's "circus freak" comment is messed up though.

You're right, no one wins.

[Deleted]

I take serious issue with parents of any child - whether or not they have intellectual disabilities - who thinks that the kid is automatically invited anywhere that the grown-ups are.

But how sad for these families that the pomp and ceremony of this one day is more important to them than their siblings. In the second example, I'm sure that the wedding was just as disrupted by the gossiping guests who were wondering where the bride's brother was. Whether it was the bride's idea of the groom's idea to exclude her brother, the other one went along with it, so I can only assume they deserve each other.

[Opti]

Oct 8, 2011 9:39:49 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

It seems like the bigger tragedy is that the kids are not well-acquainted with the bride and groom, yet the girls are the bride's nieces.

It takes 2 people to be interested in maintaining a relationship.

Maybe more when children are involved. I probably wouldn't call it a tragedy as I live in a different state than my sister and she does little to nothing to insure I stay in contact with her children.

[Deleted]

Those aren't just *her* children, they are *your* nieces and nephews. My sister lives in a different state from me, and while we have a good relationship, she has never brought her daughter to visit me. But I go to her several time a year, because it is important to me that my niece knows who her Aunt Crafty is. There have times when I have resented the lack of reciprocation as far as travel goes - but that is between me and the grown-ups. And I won't let it impact my relationship with my niece.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I disagree. My brother is physically closer to me - about 100 miles down the road. And yet the last several years, I can count on my thumbs the number of times I have seen his children. I see my brother about 2x/year and it is ALWAYS at my request. Usually, I'll be in the area and ask him if he wants to meet up for dinner. I ask if he'll bring the kids and only once has he brought them.

OTOH, my sister lives much further away from me. While I have done all the travelling to see them, my sister lets me know what's going on in their lives. I talk to them on the phone. My sister's the 'gatekeeper' and she lets me in. My brother does not.

This isn't a matter of who travels - but how they let you into your life.

[happyscooter]

reply #3, rick i meant there are 3 sides to a story. his, hers and the truth.
or in this case, the mother, the bride and the truth.

[zibazinski]

Unless you want kids, kids should not be at a wedding. Some families cannot imagine a wedding without them, some cannot imagine a wedding with them. I am the latter, of course. My children will be coming to my wedding because they are adults but that is how I feel not how anyone else should feel. Sorry, I have dealt with parents of special needs kids and just one in all those years didn't want EVERYTHING PLUS MORE for their little darling. No matter how much it impacted others because it was ALL ABOUT THEM and THEIR RIGHTS. No one else has any rights where these power trippers are concerned. I hope she gets sued for libel and slander.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

No one else has any rights where these power trippers are concerned. I hope she gets sued for libel and slander.

I was wondering about this. Other than the fact that this would probably become an impossible rift to heal in the family, I wonder of a lawsuit would be a wake up call?

Apparently, this is not the first time this author has played hard and fast with the truth.

Another question I'd also have would be that she went to her editor, who gave her the go-ahead for this article. I wonder if this opens up Today (which I'm guessing supports this website) for a similar lawsuit?

[Opti]

My sister's the 'gatekeeper' and she lets me in. My brother does not.

My sister the gatekeeper no longer lets me in. Its about an 18 hour drive one way not sure how many miles.

[Cookies Galore]

Oct 9, 2011 9:28:40 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Unless you want kids, kids should not be at a wedding. Some families cannot imagine a wedding without them, some cannot imagine a wedding with them. I am the latter, of course. My children will be coming to my wedding because they are adults but that is how I feel not how anyone else should feel. Sorry, I have dealt with parents of special needs kids and just one in all those years didn't want EVERYTHING PLUS MORE for their little darling. No matter how much it impacted others because it was ALL ABOUT THEM and THEIR RIGHTS. No one else has any rights where these power trippers are concerned. I hope she gets sued for libel and slander.

Exactly. I think the author has some gall publishing this rant. She is incapable of talking to a future in-law privately? What a self-serving bitch! And I can't believe all the people posting comments in support of this woman!

I don't want kids at my wedding at all. I think weddings are a great excuse for parents to get away from their kids. I would be pissed if someone brought their child.

If I was the bride in this case, I would never let the author in my life. F her.


ETA: I didn't go to my Dad's wedding 25 years ago and I survived. I was five and brother was 3, so we stayed home (lord knows who's decision it was, though. Twenty bucks says it was mom being bitter as usual). Whoop-de-do. I bet I didn't even know he got married that specific day.

[Deleted]

I had kids at my wedding, but only because OUR kids were there. If we didn't have kids, then I would probably went with a more formal wedding and not invited kids.

[zibazinski]

No kidding. Weddings are awful for kids and the adults can't have a good time, either. My kids were in weddings because they were asked to be in them. Even then, they did their thing, took their pictures and then I had a babysitter come and get them and take them to McDonalds on the way home. They don't want to eat chicken cordon blue anymore than I want to!!!!

[zibazinski]

DF's half sister has school age kids. They MAY come to the wedding and if they do, whatever, I'm not saying "no" but it is at a B&B which means they can't stay there (which actually frees up a room) but they aren't babies/toddlers. That is an absolute no-no to me.

[Deleted]

I have no objection to a kid-free wedding. If that had been the circumstances of the original article, I would have no beef. But the bride is having a kid-free wedding *except* for the niece and nephew she thinks would look the cutest in her pictures.

I think when you pick and choose among equivalent family relationships, there is going to be tension and hurt feelings.