TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:33:01 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:33:01 GMT -5
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:33:28 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:33:28 GMT -5
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:34:11 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:34:11 GMT -5
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:34:47 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:34:47 GMT -5
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:35:18 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:35:18 GMT -5
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:36:06 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:36:06 GMT -5
It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:37:32 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:37:32 GMT -5
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:38:42 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:38:42 GMT -5
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:39:13 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:39:13 GMT -5
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:39:43 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:39:43 GMT -5
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:40:14 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:40:14 GMT -5
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:40:40 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:40:40 GMT -5
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
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Jokes
May 1, 2011 20:41:20 GMT -5
Post by TD2K on May 1, 2011 20:41:20 GMT -5
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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DebMD (banned)
Junior Associate
"Banned," they say. "Don't worry," they say. But beneath their words lurks a dark, terrible secret.
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:29:00 GMT -5
Posts: 6,614
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Jokes
May 2, 2011 10:57:05 GMT -5
Post by DebMD (banned) on May 2, 2011 10:57:05 GMT -5
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in." The first man says" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man " Gee, you can be a bastard when you're pissed, Superman."
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DebMD (banned)
Junior Associate
"Banned," they say. "Don't worry," they say. But beneath their words lurks a dark, terrible secret.
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:29:00 GMT -5
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Jokes
May 2, 2011 10:58:43 GMT -5
Post by DebMD (banned) on May 2, 2011 10:58:43 GMT -5
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
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DebMD (banned)
Junior Associate
"Banned," they say. "Don't worry," they say. But beneath their words lurks a dark, terrible secret.
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:29:00 GMT -5
Posts: 6,614
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Jokes
May 2, 2011 10:59:22 GMT -5
Post by DebMD (banned) on May 2, 2011 10:59:22 GMT -5
There's this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What do you think you're doing?" The drunk says, "I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my neighbor."
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so1970
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 23:54:13 GMT -5
Posts: 176
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 8:29:17 GMT -5
Post by so1970 on May 4, 2011 8:29:17 GMT -5
how many women with menopause does it take to change a light bulb? ONE ONLY ONE AND YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE ONLY ONE PERSON DOES ANY THING AROUND HERE BUT THE WOMAN
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
Administrator
Rest in Peace
Only Bites Whiners
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 20:40:24 GMT -5
Posts: 9,693
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on May 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Iggy, you need to put that on the P & M board! Heads will explode...
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
Administrator
Rest in Peace
Only Bites Whiners
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 20:40:24 GMT -5
Posts: 9,693
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 12:13:05 GMT -5
Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on May 4, 2011 12:13:05 GMT -5
I'll do it then!
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
Administrator
Rest in Peace
Only Bites Whiners
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 20:40:24 GMT -5
Posts: 9,693
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 14:04:53 GMT -5
Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on May 4, 2011 14:04:53 GMT -5
Yep. Exploding heads......
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
Administrator
Rest in Peace
Only Bites Whiners
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 20:40:24 GMT -5
Posts: 9,693
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 16:36:43 GMT -5
Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on May 4, 2011 16:36:43 GMT -5
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DebMD (banned)
Junior Associate
"Banned," they say. "Don't worry," they say. But beneath their words lurks a dark, terrible secret.
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:29:00 GMT -5
Posts: 6,614
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 18:32:48 GMT -5
Post by DebMD (banned) on May 4, 2011 18:32:48 GMT -5
I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.
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DebMD (banned)
Junior Associate
"Banned," they say. "Don't worry," they say. But beneath their words lurks a dark, terrible secret.
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:29:00 GMT -5
Posts: 6,614
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 18:34:47 GMT -5
Post by DebMD (banned) on May 4, 2011 18:34:47 GMT -5
Driving excuses A lady drove the wrong way up a one way street and then parked on double yellow lines. When she came out of the shop, there was a policeman, notebook in hand.' Do you realize what you have just done madam?' the policeman said, as reeled of enough offences to have her banned from driving.
'But you cannot book me officer', she said. The officer replied more intrigued than doubting his authority, 'and why not? 'Because', the lady said, 'my husband will beat me - AGAIN.'
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DebMD (banned)
Junior Associate
"Banned," they say. "Don't worry," they say. But beneath their words lurks a dark, terrible secret.
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:29:00 GMT -5
Posts: 6,614
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 18:35:34 GMT -5
Post by DebMD (banned) on May 4, 2011 18:35:34 GMT -5
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from the party the police pull him over for weaving all over the road, ask him to get out of the car and take the breathalyser test. Just as he is about to blow into the bag, the police radio informs the policemen of a robbery taking place in a house a short distance away.
The police tell the partygoer to remain where he is, they will be right back; and they run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has 'flu and has been in bed all day.They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find the police car, lights still flashing.
A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with 'flu and has been there all day. However, the police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car, and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find the police car, lights still flashing.
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Befferz
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 7, 2011 22:45:16 GMT -5
Posts: 3,580
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 18:43:24 GMT -5
Post by Befferz on May 4, 2011 18:43:24 GMT -5
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DebMD (banned)
Junior Associate
"Banned," they say. "Don't worry," they say. But beneath their words lurks a dark, terrible secret.
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:29:00 GMT -5
Posts: 6,614
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 20:51:17 GMT -5
Post by DebMD (banned) on May 4, 2011 20:51:17 GMT -5
That was a story I read....it was supposed to be a joke. I couldn't figure it out.
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
Administrator
Rest in Peace
Only Bites Whiners
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 20:40:24 GMT -5
Posts: 9,693
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 20:56:30 GMT -5
Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on May 4, 2011 20:56:30 GMT -5
<<I couldn't figure it out.>>
Somehow I'm not surprised.
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DebMD (banned)
Junior Associate
"Banned," they say. "Don't worry," they say. But beneath their words lurks a dark, terrible secret.
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:29:00 GMT -5
Posts: 6,614
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 21:01:52 GMT -5
Post by DebMD (banned) on May 4, 2011 21:01:52 GMT -5
Me nether. Funny thing about jokes. To be funny one has to know the baseline 'normal' and the joke is the abnormal part that makes it funny. And there are cultural differences as to what is funny.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
Posts: 43,130
Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 22:34:04 GMT -5
Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on May 4, 2011 22:34:04 GMT -5
Somehow I'm not either. WTE ?
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
Posts: 43,130
Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Jokes
May 4, 2011 22:48:52 GMT -5
Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on May 4, 2011 22:48:52 GMT -5
Two Trees
A beech tree and a birch tree are in the forest, arguing over a tree sapling.
"It's mine!" says the beech. "No, it's definitely mine." says the birch. Back and forth they argue.
A woodpecker flies by and one of the trees asks him, "Hey, woodpecker! Will you tell us what kind of a tree that sapling down there is?"
The woodpecker flies down and pecks away at the sapling. Finally, the woodpecker flies up and says:
"It's not a son-of-a-beech, and it's not a son-of-a-birch.
But it's the best piece of ash I ever put my pecker in."
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