Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2011 11:03:16 GMT -5
My wife cousin gave birth yesterday morning to a boy and my cousin gave birth this morning to a girl. Today we plan on going to NJ than Long Island to see both cousins. But already we have been getting comments from our parents, the new proud parents and other family members that we need/must be next. Our story for today is that I am sterile and already told my 2 of my cousins and that shut them up pretty quick. Hopefully that will shut them up for a bit.
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april47
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Post by april47 on Jul 2, 2011 11:13:31 GMT -5
Now they will butt in and tell you to adopt or use a sperm donor. You know you can't shut up relatives that easy.
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on Jul 2, 2011 11:13:51 GMT -5
Our story for today is that I am sterile Now that's going to cause quite a scandal when your wife does end up pregnant!
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on Jul 2, 2011 11:16:29 GMT -5
Don't let anyone bully you into having children before you are ready financially or emotionally. They are wonderful, but they WILL change your entire life FOREVER. DH and I were married 8 years before we had DS. It gave us time to really enjoy one another and time to get our financial house in order.
I'd stick with the sterility gig. That's seems to be working. ;D
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patchwork150
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Post by patchwork150 on Jul 2, 2011 11:30:51 GMT -5
cawiau- funny, since all my nephews and neices were born, the grand parents have stopped badgering us to have kids. It seems like it's not working that way for you lol. My only brother has a little boy, and all of my husbands siblings have kids. BTW, I like you and your posts a lot- but please proof-read before publishing posts! (not to be a grammer nazi, I am far from perfect) It's just sometimes I get confused reading your posts until I re-read them a couple times to figure out what you mean ;D I never would have mentioned it if it was 1x or 2x, but it's been every post that I have read recently. ETA: lol that when the wife gets preggo, there will be some 'who's the daddy' drama. BUT, saying you are sterile is funny AND should shut them up for now. Saying 'We don't feel ready yet' SHOULD be enough to shut people up, but I have said it and gotten the third degree before. 'You can never be ready' 'If you wait until you are ready, you will be too old to have kids' etc etc. It's sad how much people pry into other peoples personal lives!!
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Jul 2, 2011 12:03:56 GMT -5
I hear you on the pressure from family to have kids. The only side not bothering us is DH's dad and stepmom, but that is because they have a 6 year old together so they are still raising kids themselves.
It is our moms that lay it on thick. Usually not to our faces though. We hear about it through other people. But lately DH's extended family has been giving him grief. We turn 30 in 7 months, but DH is out of the country until this winter. Even if we decide to try to get pregnant we wouldn't do it right away when he gets back. So we are looking at being 31 at the earliest before we have kids.
Sometimes I do think we need to hurry it up because we want 2 or 3 kids, and I'd like to be done in my mid-30s. But honestly I still don't feel like giving up my freedom yet! My two dogs are way more trouble than I like most days.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 2, 2011 12:07:48 GMT -5
I find being obnoxious and making gagging noises or making a gun motion with my fingers and pointing it to my head gets the idea across.
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Post by robbase on Jul 2, 2011 12:08:58 GMT -5
Good luck, me personally I would just tell my family to STFU, but that's just me and I am ready to disown my family / distance myself from my family if need be at the drop of the hat for my well being...I realize for whatever reason most people are not capable of this, but than you have to be willing to live with the consequences
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Jul 2, 2011 12:09:18 GMT -5
Don't let anyone bully you into having children before you are ready financially or emotionally. They are wonderful, but they WILL change your entire life FOREVER. DH and I were married 8 years before we had DS. It gave us time to really enjoy one another and time to get our financial house in order.
Dancinmamma is spot on here...
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simser
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Post by simser on Jul 2, 2011 12:27:18 GMT -5
I have found the "I can't... would you like to know more?" defense to be really good. Although in fairness I actually can't (including IVF) and no doctor can figure out why. However, the stare really does make many people uncomfortable ;D
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 2, 2011 12:37:11 GMT -5
Good topic, Cawiaiu... this is going to be a problem for DH and me this weekend too! Family reunion tomorrow and we are now officially the oldest (and longest-married) to not have kids... and even his 4- and 5-years-younger cousins are starting to have kids, which is a little scary. I used to make the "So, when are you two having kids?" comments into a drinking game, but I don't want to end up under the table at 2pm I thought that DH being in school would stave it off for a while, but several of his cousins are unemployed and popping em out, so I don't think that's much of a concern for anyone. The sterility angle might work... I think most people are uncomfortable prying any further. But seriously, WTE is wrong with people who have to keep asking questions or making comments after you say "We're not quite ready yet"? FIL is the WORST... he has some heart issues and sometimes gets a little teary (don't know if it's real or fake!) and talks about how much he wants a grandbaby to go fishing with him before he dies. The annoying people I can deal with, but he really makes me sad!
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Post by robbase on Jul 2, 2011 12:48:11 GMT -5
FIL is the WORST... he has some heart issues and sometimes gets a little teary (don't know if it's real or fake!) and talks about how much he wants a grandbaby to go fishing with him before he dies.
so ask him how much money he is willing to give you each month to support the grandkid? mention that you thought about it but day care is wayyy to expensive- can he take care of the kid while both of you are at work or pay for daycare? I think that might shut him up pretty quick
also I would mention that I always wanted a FIL that _____________ (fill in the blank with a choice that peeves you about him, i.e. - a FIL that was better with money & financially secure in retirement / pass an inheritance to his children, that didn't smoke, that exercised regularly, etc. )---I am not sure if any of what I just mentioned would apply, but I am pretty sure he is not perfect and you can think of something
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 2, 2011 13:37:23 GMT -5
The problem with telling people that you're sterile is that they will now come up with all sorts of suggestions as to how to work around it. This is likely to wind up being more of a pain in the ass than anything else.
IME, the problem is not going to go away unless you tell people that you are not willing to discuss your reproductive life with them and leave no openings for arguments.
The comment "I can't believe you want to discuss something so personal", with an icy stare, tends to shut them up as well.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 2, 2011 15:39:41 GMT -5
I find being obnoxious and making gagging noises or making a gun motion with my fingers and pointing it to my head gets the idea across. LOL!! My mom would always bring it up to me and my answer was always the same: "Are you going to take care of the baby while I work." It finally shut her up. My MIL, who is awesome, said "POM you are so smart and I don't blame you one bit for not wanting children - esp. in today's society." (This was years ago.) For those of you who are still being asked this simply say "We're trying!". Then they can talk about how sad it is that you can't get pregnant and they won't bug you about it any more as they won't want to upset you by bringing up the sensitive subject.
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Jul 2, 2011 16:01:12 GMT -5
>>> why not just say the truth, whatever it is. If you want to wait, just say, "we are waiting a little while before having kids." or "there are some medical issues. I'm sorry but they are private." or whatever. Most people who ask are not wanting to be jerks. <<< ...true... but I've noticed that if someone deadpans to the asker, and replies, "we're having issues with that, so your asking only brings up painful feelings, you know?" ...that usually does a good job of both shutting them up that day and every other...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2011 16:07:37 GMT -5
It seems that the more intelligent people are opting to have less children.... but we need them to breed the most! In about 2-3 generations we'll be inundated with idiots and these idiots will be running our hospitals and nursing homes when we get old. To learn more, watch "Idiocracy".
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motherto2
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Post by motherto2 on Jul 3, 2011 8:01:09 GMT -5
to add to the sterile response, tell them you are trying to find out what the problem is, but that the tests, procedures, etc. are so expensive you don't know if you'll ever be able to have children. Then when the money starts rolling in, invest it for later ;D. Then, later when you do decide to have kids, there won't be anyone wanting to know who the baby daddy is, and everyone will feel that they had a little help in that department. Win Win!!!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2011 8:27:18 GMT -5
Tell them the TRUTH. You are both saving, paying off debt, and want to be READY to have a child, not just reproducing and hoping for the best.
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startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Jul 3, 2011 10:25:42 GMT -5
My parents dealt with this constantly since they could not Concorde and were childless for 10 years. Whether it's a choice or medical it's just bad manners to ask.
Of course most people figured it out when they adopted my brother and because irony is alive and well, I was conceived without any drugs or trying. Adoption leads to pregnancy is the joke.
Now I just mess with people and say I'm the youngest and first born. Confuses and shuts them up.
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startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Jul 3, 2011 10:26:13 GMT -5
My parents dealt with this constantly since they could not conceive and were childless for 10 years. Whether it's a choice or medical it's just bad manners to ask. Of course most people figured it out when they adopted my brother and because irony is alive and well, I was conceived without any drugs or trying. Adoption leads to pregnancy is the joke. Now I just mess with people and say I'm the youngest and first born. Confuses and shuts them up.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2011 10:35:47 GMT -5
I have a friend who was sitting in the courtroom finalizing her daughter's adoption when she found out that she was preggers!!!
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lazysundays
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Post by lazysundays on Jul 3, 2011 11:04:55 GMT -5
We gave them the grandbaby, and now she's a toddler and everyone's asking when's the next one. coworkers I don't know, strangers in the park. wth?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2011 11:22:08 GMT -5
Thank GOD I was raised around more civilized people. No one EVER asked and no weirdos even touched my pregnant belly, of which I have heard stories of.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2011 11:33:43 GMT -5
Thanks everyone,
The sterile thing did not fly for long since my wife could not hold a straight face when we went to visit everyone.
Both of us explained to everyone that we could not have a child right now because: a) my wife is barely one year into her career b) we have to get our financial house in order c) we are just not ready
Of course we got the : you cannot wait forever, you can make it work and the God will provide.
But as of now, no kids, not for another 3-5 years! And we expect the comment to keep on coming till then. We have been together 8 years and married for 3.
We have been getting the Kids comment from the moment we got engaged and it intensified when we got married. It's like they were waiting for us to come back from our honeymoon pregnant.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2011 13:36:23 GMT -5
Caiwau, DH and I are around you and your wife's age and we've been together for 8 years married 3 as well. Neither of our families said anything to us about getting married or having kids. Both were questioning whether we were too young!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2011 14:35:38 GMT -5
Caiwau, DH and I are around you and your wife's age and we've been together for 8 years married 3 as well. Neither of our families said anything to us about getting married or having kids. Both were questioning whether we were too young! Can we exchange families? Seriously!!! It is getting old pretty fast having to defend our choices not to have kids right now when all our cousins/friends are popping them like it's going out of style.
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Jul 3, 2011 17:53:40 GMT -5
I find being obnoxious and making gagging noises or making a gun motion with my fingers and pointing it to my head gets the idea across.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Jul 3, 2011 20:23:52 GMT -5
It's funny - when we announced our engagement to my inlaws, the first words out of my MIL's mouth were "the grandchildren can spend summer with us at the lake!". When we told my parents, my mom's first words were "WAIT to have kids!"
We still get pressure from my inlaws. Right now we're the only chance she has (her two other sons aren't interested in having kids). My parents never say a thing.
What I find is worse is that yes, we are trying right now. I had my IUD out in January. DH tells EVERYONE we're trying and now when I see a friend somewhere I get asked "so, how #2 coming along?" - that really irks me. Guess what? I'll get pregnant first, then tell you when I'm good and ready. Ok?
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Post by illinicheme on Jul 3, 2011 22:21:15 GMT -5
I'm pretty fortunate that we get essentially no pressure from anyone. We're not close enough to DH's family to get any interference from them. (Plus they already have several grandkids from DH's younger brother, who has two kids by two different mothers starting when he was 18.)
I have no doubt that my parents would love some grandkids, but they're smart enough to keep their mouths shut. My mom has slipped and said something only twice in the 5 years I've been married.
We're currently trying, but we haven't told anyone.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2011 8:21:31 GMT -5
telephus, if you think people are rude now, just wait until you get PG... then you'll really hear some things! So far I've heard, "oh wow, you're getting so BIG!" "I don't think I was as big as you when I was pregnant!" and other variations of the same. And these were co-workers as well as family. ETA: oh, you already had a kid so you know what I'm talking about.
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