KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 1, 2011 12:34:11 GMT -5
One thing I'd like to point out that seems to be getting skipped is this is NOT the MIL.....it's the Step-MIL.
Depending on the step-family dynamics, I can totally see something like this happening. This step-mom probably has several issues of her own that is being projected onto a stepson/future DIL that may not like her very well to begin with. These issue may stem from how the step-mom was treated in the past by the family as a whole.
I am NOT saying any of this is right, I'm just saying I can see where it can come from.
Signed, Future Step-MIL (hoping I never do something like this!!)
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 12:35:39 GMT -5
you're too awesome NQ.
(Yes, I had totally missed the step-part)
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 1, 2011 12:59:59 GMT -5
Since I am a vegetarian, I don't normally eat what is offered when I stay in someone else's home. I can dig around the kitchen and fix something if allowed or go to a grocery store to buy some of my kind of food. Guess I have no manners
When my sister married, my BIL refused to pay for any alcohol as he is a recovering alcoholic. SIL's family wanted it and paid for it.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jul 1, 2011 13:14:54 GMT -5
If the MIL seriously wished to confront her future DIL, it would've been much wiser to do a private conversation, rather than a written rant. I'd hate to have to go to that wedding. (But, it would be interesting to be a "fly on the wall".
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 1, 2011 13:18:11 GMT -5
Also - I forgot to add:
As the Step-MIL, she may be feeling frustrated that her DH is being asked to bear the brunt of the expense for this wedding. Where is the bio-mother's contribution for her son? None of this is mentioned of course, but it may be a case where the bio-moms (both for the bride and the groom) are making the decisions on what the wedding will entail and looking towards the son's bio-dad to pay for everything, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
As a step-mom, I would be highly frustrated, insulted, and beyond pissed if my stepkids saw their dad as nothing more than a cash-cow - which happens in a lot of step-families. Just look on any step-parent forum and you'll see the same story repeated over and over - the kids only talk to dad when they want money for something. Regardless if it's true in this case or not, it is a very real possibility for the step-mom to be feeling this way.
As a step-mom, I do not condone her sending that email to her future step-DIL, but I do understand where the feelings may come from.....
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jul 1, 2011 13:40:01 GMT -5
what about the food things? Can't say what you want to eat, can't start eating, can't take another helping til asked, and can't mention you're still hungry.... Would you expect to be so formal when staying with "family"? Was she to starve? Would MIL have upbraided her for striking out for mcdonalds cuz she was so hungry? on the news this morning they mentioned that she was diabetic and had to adhere to a certain diet...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 1, 2011 13:56:03 GMT -5
Oh, horse pucky. Yes there are foods to avoid and, yes, you need to eat at regular intervals but if any of what this MIL said is true, DIL was WAY OUTA LINE. A "guest" like that in my house would have gotten the boot fast. After I warned the stepson about the girl's behavior. That boy is blinded by sex and sex wears off. I believe she is a golddigger just like what was said and if you want the gold, you pay a price for it.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jul 1, 2011 14:05:45 GMT -5
but shouldn't the DIL be made to feel like family... not a "Guest"?!?!
If her son had asked for more food, would the MIL have had a hissy fit?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 1, 2011 14:07:27 GMT -5
I am so sure there is more to that story and that that DIL is spinning it big time to make herself look better. I don't believe for a minute that letter was "accidently" posted by a friend, either.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jul 1, 2011 14:11:24 GMT -5
Also - I forgot to add: As the Step-MIL, she may be feeling frustrated that her DH is being asked to bear the brunt of the expense for this wedding. my step father was the parent that decided he was contributing a big chunk of money to my wedding (DH and i were all set to pay for it ourselves... which we did and the extra $$ went into savings) he had zero issue and even contributed more than my mother had thought they would. Of course, my step dad doesn't throw out the fact that he is my STEP parent all the time. he just considers me his daughter too.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jul 1, 2011 14:24:15 GMT -5
I am so sure there is more to that story and that that DIL is spinning it big time to make herself look better. I don't believe for a minute that letter was "accidently" posted by a friend, either. I've seen something similar happen in real life, only on a smaller scale. so I find this scenario totally believeable. at any rate... even if the DIL is a stark raving B*tch, sending that email was a rather juvenile and classless move. my MIL took a huge issue with a decision we made regarding our wedding (which we paid for and was a smallish affair) and threw a fit and gave us the silent treatment for days (while we were staying at their home, for a FUNERAL) and acted appallingly. I could have sent her an email enumerating all the horrible things she did/said and her bad manners. But that would have been so far beneath me. It is distasteful, plain and simple.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 1, 2011 14:24:20 GMT -5
As a step-mother, I like to think that I treat my step-kids just like I do my own son. But, I also know that at this point in their lives, they still look at me as the evil step-parent, not as a parent that loves them just as much as their own.
I also know that their BM looks at me as the interloper, the instigator, the problem creator, and the all around bad person because I'm the one who dared to marry her children's father. I'm the one that created all of her problems for her and she has said that to my face. She views me as the money-grubbing b*tch that somehow convinced the state to give DH custody so he wouldn't have to pay childsupport anymore (even though the courts clearly stated she was the one that needed to get her act together). She views my life as one with a silver-spoon where I was handed everything and didn't have to work a day in my life because everything was handed to me (she ignores the fact that I was a single mom for 3 years before meeting DH).
I'm also a member of a step-parent forum and with what I read there, what I have alluded to this step-mother possibly having to deal with is nothing compared to what some of those other ladies post about. I'm thankful every day I sign on to read about their trials that I have a DH that supports me as a parent and doesn't throw me under the bus just because he doesn't want his kids unhappy.
Just because your experience with a step-parent is a good one, doesn't mean that all of them are. My story isn't finished yet, but I know right now....I'm not well liked unless I'm giving them something they want.....just like a real parent. Only difference is, I don't get the hugs, kisses and affection when things go good - that goes to mom and dad. Anything negative gets laid squarely at my feet in the step-kids minds regardless if I was involved or not.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 1, 2011 14:27:00 GMT -5
Again....I AM NOT DEFENDING THE STEP-MIL'S ACTIONS OF SENDING THE EMAIL. That is totally classless and rude on her part. I would never do such a thing either.
I'm just saying, I don't think this is just poor DIL and horrible evil Step-MIL.
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april47
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Post by april47 on Jul 1, 2011 14:27:03 GMT -5
I must be the MIL from hell then. I wouldn't finance a fancy wedding if I had the money. I don't believe in fancy weddings. $10,000 up for one day of fun? And then half end up divorced? No way. I do believe in marriage though but that can be accomplished with a lot less money. Even if you went to the JP you could have a nice little party at the house or a restaurant afterward to celebrate. If I had money I would more likely give them money for a down payment on a house or a nice honeymoon.
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bring in the new year
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Post by bring in the new year on Jul 1, 2011 14:29:51 GMT -5
I don't know tbird. I picked up on the finance part of this story as well.
From the points that are made about money, the castle for the wedding, the bride's parent's finances, the small dignified wedding "as befits both your incomes" something smells like bride wants to hit up his parents for money. And the fact that step mom said "both your incomes" led me to believe it's not his family money.
And like zib, I find it very convenient that a "friend" posted the email.
I think they both sound horrible - but I think the money issue is being down played.
Why would step mom know anything about parent's finances, if there wasn't borrowing going on?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 1, 2011 15:19:39 GMT -5
Hence, the golddigger comment. I am sure MIL and her husband are getting "hit up" for money to throw a lavish wedding that DIL wants because DIL scored into getting someone with "money" to sleep with her. That boy is being taken for a royal ride and about her health issues, DF has all that and much, much more and he would never, ever say anything to let anyone know. I tell people certain things to protect HIM because he would "go along" to a Mexican restaurant just to be a good sport and then not be able to eat much or whatever he nibbled on would just about kill him later. I'm the bad guy who says I HATE MEXICAN food so he doesn't always have to be the one. I don't give a rip whether his family/friends like me so it's easy for me to cover for him.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 1, 2011 15:20:25 GMT -5
BTW, there's a price to be paid to marry into money. If you aren't willing to pay it, don't go for it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 1, 2011 16:27:50 GMT -5
He sounds like my EX who will never pony up a dime for either kid but will expect to be invited as well as his drunken friends, all the while saying he paid for things.
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Jul 1, 2011 16:58:19 GMT -5
We paid for our own wedding ~ when my mom wanted a "say" in the planning, I asked how much she wanted to contribute and she got verrrrrrry quiet.
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Post by moxie on Jul 1, 2011 17:26:16 GMT -5
I do believe in marriage though but that can be accomplished with a lot less money. Even if you went to the JP you could have a nice little party at the house or a restaurant afterward to celebrate. If I had money I would more likely give them money for a down payment on a house or a nice honeymoon.
I am SO with you on that!!
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Post by moxie on Jul 1, 2011 17:28:10 GMT -5
Again....I AM NOT DEFENDING THE STEP-MIL'S ACTIONS OF SENDING THE EMAIL. That is totally classless and rude on her part. I would never do such a thing either.
I'm just saying, I don't think this is just poor DIL and horrible evil Step-MIL.
Same here...like I said, I don't think the future m-i-l was that off-base with her comments, with the exception of the last one.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 17:38:37 GMT -5
what about the food things? Can't say what you want to eat, can't start eating, can't take another helping til asked, and can't mention you're still hungry.... Would you expect to be so formal when staying with "family"? Was she to starve? Would MIL have upbraided her for striking out for mcdonalds cuz she was so hungry? And the girl is diabetic and therefore needs to eat and eat certain things.
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Post by moxie on Jul 1, 2011 17:48:17 GMT -5
This message has been deleted.
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Post by moxie on Jul 1, 2011 17:49:03 GMT -5
And the girl is diabetic and therefore needs to eat and eat certain things.
Okay, that is acceptable.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 1, 2011 17:52:24 GMT -5
Sounds like my dad! He was not invited That was my one Bridezilla moment in the whole planning process - "I'm paying for this thing, I can invite or not invite whomever the eff I want!"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 17:57:14 GMT -5
I picture a very snotty DIL. If all those things happened I think the SMIL was right on the money with the email. Even with diabetes, there are ways to handle it with a host.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 1, 2011 20:36:03 GMT -5
DF is diabetic and can eat, within reason, anything. His stomach issues do not tolerate certain foods. My dad was diabetic and also ate whatever. He adjusted his insulin if he goofed up.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 21:59:46 GMT -5
Not all people use insulin, some control it with diet. Also, hasn't the SM every hear of, it is rude to point out someone's faults?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 2, 2011 8:15:20 GMT -5
Sometimes you have just had ENOUGH and I think SMIL reached that point. Things came to a head with DF and I last weekend. Thinking of Dark and Loop btw. I not only yelled which I do not, I used the F word which I do not, and I threw my flip flops at him and I have an excellent aim-PE teacher. It got the point across and he has until the 12th to get it done OR ELSE and he knows I will do the OR ELSE so it is not an idle threat. I can see SMIL "blowing her top." She is protecting the family she married into. Something DIL better get on board with because the sex part gets old.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2011 13:38:35 GMT -5
it is rude to point out someone's faults? That is just how obnoxious people try to control others. The problem is they behave obnoxiously, not that someone said they behaved obnoxiously. And that is how I see this email. The problem is not that SMIL said it. The problem is that hopeful DIL did it.
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