Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 7:47:34 GMT -5
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Jul 1, 2011 7:51:06 GMT -5
LOL - i saw this yesterday too -- I think the MIL was a little wild....even if your future DIL did do all the things the MIL accused her of, I don't think emailing her the list of complaintes was a good idea.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 7:59:12 GMT -5
Why does the MIL know the details of their finances?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 8:00:42 GMT -5
Why does the MIL know the details of their finances? Maybe they asked her to pitch in since her parents can't lol
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 8:01:28 GMT -5
LOL - i saw this yesterday too -- I think the MIL was a little wild....even if your future DIL did do all the things the MIL accused her of, I don't think emailing her the list of complaintes was a good idea. LOL true but the DIL made it worse by making it viral lol! I can see the family dinners, akward dignified silence
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 8:02:52 GMT -5
LOL - i saw this yesterday too -- I think the MIL was a little wild....even if your future DIL did do all the things the MIL accused her of, I don't think emailing her the list of complaintes was a good idea. LOL true but the DIL made it worse by making it viral lol! I can see the family dinners, akward dignified silence DIL sent it to a couple of friends, then a friend made it viral
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 8:03:39 GMT -5
Why is this thread posted twice? It's already off topic on EE?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 8:04:31 GMT -5
Why is this thread posted twice? Here we are discussing the financial aspect of the upcoming neuptials: a) Should parents still be on the hook for a wedding b) or should kids expect to pay for it and for fun c) MIL is a nut job
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 8:06:29 GMT -5
I think if parents offer (and can afford it) then they can pay for the wedding (and have some say about the planning/type/guestlist). Expect to pay for your own and be pleasantly surprised if you get help from family.
ETA: If MIL isn't blowing the behaviour of the DIL out of proportion, then they'll make a fine family. If she is, poor poor DIL.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 8:08:42 GMT -5
And my favorite part which sounds like something someone on YM would write:
No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.
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lazysundays
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Post by lazysundays on Jul 1, 2011 8:10:41 GMT -5
If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes --- this is harsh and honest. Everything is just nitpicky. You know how it is, when someone pisses you off for one good reason, all of a sudden the tiny things that used to bug you become huge too.
The tradition is changing to the couple paying for themselves. But etiquette dictates that if you are getting a gift of having the wedding paid for, then you lose much of the chosing power of planning the wedding. The person paying expects to have a say in the planning, which apparently is acceptable. She wants things her way, just pay for it herself. Otherwise, the standards must meet gifted budget.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 8:13:53 GMT -5
But etiquette dictates that if you are getting a gift of having the wedding paid for, then you lose much of the chosing power of planning the wedding. The person paying expects to have a say in the planning, which apparently is acceptable. This was our wedding to a T. We were just guests, the whole wedding was for our parents and they made 90% of the decisions, meeting with vendors, decorating, etc. But they did pay 100% of the bill ;D
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 1, 2011 8:16:30 GMT -5
LOL true but the DIL made it worse by making it viral lol!
No, the DIL did not make it viral, her friends did. It only goes to show that you need to be careful as to what you say because it's easier than ever to now wind up with egg on your face.
Why did you double post this?
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 8:17:53 GMT -5
Not trying to hijack:
I think that, as a parent, if you plan on having a say in the wedding planning, you should be contrubuting your 'gift' upfront so it can be used to pay the baker/caterer/photographer/whatever. Then the couple can include the amount into the overall budget and know where they stand. I don't think you should get the same influence if you are not giving the gift of cash until after the couple is married. In that case they could potentially have to 'float' payments on CCs or something. It is also a bad situation when you (parents) are making 3k of 'extra' demands on the budget and the couple doesn't know if the 'gift' is 1k or 5k or 3k. I don't think you get a say unless it's upfront money. Otherwise it's a lovely gift to jumstart post-wedding savings.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 8:23:24 GMT -5
As long as a few goats and a cow is exchanged, then the parents don't need to pay for the wedding.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 1, 2011 8:24:19 GMT -5
Am DH and I the only ones who paid for our wedding ourselves and STILL had to deal with demands from family members?
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 8:25:55 GMT -5
Am DH and I the only ones who paid for our wedding ourselves and STILL had to deal with demands from family members? No, my BFF is dealing with her DF's family making crazy demands (like doubling the guestlist). They throw a fit when she says no!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 8:28:42 GMT -5
Am DH and I the only ones who paid for our wedding ourselves and STILL had to deal with demands from family members? One thing we both agreed on from the get go and told our parents: "you got to pay to play " They wanted the big traditional wedding where they invite everyone they know, even if they haven't seen them in 20 years or we never met/heard of them, they had to pay ;D
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 8:53:10 GMT -5
how much is very much? they are obviously contributing something.....what is this woman's impression of very much? especially as she finds fault with not doing the 100% brides parents pay for all..... I feel the above is NONE of the MIL's buisness.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Jul 1, 2011 8:55:40 GMT -5
Why is this thread posted twice? It's already off topic on EE? LOL - exactly!!
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Jul 1, 2011 8:55:58 GMT -5
Am DH and I the only ones who paid for our wedding ourselves and STILL had to deal with demands from family members? One thing we both agreed on from the get go and told our parents: "you got to pay to play " They wanted the big traditional wedding where they invite everyone they know, even if they haven't seen them in 20 years or we never met/heard of them, they had to pay ;D
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 1, 2011 9:03:02 GMT -5
I don't think that email had very much to do with the wedding/reception. It sounds to me like the future DIL was an awful house guest and then there was this line.
"You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter."
I would be pissed if I heard that my future DIL was insulting me and my family in public.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 9:08:45 GMT -5
Yeah but that could run the gambit from 'We all know that MIL can be harsh' to 'We all know that MIL is a raving beyotch who needs to be sedated'
It's easy to blow something WAY out of proportion if you're mad/petty enough. It also could have been a horrible insult.
The DIL could like to sleep till 8 when MIL wants everyone up at 530. Or MIL gets up at 8 and DIL sleeps till noon. You don't know.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 1, 2011 9:10:32 GMT -5
sounds like son is marrying his mom. Good luck to him. They both sound like self centered bitches.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Jul 1, 2011 9:17:45 GMT -5
I don't think that email had very much to do with the wedding/reception. It sounds to me like the future DIL was an awful house guest and then there was this line. "You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter."I would be pissed if I heard that my future DIL was insulting me and my family in public. yeah, but what did she say?? MIL might just be a bitch?? without knowing what she said, all we have is MIL's rant. It may or may not have been an appropriate joke
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Jul 1, 2011 9:18:30 GMT -5
Yeah but that could run the gambit from 'We all know that MIL can be harsh' to 'We all know that MIL is a raving beyotch who needs to be sedated' It's easy to blow something WAY out of proportion if you're mad/petty enough. It also could have been a horrible insult. The DIL could like to sleep till 8 when MIL wants everyone up at 530. Or MIL gets up at 8 and DIL sleeps till noon. You don't know. Exactly!! :-)
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 1, 2011 9:39:37 GMT -5
Yeah but that could run the gambit from 'We all know that MIL can be harsh' to 'We all know that MIL is a raving beyotch who needs to be sedated' It's easy to blow something WAY out of proportion if you're mad/petty enough. It also could have been a horrible insult. The DIL could like to sleep till 8 when MIL wants everyone up at 530. Or MIL gets up at 8 and DIL sleeps till noon. You don't know. I agree that we don't know the whole story but the MIL sent an email to just the other person involved she wasn't the one to send it to all her friends. that is probably the reason I believe her that it was an insult and not just a silly remark. I would guess that the rest of it was simply little things that she would have ignored if the straw hadn't broke the camel's back. Who knows I could be wrong.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 9:42:42 GMT -5
She could've been super pissed about the dinner, and then MADE everything else fit into being bad manners.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 1, 2011 9:56:57 GMT -5
It sounded to me like it was just one of those toast/roast type jokes at one of the pre-parties - and the mil was present Or it got back to her... possibly suffering from the 'telephone game.' Sometimes it's worse if you don't know the EXACT phrasing and are left to substitute in whatever the worst you can imagine.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 1, 2011 11:50:56 GMT -5
I'm with beachbum - this might be the very crux of the issue. If I found out that my future DIL was talking me down it would likely hurt my feelings and my relationship with her.
Although I agree this e-mail is completely inappropriate, I hardly doubt that little-miss-bride was standing there completely innocent and all of a sudden got this kind of rage. I know a lot of families that have a blanket hatred of "those kind of people" whoever they may be. I could see this starting bad and unraveling into something horrible. I'm guessing there isn't a likeable person in the bunch.
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