DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Jun 1, 2011 9:46:30 GMT -5
cawai--I think most are WAY to hard on your wife, good for you to stick up for her, yes she likes to shop BUT she is careful about it I bet she spends a lot of time finding good deals, it is what she does so you need to give her a budget for it as long as she sticks to the budget you don't get to complain!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 1, 2011 10:33:08 GMT -5
karma to you cawiau for repeatedly sticking up for your wife.
I'm in the same boat that my spending money is usually spent on 'our' stuff, but that is because that is what I want and enjoy. DH has interests that I'm not into, so his money goes towards 'him'.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 1, 2011 15:55:59 GMT -5
Really? He sticks up for her? What posts do you read? He throws her under the bus. Then we all get sucked into the drama. Then he defends her. What a guy.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 1, 2011 15:57:16 GMT -5
He sticks up for her? What posts do you read? He throws her under the bus. Then we all get sucked into the drama. Then he defends her. What a guy I'm really confused too about the praise for standing up for the wife. If he hadn't posted the thread there would have been no need to defend her in the first place. Ditto with all the other posts about his wife. No one would have called her a shopaholic if he hadn't asked. Don't ask if you don't want people to say yes.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 1, 2011 16:42:00 GMT -5
...:::"I even replied to WWBG on another thread how yes if we stopped eating out, meeting with friends, visiting families and just going to work and coming home and doing nothing else, we could be out of debt in no time. But damn it we would be miserable, and that goes for both of us.":::...
The same is probably true for everyone. The point however is always rehashed when a "we need to pay off debt sooner" statement is so close to a "which international vacation should we take" statement.
...:::"We agree to cut back on it but we don't intend to cease it.":::...
This is the balance everyone is trying to find. 50 hours/week + commute is a lot of time to be working. You want to enjoy your money. You also want to pay down debt. There is a balance.
...:::"I think most are WAY to hard on your wife, good for you to stick up for her, yes she likes to shop BUT she is careful about it I bet she spends a lot of time finding good deals, it is what she does so you need to give her a budget for it as long as she sticks to the budget you don't get to complain! ":::...
I understand how he feels completely because he believes she is spending money on something when she could make do with what they already have.
No I totally get this. I've been there. Even if she is sticking within her allotment and not sinking them further, she is "wasting" money in his eyes. If she just made do with what they had, that money could be used on something with more value.
Its a classic argument that will never end. Man spends money on "useless" stick of titanium so he can play golf better. Woman spends money on "useless" purse that is exactly like the other 10 she has. Nothing wrong with that.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 1, 2011 17:00:46 GMT -5
Absolutely there is nothing wrong with it as long as they are willing to always have cc debt, always live in apartments, and always have 100k student loan for something that wasn't even law or med school. Spend whatever you like on whatever you want. Just don't complain about it. Or the person that is doing it and making those choices. Not like you didn't know that she was a SPENDER. Among other interesting traits.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 1, 2011 18:15:31 GMT -5
I don't think this post started as blaming his wife--it was him considering moving their money around. Everyone else brought up that she would wreck the budget because she is such a spendthrift.
And the whole shopaholic thing seemed odd too. There was a budget of $75, and she spent $65. She picked up a bunch of things and said, how about this, but didn't throw a fit, and stayed within budget (if I remember correctly, and I could be remembering wrong). He doesn't get why she likes shopping, but she probably doesn't get why he likes to count money so much either.
I'll bow out now, since I know that I missed quite a bit on the old threads--it must have been one hell of a crock pot to have created this much grief over it!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 2, 2011 8:34:49 GMT -5
Everyone else brought up that she would wreck the budget because she is such a spendthrift.
Something I learned, unfortunately the hard way, is that when you talk about someone a certain way it starts to color people's opinions. After awhile it doesn't matter if you say "Well she stays within budget" because you've done such a good job of destroying that person in the opinion giver's eyes.
After awhile it can be too late to back track.
Which is what I think Caiwu needs to learn. His wife may be awesome but since all anyone here hears about is her "spending problem" in various forms any time he posts she is going to be ripped to shreds.
I've learned to be REALLY careful what I post and what I say to other people lest they get the wrong impression.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 2, 2011 11:21:40 GMT -5
I've learned to be REALLY careful what I post and what I say to other people lest they get the wrong impression.
I'm learning this too - it's tough because the instant you give a wrong impression, it's all you can do not to rush to correct it by spilling out much MORE information than you ever intended.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 2, 2011 12:33:29 GMT -5
...:::"Absolutely there is nothing wrong with it as long as they are willing to always have cc debt, always live in apartments, and always have 100k student loan for something that wasn't even law or med school. Spend whatever you like on whatever you want.":::... Thats not what I mean zib. I just mean that both of them probably consider the others spending to be wasteful because they themselves do not (necessarily) value what the spending buys, to the same degree. Cawiau may like the idea of a well decorated apartment, and certainly benefits from it, but might rather have sparse or simple decor in exchange for big savings. Mrs. Cawiau probably thinks the idea of a fat savings account, quicker debt freedom, and early retirement are fine and dandy, until that means she has to live with sparse/simple decor. The golf/purse example is good because a lot of people (none here, of course) can relate to it. Its hard to convince your wife that you "need" to spend $200 on a new driver (that to her is exactly like your other one) because it will take 4 strokes off your game. Its hard to convince your husband that you "need" to spend $200 on a new purse (that to him is like the ones you already have) because it is the "latest style". ...:::"Which is what I think Caiwu needs to learn. His wife may be awesome but since all anyone here hears about is her "spending problem" in various forms any time he posts she is going to be ripped to shreds.":::... Oh cawiau has said he's going to stop posting about this as often as Paul has said he's leaving. A week later, its business as usual. We don't mind, they are part of the family. ...:::"After awhile it doesn't matter if you say "Well she stays within budget" because you've done such a good job of destroying that person in the opinion giver's eyes.":::... I know for myself, I've made a very conscious effort this time to reference their agreement, and the fact that she does stay within the budget (even though cawiau would certainly prefer she spend NONE of that money on crap). Others have followed suit. Nevertheless, your point is solid that after enough character assassination, good deeds don't shine through. I also want to make another plug for de-cluttering, and I bet it is ESPECIALLY fresh and painful for cawiau since they just went through a move. As I said in the "I'm so proud of spouse" thread, the one thing that made DF realize just how dangerous clutter can be, was our move. We had more book boxes than other boxes combined, and moving those books added a lot of time to the job (therefore, cost to the job) as well as the fact that it took months to find places to put them all, and required purchase of extra furniture. Most likely, they spent extra hours and elbow grease loading boxes and boxes of stuff that should have been tossed in the first place. I'm sure in that moment, he did feel like it was all crap and should be tossed. I will also once again support Mrs. Cawiau in that Cawiau did say that she does donate older stuff to at least try and keep the clutter to a minimum. Cawiau, for my DF, that eventually became "exciting" for her, and now she likes bringing less stuff in. Just hold out a few more years. My DF changed at about 27. Just 2 more years
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