Group dynamics in success and revenge

[8 Bit WWBG]

One thing I loved about business school was the emphasis on group projects. I much preferred final examinations being group projects, as opposed to sitting down and puking my cram sessions onto a paper in 2 hours. We even had a group dynamics course that I wish was a whole semester instead of half.

As much as some people hate having their success tied to others, it is almost always inescapable in some form. Learning to work within groups, and identify the types of dynamics at work within a group can set you up for big success, and help you avoid (or cause) conflicts.

I also remember a great article about the art of revenge. As tempting as it is to yell and scream at someone who has wronged you, playing the group into your hands can be much more effective. Learning to play the group can even allow you to look like the victim even when you were the aggressor. Failing to understand the dynamics can make you look in the wrong even when you were 100% right.

So what strategies do you use to read groups and align your trajectory with your goals when working with others is unavoidable? Any good stories on these techniques going spectacularly right, or horribly wrong?

One from my end was early on when I realized how some people are sheep just waiting for a good idea, and will follow anyone who seems to know what they are doing so they can avoid thinking for themselves. I managed to make my final group project for one class, a report for a committee I was working on. I had the group doing my work for me, and happy to do so.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

I work a a company, where all the men act like neurotic old ladies. I am sure you've heard this term.

Anyway, do you have any links to that article. That is one I would most certainly want and need to read.

[zibazinski]

I always seemed to get stuck with those who didn't want to do any work but were johnny on the spot to take credit for the work I did so it really prepares you for real life. That being said, I HATED group projects and funny enough, so do my kids. Must get stuck with the same kind of people!!!

[Waffle]

So SF, How long have you been acting like a neurotic old lady?

[swamp]

May 26, 2011 9:55:00 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

I work a a company, where all the men act like neurotic old ladies.

So, since you are also a man, you must act like a neurotic old lady.

ETA: Waffle, are you enjoying hanging out in my head?

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

So SF, How long have you been acting like a neurotic old lady?

Never.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

So, since you are also a man, you must act like a neurotic old lady.
ETA: Waffle, are you enjoying hanging out in my head?

I am feeling the love Swamp!!

[Waffle]

May 26, 2011 10:01:16 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

So SF, How long have you been acting like a neurotic old lady?

Never.

But you said that all the men at your company acted like neurotic old lady - so the choices are
1. you are a man who acts like a neurotic old lady.
2. you are not a man
3. you are lying ;D

Back on topic - I generally prefer working alone at my own pace or just working with one other person. It seems to me that larger groups just tend to slow things down. I've probably got some group dynamic stories - but they aren't coming to mind at the moment. I'll share later if I can think of any good ones.

[Waffle]

ETA: Waffle, are you enjoying hanging out in my head?

So far, so good.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

But you said that all the men at your company acted like neurotic old lady - so the choices are
1. you are a man who acts like a neurotic old lady.
2. you are not a man
3. you are lying

You are just picking nits. I said the men here are old ladies and I have to deal with their pathetic nonsense.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

Back on topic - I generally prefer working alone at my own pace or just working with one other person. It seems to me that larger groups just tend to slow things down. I've probably got some group dynamic stories - but they aren't coming to mind at the moment. I'll share later if I can think of any good ones.

This is true. Depends on the management style of the company, and how projects are approached.

Oh, also if you are working with a bunch of "old ladies", it gets worse....

[Tiny]

So what strategies do you use to read groups and align your trajectory with your goals when working with others is unavoidable?

I start by thinking (hopefully) objectively about the personality types (along the lines of the Myer Briggs/Kiersey personalities or one of those other ones) I'm gonna be dealing with. And then work from there. Hopefully I'm working with a varied group of people and not all 'Dominant' or all 'touchy feely' people. I've been sucessfully 'managing' my manager and several 'problem' users I have to deal with on daily basis for years. It's makes for low stress and little drama.

WWBG, since you've realized and utilized some control over people (without them even realizing it) becareful you don't slip to the Dark Side! Use your powers only for Good!

[zibazinski]

Does it work on DF?

[whoisjohngalt]

I HATED group projects in school. I just didn't trust other people to do what they said they will do or what needed to be done. I know that you can't accomplish anything by yourself. Napoleon Hill makes a great point about surrounding yourself with a team that you can rely on. I am hoping that one day I will learn how to do that

Lena

[zibazinski]

I agree. Someone always does all the work and everyone takes all the credit. Thanks, but no thanks. If I'm going to work my butt off, no one is taking credit for my work but me.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"Does it work on DF?":::...

With some issues, yes. Knowing the type of presentation she reacts favorably vs. unfavorably to can help a lot.

...:::"Someone always does all the work and everyone takes all the credit.":::...

I also learned to maintain good contact with the professor throughout the project. I do remember one class where part of the assessment was each group member had 100 points to dole out. Most people did an even split. I worked in one group where I gave myself 110 points, 3 others zero points, and one person -10 points.

God what happened to me. I miss that magnificent bastard.

[skubikky]

May 26, 2011 10:12:30 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

But you said that all the men at your company acted like neurotic old lady - so the choices are
1. you are a man who acts like a neurotic old lady.
2. you are not a man
3. you are lying

You are just picking nits. I said the men here are old ladies and I have to deal with their pathetic nonsense.

Would you like to share some examples of the "nonsense"?

[sil]

I also remember a great article about the art of revenge. As tempting as it is to yell and scream at someone who has wronged you, playing the group into your hands can be much more effective. Learning to play the group can even allow you to look like the victim even when you were the aggressor. Failing to understand the dynamics can make you look in the wrong even when you were 100% right.

So what strategies do you use to read groups and align your trajectory with your goals when working with others is unavoidable? Any good stories on these techniques going spectacularly right, or horribly wrong?

***********************************************************************************
I'm a PM, so I'm always working in groups. Can't say I've ever actively tried to "look like the victim even when you were the aggressor" but I do bring a box of coffee to early morning meetings, and I always order a good lunch if we have to meet at noon.....does that count?

Oh, and the best advice I've gotten about group dynamics also revolves around food. If you have 2 group members who aren't playing nice together in the sandbox, send them to lunch on the company's dime. It doesn't resolve all of their problems, but they are usually embarrassed enough that they were called out for not playing nice, and the group can be functional again for awhile.

[Firebird]

I also learned to maintain good contact with the professor throughout the project. I do remember one class where part of the assessment was each group member had 100 points to dole out. Most people did an even split. I worked in one group where I gave myself 110 points, 3 others zero points, and one person -10 points.

I learned to be dead honest on those assessments even though I hated them. Most often people would simply give everyone equal points, earned or not, fearing retaliation. And the slackers would just keep on slacking with impunity. Always the same offenders too! It drove me crazy. I started doling out the points people truly deserved, and I started earning a reputation for it.

In one particular class with a professor I'd had before, he said he paid more attention to my assessment than anyone else's in the group because he knew I was the only one who would tell the truth.

[moneymaven]

I hate group projects. I am type A and like things my way. So how do I deal with group efforts? I am the leader. I am good at being bossy. Just ask DH. ;D

[Clever Username]

May 26, 2011 12:55:38 GMT -5 Firebird said:

In one particular class with a professor I'd had before, he said he paid more attention to my assessment than anyone else's in the group because he knew I was the only one who would tell the truth.

Curious that this also means the professor set of the assignment and method knowing that he would not get truthful results.

[Tiny]

As for revenge - it seems like something I'd rather not waste time on. It seems like all the time/effort/emotion I'd have to dedicate to getting the revenge would keep me from having time/effort/emotion to put towards something more meaningful to me.

I'm in the 'socially awkward' crowd so maybe I'm missing whatever 'receptors' that makes 'revenge' sweet and desireable. I like to think maybe the people who I should be getting 'revenge on' will read my lack of interest in them as "you don't mean enough to me to even bother with you" which will cause them distress and anxiety. See, maybe I've made their live's a living heck - and I didn't even have to do anything or even think about it!!

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

Would you like to share some examples of the "nonsense"?

They are pusillanimous... obsequious, wus', take no responsibility, they -foot around problems, afraid to take a stand, etc...etc...