raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 4, 2024 15:07:31 GMT -5
More texts and horrible details from teen throughout yesterday. After social worker(s) left yesterday, the mom beat the 9 yo. Teen said she would meet me at school, was not ever going back home, and wanted to die. I made her pinky swear not to do anything stupid and threatened to come find her if she didn't come to school. Met teen at school. While I was waiting, the office told me there were no counselor appts til noon. So I said that's not gonna work and the lady asked why not and I said bc I'm here to help my daughter's friend report abuse. Well, that got some action. Next thing I know the head principal is in the office asking me all kinds of questions. Um, you guys, I realized I didn't know teen's last name. Luckily, her first name is unique so he knew right away whom I was talking about. Then, he brought me to his office and I answered him a bit but said, look I promised teen I'd be in front office when she gets here and I'm not going to be another grown up who lets her down. He hesitated a bit but I said I'm going back to wait for her, pls escort me. So he did and then ventured off to figure out next steps. Teen got dropped off by school ride share about 10 mins later. I gave her a big hug and then said I may have inadvertently already started the process because I've told her I'd always be truthful and transparent with her. She was jumpy but relieved. We waited another 10 mins and I tried to distract her with stupid stories and managed to make her smile a bit. Then we went to counselor's office and I met with main principal, soph principal, and soc worker whom I knew was familiar with teen's case and recent mental health issues. I read the key parts of teen's texts to me. They explained that bc I'm not related and teen is a minor that I had no legal rights to be there while they questioned her. They told me hotline the same info. I told soc worker that I was going to do foster paperwork and that I understood there are hoops and timing but could she at least let DCFS know that we were a future option. She agreed and said not to tell teen yet in case it doesn't work out. I got to tell teen goodbye, to tell the truth and how proud I was of how brave she is being, and give her another hug. Then, she went to be interviewed and principal escorted me out of the building. I couldn't stop ugly crying at that point. Poor guy felt so bad. I sat in the lot and cried some more. Came home and called hotline anonymously. Family would be first emergency placement. I know there is a grandma and an aunt but nothing about them. Praying with every fiber that teen doesn't get sent home. Foster paperwork isn't online. Just a number to call...googled a bit more and found application that needs to be printed and filled out, but still need to figure out where to send it. Teen texted a couple hours later that they were calling elementary school to interview those two sibs. Both schools have to hotline. Mine and whomever's last week. Should raise all sorts of red flags. Family would be first emergency placement. I know there is a grandma and an aunt but nothing about them. Praying with every fiber that teen doesn't get sent home. Teen texted at lunch that she'd been allowed to hang in theater room. I couldn't imagine her having to go to class. Theater teacher texted that teen confided in her now as well. Then teen texted that DD suspected I was up to something and dummy me forgot to turn off life360 so she knew I'd been at her school for almost two hours. She told teen to text me that I was a terrible liar and stealth is not my strength. Told work I had to help a friend with an emergency. Have been home for a while now but just can't focus. Gonna be a lost work day I guess. If she gets sent home, I'll be telling her to call the police if anything happens. Considered hiding her but need to follow straight and narrow in her best long term interest. Second guessing how I didn't put the puzzle pieces together and what alarms I should have raised yesterday. I just kept thinking it was better to get most of them into school safety today. I have no idea what happens with the toddler all day. Will keep pushing for emergency placement. Was assured that she would be able to keep her phone. All the hugs to you, bonus teen, and your girls. I wish there were an easy button for all of you to get through this stuff.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 4, 2024 15:19:29 GMT -5
I hotlined by 930. It's now 220. Just got off the phone with school social worker bc teen was texting me to come get her at 230 school release. I guess she was smart enough to tell her mom that she was staying after school to watch friends incl dd in choir concert at 6, so that buys us time.
Teen also expressed suicidal thoughts to soc worker. Maybe that gets her back into mental hospital which we'd all take as a win.
Social worker has called and escalated it thru the system all day and DCFS still hasn't shown up at either school. Elem doesn't get out until 4.
I'll be a bundle of frayed nerves at least until I know she's got a safe place to sleep tonight.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 4, 2024 18:33:13 GMT -5
to bonus teen and her siblings, you, your daughter and all involved at the school. I can understand why she feels no hope and does not want to go back to that home life. It's not safe there. Surely they won't send her to mom.....
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 4, 2024 19:19:28 GMT -5
They missed elem kids so went to the house so less likely the kids told the truth. Visit complete and they didn't pull the younger kids.
Just got home with bonus teen. School social worker said teen told her that mom gave permission to stay with us with kind of an implied look the other way.
Teen sobbed the whole way home. I set her up in DDs room and am giving her some space for an hour. I suggested that I take her phone for a bit and she agreed.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 4, 2024 19:25:00 GMT -5
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Mar 5, 2024 7:07:59 GMT -5
Oh, azucena, I'm so glad for bonus teen that she has you! This is far too much ugly for a young girl, for anyone really. Your tenacity will surely spell relief for her and her siblings.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 5, 2024 10:04:44 GMT -5
I hope today brings some good news.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 5, 2024 11:43:43 GMT -5
The mom reported teen as a runaway. Google tells me I could get in trouble for housing her and teen is afraid to cause trouble for us. Told teen to go ask school social worker for advice.
Found runaway hotline that purports to give advice. Been on hold for 20 mins already.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 5, 2024 12:13:57 GMT -5
Im.sorry azucena. Hoping the school can call the social worker she saw yesterday and get help.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 5, 2024 12:51:24 GMT -5
Yesterday she only saw the school social worker. DCFS can't interview her until Weds.
65 mins later, hotline confirmed I can be in trouble for continuing to house her now that I know she's reported. Shelters can't take her knowing she's reported.
Only guardian, court appointee or juv officer can file for restraining order on teen's behalf.
Gave in and left school social worker a msg asking what's next.
Teen hasn't texted me in 2.5 hours.
Foster app had all kinds of questions, and I answered truthfully about my depression, anxiety, meds and all of us being in therapy.
DH is supposed to be asking his center's child advocate for more advice but he's also in charge of a classroom and hasn't responded in a bit.
This is pure anguish.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 5, 2024 12:57:22 GMT -5
That all really sucks azucena. I hope the social worker has some thoughts. My only thought is if bonus teen could apply for emancipation?
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 5, 2024 13:21:39 GMT -5
Teen texted she's going back to mental hospital. Not ideal by any means but at she knows she should be safe there.
Emancipation paperwork seems to take days/weeks/months too.
Foster app done but I have no idea where to send it. Can anyone with googling skills find it for St Louis County in MO? School social worker said to leave a msg on their phone number and they will eventually get back to me bc they are desperate for help. I did that yesterday. Jumping ahead a bit since we can't even seem to get her removed from the home.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 5, 2024 13:45:38 GMT -5
Teen texted she's going back to mental hospital. Not ideal by any means but at she knows she should be safe there. Emancipation paperwork seems to take days/weeks/months too. Foster app done but I have no idea where to send it. Can anyone with googling skills find it for St Louis County in MO? School social worker said to leave a msg on their phone number and they will eventually get back to me bc they are desperate for help. I did that yesterday. Jumping ahead a bit since we can't even seem to get her removed from the home. I found this site: dss.mo.gov/contactdss.htm, spoke with the Children's division, and had to leave a message for a rep named Melissa. From what I've found online and what the receptionist said the application goes to your case worker. But I'll ask her how to get a case worker if she calls back.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 5, 2024 15:13:12 GMT -5
Thx Rae. I'll look at it later, I'm gonna crash for a bit.
Theater teacher texted that DD was in her room sobbing after hearing hospital news. My work day was shot anyway so I went to pick her up.
She needed to be alone but dd11s stupid cat pawed and whined at her door until I let him in. He ran up on the bed and purred and rubbed until she couldn't help but laugh. Meanwhile I yelled, you better earn your keep, floor pisser.
He really wouldn't live here anymore if he wasn't so good for DD11. Normally he doesn't give the rest of the time of day. Frickin' therapy cat.
Just got a chance to watch DD15s choir solo performance video from last night. Amazing how she could get up there and sing like that when just an hour prior she was holding her friend and sobbing.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 7, 2024 12:08:59 GMT -5
Teen was confirmed to be admitted Tues night. Only mom could pick her up from school and take her there. I can't imagine that car ride.
Kinda hoping teen stays thru spring break week of 3/18 since she won't miss class anyway and her fam was supposed to road trip to OKC to see add'l fam. We will be at the beach but I'll pay whatever and fly back if needed.
School social worker suggested that I text teen's mom and say teen told me to make sure she has my number and how much we appreciate her daughter's friendship with mine. Praying, thinking, letting things cool off. Any advice here?
Dh and I have a dinner next week with DH's co-teacher bc she volunteered to coach me thru some of the race issues and used the term white savior. I've def tried to think through that even before this prompt and will accept any and all help bc that's the last thing I want to cause.
Meanwhile, I couldn't get DD11 to go to school yesterday. She just couldn't overcome her anxiety and later after sleeping several more hours let loose a host of school news that she'd been withholding. Enough to prompt email to home room teacher and principal. Kinda forced her to go to school today with the promise of grandma picking up and taking her to cat cafe and joking that she should convince grandma to adopt one and see how far into that ploy she could get.
I recognize that DD is feeding off the tension in our house from this week but there's def school stuff to fix too.
DH and I already met with principal via video this morning, and it couldn't have gone better. She's an amazing advocate for mental health and shared that her 26 yo daughter has lingering OCD/germ type anxiety post-covid. Daughter also lost a best friend to suicide in college years so principal ain't messing around. We worked thru some suggestions and she's going to find anxiety training for the whole staff bc she's seeing so many signs in kids.
Meet with teacher in person after school. Really hoping to get through to her bc it's clear to me that she doesn't get anxiety. Particularly sucks because I'd considered her a good friend of mine. I was telling her stuff from DD and she outted me more than once.
Half serious, half threatened to pull DD and home school rest of the year if they can't fix this.
In a silver lining, DH has been amazing with teen and is completely plugged in with fixing school for DD. I talked with my therapist about how crazy good the two of us are in a crisis. Even just noticing that and letting DH know is huge progress for me personally. He showed me all the things that I fell in love with him for that have been hiding.
And I've been doing a relatively good job with self care this week all things considered. I even called in favors with two long term clients to delay deadlines.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Mar 8, 2024 4:12:01 GMT -5
You're giving so much, azucena. You are wonderful that way. The only suggestion I might have is to not mention teen suggesting she have your number when texting her mother, but just say that you are sorry teen is having challenges and that you're happy to help in any way to make things easier.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 8, 2024 8:40:08 GMT -5
Kept my plans to spend last night in a hotel with my mom 3 hours away so we can watch my niece play in spec oly state bball finals. Her entire middle school gave her a send-off parade yesterday and more than a dozen teachers wore purple shirts with her name taped on them bc purple is her team color. Her dad shared fb videos of it all and the school page had even more!
This will be about the best self care I could have asked for. Before all my therapy, I would have skipped it.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 8, 2024 8:45:34 GMT -5
Mtg with principal went well. She's an amazing mental health advocate and shared that her 26 yo seems to have developed severe anxiety post covid yrs.
Conversation with teacher was good too. Her dad recently sought treatment for depression so that's opened her eyes to the severity of things. Beginning to wonder if DDs negativity is her version of depressed and will ask therapist.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 9, 2024 10:32:36 GMT -5
Had the best day yesterday. 13 yo Niece didn't know we were coming. Her team lost the first game but man they never give up and scored 15 in the second half.
Enjoyed lunch with her and her teammates who are some great older teens and young ladies. The banter amongst them was fantastic and they even ribbed my niece about a pass she made to her friend that smacked her in the face and glasses. She came out of game, mom checked on her and she went back in later. Friend wears a helmet and doesn't have use of one arm. She's an amazing shooter with her other. She was wide open on the block so the pass was right idea. At lunch friend said I didn't even know I was open. I made a caitlyn clark reference and two of them got it and couldn't stop laughing. They told niece that she can only bounce pass to friend lol to which niece gave the thumbs up.
They won their second game and niece scored a basket and had a few steals. She knew coach took out the typical inbounder so she hovered after the other team scored and got herself that role for a bit. At one point, her teammate got fouled shooting and I'll be darn if she wasn't lined up in the right offensive spot for free throws before the ref was done signaling the table. Our 6th grade team still struggles to figure that out.
They ended up in second place out of 7 teams in senior ladies division.
Proud aunt day. Had some rowdy fun with some of the other parents. Haven't laughed so much in ages. And just nice to have my mom to myself for a bit.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 10, 2024 10:28:12 GMT -5
DD11 is really sharing now and has def slipped into depression. I'm upset that I missed it but working to keep the dialog flowing and balancing sharing enough of my stuff so she knows I get it but not too much to scare her. Texting therapist this afternoon even tho it's sun. Resumed searching for psych and possible meds. Considering concierge service to jump the line so to speak.
Working on all the coping skills that I know for both of us and pouring into her as much as possible.
Any advice?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 10, 2024 14:23:58 GMT -5
DD11 is really sharing now and has def slipped into depression. I'm upset that I missed it but working to keep the dialog flowing and balancing sharing enough of my stuff so she knows I get it but not too much to scare her. Texting therapist this afternoon even tho it's sun. Resumed searching for psych and possible meds. Considering concierge service to jump the line so to speak. Working on all the coping skills that I know for both of us and pouring into her as much as possible. Any advice? I don't have advice, but I'm thinking of you. Don't beat yourself up for missing it, you're taking action - and taking her seriously. Just being heard is so important.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Mar 11, 2024 4:03:44 GMT -5
azucena, the advice I have is to keep going exactly as you are doing. Teen/tween depression is often expressed a bit differently than adult's. Extreme irritability is one example. Plus, the hormonal surges really can light the fire. They have a short perspective and it can be easy to lose sight of the fact that this is not forever; that it can be treated and will end. IMO it's imperative that the child have some passion that they can jump into, to give them a reason to keep going. Any help you can offer to guide your DD there would only be good. Plus, of course, therapy and appropriate medication with a psych that understands adolescents. I'm sorry your DD is in the throes. She's very lucky to have you.
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finnime
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Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
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Post by finnime on Mar 11, 2024 4:10:20 GMT -5
I've made flight arrangements to see DS in Denver in mid-May. I was going to go for his birthday which is May 4, but he tells me he's trying to arrange to see a woman he's interested in that weekend whose birthday is May 1.
I'm really excited about seeing him. It's been far too long. We were going to go last year but a friend who we were also going to see in New Mexico got Covid, so everything was cancelled. This time it's just me going, and only to Denver.
DS will be 30. I marvel. His woman friend, who he has known since middle school, lives in San Francisco. By the way he laughs when he talks about her I can tell he's crazy about her.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 14, 2024 9:15:00 GMT -5
The dreaded course registration time is upon us for 9th grade. I really want Carrot to get that foreign language requirement out of the way in 9th and 10th, but he wants to kick it down the road.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 14, 2024 10:05:13 GMT -5
How old were you guys when you got your wisdom teeth? I was in my early 20s when mine finally came in. The reason I ask is it looks like Gwen is getting at least one of them. You can tell something is pushing up into the gum and it's where the tooth would pop out. I just didn't realize it could be so young. DH is making a dentist appointment for her. She's home today because she could barely talk and her cheek is swollen. I told her I guess if it is her wisdom teeth coming in it's good I have dawdled on braces. Those coming in would have fucked everything up. She has a very small jaw like I do there is no where for them to go so they will have to be removed. I told her the dentist will be able to do an X-ray and tell us what is going on and the next steps. ETA: Okay google says it can be as early as 14. She started teething as a baby pretty early too so I guess that lines up.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 14, 2024 10:42:38 GMT -5
Mine never came in. They were always there though and I had them surgically removed when I was in my 30's. Older son definitely had his at least part way in by high school. He had them removed when he was maybe 16 or 17.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Mar 14, 2024 11:53:46 GMT -5
I had mine removed when I was 15 because there was no room for them / they were impacted.
I had braces from 11-12 and my wisdom teeth coming in didn't affect the alignment of my teeth at all.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 14, 2024 12:18:46 GMT -5
I needed braces and my mouth was very crowded. I think they did pop through and they were yanked when I was 18. Dentist wouldn't do it because of my TMJ and small/crowded mouth. Oral surgeon put me under and took them out. I had no issues after.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 14, 2024 13:03:19 GMT -5
It's not wisdom teeth. It's her 12 year molars. I didn't know you had molars come in at 12-13. Guess I didn't even notice mine at the time.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 15, 2024 5:57:10 GMT -5
Fwiw, we were just at the dentist who confirmed that dd15s wisdom teeth are coming in. Her last molars came in a couple years ago.
My wisdom teeth came in when I was 31 and I had to have then removed.
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