minnesotapaintlady
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 9, 2020 21:48:27 GMT -5
Posts: 7,595
Member is Online
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 9, 2022 9:36:02 GMT -5
He used to be good. When he was in high school he used YNAB and was saving half the money he earned. But now that he's in college it's all gone out the window, he just blindly swipes his debit card over and over and doesn't track anything. If the money runs out of his checking he transfers from savings. Around Christmas he was complaining his savings was getting low and I was secretly happy thinking "good, he'll finally have to think about what he's spending". Then BAM, the government dumps another $1800 "Cares Act" money into his account last month. I told him great, that will cover your first and last months rent for your apartment and books for Fall semester. Well, not at this rate it won't! It makes me so mad. So what happens if he can't cover first and last month's rent for next fall? I am way out of touch at this point with student housing for college students. If it wouldn't impact him too badly maybe let him fall on his face? I LOATHED living in a dorm and that was good motivation to budget so I can make sure I have a living space that has a private bathroom. Pretty much nothing. It would just be more out of his college fund. Apparently conserving that with all these windfalls is not a priority of his.
My bigger concern is reality is going to knock him on his ass when money stops falling from the sky. He's also becoming very unhealthy. He didn't want to go to the water park because he's recently sprouted some pretty nasty stretch marks due to all the weight gain...yeah...Dominoes every other day will do that (at $21/pop).
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,757
|
Post by raeoflyte on Mar 9, 2022 9:37:09 GMT -5
Ds has blossomed in middle Dh and I are shocked. I hope it lasts but am just trying to enjoy it while we have it.
His least favorite teacher was out for 6 weeks and he had the most awesome sub ever. Now that worst teacher is back we have a good chunk of venting to get through each day. It's in science which is his favorite class which stinks to have a bad teacher in, but it hasn't made him dislike the subject. We have recommended that he grin and bear it through that class. Don't visit, look focused on your lesson.
|
|
Sam_2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:42:45 GMT -5
Posts: 12,350
|
Post by Sam_2.0 on Mar 9, 2022 9:42:07 GMT -5
MPL - is he suffering from anxiety or depression? When H or I are in our depressive episodes, budgeting means nothing. We have to set up boundaries when we are healthy so the times when we aren't don't get too bad. Just a thought since you said it seemed fairly new for him.
Middle school - I just signed A's enrollment form. This will be the first year that 6th joins MS, so the school will have 2/3of the student body new to MS. Lort. We've started our first big round of girl drama too. Our bad for not monitoring A's phone closer, she was calling one girl a bitch and then screen shotting the convo and blasting it to a group text. We shut her down for bullying and had her apologize to each person, which seemed pretty humiliating for her. I've talked with some of the other moms too. It's nice to know they seem to be on the same page and we've all agreed kids can be jerks sometimes but they are still good kids and we are trying to look out for each other.
T has Kindy enrollment tomorrow 😭 how is my baby not a baby anymore? It went way way too fast.
|
|
minnesotapaintlady
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 9, 2020 21:48:27 GMT -5
Posts: 7,595
Member is Online
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 9, 2022 9:52:19 GMT -5
MPL - is he suffering from anxiety or depression? He was freshman year, and got put on Zoloft, but weaned off of it in December of last year when he felt he didn't need it anymore. He was complaining it made him gain too much weight. I think it's new because this is the first year of "normal" life for him in the big city, when he lived at home there wasn't much for restaurants and he'd have to drive the 15 miles to town to go, and freshman year they were locked down in their dorms all year so he didn't meet many people and Minneapolis was pretty strict about covid restrictions on restaurants, so he didn't go out at all.
|
|
minnesotapaintlady
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 9, 2020 21:48:27 GMT -5
Posts: 7,595
Member is Online
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 9, 2022 10:15:34 GMT -5
My oldest had a hell of a time 5th-8th grade. So. Much. Drama. I thought that was a girl thing, but my son proved to me that boys can be just as bad.
|
|
minnesotapaintlady
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 9, 2020 21:48:27 GMT -5
Posts: 7,595
Member is Online
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 14, 2022 9:32:39 GMT -5
Ok, I'm really starting to worry about my college kid now. He was home last week and he just looks really rough. The whole shaving and hair cut thing has gone out the window, which is fine...easily fixable if he wants to, but he's also put on a lot of weight. Like a lot. He seems happy enough and I think he's doing better this semester in his classes than last semester, but I don't think he has much of a life besides sitting in front of a computer playing video games and eating. He has lots of friends, and they don't seem the same way. I had to give Carrot a lecture last night about calling his brother fat. Just because he jokes about it doesn't mean he likes it being pointed out. I found myself trying to make suggestions to him about things he could do at school to get him moving which I'm sure he took as a dig on his weight too. But damn, you can't hole yourself in your room and eat Dominoes day after day and not get obese.
At the very least I need to send him some new shirts. His XL shirts are pushing crop top territory now which doesn't help.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Mar 14, 2022 11:38:44 GMT -5
Ok, I'm really starting to worry about my college kid now. He was home last week and he just looks really rough. The whole shaving and hair cut thing has gone out the window, which is fine...easily fixable if he wants to, but he's also put on a lot of weight. Like a lot. He seems happy enough and I think he's doing better this semester in his classes than last semester, but I don't think he has much of a life besides sitting in front of a computer playing video games and eating. He has lots of friends, and they don't seem the same way. I had to give Carrot a lecture last night about calling his brother fat. Just because he jokes about it doesn't mean he likes it being pointed out. I found myself trying to make suggestions to him about things he could do at school to get him moving which I'm sure he took as a dig on his weight too. But damn, you can't hole yourself in your room and eat Dominoes day after day and not get obese.
At the very least I need to send him some new shirts. His XL shirts are pushing crop top territory now which doesn't help.
We'll, he's got his age going for him, at least. And being male, it should be so much easier for him to get in shape if he decides to try. Since he's got so much money to burn, shouldn't he be buying himself some new shirts?
|
|
minnesotapaintlady
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 9, 2020 21:48:27 GMT -5
Posts: 7,595
Member is Online
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 14, 2022 12:04:20 GMT -5
Yes. But will he buy any? Doubtful. He doesn't seem to care that his shirts don't fit him anymore.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,835
|
Post by taz157 on Mar 14, 2022 12:46:04 GMT -5
DD1 starts middle school in the fall. I’m so not looking forward to it. I think she’s ready, but I just hated middle school. She’s a good kid and likes to be herself. I hope that doesn’t change. She’s been asking for a phone but I’m not sure. Since she’s not going to her home school in the fall (top choice magnet program), we are her transportation provider. Most likely, I’m taking her in the morning and my mom will pick her up (she offered). Initially, we thought maybe with a phone if she was going to her home school and taking the bus. Now, I’m not sure. DH and I need to discuss again as it’s been a while.
DD2 is 7 months old and doing great!
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,327
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 14, 2022 12:58:40 GMT -5
We got Gwen a phone come middle school. Not only do we have transportation issues but she's in A LOT of activities.
I remember when I was in HS before cell phones were a major thing I ended up at a place where there was no public phone. I couldn't get ahold of my dad, didn't see him anywhere so my drama teacher offered me a ride. Well apparently my dad was showing up right as I left and didn't know it. Mass confusion and a lot of getting yelled at for me being irresponsible enough to leave instead of waiting.
I was a HS 5'0'' girl left alone in a parking lot. I was scared. Excuse me that the event was held in a location that somehow didn't have a single public phone. I should have walked to the gas station then. Again HELLO 5'0'' girl in the dark!
That bullshit royally messed me up.
Gwen got a phone. It would be insane of me to put her through that and that was my argument with DH over whether she was too young to have a phone. And we currently live in a time where there are even LESS public phones than there were then.
If she didn't have activities I might be a lot less inclined to get her one. One thing I did do was start her out on Straight Talk. I liked that I controlled her minutes, she was dumb with the phone minutes went bye bye I just didn't have to renew them that month. I finally moved her over to my plan with Cricket yesterday she's shown she can handle a phone. Saves me $25 a month too.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Mar 14, 2022 14:42:16 GMT -5
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,757
|
Post by raeoflyte on Mar 15, 2022 9:22:43 GMT -5
DD1 starts middle school in the fall. I’m so not looking forward to it. I think she’s ready, but I just hated middle school. She’s a good kid and likes to be herself. I hope that doesn’t change. She’s been asking for a phone but I’m not sure. Since she’s not going to her home school in the fall (top choice magnet program), we are her transportation provider. Most likely, I’m taking her in the morning and my mom will pick her up (she offered). Initially, we thought maybe with a phone if she was going to her home school and taking the bus. Now, I’m not sure. DH and I need to discuss again as it’s been a while. DD2 is 7 months old and doing great! I asked ds (6th grade) and he said all of his friends now have phones, and only 1 has a flip phone instead of a smart phone. So if you don't get her one, I doubt she'll ever be far away from one.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,495
|
Post by geenamercile on Mar 15, 2022 17:19:37 GMT -5
youngest got a phone last year when she was in 4th. The only reason was because I had to go in, and her and her sister were virtual. I wanted her to be able to call me in case of an emergency. Oldest didn't get one until like 7th grade.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,316
|
Post by azucena on Mar 15, 2022 19:00:19 GMT -5
Dd13 doesn't have a phone, but we will give her one in April as she travels to Chicago with her class for 5 nights. She has other trips without us this summer. We are very happy with our choice to hold out this long and have placed major boundaries around it. It will live in our kitchen and not go to school. No social media until at least 18. No unapproved apps. We have a contract for her to sign. Two other girls/moms have held out with us. I already have a pact with 3 moms in dd9s class to hold out too.
|
|
minnesotapaintlady
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 9, 2020 21:48:27 GMT -5
Posts: 7,595
Member is Online
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 15, 2022 20:58:39 GMT -5
Carrot has a really old Samsung Galaxy that was a hand me down from his grandma. He really doesn't spend a lot of time on it and will misplace it for a week or two without caring, but it is nice to send along with him to school activities and campouts so I know when to pick him up. They use speechwire on their phones at the meets as well. I think I'm getting him a new phone for his 12th birthday in June. Come Jr high he's going to be expected to check email frequently...not something I'm thrilled with, but it's how it is and I don't think his phone can even handle Outlook anymore. It's always locking up from memory issues even though we've deleted almost everything on it.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,757
|
Post by raeoflyte on Mar 17, 2022 11:20:21 GMT -5
Ds isn't liking jazz band. None of his friends joined, he's the only 6th grader, and he feels way behind the other students. Dh and I have tried to really encourage him to stick with it without making it a thing. I was really impressed with ds email to the director laying out his concerns. I obviously didn't have email to communicate with teachers in middle school, but I don't think I could have done that at his age. Of course I can't tell him I'm proud of how he communicated without encouraging him to stop doing such things.
Ds agreed to go today and talk with him after class. I tried to prep him on what to say so that he could think about it for a few days. I'm so curious to hear how it went.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,316
|
Post by azucena on Mar 25, 2022 6:03:25 GMT -5
Hosting ten 6th, 7th, 8th grade girls bball teammates after school today for their season wrap party. Will be watching women's tournament games - expect 4 or 5 to really watch and the rest to hang out and play Foosball, ping pong, and air hockey in our game room. Serving pizza, grapes, popcorn, rice krispies, and lemonade. Keeping hosting duties light. Families were invited so a few parents and siblings will join. Excited to get back to hosting kid groups and DD13 is openly appreciative.
Hosting nine 3rd grade girls bball teammates tomorrow afternoon for game watching - likely even fewer actually watch LOL but even a little exposure will be great for them. Fewer parents accepted which makes it a bit like babysitting but I coach them so know they are good kiddos. Popcorn, strawberries, and Gatorade - DD9s requests. Got 4 giant sams bags of popcorn so should be covered.
Looking fwd to both events but also coincides with me feeling people'd out. Playing catchup at work after being out a week for spring break and unplugging 95% of last week. Had a decent vacation and then stepped right back into the clusterfucks that continue at work. My boss continues to be a dumbass most of the time including upping my annual goals substantially. Our contract dept continues to be way behind. It's frustrating and affects our client relationships adding management work for me to constantly monitor.
We go back to the office 4/4 so that adjustment is hanging over my head. Will be completely weird after 2 yrs away. I'm dreading going back to business casual and wishing I could continue to skip the little makeup I feel like I need at work. Stupid society standards.
I need a haircut and my curly hair guru left - he's now downtown 45 mins away, would have to pay for parking, and costs $85 instead of $40 for a cut. I don't have time for that and don't have brain space to find someone new. I'm also leaning towards going back to the short cut I'd had for the prior 15 yrs precovid that I loved and was so easy. Grew it out during quarantine and it's curly now, never was before, best guess is 40s hormones. Dd13 raves over it and I get lots of compliments which makes me nervous about going back to short even though I felt confident in it. I'm left feeling unsure now and hating that I care what others think. Likely need to poll a few people whom I consider put together to get honest feedback. Wondering if I can split the difference and cut back shoulder length to something shorter that still curls.
Processing my therapy work and trying to figure out next steps.
Sent out counselors inquiries for dd9 this week as she's showing clear signs of anxiety. Was likely coming anyway due to genetics and personality but covid ramped up timeline and stupid war tipped the scales. I hate that the news is everywhere even if it's not in our home.
Clearly too much in my head this morning. Posts like this make me think I'd benefit from Journaling but feels like one more thing to do.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,491
|
Post by finnime on Mar 25, 2022 6:27:11 GMT -5
You're a caring and involved mom balancing on a high wire of a demanding job and personal growth and wife roles, azucena. I remember those days, and feeling like the smallest misstep would leave me crashing. I'm impressed with all you do and how you do it.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,757
|
Post by raeoflyte on Mar 26, 2022 8:57:03 GMT -5
Hosting ten 6th, 7th, 8th grade girls bball teammates after school today for their season wrap party. Will be watching women's tournament games - expect 4 or 5 to really watch and the rest to hang out and play Foosball, ping pong, and air hockey in our game room. Serving pizza, grapes, popcorn, rice krispies, and lemonade. Keeping hosting duties light. Families were invited so a few parents and siblings will join. Excited to get back to hosting kid groups and DD13 is openly appreciative. Hosting nine 3rd grade girls bball teammates tomorrow afternoon for game watching - likely even fewer actually watch LOL but even a little exposure will be great for them. Fewer parents accepted which makes it a bit like babysitting but I coach them so know they are good kiddos. Popcorn, strawberries, and Gatorade - DD9s requests. Got 4 giant sams bags of popcorn so should be covered. Looking fwd to both events but also coincides with me feeling people'd out. Playing catchup at work after being out a week for spring break and unplugging 95% of last week. Had a decent vacation and then stepped right back into the clusterfucks that continue at work. My boss continues to be a dumbass most of the time including upping my annual goals substantially. Our contract dept continues to be way behind. It's frustrating and affects our client relationships adding management work for me to constantly monitor. We go back to the office 4/4 so that adjustment is hanging over my head. Will be completely weird after 2 yrs away. I'm dreading going back to business casual and wishing I could continue to skip the little makeup I feel like I need at work. Stupid society standards. I need a haircut and my curly hair guru left - he's now downtown 45 mins away, would have to pay for parking, and costs $85 instead of $40 for a cut. I don't have time for that and don't have brain space to find someone new. I'm also leaning towards going back to the short cut I'd had for the prior 15 yrs precovid that I loved and was so easy. Grew it out during quarantine and it's curly now, never was before, best guess is 40s hormones. Dd13 raves over it and I get lots of compliments which makes me nervous about going back to short even though I felt confident in it. I'm left feeling unsure now and hating that I care what others think. Likely need to poll a few people whom I consider put together to get honest feedback. Wondering if I can split the difference and cut back shoulder length to something shorter that still curls. Processing my therapy work and trying to figure out next steps. Sent out counselors inquiries for dd9 this week as she's showing clear signs of anxiety. Was likely coming anyway due to genetics and personality but covid ramped up timeline and stupid war tipped the scales. I hate that the news is everywhere even if it's not in our home. Clearly too much in my head this morning. Posts like this make me think I'd benefit from Journaling but feels like one more thing to do. I hope the parties went well and you can have a quiet weekend to recharge. I've started copying and pasting a lot of my board posts into Penzu for Journaling. Sometimes I write something out and realize it's really just for me so I only put it in penzu. But the board is a great journaling prompt for me and being interactive I get more out of it than I would just journaling on my own.
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,416
|
Post by NastyWoman on Mar 28, 2022 16:59:18 GMT -5
Today DS2 turns 40 so it has been more than a few years since I was surrounded by little people. Someone remind me please at what age does a child learn to count backwards? I just don't remember but yesterday DGS2 (age 4.5) was counting backwards from 10 before launching himself of the couch. Is that normal, the counting backward I mean not the launching - that part I remember all too well...
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Mar 28, 2022 17:04:41 GMT -5
Today DS2 turns 40 so it has been more than a few years since I was surrounded by little people. Someone remind me please at what age does a child learn to count backwards? I just don't remember but yesterday DGS2 (age 4.5) was counting backwards from 10 before launching himself of the couch. Is that normal, the counting backward I mean not the launching - that part I remember all too well... Happy birthday to your Ds! I think 4.5 is about right for that, but likely varies.
|
|
steph08
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 13:06:01 GMT -5
Posts: 5,459
|
Post by steph08 on Mar 28, 2022 19:14:12 GMT -5
4.5 does sound right for that. I'm sure my kids did it sometime between 3 and 5 (I know that's super specific haha). They'll do it faster if they watch TV shows that often count backwards. I think ours learned it from Team Umizoomi.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,316
|
Post by azucena on Mar 29, 2022 8:38:56 GMT -5
Today DS2 turns 40 so it has been more than a few years since I was surrounded by little people. Someone remind me please at what age does a child learn to count backwards? I just don't remember but yesterday DGS2 (age 4.5) was counting backwards from 10 before launching himself of the couch. Is that normal, the counting backward I mean not the launching - that part I remember all too well... I'm a math geek so I loved to play with my numbers with my girls when they were preschoolers. If you want to challenge him, try saying every other number and see if he can help you count that way. Obviously only stick with it if he finds it fun. I'd throw out simple addition while we were driving. Things they could do on their fingers. DD13 wasn't interested back then and now she's clearly a language sided brain. DD9 ate it up and worked her way into figuring out subtraction from some of those early conversations. Just this week we had a whole car conversation about percentages based on a buy one get one half off sign she saw in a store.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,757
|
Post by raeoflyte on Mar 30, 2022 14:07:03 GMT -5
I'm trying to find a therapist for dd. It's been on my mind for a while, but emotional regulation is just not there. She has extreme reactions to minor hiccups.
|
|
tcu2003
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 15:24:01 GMT -5
Posts: 4,943
|
Post by tcu2003 on Mar 30, 2022 17:41:37 GMT -5
I'm trying to find a therapist for dd. It's been on my mind for a while, but emotional regulation is just not there. She has extreme reactions to minor hiccups. Can you share some examples, rae? I’ve thought C has extreme reactions / can’t emotionally regulate himself well for his age, but not sure if he’s “normal” and I’m being unrealistic in my expectations, or I should see if I can get him in to see someone.
|
|
tcu2003
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 15:24:01 GMT -5
Posts: 4,943
|
Post by tcu2003 on Mar 30, 2022 17:53:17 GMT -5
On a different note, what’s everyone’s view on someone you don’t know yelling at your kid? I will preface this story with I only have C’s side of things (and M’s not so clear corroboration of his story), and he admittedly shut down and stopped listening while he was being yelled at (he initially said screaming, but my guess is loud voice or maybe yelling).
The kids were playing outside yesterday with 2 sets of neighbors. I am casually friendly with the parents of the 2 boys as C plays with them a lot, and the kids all run around between backyards. There is also a girl/boy sibling set - we’ll call the girl N. M likes to play with N, who is between her and C in age (she is a 2nd grader). C says he hit a plastic golf ball that he and the brother neighbors were playing with, and N moved when he hit it so the ball hit her. She went inside, and then her parent (assuming dad) came out and yelled at him. I was inside (kids were outside solo - not abnormal for mine or the brothers), and C came in and was really upset. I asked him what happened and he eventually told me the story above. I told him I was going to ask his sister what she saw, so asked him to confirm that is what happened and that he in no way hit N with his hands or feet, and he confirmed his story.
I don’t know N’s parents at all. They live two houses down on the corner between our next door neighbors who have kids that ours are close to (they weren’t home or they likely would have been outside) and then on the other side, the brothers house. Until recently, we almost never saw N or her brother outside, despite all the other kids running around between yards playing together.
M likes to play with N as most of the kids around us are boys, but at this point, I’m not sure I want her playing with N. I’m okay with others disciplining my kids (next door neighbors will definitely call my kids out if they’re not behaving - totally not an issue), but for whatever reason, an adult that neither I nor my child knows coming out and yelling at him doesn’t sit well with me. I did coach C on things he can do if something like this happens again - he needs to not shut down so he can better tell me what happens later, and then he can also say things like “that is not what I saw happen. Would you like to hear my side?”
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,270
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 30, 2022 21:10:55 GMT -5
I have yelled at neighbor kids when I don't know their parents.
A kid and a friend were hitting baseballs directly towards my house and one hit my window. Apparently they had already hit the neighbor's window because she was out yelling at them when I went out to yell at them. The kid said his dad told him he couldn't hit the ball toward his house. Well, you can't hit them at my house either for the same reason the dad told him he couldn't hit the ball toward his own house.
He said I'm going to tell my dad and I told him go ahead. Dad didn't come over and I only saw the kid hitting plastic balls from then on.
I've also had issues with kids riding their sleds in to my house and slamming them in to my deck. I will not tolerate that behavior. There is no side to what upsets me about neighbor kids.
They run through my yard and I don't care, but do not damage my property.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,316
|
Post by azucena on Mar 31, 2022 7:35:21 GMT -5
Rae - I've lost track of what age your DD is. FWIW, DD13 still has extreme reactions sometimes but she's regulating enough to come back and apologize afterwards. Most seem stress related or like the tipping point of lots of buildup. I think this is pretty normal, it's just that most parents don't sit around talking about these fits in ages 10-13 like we do with toddlers because I think we all have a little bit of oh no, this isn't normal for this age. Once I've brought it up though, most say the same thing happens occasionally at their house and even sigh in relief because DD13 is so well behaved in public. TCU - hard to know with that story. I usually don't let my kids play at other neighbors without having a meal or a couple hours of interaction with both parents and any siblings living there. A pain and maybe overprotective but I want to be able to talk to them openly if something like this were to come up, so I need to establish relationship first. Girl is 2nd grade, how old is C? Maybe the dad is used to yelling at the brother to stop bothering the little sister? Your follow up conversations with C sound good.
|
|
minnesotapaintlady
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 9, 2020 21:48:27 GMT -5
Posts: 7,595
Member is Online
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 31, 2022 8:09:51 GMT -5
I'm pretty "whatever" about other people yelling at my kids. If they have it coming then I'm glad for the help in keeping them in line. If they don't, it's a good lesson too...even if that lesson is sometimes people are assholes. But, I can't say I've really dealt with it a whole lot living in the country. I'm just remembering back to when I was a kid and did wander the neighborhood with friends. We definitely had it coming sometimes. There was a parent in the cub scouts that the Packmaster had to have a talking to because he was just plain out of hand. He would get way too bent out of shape over things and his reactions were out of line. As for overreacting kids. I have an 11 year old I can add to the list. He loses his ever-loving mind, sometimes including slamming doors and throwing things. 10 minutes in his room and he'll come out composed again.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,757
|
Post by raeoflyte on Mar 31, 2022 8:33:43 GMT -5
Dd is 9. Fwiw the worst stage we had with ds was between 9.5-10. So I can definitely see this being hormones and I dont think its abnormal, but I want to try to stop then before it becomes ingrained.
The incidents are so small is hard to even remember what they are. A water bottle spills, a drawing doesn't turn out right, she hasn't done something on her list, we leave 3 minutes late for school (3 minutes late for our normal schedule of getting there 12-15 minutes before the 1st bell rings. She blames and doubts herself a lot. Her outbursts are much more self directed than outwards which probably makes me worry more than when ds would throw himself on the floor like a suicide jumper and sob.
Eta: not an outburst but on the way to school today, she was having trouble opening the van door so I helped. Her reaction is that she's not good at opening doors. She did the same thing with packing her own lunch this morning - when I'm like woohoo! She's packing her lunch! But having trouble finding a Tupperware lid and she defaults to how bad she is at it. Those incidents are easier for me. We reframed - the door sticks and is hard to open, - the containers are in a shelf taller than her which makes it harder to see, etc. And 1 or 2 not a big deal. But those were 2 within an hour and I'd say that pretty accurate for how often she can find something that's gone wrong and blames herself. Sometimes it's low key, lots of times it's not.
I'm not great with big emotions and have realized I'm not helping her learn tools to deal with them.
|
|