NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 24, 2020 12:15:44 GMT -5
I am going to Zoom with my BFF and her daughter.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 24, 2020 15:38:18 GMT -5
I can't say moving the kids in my office is better. I'm definitely more in the loop, realized there are a lot more things I can do to help E maximize her time. I still dont get how C's day is supposed to go. He only gets math assignments 2 or 3 times a week, and has spent all week writing his realistic fictional short story. Im really impressed with his work on it, but surely there are other things he should be doing besides specials? And our time in office is super stressful for me. They seem to prefer it though so I think we're going to soldier on.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Apr 24, 2020 21:31:44 GMT -5
Venting ahead...
Ugh, I’m struggling with my mom and sister today. My mom is staying with us and has been since our social isolation order went into affect for our county last month so she could help with the kids while DH and I are both trying to WFH (and also because she lived alone in a town 2.5 hours away with no hospital so we wanted her close in case something happened). I know she’s not loving that she feels “stuck” here because we’re following social distancing and she can’t just galavant around like she’s used to. But seriously - she doesn’t get that she’s in the group that is high risk and we’re trying to keep safe. 😠
She has apparently been complaining to my sister (who is local to us - next town over and in regular times, we see fairly frequently, especially as her daughters do after school care at the daycare that M attends) that she’s miserable. And now I’ve gotten angry texts from my sister that she never kept mom from seeing us when mom stayed with her after knee surgery. I’m this close to telling my mom to just leave and go to my sister’s house if that’s where she wants to be - and have fun, because she doesn’t have a bedroom for you and you’ll have fun sleeping on the couch. If she wants to go there, then go - but seriously, be a damn grownup and have a conversation with me instead of complaining to your other daughter. I called her out on it tonight and told her if she wanted to go there, I’d drop her off tomorrow, and of course she immediately says she doesn’t want to stay with her and never said that. Whatever. Her modus operandi for a while now has been to tell people whatever she thinks they want to hear, and the truth is somewhere in the middle.
Never mind that she *says* she wants to sell her house and move up here (and in with us) so she can be closer to her kids and grandkids. As far as trial runs go, this isn’t making me want to move forward with that plan.
Vent over. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 24, 2020 21:55:26 GMT -5
C is ok but I almost killed him tonight. I wasn't feeling great. Got everyone ice cream, dosed him thought the dose was too low, realized it was because I had plugged in 2 carbs, fixed it to 20 and got in a bath tub. Still wasnt feeling good when I got out an hour later, was really tired and told the kids everyone had to head to bed. C grabbed a bowl of cereal and I went to dose him, saw he was 84 double arrow down so I gave him 4 tabs to head off the low and held off on dosing. He comes in the bed room, a couple minutes later, says he feels ok just a little low but looks like crap and I realized he had 15 units of insulin onboard. I made him drink 4 large juices while we wait for the endo office to call back and a zofran to fight the juice induced stomach ache. I go through his pump and I fixed 2 carbs to to 200 fucking carbs and dosed him 20 units when he should have had 2. I don't know how I did that. Thank God he's ok. Endo called and said to keep an eye on it for the next 3 hours and make up another 76 carbs which I can do with a large piece of mil's choc chip banana bread she dropped off today when his stomach is feeling better. He never felt that bad and we are so lucky with the tech but I don't know that I will forgive myself for being so careless.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Apr 24, 2020 21:59:14 GMT -5
Hugs, Rae. I’m so glad he’s okay. And also - you are an amazing mom. We’re all human, so I hope you’re able to give yourself some grace. You may have initially input a number wrong but you realized something wasn’t right and kept looking at it until you figured what it was - which is just one of the reasons you’re amazing.
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ners
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Post by ners on Apr 24, 2020 22:05:52 GMT -5
Hugs, Rae. I’m so glad he’s okay. And also - you are an amazing mom. We’re all human, so I hope you’re able to give yourself some grace. You may have initially input a number wrong but you realized something wasn’t right and kept looking at it until you figured what it was - which is just one of the reasons you’re amazing.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 24, 2020 22:27:42 GMT -5
Hugs, Rae. I’m so glad he’s okay. And also - you are an amazing mom. We’re all human, so I hope you’re able to give yourself some grace. You may have initially input a number wrong but you realized something wasn’t right and kept looking at it until you figured what it was - which is just one of the reasons you’re amazing. Thank you. I'm sure I would believe that fervently for anyone else, but it is very difficult to be the one who made such a mistake. I appreciate it though. And thank fully he's ok enjoying getting to stay up late and giving me a look like I'm insane when I ask him if he wants more juice. I'd really like him to drink one more. He's in range but drifting down. Breads on board so should steady out but I'd feel better if he were a bit high.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Apr 24, 2020 22:35:44 GMT -5
Hugs, Rae. I’m so glad he’s okay. And also - you are an amazing mom. We’re all human, so I hope you’re able to give yourself some grace. You may have initially input a number wrong but you realized something wasn’t right and kept looking at it until you figured what it was - which is just one of the reasons you’re amazing. Thank you. I'm sure I would believe that fervently for anyone else, but it is very difficult to be the one who made such a mistake. I appreciate it though. And thank fully he's ok enjoying getting to stay up late and giving me a look like I'm insane when I ask him if he wants more juice. I'd really like him to drink one more. He's in range but drifting down. Breads on board so should steady out but I'd feel better if he were a bit high. Hugs Rae, that is so scary! I think a lot if not most parents have an ‘oh shit’ moment or two where they realize things could have gone very wrong. Doesn’t make it less scary when it happens to you though 😢
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 25, 2020 7:57:00 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. He did fine through the night. We left his basal off too long and he definitely went high but he's ok. Dh was applying animal icu experience and was expecting a 24 hour hospital stay but thankfully C is not a cat, and once the carbs we're made up, he was ok. I'm feeling much more forgiving of myself. Yay sleep. I will dial back his max bolus. We only raised it because the new pump doesn't let you override a max bolus and we had a 200 carb meal the other day (gluttonous burger, fries, and shake), and a 20 unit extended bolus kept him in a range but seriously that's a once or twice a year occurrence. So we can reduce occurrences of something similar happening.
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finnime
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Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
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Post by finnime on Apr 25, 2020 8:47:43 GMT -5
I'm really glad all went well, raeoflyte. Diabetes is a rough ride.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 25, 2020 13:59:37 GMT -5
Venting ahead... Ugh, I’m struggling with my mom and sister today. My mom is staying with us and has been since our social isolation order went into affect for our county last month so she could help with the kids while DH and I are both trying to WFH (and also because she lived alone in a town 2.5 hours away with no hospital so we wanted her close in case something happened). I know she’s not loving that she feels “stuck” here because we’re following social distancing and she can’t just galavant around like she’s used to. But seriously - she doesn’t get that she’s in the group that is high risk and we’re trying to keep safe. 😠 She has apparently been complaining to my sister (who is local to us - next town over and in regular times, we see fairly frequently, especially as her daughters do after school care at the daycare that M attends) that she’s miserable. And now I’ve gotten angry texts from my sister that she never kept mom from seeing us when mom stayed with her after knee surgery. I’m this close to telling my mom to just leave and go to my sister’s house if that’s where she wants to be - and have fun, because she doesn’t have a bedroom for you and you’ll have fun sleeping on the couch. If she wants to go there, then go - but seriously, be a damn grownup and have a conversation with me instead of complaining to your other daughter. I called her out on it tonight and told her if she wanted to go there, I’d drop her off tomorrow, and of course she immediately says she doesn’t want to stay with her and never said that. Whatever. Her modus operandi for a while now has been to tell people whatever she thinks they want to hear, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Never mind that she *says* she wants to sell her house and move up here (and in with us) so she can be closer to her kids and grandkids. As far as trial runs go, this isn’t making me want to move forward with that plan. Vent over. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'd be super frustrated. On one hand, these are unprecedented and trying times and no one is at their best. But on the other, that's what aging in place is going to be as well. Most frustrating is your sister imo. Does she really think your mom should be increasing her risk of exposure?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 25, 2020 20:32:28 GMT -5
I just bought a shirt that says "read" with a rainbow and I'm stupidly excited about it.
That show was a HUGE part of my childhood. I still seek out books with the logo at the library for the kids.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Apr 25, 2020 21:23:10 GMT -5
I just bought a shirt that says "read" with a rainbow and I'm stupidly excited about it. That show was a HUGE part of my childhood. I still seek out books with the logo at the library for the kids. It's on either Netflix or Prime as my brother was showing it to his kids the other day, in case you wanted to relive your childhood! I need to find it for my kids.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Apr 25, 2020 21:59:26 GMT -5
Venting ahead... Ugh, I’m struggling with my mom and sister today. My mom is staying with us and has been since our social isolation order went into affect for our county last month so she could help with the kids while DH and I are both trying to WFH (and also because she lived alone in a town 2.5 hours away with no hospital so we wanted her close in case something happened). I know she’s not loving that she feels “stuck” here because we’re following social distancing and she can’t just galavant around like she’s used to. But seriously - she doesn’t get that she’s in the group that is high risk and we’re trying to keep safe. 😠 She has apparently been complaining to my sister (who is local to us - next town over and in regular times, we see fairly frequently, especially as her daughters do after school care at the daycare that M attends) that she’s miserable. And now I’ve gotten angry texts from my sister that she never kept mom from seeing us when mom stayed with her after knee surgery. I’m this close to telling my mom to just leave and go to my sister’s house if that’s where she wants to be - and have fun, because she doesn’t have a bedroom for you and you’ll have fun sleeping on the couch. If she wants to go there, then go - but seriously, be a damn grownup and have a conversation with me instead of complaining to your other daughter. I called her out on it tonight and told her if she wanted to go there, I’d drop her off tomorrow, and of course she immediately says she doesn’t want to stay with her and never said that. Whatever. Her modus operandi for a while now has been to tell people whatever she thinks they want to hear, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Never mind that she *says* she wants to sell her house and move up here (and in with us) so she can be closer to her kids and grandkids. As far as trial runs go, this isn’t making me want to move forward with that plan. Vent over. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'd be super frustrated. On one hand, these are unprecedented and trying times and no one is at their best. But on the other, that's what aging in place is going to be as well. Most frustrating is your sister imo. Does she really think your mom should be increasing her risk of exposure? Who knows...my sister is generally pretty self-centered, and I’m sure her daughters are missing grandma, so that’s part of it. She also walks both sides of the line on how seriously she’s taking this - like, they still went to Florida over spring break but it was the week after Disney and Universal shut down, so they were safe (but they still did other things), but now she’s all over FB proclaiming how they’ll be staying home even after our state’s shelter in place order ends. Her boyfriend (who lives with them) still has to go in to work (he works at a place that makes rail car wheels, so can’t WFH), and my nieces go to their dad’s at least once/week overnight (sometimes twice/week), and he’s a car salesman, so also still going in to work. No one seems to get that while I understand they’re all practicing hand-washing and other things to be as safe as they can, it’s still a lot more exposure over there. At this point I’m tempted to just drop her off for the day tomorrow, but I also know if she caught COVID19 because of that, I’d likely not forgive myself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2020 8:20:52 GMT -5
tcu2003 Can you find a way to "suggest" to your sister that the next time your mom starts with the complaints that she say "You really need to have this conversation with tcu"? As for complaining to your sister, that's backwards. My mother used to sing my praises to my brother, while pointing out how he should be just like me. She'd sing his praises to me, while pointing out how I should be just like him! Everybody everywhere is wound way too tight. Your mom has chosen a not so good way to vent, but I can understand her frustration at not getting to see the grands. Do they at least do video chats? It's hard feeling stuck, especially as we age, and nobody likes change. The times dictate that we really have no choice. As for selling her house and moving in with you, I'm of the opinion that two grown women who've each had their own homes and been in charge of their own households will have a real hard time living together under the same roof. Before you left home, you did things her way. Now you have your own home and do things your way. There's bound to be a clash. I agreed to live here because the Hovel is entirely separate from DD/DSIL. The only things we share are door between us and a roof. They do things their way in their house; I do things my way in mine. When I'm over there because, for instance, I'm the designated dinner cook, I do things her way in her kitchen (and if it's something I can easily carry over there when it's done, I cook it in my own kitchen). What I'm saying is that if she does sell and move in, do your best to give her as much space as you can, like a room besides her bedroom for just sitting, reading, watching TV. BTW, feeling stuck right now is nothing compared to what she's going to feel when it's time to turn over her car keys! Anyway, good luck. She's feeling stifled, we're all feeling stifled.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Apr 26, 2020 9:29:36 GMT -5
Last night I caught up with an old friend by phone. She lives alone and doesn't work. She was telling me how bored she is, can't find everything she wants at the grocery store, has been cleaning out closets and the lower level of her house because she needs to, with the eventual plan to downsize. And as she was cleaning she came across some photos and letters from WWII era when both her parents were in internment camps, and after that when they were released and had to restart a life from scratch.
And then we started to feel grateful when we realized we don't really have it that rough.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 26, 2020 9:36:23 GMT -5
I'd be super frustrated. On one hand, these are unprecedented and trying times and no one is at their best. But on the other, that's what aging in place is going to be as well. Most frustrating is your sister imo. Does she really think your mom should be increasing her risk of exposure? Who knows...my sister is generally pretty self-centered, and I’m sure her daughters are missing grandma, so that’s part of it. She also walks both sides of the line on how seriously she’s taking this - like, they still went to Florida over spring break but it was the week after Disney and Universal shut down, so they were safe (but they still did other things), but now she’s all over FB proclaiming how they’ll be staying home even after our state’s shelter in place order ends. Her boyfriend (who lives with them) still has to go in to work (he works at a place that makes rail car wheels, so can’t WFH), and my nieces go to their dad’s at least once/week overnight (sometimes twice/week), and he’s a car salesman, so also still going in to work. No one seems to get that while I understand they’re all practicing hand-washing and other things to be as safe as they can, it’s still a lot more exposure over there. At this point I’m tempted to just drop her off for the day tomorrow, but I also know if she caught COVID19 because of that, I’d likely not forgive myself. Your mom sounds like she's able to make care decisions so if she is comfortable with increased risk than I think you can release yourself from that responsibility. You may not be comfortable with her coming back and forth and increasing your families exposure which would not be totally fine and not manipulative. My parents would love to see my kids, not from the car. We've been trying to come up with a way to make a game of catch or tennis work (gloves and we only serve with our color balls?) But haven't really figured one out. Maybe golf this summer. With 2 carts because my mom can't walk an entire 9 holes, and the kids probably can, but just in case they couldn't, they couldn't ride back with my mom. We do plenty of calls and face time baking but it's not the same. This situation sucks donkey balls.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 26, 2020 9:54:35 GMT -5
At some point we have to accept we are all adults in this situation. We also have to accept there are consequences for our choices. She has a right to decide she wants to visit her other daughter. You also have every right to say that you are not comfortable with exposure risk if she is going to live with you.
We've struggled a lot with it. I don't want to infect anyone I care about if I can avoid it, but at the same time it starts to feel like who am I to tell my 80+ year old grandmother she's not allowed to see the kids? Who knows how much longer she has on this Earth and if she's decided she's at peace with the possibility her time is up then what right do I have to tell her no?
I had that conversation with MIL too. DH was NOT happy about it. However after finding out FIL was starting to go through all his things and labeling which ones each kid would get we made the decision to take the kids down there. We don't visit near as often and I don't go with them, but we have made peace with it.
I'd say if she is living in your house then you get veto power. It would be one thing if she lived on her own and decided to visit other family. I feel like that is part of the price you pay right now for giving up your independence.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 26, 2020 10:25:25 GMT -5
I'm having a full on pity party this morning. I miss my mommy. And my dad of course, but when things arent right it's always mom you need isn't it?
The kids are super sweet. E sat with me and cried a bit and reminded me to take deep breaths and said a shower or bath always helps her feel better. We talked about how we're feeling a mix of emotions. I'm trying to just sit with it for a while.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2020 12:18:14 GMT -5
minnesotapaintlady I too have an unusual grip when writing. In this picture I rotated my hand so you could see how the fingers all line up. I rest the pen on my ring finger. Rather than trying to completely change the way he holds the pen maybe see if he would back the thumb off a bit so it isn't completely wrapped around the pen. I also think it is interesting that you said you were a lefty and he was a righty. Both my parents are lefties and I'm a righty, at least for writing. Finally remembered to take a picture of Carrot's grip. There is no way he could have drew this for his art project. I ended up doing most of it because he was so frustrated. I would outline the boxes he needed to color and he could do that.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Apr 26, 2020 12:31:19 GMT -5
I'm having a full on pity party this morning. I miss my mommy. And my dad of course, but when things arent right it's always mom you need isn't it? The kids are super sweet. E sat with me and cried a bit and reminded me to take deep breaths and said a shower or bath always helps her feel better. We talked about how we're feeling a mix of emotions. I'm trying to just sit with it for a while. I miss my parents, too. I just want to go to their house and sit and talk about nothing and have the kids run around and be crazy. Instead, we FaceTime them from 15 minutes away and sometimes they come and talk to us through our living room window. It sucks.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Apr 26, 2020 12:47:36 GMT -5
Miss my mom too. She passed at age 79. Today is her birthday. She would have been 97.
Yesterday FTD sent me an email to remind me today was a special event.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Apr 26, 2020 14:03:21 GMT -5
MPL - have you ever been able to ask Carrot why he holds a pencil that way? I'd be curious why he thinks he needs to do that rather than a more traditional and useful grip. I also wonder what it is that makes him so resistant to changing his grip. As resistant to change as he is, it seems that it could be more than just stubbornness.
One other thought is to allow him to become totally and thoroughly frustrated. Refuse to help him until he becomes more cooperative, not as punishment but to allow him to see how poorly his way works.
All I do know for certain is that you are doing a great job as a mom.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2020 15:36:03 GMT -5
Works4me - I don't know why he's so against trying another grip, but he takes all constructive criticism very personally and just shuts down. He'll throw all his work away (and if he's particularly upset about it he'll go full drama mode and throw out things like his phone and switch and legos and whatever else he feels needs to be sacrificed for the cause). He can't tie his shoes yet either and I have sat down with him numerous times and tried to show him. The way he does it is so awkward and his fingers are all over the place. He did accomplish it once yesterday though, which was pretty huge. Then he was done. Didn't want to work on it anymore. I brought this up with the pediatrician last year and was just blown off completely. He told me all he needed was practice. I think I'll try to dig up the rubber grips again. Now that I'm home with him I can at least try and insist he uses them. I don't know how much they pushed it at school.
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oped
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Post by oped on Apr 26, 2020 16:14:56 GMT -5
Its honestly maybe less grip than angle... or less finger positioning than angle... the end points away from him?
With that and the shoe tying, I think he might need to be evaluated by OT, and until that is possible I wouldn't push it.. I'd write for him, use voice type, let him do his art electronically, etc. whatever works.
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oped
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Post by oped on Apr 26, 2020 16:16:31 GMT -5
How is his cutting? Can he fold simple origami?
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Apr 26, 2020 17:14:18 GMT -5
This must be so hard for you as his mother, knowing something is just not right and getting no support. It certainly sounds like it is more than just lack of practice or stubbornness - it sounds like there is the need for an OT intervention, no matter what the pediatrician says. I remember that frustration and self punishment as small child as I was learning to write and sew - it was hard work.
Has he ever had any type of hand/arm/shoulder injury, including birth? How does he do with other hand tasks? Can he easily do buttons and zippers? Sort beans or candy or even hardware by type, size and color? Any other coordination issues? Can be ride a bike, skate, skateboard, run and walk in a coordinated manner?
My mother was a reading specialist and also did a lot of work with coordination issues so I grew up surrounded by that type of stuff. I also grew up learning that some people have to work harder at certain tasks that are taken for granted.
I'll stop for now - my heart just goes out to you and to Carrot because these type of issues are so hard and so damaging to the self, especially for a child who is both sensitive and bright. Sending of love and hugs and prayers for patience and guidance to the proper resources
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2020 19:30:58 GMT -5
How is his cutting? Can he fold simple origami? Cutting, not great. Folding (paper airplanes mostly) not great. He also writes backwards with the strokes going from bottom to top instead of top to bottom.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2020 19:34:52 GMT -5
How is his cutting? Can he fold simple origami? Cutting, not great. Folding (paper airplanes mostly) not great. He also writes backwards with the strokes going from bottom to top instead of top to bottom.
This might be way off base, but has he been tested for dyslexia?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2020 19:40:37 GMT -5
Has he ever had any type of hand/arm/shoulder injury, including birth? How does he do with other hand tasks? Can he easily do buttons and zippers? Sort beans or candy or even hardware by type, size and color? Any other coordination issues? Can be ride a bike, skate, skateboard, run and walk in a coordinated manner? No injuries. He has bum legs, so is pretty clumsy and uncoordinated there. He sees an orthopedic doc every other year and they're monitoring how they're growing out. He started going when he was 3 or 4 and they kept saying "oh, he has lots of time before we have to think about anything more drastic", but every time we go they seem a little less optimistic. He doesn't go again until next January.
Buttons and zippers he can handle on shirts and jackets, but jeans are an issue. I try to stick with more elastic waist ones because if he has a button he'll leave it buttoned all day and just try to pull them up and down without undoing them for the bathroom or at the Y when changing for swimming...he's pretty skinny so can get away with that usually. He can bike, but he's not awesome at it. Part of that is that we live in the country and he doesn't get a chance much like all the kids in town that are biking around their blocks when they're like 3 years old.
But, he can play piano well and doesn't seem to have any hand eye coordination problems with video games.
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