raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 13, 2020 10:22:49 GMT -5
Seems you already made up your mind to side with your brother vs your husband. No. I've just never in 15 years heard my brother say something. Doesn't mean he hasn't but my DH didn't say what it was either. My brother isn't perfect. He might have said something. My husband was also in a poor pitiful me mood. He was taking everything poorly and so was I at the time. We spent 10 hrs in the same zip code as my brother last year, so it isn't like he spend a lot of time with him. Considering everything else (especially the wanting to have jobs to do, but refusing to help with dishes?) I'd want more info from dh before talking to db anyway. There could be bias that you don't pick up on that your dh does and he feels singled out even if it isn't intended that way. But I feel like if you were upset enough with him to tell him to leave in front of everyone, there were a lot of other things going on.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jan 13, 2020 16:52:01 GMT -5
No. I've just never in 15 years heard my brother say something. Doesn't mean he hasn't but my DH didn't say what it was either. My brother isn't perfect. He might have said something. My husband was also in a poor pitiful me mood. He was taking everything poorly and so was I at the time. We spent 10 hrs in the same zip code as my brother last year, so it isn't like he spend a lot of time with him. Considering everything else (especially the wanting to have jobs to do, but refusing to help with dishes?) I'd want more info from dh before talking to db anyway. There could be bias that you don't pick up on that your dh does and he feels singled out even if it isn't intended that way. But I feel like if you were upset enough with him to tell him to leave in front of everyone, there were a lot of other things going on. Yeah, the brother thing was a blip on the radar. The "I want to go home to be useful" when it is like my 5 days a year to just relax and the "I want a Christmas with just the 4 if us" when we are already compromising on when we go to my parents. Never mind what that extra 19 hours at the house would require of me and he wouldn't be helping and he spent the 4 days at home with him in the garage and me and the kids in the house - So if he wanted to spend time with all of his, there was time to do it and he didn't. So him telling me he wanted to go home, just broke my heart. So, later I told him to go home in front of the family.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 13, 2020 18:39:01 GMT -5
I'm starting to intensely dislike DH. I just don't get what he wants from the universe.
I'm also tired of feeling like I and the kids aren't even on his petty ass radar.
Something needs to come thru and soon. I will not be able to tolerate months of this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2020 19:18:37 GMT -5
I'd say "Patience, Grasshopper" but you've already been patient. Truth to tell, I couldn't have done it for as long as you have.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 13, 2020 19:27:48 GMT -5
I know it hasn't even been a month yet.
I also know he's pissed because it turns out I do know it all. Over 60 hours last week between both jobs and he netted less than $600. About right from what I remember working at Creighton.
Plus his hours are inconsistent and he's pissed about that and that I called it.
I don't gloat or rub it in his face. I feel sad that he can't seem to learn without a 2x4 hitting him in the face.
I'm tired of being the dumping ground. I warned him to be careful biting the hand that is literally feeding the household right now. He may turn me leaving into a self fulfilling prophecy.
I don't expect him to be Mr. Sunshine but he can at least stop being mean to me.
I mean it's not like I'm going thru anything and at the same time trying not to let it bleed into my own job. Nope it's all about him.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 13, 2020 21:06:53 GMT -5
Drama - I've had that kind of day too.
Work is crazy right now with no end in sight, 3 major projects all due in the next two weeks.
DH was off work so he could do cafeteria duty from 11-2 at our school - we have to work twice/year or pay an extra $200. He doesn't mind the shifts, and it's much harder for me to take off work now. So since he's off already, I asked him to gather the paperwork I need to renew my license (expired last week) and get real id. I also asked if he could replace my phone since like I mentioned in another thread mine crapped out after 7-8 years. He replaced his about 9 months ago for free but changed his number. That's a PITA I don't need, so I said buy one - turns out it was 'only' $130. I said thank you at least 3 times today because getting these two things off my to do list is huge.
Then, he picked up DD7 and came home and hung out with her while I dropped DD11 at scholar bowl and then spent 45 mins at the DMV. Back to scholar bowl which finally finished at 7, dinner thru drive thru, home at 730. Still have work that is due tomorrow.
I get home and he's messing around on his phone. Meanwhile DD7 hasn't done her nightly reading yet and my new phone is only partially setup. I attempt to sync up my calendar because I cannot function without it telling me when/where to go. I can't get it, so I ask for help and complain that I had to get a new phone when I didn't even want one. Getting everything set back up and re-learning it is going to bug me for weeks, and I just don't have that kind of time and brain power. He immediately gets on my case about how I'm ungrateful and nothing he ever does is good enough, etc.
I so wish there was a way to let him live just one day of my life. Yes, I make lots of money now, but I also have all of this stress and workload that comes with it that I'm constantly trying to survive. I'm constantly on detail and decision overload. Then, add in all of the typical mother stuff. And, there's never time left in the day for me to introvert.
So we blew up at each other. The kids are in bed but goofing off. And, did I mention I still have to work, it's stuff that feels outside of my wheelhouse, I've been up since 4:45 and was at work at 5:30 instead of 6 since I knew today would be bad. And guess what he's up to...watching you tube. FML.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2020 21:14:41 GMT -5
azucena Oh, goody. Here's where I get to say "Patience, Grasshopper." Eventually you'll get to retire and you can be bored witless, just like me. Granted, I wouldn't trade my boredom for a day quite like yours, but still...
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 14, 2020 6:53:21 GMT -5
I know I've vented a lot about dh and I's issues over the years. I feel like we're turning a corner, I'm just not sure what's on the other side. After trying to mentally debrief our latest rough morning I realized that I expect to be treated well all the time. Regardless of whats going on. Dh was agreeable in our ctj, but the real test comes in the follow up. Therapy today. Should be fun.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 14, 2020 9:32:06 GMT -5
I'm starting to intensely dislike DH. I just don't get what he wants from the universe. I'm also tired of feeling like I and the kids aren't even on his petty ass radar. Something needs to come thru and soon. I will not be able to tolerate months of this. He wants a life where he can do anything he wants; eat/drink/smoke/inject anything he wants; have you and the kids be the admiring, always assuring him that he's awesome, dad/spouse. Without having to work a job; be the parent; and worry about a damn thing. Except that live doesn't exist except in fiction.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 14, 2020 9:33:40 GMT -5
I know I've vented a lot about dh and I's issues over the years. I feel like we're turning a corner, I'm just not sure what's on the other side. After trying to mentally debrief our latest rough morning I realized that I expect to be treated well all the time. Regardless of whats going on. Dh was agreeable in our ctj, but the real test comes in the follow up. Therapy today. Should be fun. I thought DH and I were turning a corner too. I think we we just turned into a blank corridor with no clue as to how to decorate it and/or find another doorway out of this one. At least it doesn't seem to be sloping downward.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2020 9:47:23 GMT -5
At least not sloping downward isn't a bad thing.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 14, 2020 9:53:08 GMT -5
I'm starting to intensely dislike DH. I just don't get what he wants from the universe. I'm also tired of feeling like I and the kids aren't even on his petty ass radar. Something needs to come thru and soon. I will not be able to tolerate months of this. He wants a life where he can do anything he wants; eat/drink/smoke/inject anything he wants; have you and the kids be the admiring, always assuring him that he's awesome, dad/spouse. Without having to work a job; be the parent; and worry about a damn thing. Except that live doesn't exist except in fiction. I want that too.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Jan 14, 2020 10:10:08 GMT -5
Just had my annual exam, and she felt something in my right breast, so now getting referred for an ultrasound on it (M is still nursing, so trying to avoid a mammogram unless I have to). She said it’s probably normal, but it would be stupid not to check it since she noticed something. Cue the worrying until they figure out what it is or is not. 😕
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2020 10:31:08 GMT -5
Just had my annual exam, and she felt something in my right breast, so now getting referred for an ultrasound on it (M is still nursing, so trying to avoid a mammogram unless I have to). She said it’s probably normal, but it would be stupid not to check it since she noticed something. Cue the worrying until they figure out what it is or is not. 😕 I know you're going to worry anyhow, but could it be a clogged duct since you're nursing? I was lumpy a lot when I was breastfeeding.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 14, 2020 10:34:34 GMT -5
Just had my annual exam, and she felt something in my right breast, so now getting referred for an ultrasound on it (M is still nursing, so trying to avoid a mammogram unless I have to). She said it’s probably normal, but it would be stupid not to check it since she noticed something. Cue the worrying until they figure out what it is or is not. 😕 Fingers crossed it's nothing serious!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 14, 2020 10:55:40 GMT -5
He wants a life where he can do anything he wants; eat/drink/smoke/inject anything he wants; have you and the kids be the admiring, always assuring him that he's awesome, dad/spouse. Without having to work a job; be the parent; and worry about a damn thing. Except that live doesn't exist except in fiction. I want that too. Don't we all? But we realize it's fiction.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jan 14, 2020 11:12:31 GMT -5
Just had my annual exam, and she felt something in my right breast, so now getting referred for an ultrasound on it (M is still nursing, so trying to avoid a mammogram unless I have to). She said it’s probably normal, but it would be stupid not to check it since she noticed something. Cue the worrying until they figure out what it is or is not. 😕 Chances are much greater that it is nothing sinister than that it is a problem. Wishing you peace of mind until you know absolutely.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Jan 14, 2020 11:45:52 GMT -5
I know you're going to worry anyhow, but could it be a clogged duct since you're nursing? I was lumpy a lot when I was breastfeeding. M is 3 and I didn’t have clogged ducts when she was younger, so I’m guessing not that, but anything is possible.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Jan 14, 2020 11:50:58 GMT -5
Hugs, azucena. You make significantly more and work longer hours than you H, right? Is he pulling his weight on other household stuff?
I don’t make tons more than my H, but my career trajectory at this point is greater, which he knows, so sometimes he just has to suck it up and take on more at home. Not the best way to handle this, but I’ll often make snide/passive aggressive comments about “are you working or doing something important right now” if he’s playing on his phone (or at least of it looks like that’s what he’s doing....which is usually what he’s doing) and I’m doing laundry, cooking, etc. We have enough going on with both kids, 2 careers, and life in general that it pisses me off if he’s taking it easy and I’m busting my butt to make sure stuff doesn’t fall between the cracks.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 15:55:28 GMT -5
I think my kid is getting a case of "Senioritis". I'm trying really to just sit back and let the natural consequences play out, but I don't think I can.
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 15, 2020 16:12:58 GMT -5
I think my kid is getting a case of "Senioritis". I'm trying really to just sit back and let the natural consequences play out, but I don't think I can. Is he accepted to school and is his award set? I told my my dad over Christmas...I hate it, but sometimes I feel like I helicopter more now than when they were 16.. but there are just some consequences the cost is literally too high for me to ‘just let them pay’ at this point... College is freaking expensive... and that’s with my dad contributing a lot.. or maybe that makes it worse...
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 15, 2020 16:19:20 GMT -5
I think my kid is getting a case of "Senioritis". I'm trying really to just sit back and let the natural consequences play out, but I don't think I can. My niece didn't care enough about her grades to get Senioritis. As she says, she majored in boys since about 6th grade. All three nephews have told me they had Senioritis. They all came through it fine.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 16:29:22 GMT -5
He's been accepted everywhere he applied and I don't think anything that happens from this point out would affect merit, but I guess I'm not 100% certain. I thought they were based on ACT and GPA at the time he was accepted, but maybe it adjusts? I'll have to pull out the scholarship letters that we've already received.
He did really well Fall semester, but mostly because his 1st quarter and Final exams were strong enough to save him. He was really starting to fall apart the last couple weeks. Now less than two weeks into Spring and he's got several missing assignments already. Not a good start at all.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 15, 2020 16:31:46 GMT -5
K discovered yesterday that she hadn't done 5 assignments for her Science class. She said the teacher never mentioned the assignments and she found out by going to look at the online stuff and it said she was missing 5 assignments. She pounded them out last night.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 15, 2020 16:35:55 GMT -5
My Senior wanted to know why she had to go back at all after Xmas. She feels done. And she only does half days to get her core classes done and then leaves for work.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 16:45:22 GMT -5
He has a full load of 8 classes (although 2 of them are band and one is phy ed).
I want to go home and just put the hammer down by putting a padlock on the plug to his computer...which is the issue, but I don't think that would go over well.
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 15, 2020 16:46:14 GMT -5
He's been accepted everywhere he applied and I don't think anything that happens from this point out would affect merit, but I guess I'm not 100% certain. I thought they were based on ACT and GPA at the time he was accepted, but maybe it adjusts? I'll have to pull out the scholarship letters that we've already received.
He did really well Fall semester, but mostly because his 1st quarter and Final exams were strong enough to save him. He was really starting to fall apart the last couple weeks. Now less than two weeks into Spring and he's got several missing assignments already. Not a good start at all. I’d let it go probably. I did senior year. And because frankly he won’t be able to from now on without putting his scholarships at risk... I would make that point however.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 15, 2020 16:51:19 GMT -5
Unless he's flunking multiple classes his GPA isn't going to change that much or at least shouldn't. Personally I'd let PE go but then I loathe PE. I would probably remind him about his commitment to band though because he does need to finish the year.
I only know one person who lost a scholarship but it wasn't her fault. It was one of those that went on class rank/percentage and we had a record number of people drop out so her her percentage changed. Otherwise she had the same GPA, same test scores and same class rank. I remember they fought that but I can't recall if she won.
A LOT of people in my graduating class had problems with that. We went from a class of over 500+ to 210 by graduation.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 17:08:10 GMT -5
We went from a class of over 500+ to 210 by graduation. He's not flunking anything yet...well..technically he's getting an F in English Lit presently because it's only 10 days into the quarter and he's missing 2 assignments. He loves band, he loves Calc, phy ed is nothing. High school students have to take a semester of phy ed if they don't take two seasons of a sport, but it's a 7th grade phy ed class. Him and one other kid were the only seniors that haven't taken 2 seasons of a sport so the teacher said, "ok, obviously I'm not going to stick you in a class with a bunch of 7th graders, so we'll meet and go over some things and I'll leave the weight room open for you to use during that hour".
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 15, 2020 17:08:29 GMT -5
Unless he's flunking multiple classes his GPA isn't going to change that much or at least shouldn't. Personally I'd let PE go but then I loathe PE. I would probably remind him about his commitment to band though because he does need to finish the year. I only know one person who lost a scholarship but it wasn't her fault. It was one of those that went on class rank/percentage and we had a record number of people drop out so her her percentage changed. Otherwise she had the same GPA, same test scores and same class rank. I remember they fought that but I can't recall if she won. A LOT of people in my graduating class had problems with that. We went from a class of over 500+ to 210 by graduation. How does that happen? What was their normal drop out rate?
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