raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 26, 2019 9:45:39 GMT -5
Lol, thank you. But I am all of those things! But it turns out, not because of personal, moral failure! Which is both amazingly freeing and so, so sad. Because, my parents have frequently told me how lazy and undisciplined I am. Messy. Failing to live up to my potential. Whereas they poured hundreds of thousands of hours and dollars into my brother and his issues. But because I, for example, didn't LITERALLY COMMIT ARSON LOKE MY BROTHER, I was just a disappointment, not someone with ADHD who deserved help. (Drama I feel like you can maybe relate.) I think I might be very, very angry about that. I think therapy will be important. I don't know when or how I will be able to talk to my parents about this. I'm sorry, that has to be very hard. Quite frankly your brother sounds like a real pill and I can only begin to imagine how difficult it has been to watch the person who screws up continually receive all the attention. I do want to make one little point in favour of your parents. I know whichever of my girls is acting up gets the most attention. It's not deliberate on my part but simply dealing with whatever issue is being presented at that time. If your brother was constantly causing havoc while you read quietly in a corner I can see, unfortunately, how you would get ignored. You were/are the good kid. Their frustrations with his lack of progress or maturity probably spilled over onto you and their perception that if you'd just be more focused then your life would be great. In comparing their two children I doubt it ever occurred to them that you might have an underlying issue. That doesn't make it right. I agree, that definitely happens with us too, and probably everyone. But I think that's different than comparing the kids, and the idea that the good kid should/could always be better, while the tough kid just needs more support to be a good kid. That attitude breeds inequities. I know it isn't intentional in most cases. I always see ways for my kids to improve and while I feel like I'm biting my tongue, I'm sure they feel harped on. I try to bring up as many positives as I can to offset all of my other critiques. But time will tell how it plays out for them, and there will be plenty of things I will wish I had done better. Pants--definitely consider how much positive your family brings into your life now while you work through things and decide how to proceed. If they're taking more than they're giving...you're not a bad child for pulling back. We don't have that choice as kids, and it might be hard to use it (even on a small scale) as an adult, but don't forget it's there.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 26, 2019 18:34:59 GMT -5
So I got Gwen to compromise. We'll consider it a lesson learned regarding her hair.
I'll do it with semi permanent dye at home. I told her I can do as many different colors as she wants. I don't care at $8 a tube.
I do care about paying a salon only to have Gwen destroy it while swimming. She gets that now.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 26, 2019 19:56:52 GMT -5
Interesting article, I think some of us can relate to it.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jul 28, 2019 19:27:07 GMT -5
Dropped both kids off at sleep away camp until fri. Score!
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jul 28, 2019 20:21:18 GMT -5
It's been a week accident free now so I think its safe to say, DS is finally potty trained! Good thing too as he starts preschool next week.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jul 28, 2019 22:47:10 GMT -5
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jul 29, 2019 6:47:36 GMT -5
I actually went to this same camp 30 years ago and could have written the swim test letter. I had a terrible experience because I didn't know how to swim. The counselors made me retake the swimming test every day even though I protested, knew I couldn't swim, and had no interest in going in the deep end of the pool or a canoe without a life jacket. I even offered to sit out of the pool entirely. I'm the oldest of five and my mom was terrified of water so she only wanted to sit thru swim lessons once. Yeah, that made me 14! when my youngest sibling was 3. Needless to say I still don't swim well, but I've made sure that my kids do!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 29, 2019 8:37:38 GMT -5
Weird weekend with behavior that just repeatedly blew my mind. Went to a birthday party for one of E's classmates and had the parent of one of the most difficult students joke about having to pretend to take the teachers seriously about her kid's outbursts. This kid is a reason we would homeschool E because she kept getting hit by the chairs he was throwing. But according to mom that's just normal 6 year old stuff. Then another parent was the stereotype version of 80's creepy dad--tshirt lumping his daughters in with his toys, his kids aren't allowed nerf/water guns, if they want a gun they can see the real ones.
At dinner with my in-laws and FIL starts a private conversation with MIL about how nephew (barely 2) needs to get smacked for his behavior. This private conversation is when they're in the middle of all of us in 10x15 foot room. Dh interjects and fil acts like he was the one out of line.
Also at dinner, not sure of what led up to it, but I see E seriously beat on C. The kids have never been in a physical fight before. That was fun to deal with at my in-laws house.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 29, 2019 9:11:56 GMT -5
Dropped both kids off at sleep away camp until fri. Score! That sounds amazing! I'm so hoping C will do an overnight camp next year.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Jul 29, 2019 9:15:28 GMT -5
Oh geez Rae, of course the kids pick that moment to act like that!
Also, your FIL seems like a real piece of work!
C has been having bad dreams. It's heartbreaking and also exhausting. DH went up to his room Friday night and I hear C say "There's a lizard right there! Get me out of here!" It was kind of funny if I didn't feel so bad about how scared he was. We're trying earlier bedtime to see if that helps (he's been getting to bed so so late during the summer), but I'm guessing there's not a ton we can do.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 29, 2019 9:21:25 GMT -5
I had a lot of those symptoms in school but I don't have as many of them as an adult. Mainly difficulties with spatial relations.
If you asked me to draw on graph paper like when I was in high school that ain't happening but I can easily take that data and generate/interpret a graph or chart via Excel.
I also don't do math in my head, not because I can't but because I know now that I flip numbers. Putting them on paper allows me to see what my brain thinks I asked for vs what I was actually trying to accomplish. I do draw pictures a lot to visualize. DH was bitching about the "new math" Gwen has been learning but I found that I could understand it. I WISH they had taught multiplication and division that way when I was a kid. Instead I got to feel like the biggest idiot in the world as everyone else got it and I continued to struggle. It took me a long time to learn those the "old school" DH approved way. I love that Gwen has options, they teach all ways including the way I learned. It's not about having to solve the problem in the teacher approved fashion, as long as you get the right answer use whatever tools work.
I know I flip numbers and not everyone does so at least not at the frequency that I do. The other though I wonder if it's I have an actual learning disability or simply did not fit the 1980s/90s approved approach to math? It's a learning disability Drama. I've got a cousin with it.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 29, 2019 9:37:31 GMT -5
I got word via the rumor mill that C got the teacher I requested for him. It's unofficial but he, the 2 girls who we hang out with at the playground and 2 of the troublemakers are all in this class.
This school year may be very interesting. Z and O are the girls. CB and G are the boys. G, O and my C were all in the same class last year.
G bullied/picked on O.
Z and O are best friends and their moms requested they be separated the last few years because they chatter too much during class. Z and O have both been physically hurt, I think by CB and G.
G's mom feels that my C and this teacher are really GOOD influences on G. I hear this alot from other moms, about C.
G has a diagnosis of something or other, according to his mom.
My C likes G, most of the time.
O's mom seems to feel that I shouldn't be letting my C play with G, ever. I get that she wants O safe. But I'm not seeing how ostracizing G is going to help with that.
Yep. Gonna be a fun year.
I have nothing on K's school yet. I have no sources there. So we're just taking it as it comes.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jul 29, 2019 10:14:23 GMT -5
I got word via the rumor mill that C got the teacher I requested for him. It's unofficial but he, the 2 girls who we hang out with at the playground and 2 of the troublemakers are all in this class.
This school year may be very interesting. Z and O are the girls. CB and G are the boys. G, O and my C were all in the same class last year.
G bullied/picked on O.
Z and O are best friends and their moms requested they be separated the last few years because they chatter too much during class. Z and O have both been physically hurt, I think by CB and G.
G's mom feels that my C and this teacher are really GOOD influences on G. I hear this alot from other moms, about C.
G has a diagnosis of something or other, according to his mom.
My C likes G, most of the time.
O's mom seems to feel that I shouldn't be letting my C play with G, ever. I get that she wants O safe. But I'm not seeing how ostracizing G is going to help with that.
Yep. Gonna be a fun year.
I have nothing on K's school yet. I have no sources there. So we're just taking it as it comes.
In your situation, I would start having convos with C about bystander intervention. Like, now.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 29, 2019 12:37:59 GMT -5
We got a new dog on Saturday. Jersey is a 1.5 year old lab mix. She is about 50 pounds and just a sweetheart. Super happy we made it through our vacation and then got a dog.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jul 29, 2019 14:08:13 GMT -5
I got word via the rumor mill that C got the teacher I requested for him. It's unofficial but he, the 2 girls who we hang out with at the playground and 2 of the troublemakers are all in this class.
This school year may be very interesting. Z and O are the girls. CB and G are the boys. G, O and my C were all in the same class last year.
G bullied/picked on O.
Z and O are best friends and their moms requested they be separated the last few years because they chatter too much during class. Z and O have both been physically hurt, I think by CB and G.
G's mom feels that my C and this teacher are really GOOD influences on G. I hear this alot from other moms, about C.
G has a diagnosis of something or other, according to his mom.
My C likes G, most of the time.
O's mom seems to feel that I shouldn't be letting my C play with G, ever. I get that she wants O safe. But I'm not seeing how ostracizing G is going to help with that.
Yep. Gonna be a fun year.
I have nothing on K's school yet. I have no sources there. So we're just taking it as it comes.
In your situation, I would start having convos with C about bystander intervention. Like, now. Yep this. I would also reach out to G's mom and see if she is willing to share a little more about what G's diagnosis is, and maybe that can help shape your talk and strategies to use. There are times that accommodations will include buddying a student with a peer, putting in a group with a peer ect... Some reasons for this maybe be if a child has anxiety putting them with a peer that they feel safe with. If a kid has a hard time understanding social situations or responses a peer they can model off of. At the same time there are other kids who tend to like to get kids with poor social skills or disabilities to do things for their own entertainment/ sense of power as well. It is hard to get through to a kid who just wants friends, but have trouble making them because of their disability to realize that just because someone wants to hang out with you and do things with you, doesn't mean they have your best interest in mind or that they are really their friend. Sometimes it is difficult to get parents to understand to that the 1 kid their child has a friend isn't really being their friend either.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 29, 2019 14:20:25 GMT -5
Oh geez Rae, of course the kids pick that moment to act like that! Also, your FIL seems like a real piece of work! C has been having bad dreams. It's heartbreaking and also exhausting. DH went up to his room Friday night and I hear C say "There's a lizard right there! Get me out of here!" It was kind of funny if I didn't feel so bad about how scared he was. We're trying earlier bedtime to see if that helps (he's been getting to bed so so late during the summer), but I'm guessing there's not a ton we can do. Poor kiddo! I think my C was about that age when he had a dream about a giant poop over his window. It was so bizarre and funny, but sad to see him so upset over something we couldn't do anything about. He still remembers it and laughs about it now.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jul 29, 2019 14:37:49 GMT -5
In your situation, I would start having convos with C about bystander intervention. Like, now. Yep this. I would also reach out to G's mom and see if she is willing to share a little more about what G's diagnosis is, and maybe that can help shape your talk and strategies to use. There are times that accommodations will include buddying a student with a peer, putting in a group with a peer ect... Some reasons for this maybe be if a child has anxiety putting them with a peer that they feel safe with. If a kid has a hard time understanding social situations or responses a peer they can model off of. At the same time there are other kids who tend to like to get kids with poor social skills or disabilities to do things for their own entertainment/ sense of power as well. It is hard to get through to a kid who just wants friends, but have trouble making them because of their disability to realize that just because someone wants to hang out with you and do things with you, doesn't mean they have your best interest in mind or that they are really their friend. Sometimes it is difficult to get parents to understand to that the 1 kid their child has a friend isn't really being their friend either. This is exactly what happened with B and the bully.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 29, 2019 14:39:09 GMT -5
What is the school situation for B this fall?
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jul 29, 2019 17:54:22 GMT -5
Oh geez Rae, of course the kids pick that moment to act like that! Also, your FIL seems like a real piece of work! C has been having bad dreams. It's heartbreaking and also exhausting. DH went up to his room Friday night and I hear C say "There's a lizard right there! Get me out of here!" It was kind of funny if I didn't feel so bad about how scared he was. We're trying earlier bedtime to see if that helps (he's been getting to bed so so late during the summer), but I'm guessing there's not a ton we can do. How old is C? I know a lot of kids benefit from night lights, "monster spray", etc. it is really hard. K sleeps like a rock, I'm not sure she's ever had a bad dream. But B has had them a lot. We try to judge whether they are real or a manipulation, because she also uses them as a handy way to avoid bedtime. If there's a chance they're real we always, always go to her. It stinks sometimes but in our mind it's better to provide comfort and guidance that wasn't really needed than not provide it when it is. It does break my heart sometimes.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jul 29, 2019 18:02:19 GMT -5
What is the school situation for B this fall? All kids in our district move to new schools in 2nd grade, so new school. I don't even know if bully is in district any more, I heard rumors of them moving. School is on notice they cannot be in class together. I've already been in touch with the school social worker, we will move forward with an evaluation once school begins for the ADHD. May end in IEP or 504, depending. In the meantime, we've got her meds trial starting once she gets back from various family trips in a couple weeks and she's in a social skills group and will be working with a counselor on her anxiety. In other words, we are going in with the assumption that we will do anything and everything we can to help her build her coping skills. I don't want her to end up where I am, with a lifetime of feeling like she's not good enough and rejection and frustration. We are trying.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 29, 2019 18:45:46 GMT -5
Pants You are a good mom, doing the best you can for your daughter Sounds like hubby is on board, too. Kudos.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jul 29, 2019 18:53:43 GMT -5
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jul 29, 2019 18:56:22 GMT -5
I think at one point it was all labeled as Dyslexia but now differences are identified and each one is it's own disability.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Jul 30, 2019 9:32:52 GMT -5
Oh geez Rae, of course the kids pick that moment to act like that! Also, your FIL seems like a real piece of work! C has been having bad dreams. It's heartbreaking and also exhausting. DH went up to his room Friday night and I hear C say "There's a lizard right there! Get me out of here!" It was kind of funny if I didn't feel so bad about how scared he was. We're trying earlier bedtime to see if that helps (he's been getting to bed so so late during the summer), but I'm guessing there's not a ton we can do. How old is C? I know a lot of kids benefit from night lights, "monster spray", etc. it is really hard. K sleeps like a rock, I'm not sure she's ever had a bad dream. But B has had them a lot. We try to judge whether they are real or a manipulation, because she also uses them as a handy way to avoid bedtime. If there's a chance they're real we always, always go to her. It stinks sometimes but in our mind it's better to provide comfort and guidance that wasn't really needed than not provide it when it is. It does break my heart sometimes. He's almost 2.5. He is very anti night light for some reason. I don't know if he's old enough to get the concept of monster spray. He still doesn't even really understand dreaming yet. I agree with you, if there's any chance at all that he's scared I'm not going to risk it. One of us goes to him and comforts him right away. It's usually pretty easy to tell because he wakes up screaming bloody murder. It's so sad. Tell me if this is stupid. DH and I were talking earlier in the year about potentially trying for a 2nd. C's sleep habits, or lack thereof, have me 90% sure I just can't handle it. I am always exhausted. I just don't think I can emotionally and physically handle a newborn on top of this. Is that super short sighted? I don't want to look back in a few years when it's too late and regret my decision, but I also don't want to be pressured into having another because I 'should'.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 30, 2019 10:48:52 GMT -5
I refused to have another till Gwen was weaned and on her way to using the potty.
The idea of having to do that with a newborn gave me panic attacks.
I had people poo poo me and insist I should proceed and get it all done at once.
Glad that worked for you. I'm not you.
It's not shortsighted to wait till you are ready. It's smart. You may change your mind you may not. But if your brain is saying right now it wants to wait then listen.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Jul 30, 2019 10:58:05 GMT -5
I wanted it all over and done with at once, so that is why mine are 22 months apart. Bottles, diapers, etc. It was hard enough going back to the beginning with Chloe and Harper wasn't even 2 yet.
But Harper slept through the night at 12 weeks old and was potty trained right after turning 2, so I had that going for me.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Jul 30, 2019 11:23:42 GMT -5
My issue is it’s pretty much now or never. Even if I got pregnant today I’d be 40 when I had the baby, and DH almost 43. I wouldn’t want to wait too much longer.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Jul 30, 2019 11:30:12 GMT -5
Even if I was 2 years younger I'd just say we'd reevaluate in a year. I just feel like I'm not getting any younger or any less tired. DH would say the same.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 30, 2019 11:35:31 GMT -5
It's an impossible question unfortunately. I went for my 2 when I had an overwhelming feeling that I wanted one and it had to be RIGHT NOW! After E, I always wanted a third, but that RIGHT NOW feeling never came back and instead the NOT NOW's started piling up. At this point I feel good with our 2 and I don't have that feeling that we're missing out. I see babies, especially when their nursing and think about how much I loved that stage and even miss it, but I just feel complete and can't imagine going back to the baby stage. I'm still paying $500 a year in sperm storage fees though because I can't quite pull that trigger so I get it. As far as sleep issues...E is 6.5 and only waking up in the middle of the night about half the time these days? But C has started getting up almost every night now. He just gets in bed with us though, I don't have to go to him so it's easier.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 30, 2019 11:40:21 GMT -5
I remember thinking I'd be less tired after the baby was born when I was pregnant with C and my coworkers just laughing. It is so funny to think back on how naive I was.
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