ruger2506
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Post by ruger2506 on May 10, 2011 20:16:04 GMT -5
We are 33 and 35 with the first (and only) kid on the way. Obviously we are financially set. However when I look at our friends who had kids in their early 20's, I'm kind of jealous. They now have tweens or teens and are looking at having a kid free home by 40 years old. We on the other hand will have a 5 year old when I'm 40.
There are positives and negatives to each. FYI, even in your mid-20s you don't know anything about life. However that doesn't mean you shouldn't live it. Mistakes will be made and should be learned from. To each their own.
Oreo has a great point. We've got an excellent family resource as both grandpas are extremely healthy, wealthy and retired. The grandmas are still working but at a point in their careers that they can come and go as they please. They have a lot of money and time to offer the grandbabies.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 11, 2011 8:31:10 GMT -5
You know what's funny though? I keep hearing from random people (mostly people who don't know my history with DF) that I'm too young to get married. WTF?
I got that all the time to. I told one friend who kept telling me that that it was fine if HE wanted to wait longer to get married, have kids etc. I didn't.
I started to get annoyed because it felt like I wasn't considered "mature" enough till I had passed some magically imposed time limit deemed by other people to be the "right" time to do the things I wanted to do.
It all depends on the people getting married and having the kids.
My mom had me early and my brother late. She said there are trade offs to both.
Like Rueger said I was out of the house early because my parents had me in their 20's. My brother is still in the house and my mom was 50 when he graduated from HS.
Then it does really depend on what you want to do in life. The responsibilities I'd have at the top to me personally are too much to try to juggle and start a family at the same time. The responsibilities I have now at the bottom are easier to juggle with a newborn.
So I started early so I can regroup faster and focus on climbing again when she is older and the homelife is already established.
Even with a "good baby" as people put it it's been HARD to juggle going back to work because even a good baby gets up 3-4 times a night to eat/poop to start with.
I can't imagine doing my boss's job half dead on my feet.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on May 11, 2011 8:55:25 GMT -5
Keep in mind that there are health repurcussions for children born to older mothers: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-417982/First-born-young-mums-likely-live-longer.htmllongevity.livejournal.com/25972.html" People are more likely to see their 100th birthday, research hints, if they were born to young mothers.
The age at which a mother gives birth has a major impact on how long her child will live, two researchers from the University of Chicago's Center on Aging told the Chicago Actuarial Association meeting this spring.
The chances of living to the ripe old age of 100 -- and beyond -- nearly double for a child born to a woman before her 25th birthday, Drs. Leonid Gavrilov and Natalia Gavrilova reported. The father's age is less important to longevity, according to their research." Interesting. Then again, my great-aunt lived to 102. She was the 9th child (youngest) and was born when my great-grandmother was 42.
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Frugal Nurse
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Post by Frugal Nurse on May 11, 2011 8:56:09 GMT -5
Another benefit to waiting until you are older to have kids (you have to wait until you are REALLY OLD) is that your parents might be retired and can watch them for you rather than you having to pay for day care! That worked well for us. On the negative side, it hurts my knees more to chase DS around than it would have 10 years ago... This is an excellent advantage, assuming that your parents will want to watch your kids all day instead of doing something else with their retirement. Also, you'd have to have parents that you want your children to be around. My parents- no way are the going to be allowed alone with my kids (they drink...a lot). My DH's parents, on the other hand, will get to watch our future kids anytime they want. We're so excited that MIL will be retiring in a couple years and has agreed to help us with homeschooling when we have kids. (of course, she's a teacher and gets to retire at 55!)
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Frugal Nurse
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Post by Frugal Nurse on May 11, 2011 9:00:32 GMT -5
Keep in mind that there are health repurcussions for children born to older mothers: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-417982/First-born-young-mums-likely-live-longer.htmllongevity.livejournal.com/25972.html" People are more likely to see their 100th birthday, research hints, if they were born to young mothers.
The age at which a mother gives birth has a major impact on how long her child will live, two researchers from the University of Chicago's Center on Aging told the Chicago Actuarial Association meeting this spring.
The chances of living to the ripe old age of 100 -- and beyond -- nearly double for a child born to a woman before her 25th birthday, Drs. Leonid Gavrilov and Natalia Gavrilova reported. The father's age is less important to longevity, according to their research." Interesting. Then again, my great-aunt lived to 102. She was the 9th child (youngest) and was born when my great-grandmother was 42. I didn't look at the study, but I wonder if they are counting the higher number of early deaths due to the likelihood of genetic problems with advanced maternal age. For instance, a baby born to a mother in her late 30's has a much higher chance of being born with Downs Syndrome. Most Downs babies only live into their 40's, which significantly brings down the "average life expectancy". I wonder if healthy babies born to older mothers have the same chance of living to 100 as healthy babies born to younger mothers.
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Post by soon2bmomof3 on May 11, 2011 9:44:00 GMT -5
We got married at 25 and 29, started trying at 26 and 30. Had DS when I was 27, DH was 31. Had DD last year at 30 and 34 and will have DS#2 at 31 and 35. I'm glad we had our kids when we did, although sometimes I get envious of friends with one or no kids and their more active social life I just don't want to end up like my parents who had my brother when they were 42 and 44 or my coworker who is in her late 40's, maybe 50 already with a 13 and and 8 year old.
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Mrs. Dinero
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100% about truth & justice. Always trying to give mercy a chance.
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on May 11, 2011 10:04:44 GMT -5
I had my babies at age 24 and 26. Helped that I married my HS sweetheart. We didn't feel the need to wait anymore although everyone else thought we should wait due to age or that we needed some time just by ourselves. Hello? We dated for 8 years. Now I'm 35 and DH will be 37. Kids are 11 and 8. Life is good. I have no regrets. Pros and cons to both. To each his own.
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on May 11, 2011 10:22:14 GMT -5
I'm not trying to knock people who have kids early because it can work out fine a lot of the time but I just wanted to magnify this thought by saying YES, it's a LOT easier to get into a good financial place as a SINK or DINK person, and therefore more people ought to consider staying a SINK or DINK for longer. firebird: You are right on!! DH and I waited (8) years before we had children. In that time, we finished our college educations, found professional corporate jobs, lived like we made half of what we did, bought our first home using only 1/2 of what we had available to pay the 20% down - all BEFORE I got pregnant. By the time DS came along, we had a very strong financial footing. He was pure joy instead of a financial burden. In spite of the fact that we waited (8) years before having kids, we were still "relatively" young. I was just a smidge over (22) when we got married and just a smidge over (30) when DS was born.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 11, 2011 10:29:46 GMT -5
DH was almost 45 when DS was born. I was 28. It worked out really well, because I am at a point where my work is pretty flexible and DH had topped out in his career. He'd been working full time since he was 15, so it has been a nice change for him to be home with DS.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 11, 2011 10:33:31 GMT -5
DH and I had been together for 5 years, married for two by the time we had DD. People kept telling me that we had to wait. Why?
If I don't know the guy well enough and have a solid enough relationship by now to be able to handle a kid in our lives I got a problem.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 11, 2011 10:43:56 GMT -5
Damn all of you for making me suddenly clucky...
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on May 11, 2011 10:47:16 GMT -5
Well I had my kids way too young and for all the wrong reasons. (I was 20 when the first was born).
If I'd have waited and knew what I was getting into, I probably would not have had kids at all. And I would have missed out on having grandchildren. As it is, I was an empty nester in my mid 40's. But it WAS tough.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 11, 2011 10:58:56 GMT -5
On the plus side, now you have plenty of time for gardening yes?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2011 11:00:47 GMT -5
Well I had my kids way too young and for all the wrong reasons. (I was 20 when the first was born). If I'd have waited and knew what I was getting into, I probably would not have had kids at all. And I would have missed out on having grandchildren. As it is, I was an empty nester in my mid 40's. But it WAS tough. One arguement for having kids early is to get them out while you're still relatively young. Maybe the teenage years will change my mind, but right now I don't think the empty nest thing will be much fun. I really like having my kids around. When I was younger I was more driven and constantly trying to "improve" my lifestyle. Now the simple things seem more important and I could sit and watch my 10 month old discover his world for hours without getting bored. I'll be in my 60's before number 2 son finishes college, but that doesn't bother me. The only thing I do regret is that I'll have limited time with grandchildren and if they wait until their 30's to have kids I'm not going to be able to help out with them much. My aunt feels the same way about kids keeping you young. She has 8 kids, 5 of which she adopted at a later age. She turned 60 last year and still has a 10, 13 and 15 year old at home.
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on May 11, 2011 11:20:26 GMT -5
Well I had my kids way too young and for all the wrong reasons. (I was 20 when the first was born). If I'd have waited and knew what I was getting into, I probably would not have had kids at all. And I would have missed out on having grandchildren. As it is, I was an empty nester in my mid 40's. But it WAS tough. One arguement for having kids early is to get them out while you're still relatively young. Maybe the teenage years will change my mind, but right now I don't think the empty nest thing will be much fun. I really like having my kids around. When I was younger I was more driven and constantly trying to "improve" my lifestyle. Now the simple things seem more important and I could sit and watch my 10 month old discover his world for hours without getting bored. I'll be in my 60's before number 2 son finishes college, but that doesn't bother me. The only thing I do regret is that I'll have limited time with grandchildren and if they wait until their 30's to have kids I'm not going to be able to help out with them much. My aunt feels the same way about kids keeping you young. She has 8 kids, 5 of which she adopted at a later age. She turned 60 last year and still has a 10, 13 and 15 year old at home. There is a reason why God made teenagers the way they are. It make the "empty nest" a little easier to handle. ;D
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april47
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Post by april47 on May 11, 2011 15:02:58 GMT -5
Another benefit to waiting until you are older to have kids (you have to wait until you are REALLY OLD) is that your parents might be retired and can watch them for you rather than you having to pay for day care! That worked well for us. On the negative side, it hurts my knees more to chase DS around than it would have 10 years ago... Aaahhh! Don't advocate that! I'm 64 and don't want to be tied to a 2 yr old every day. My 2 yr granddaughter wears me out big time! I love her tremendously and a few hrs is fine but anything more and I am a basket case. My daughter waited to 40 to have her and she wears HER out too.
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azphx1972
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Post by azphx1972 on May 11, 2011 16:08:19 GMT -5
I wonder if they are counting the higher number of early deaths due to the likelihood of genetic problems with advanced maternal age.
I wonder if healthy babies born to older mothers have the same chance of living to 100 as healthy babies born to younger mothers.First-born children are more likely to have younger mothers, and young mothers may have better quality eggs.
They may also be less likely to have acquired infections that might cause long term damage to the health of the foetus.
Dr Natalia Gavrilova, from the University of Chicago in the US, who co-led the research, told New Scientist: "If the best, most vigorous maternal ova cells are used first - very early in life - this could explain why particularly young mothers produce particularly long-lived children."
I wonder how this is going to affect the lifespan of those children whose grandmothers who are serving as surrogates for their moms: abcnews.go.com/Health/WomensHealth/surrogate-grandmother-woman-birth-grandson-61/story?id=12912270
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on May 18, 2011 16:04:03 GMT -5
The cure for empty nest syndrome is dogs! I'm totally serious.
Firebird, I don't have as much time for gardening as one might think. I'm VERY involved with the grandkids -mostly the youngest. At 13, he's needing some nudging and encouragement with school. I figure there will be time to garden after he gets over this hump.
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steff
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Post by steff on May 18, 2011 16:31:30 GMT -5
I was 25, hubby was 29 when we had our son. Unplanned (think shotgun wedding). Kiddo just turned 17 and will be a Sr in high school next year.... I'm looking forward to the empty nest, mostly looking forward to it being just me and hubby since we've never really had much time just the two of us.
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