Bill paying question

[tractor]

Looking for some advice. My dad has recently gone from being able to take care of himself, to barely coherent in the past 72 hours. I won't go into all the details (not really relevant), and he is currently in the hospital (honestly don't know if he'll ever come home).

Anyway, he has several bills due, car payments, credit cards, insurance, etc. I don't have access to any of his accounts, neither do my siblings. He has very limited resources (no savings or other assets) and barely enough in SS to cover minimum payments. Should I be contacting those creditors and making arrangements to pay, or is it better to let them lapse for a month? I give him a 50% chance of coming home again (he lives with me).

He runs on such a small margin, that I'm afraid late fees will put him over the edge. Tracking everyone down will be a lot of work, but I can dig in if needed. My siblings aren't sure what we should do either.

[busymom]

Do you or any of your siblings have POA?  If not, I'm not sure any of you at this point have legal authority to pay his bills.  Unless you choose to take money out of your own account to get him up to date.


Mom put me on her accounts when she was still of sound mind, which ended up being a blessing, because in her case everything hit the fan quickly, and I had to take over.


So sorry you are dealing with this.  Aging parents are NOT easy to manage.  Hang in there!  

[tractor]

Both my brother and I have POA (and medical). He was good about setting those up.

[busymom]

Feel free to check with Swamp, our resident attorney here, but as long as it is set up, you should be able to pay his bills.  I assume either you or your brother's name was added to Dad's checking account?

[nittanycheme]

You may want to prioritize what you need to work through paying.  If you have POA, you can activate it with the bank, and you could probably pay what is needed.  For instance, is any of the insurance medicare supplement, etc?  That is probably important.  My mom gave me POA, and I also set up online access to her accounts so I could pay her bills through that portal.  Fortunately, she had set up automatic payments for some items (basically house utilities), but having that access was very helpful.  Also, does he get monthly statements from the bank?  That may help tracking down who needs paid. 

And I'm sorry you are going through this.  Its very stressful!

[tractor]

Sept 26, 2024 20:38:39 GMT -5 busymom said:

Feel free to check with Swamp, our resident attorney here, but as long as it is set up, you should be able to pay his bills.  I assume either you or your brother's name was added to Dad's checking account?

We are not on his checking account. I may start digging around to see if I can locate his passwords. He did most things on-line.

[tractor]

Thanks for the thoughts so far. Since he lives with me, none of his bills are related to house payments, utilities, cell phone, etc I cover all of those.

His main bills are his truck payment, credit cards, and co-pays. I will have to look into the Medicare costs, aren't those typically withheld from his SS check?

[TheOtherMe]

My Medicare Part B is deducted from my SS check.

You may have to go to the bank to get access to accounts by using the financial POA.

I was on the account with dad, as was my sister.  When he started tossing the bank statement, I had to go to the bank to set up online banking.  As soon as they heard of his death, all online access was cut off.  I was able to write checks for bills that came in after he died but were for when he was still living.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  It's not easy.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 27, 2024 7:29:06 GMT -5 tractor said:

Sept 26, 2024 20:38:39 GMT -5 busymom said:

Feel free to check with Swamp, our resident attorney here, but as long as it is set up, you should be able to pay his bills.  I assume either you or your brother's name was added to Dad's checking account?

We are not on his checking account. I may start digging around to see if I can locate his passwords. He did most things on-line.

If he has most things online then I would for now just pretend to be him using his log in name and password.  Do you know his email?  If you do it should be fairly straightforward to click "forgot password" and reset it to something that you will remember.

That is how my parents took over grandma's stuff while they were waiting for the formal paperwork to do the rest.  It's not like the computer knows who is clicking accept.

[pulmonarymd]

If he may not be able to go back home to live, where would he be going? I would clarify with the SW at the hospital if the plan would be STR(which Medicare pays for), versus custodial care, ie, Nursing Homes, which it does not. He would have to pay those bills, or he would need to apply for Title 19, which is state by state dependent. That would also factor into how you may prioritze his bills.

[tractor]

Sept 27, 2024 8:49:23 GMT -5 pulmonarymd said:

If he may not be able to go back home to live, where would he be going? I would clarify with the SW at the hospital if the plan would be STR(which Medicare pays for), versus custodial care, ie, Nursing Homes, which it does not. He would have to pay those bills, or he would need to apply for Title 19, which is state by state dependent. That would also factor into how you may prioritze his bills.

Thank you. At this point he will be going to a rehab facility, if he ever leaves the hospital. It's something we have been working on with the staff. He should have gone in after his surgery last week, but convinced everyone that he would be fine at home. He was not, which is why we are here now, he's currently intubated and resting. Still waiting for more test results. Honestly, we think he's given up, and if that's the case, the bills won't matter.

[pulmonarymd]

Sept 27, 2024 11:39:53 GMT -5 tractor said:

Sept 27, 2024 8:49:23 GMT -5 pulmonarymd said:

If he may not be able to go back home to live, where would he be going? I would clarify with the SW at the hospital if the plan would be STR(which Medicare pays for), versus custodial care, ie, Nursing Homes, which it does not. He would have to pay those bills, or he would need to apply for Title 19, which is state by state dependent. That would also factor into how you may prioritze his bills.

Thank you. At this point he will be going to a rehab facility, if he ever leaves the hospital. It's something we have been working on with the staff. He should have gone in after his surgery last week, but convinced everyone that he would be fine at home. He was not, which is why we are here now, he's currently intubated and resting. Still waiting for more test results. Honestly, we think he's given up, and if that's the case, the bills won't matter.

Unfortunately, I see this far too often. People refuse the recommendation for rehab, go home, and come back in bad shape, and now we have to start all over at a worse place.

You need to be the one looking at the big picture. What do his finances look like, because he will seriously hemorrhage money if he doesn't listen. My F-i-L fell 8 times between Memorial Day and Christmas, and keep refusing help. Fired everyone my wife hired. The only way she could get him to agree to assisted living was when she showed him how much staying in his 2 floor condo(in which he could no climb the stairs where the only shower was) cost because he could not care for himself-over 10K for less than 24 hour care. Assisted living was 1/2 that. He would have had more social interaction as well. Unfortunately, he dies a month later, never really recovering enough to enjoy it. Good luck with it.

[tractor]

My dad has no money to spend, no savings, no assets. He lives month to month on his SS check. There is nothing to "loose", his financial structure/planning would make most YM's have a panic attack.

His surgeon told me today that he should have insisted he go somewhere other than home, but at the time (one day after surgery), my dad was still feeling good and confident that he could handle it. We now know how wrong that was.

I'm sure the total cost of his care so far greatly exceeds his earnings over the past 15-years.

[pulmonarymd]

Sounds like he will wind up on Title 19 for his care at some point, and someone is not going to get paid. Not sure paying his bills will matter much in the long run.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My dad paid GUs utilities so the pipes did not burst in the winter before we could get everything settled so the house could be sold.  He was allowed to still pay those out of GU's account even with GU being on Medicaid.

Thank God he did because if he had shut of the electricity we would have walked into a freezer we didn't know about downstairs full of thawed meat that had expired back when I was in college. 

[ArchietheDragon]

If you want to keep the car I would make sure to pay that, even if you have to cover it.   The other stuff.... I wouldn't lose too much sleep over 

[tractor]

Sept 27, 2024 14:21:57 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

If you want to keep the car I would make sure to pay that, even if you have to cover it.   The other stuff.... I wouldn't lose too much sleep over 

The car is a lease, he couldn't afford it when he got it, still can't now...it wouldn't bother me for it to go away. However, if he does get out, it's his whole identity....and dealing with a lack of a vehicle (should he be able to drive again) would be a nightmare. I suspect we can pay the first month late, if needed.

[tractor]

Thanks for everything so far. On my to do list tomorrow is to try and sort through some of the bill payment issues. Currently sitting in ICU with a constant stream of nurses and doctors coming in and out...

[minnesotapaintlady]

tractor - No advice, but sorry you're going through this.

Reading your post (and watching my ex deal with his dad's estate issues) are making me think I really should go talk to my mom about how to figure out her finances if something happens. I know she has money all over the place and she's shown me before the loooong list of online accounts and passwords she keeps, but I don't know where she keeps that either.  That will be a really awkward conversation. "Mom, where is your money and how can I access it?" 

[wvugurl26]

Having access to the money or knowing how to get it, makes things much easier. I get it's an awkward conversation.

I'm sorry about the situation tractor.

[pulmonarymd]

My F-i-L was an old Italian. Stashed money in clothes, eyeglass cases, you name it. We used to joke that you had to check his boot before getting rid of it. Found 20s, 50s, even 100s stashed in all kinds of places. Made going through his stuff interesting. Also had passwords written all over the place. Fun times clearing out his condo.

[TheOtherMe]

I have had the awkward conversation with my nephew about where my passwords, etc. are located.  He will have access to what he needs on my computer.

Mom had told us to check every nook and cranny in the house where the lived prior to moving up here.  I hope she remembered to get all of the cash before they moved.  When I would visit, she would disappear upstairs and come back with some cash and she would say don't tell your father I gave you this.  

Dad tried to keep $100 in cash in a certain drawer.  One day when I was sorting his bills, there was no cash in that drawer.  I knew he had dementia and he told me it had to be there.  I found it in another drawer.  So we went through the drawers looking for cash.  

He had over $600 in Dairy Queen gift cards.  I never liked eating there so even though I paid for some of them, I told my sister and her kids to use them up

[nittanycheme]

If he did a lot of online stuff, he could have his passwords saved by his browser.  My mom had an index card with her passwords taped to her computer. 

Medicare Part B will come out of his SS check, but if he has a Medicare supplement, it may be billed separately. 

I hope its going better.

[tractor]

We lost dad last night. Now I get the unenvious task of letting all his creditors know that they are SOL. There is nothing for them to come after.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Oct 10, 2024 6:00:54 GMT -5 tractor said:

We lost dad last night. Now I get the unenvious task of letting all his creditors know that they are SOL. There is nothing for them to come after.

I am so sorry tractor. I hope you can find some peace and comfort.

[haapai]

I am so sorry tractor. 

[saveinla]

Sorry for your loss tractor

[Tennesseer]

Sorry to hear about your dad, Tractor.

[TheOtherMe]

So sorry tractor

[daisylu]

So sorry for your loss tractor.