Questions For The Ladies….

[flamingo]

Your feminine side gets expressed when you move with the flow of life, embrace your creative energy, dance, play, and attune to your internal process.

i have none of this, lol. I am wound too tight, too much a type-a, whatever you want to say, to move with the flow of life or embrace my (non) creative energy.

Like, I don’t think anyone would question that I have “feminine energy” but based on the definition above, I definitely have (or show?) more “masculine energy”. I am the “get it done” and “push things forward” person. 

maybe I don’t understand or maybe I just disagree with the article, but I don’t see any of these things as feminine energy or masculine energy. They just are part of your personality/makeup. I guess you could say my feminine energy comes out in my compassion for and acceptance of people. And in that respect I’m more outspoken about this than I was when I was younger. So maybe that’s some of feminine energy coming out. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 14, 2024 18:13:58 GMT -5 flamingo said:

Your feminine side gets expressed when you move with the flow of life, embrace your creative energy, dance, play, and attune to your internal process.

i have none of this, lol. I am wound too tight, too much a type-a, whatever you want to say, to move with the flow of life or embrace my (non) creative energy.

Like, I don’t think anyone would question that I have “feminine energy” but based on the definition above, I definitely have (or show?) more “masculine energy”. I am the “get it done” and “push things forward” person. 

maybe I don’t understand or maybe I just disagree with the article, but I don’t see any of these things as feminine energy or masculine energy. They just are part of your personality/makeup. I guess you could say my feminine energy comes out in my compassion for and acceptance of people. And in that respect I’m more outspoken about this than I was when I was younger. So maybe that’s some of feminine energy coming out. 

I used the article to clarify my own perspective, because I was asking other women what made them feel feminine.  For some women it’s how they dress and present themselves to the world, cooking, and other things the ladies have shared here. 

I think women can wear makeup or not, jeans or dresses, long hair or short, cook or not and still be feminine. Maybe not so much during the workday if they work in male dominated fields, idk. I work a manual labor job, and some of my coworkers seem very feminine, despite the kind of work we do. 

Again, there are no right or wrong answers, and no judgement from me. I was just curious.

[azucena]

Based on that definition, I have very little feminine energy. Way more masculine and perhaps that why I bump heads with certain people who expect me to be softer.

[teen persuasion]

Jun 14, 2024 20:08:59 GMT -5 azucena said:

Based on that definition, I have very little feminine energy. Way more masculine and perhaps that why I bump heads with certain people who expect me to be softer.

I guess I'm more masculine energy, too, because I'm all about logic - that's my CS brain, I swear I think in code and formulas. 

Artistic, musical, dance, poetry, nope, not me. Even my knitting is all about the numbers, patterns, parsing the code of knitting stitches, repetition - but I do find it very Zen once I get into the flow of it. But the math of making the pattern repeats work and stay on count is the fun part, to me.

Cooking - I approach it as a science experiment: making mozzarella cheese I need to heat to 55 degrees, then add enzymes, then heat to 88 degrees to get the protein to coagulate ...

Even watching the kids grow up - as babies I could just about see the gears going in their heads as they learned new things. Baby drops toy on the floor from highchair, notes that it falls downward - baby is conducting gravity experiments. Mom returns toy. Baby repeats drop. Mom returns it again - baby is conducting psych experiments - will mom keep returning the toy? Baby drops toy on dog, dog yelps and runs away. Cause and effect. Baby drops food. Dog runs back and eats food. Different cause and effect.

[teen persuasion]

Jun 14, 2024 9:45:53 GMT -5 azucena said:

Disclaimer - I may not say everything below in the most politically correct way, but my heart is in the right place.

Pink - at the risk of going off topic, I've been thinking about this feminine topic for a while now but in a slightly different context. I sort of feel jealous of (maybe too strong of a word) DD15s non-binary friends. Most of them are just so comfortable in their own skin clearly having tossed gender norms out the window. They rock short hair, long hair, hair color, great jewelry and piercings. They don't wear dresses if they don't want to, even to prom. Shoes styles are all over the spectrum and they create their very own fashions and look great while doing so. They enjoy whatever hobbies they want. They study whatever topics interest them and plan for whatever careers they want. In short, I kinda think they are doing life 'right'.

Meanwhile, as a child of the 80s, my mom forced me into dresses for church and other occasions because that's what I was supposed to wear. I distinctly remember being around 7 yrs old and saying but mom I've never seen you in a dress to which she replied something like and you're not going to because I hate them and they make me uncomfortable but you'll have to wait until you're older to decide that for yourself. And don't get me started on the toe pinching, blister causing dress shoes.

After hs dances, I've only worn a dress for my own wedding and when DH was a best man in his bff's wedding in our early 20s. My girls have never seen me in a dress. Doesn't exist in my closet. No skirts either.

I played all the sports as a kid. Grass-stained knees, constant scrapes, mostly chose to hang with the guys during recesses playing pickup bball and baseball. Always cringed at being called a tomboy bc it had the word boy in it and I'd think why can't I just be me.

I choose shoes for comfort, not fashion. I feel dressed up in a power suit but even then rarely choose to wear them except for required work functions.

I kept my hair long until late 20s even though I had no idea what to do with it. As part of pregnancy sleeplessness with DD15, I got a short, spiky cut as a time saver and rocked it for well over a decade. Covid quarantine and perimenopause brought me hair growth which is now naturally curly. I'm still deciding if I like it. My girls definitely prefer it and have made comments on how they were embarrassed of my spiky do. I got way, way more compliments from other women on my short cut than I ever do now. DH def prefers the longer hair. It's curly enough that I can just put product on it and go. Def not taking the time to diffuse it.

I rarely wear makeup since covid. I used to wear a minimal amount to the office. Working from home gives me a shield and I just go day by day, activity by activity with whether I care to wear some or not.

I do color my gray because I personally don't like how it looks growing in as it's still patchy.

I have a math degree which is historically more male. I've been lucky to be in an office that is nearly 50/50 male/female with just as many women in senior leadership as men.

I hated being pregnant because I was so sick, but I loved breastfeeding and feeling awe-inspired by what my female body was able to create and sustain.

I'm the breadwinner and have the more powerful job. I also make most of our family's decisions. Both of these have caused conflict with my husband. Since about the time I turned 40, I've decided that's really his hang up, not mine. DH likely wishes I was more feminine but I've never really hid who I am so again that's his problem.

My girls for sure notice that I'm less feminine than many of their friends' moms, but other that the hair it's never seemed to be an issue. Both love dresses and frilly things. DD15 isn't into makeup. DD11 is all about it.

I admire how the kids in school now are totally open to gender fluid thinking. DS5 had a bunch of non binary friends in HS, and their larger friend group  was fully accepting of everyone. The group decided to dress up one Halloween gender swapped, guys in frilly French maid outfits, girls as butlers. When the vocal jazz group got official matching outfits, all members could pick dresses or pants&shirts, and there a few girls in pants and non binary students in dresses, NBD. Also noticeable how many of the guys have very long hair, many quite straight, but DS5's is super curly and hangs in ringlets.

Prom is no longer just the romantic guy-girl  couple event, either. DS5's "date" was a good friend who is gay (apparently her family is either oblivious or in denial). But everything was pretty much just the group of friends hanging out together rather than paired off into couples.

[finnime]

I think a major point of the article Pink quoted is that everyone is both feminine and masculine to one degree or another. Problems arise when someone is radically unbalanced on one side. But, stereotypically radically feminine people are expected to be easy to take advantage of, and stereotypically masculine are domineering and scary. We all need to be and embrace both sides of us.

It is nice to not feel the need to fight for every scrap any more, but to be open to my artistic nature.

[NoNamePerson]

I can be soft as a marshmallow or hard as a pick axe. Depends on the circumstances. 

[happyhoix]

Jun 14, 2024 21:28:46 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

Jun 14, 2024 20:08:59 GMT -5 azucena said:

Based on that definition, I have very little feminine energy. Way more masculine and perhaps that why I bump heads with certain people who expect me to be softer.

I guess I'm more masculine energy, too, because I'm all about logic - that's my CS brain, I swear I think in code and formulas. 

Artistic, musical, dance, poetry, nope, not me. Even my knitting is all about the numbers, patterns, parsing the code of knitting stitches, repetition - but I do find it very Zen once I get into the flow of it. But the math of making the pattern repeats work and stay on count is the fun part, to me.

Cooking - I approach it as a science experiment: making mozzarella cheese I need to heat to 55 degrees, then add enzymes, then heat to 88 degrees to get the protein to coagulate ...

Even watching the kids grow up - as babies I could just about see the gears going in their heads as they learned new things. Baby drops toy on the floor from highchair, notes that it falls downward - baby is conducting gravity experiments. Mom returns toy. Baby repeats drop. Mom returns it again - baby is conducting psych experiments - will mom keep returning the toy? Baby drops toy on dog, dog yelps and runs away. Cause and effect. Baby drops food. Dog runs back and eats food. Different cause and effect.

Lol I think we must be twins. I think the same way - my son does too. DH says we both have ‘engineers brains.’ I tell him it’s a good thing we do because he would spend his whole life lost - the man has zero sense of direction and can’t read a map.

I also like knitting patterns- my favorite project is Fair Island knitting gloves, lots of color changes. (I give them to the homeless shelter, mostly.)

[swamp]

I think I’m a dude. 

[geenamercile]

This is something that has been playing on my mind for a few months now.  Just because of changes I noticed in myself.  When I was with my ex I was much more in masculine energy.  I was also stressed, planning everything, and just always in charged and ultimately the responsible one.  I didn't have time to flow because if I flowed then something was going to blow up somewhere, and no matter how much I tried for security or for our lives to have a solid base, there was always something he would want or need that would throw it off.  I never felt like I was accomplishing something to the point where I could embrace my fun/creative/go with the flow side.  At the time I would say we had more of a reverse traditional role, but honestly it was more I did everything I could and nagged him to do the minimum.  I resented stuff like doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning, ECT...  

Then I ended the marriage and he became responsible for himself, mostly.  I had a lot more free time, and less stress, less worry.  Started focusing on me and I would say I had more feminine energy.  I stayed this way for a little over 3 years.  I felt secure in the life I had, and that I could met my goals.    

Then I met A.  He was just supposed to be potentially someone to meet up with and do higher level things like hiking harder trails, rock climbing, adventure things that I wanted to do, but didn't feel safe doing them on my own.  Well things have progressed to say the least and I feel like I have more feminine energy then ever.  Now what does that mean to me, that means going to new places, events, trying new things.  We got a boat that at the moment is pretty much a floating hotel room it needs some work , but we can go fishing off the front.  I also don't mind doing the cleaning around the house, laundry or dishes.  (I do think that comes more from the fact that he is working too, longer days then I am, doing HVAC).  I actually enjoy knowing I am taking care of him.  But then I fell supported, loved, I see him putting in as much effort as I am in building a life and home together.  Life is crazier now with me living here with him, and still being mom to my daughters, but my anxiety is way less, I can't think of when I actually felt depressed or like I just wanted to fade away to nothing. 

I would say feeling safe, supported, loved, secure leads me to be more in my feminine energy.           

[MJ2.0]

Jun 20, 2024 10:44:29 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

This is something that has been playing on my mind for a few months now.  Just because of changes I noticed in myself.  When I was with my ex I was much more in masculine energy.  I was also stressed, planning everything, and just always in charged and ultimately the responsible one.  I didn't have time to flow because if I flowed then something was going to blow up somewhere, and no matter how much I tried for security or for our lives to have a solid base, there was always something he would want or need that would throw it off.  I never felt like I was accomplishing something to the point where I could embrace my fun/creative/go with the flow side.  At the time I would say we had more of a reverse traditional role, but honestly it was more I did everything I could and nagged him to do the minimum.  I resented stuff like doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning, ECT...  

Then I ended the marriage and he became responsible for himself, mostly.  I had a lot more free time, and less stress, less worry.  Started focusing on me and I would say I had more feminine energy.  I stayed this way for a little over 3 years.  I felt secure in the life I had, and that I could met my goals.    

Then I met A.  He was just supposed to be potentially someone to meet up with and do higher level things like hiking harder trails, rock climbing, adventure things that I wanted to do, but didn't feel safe doing them on my own.  Well things have progressed to say the least and I feel like I have more feminine energy then ever.  Now what does that mean to me, that means going to new places, events, trying new things.  We got a boat that at the moment is pretty much a floating hotel room it needs some work , but we can go fishing off the front.  I also don't mind doing the cleaning around the house, laundry or dishes.  (I do think that comes more from the fact that he is working too, longer days then I am, doing HVAC).  I actually enjoy knowing I am taking care of him.  But then I fell supported, loved, I see him putting in as much effort as I am in building a life and home together.  Life is crazier now with me living here with him, and still being mom to my daughters, but my anxiety is way less, I can't think of when I actually felt depressed or like I just wanted to fade away to nothing. 

I would say feeling safe, supported, loved, secure leads me to be more in my feminine energy.           

minus the "X and I being in a reverse traditional role" part, I could have typed this almost word for word. This is EXACTLY how I feel about this. Having to be the leader/the one in charge of making sure everything is running smoothly doesn't leave much time or energy to indulge in feminine energy. I'm still somewhat fighting having someone else take the lead, but honestly it allows me to be more nurturing and soft. Well, more soft than before LOL.

[Pink Cashmere]

geenamercile’s post, which I love btw, reminded me of someone I know, and I think I’ve shared this somewhere else around here, but I think it’s also pertinent to this thread.

It is important to him to provide an environment for his wife where she doesn’t have to stress and worry about things, as much as he can. He handles all issues related to things like vehicle and home maintenance and repairs. To the point that all she has to do with their vehicles, is drive them. He even fills her car with gas on the weekend, so she has a full tank of gas when she goes to work on Monday, and doesn’t have to bother with going to a gas station. 

She works in a professional type job, but he pays all of the bills. I’m not sure what she does with her money, but I know him well enough that I can safely ASSume that she’s not recklessly spending every penny she earns, because he wouldn’t have married her if that was her tendency. I am sure she contributes financially to their lifestyle in some way, but she doesn’t have to concern herself with bills and whether they get paid or not.

She is in charge of running and taking care of the household, but he is very particular about some certain things himself, like order and cleanliness, so it’s not difficult for her to keep their home clean and welcoming.

He feels like the things he does, because she is the right kind of person to value it, ultimately benefits him because since she’s not bogged down with stressful stuff, her spirit is light and joyful, and not only does she take care of herself, she also takes care of him in ways that he values and enjoys. 

She has changed his life and made him understand that his happiness in life matters too (there’s a backstory to that) and he has changed her life by taking a lot of things off her plate after having been a single Mom for years. And they are both loving it.

I am sure they still have disagreements just like any other couple, but overall they are both happy with each other.

So my whole point is that his masculine energy and the way that it is expressed, allows her to bask in her feminine energy. And not only does enjoy her feminine energy, but it has also helped him grow in some ways. They have a good balance, and it seems to really work for them. He seems genuinely happy overall and at peace, and I’ve known him long enough to remember many years when he was neither.

I don’t think it has to work exactly like their way, for the balance to work. I am just saying they are an example of a situation where a woman is free to be in her feminine energy.

And IRT to the distinction I was trying to make earlier, about what we tend to perceive as “feminine”, vs what I was calling feminine energy, his wife wears her hair very short, by choice. Like short enough that a comb is useless, she doesn’t have enough hair for a comb. I’m sure that “styling” her hair every day, is just a few seconds using a brush so that it lays in the right direction. But she is still very feminine and has a lot of feminine energy.

[geenamercile]

Jun 21, 2024 15:40:14 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

She works in a professional type job, but he pays all of the bills. I’m not sure what she does with her money, but I know him well enough that I can safely ASSume that she’s not recklessly spending every penny she earns, because he wouldn’t have married her if that was her tendency. I am sure she contributes financially to their lifestyle in some way, but she doesn’t have to concern herself with bills and whether they get paid or not.

She is in charge of running and taking care of the household, but he is very particular about some certain things himself, like order and cleanliness, so it’s not difficult for her to keep their home clean and welcoming.

He feels like the things he does, because she is the right kind of person to value it, ultimately benefits him because since she’s not bogged down with stressful stuff, her spirit is light and joyful, and not only does she take care of herself, she also takes care of him in ways that he values and enjoys. 

She has changed his life and made him understand that his happiness in life matters too (there’s a backstory to that) and he has changed her life by taking a lot of things off her plate after having been a single Mom for years. And they are both loving it.

This is pretty much A and I. He covers all the bills at this house, expect food and household products. I do still pay the 2/3s of the cost (house payment, electric/water, gas, internet which is 1000 a month) of my house where the girls live with their dad, I cover the girls phones and carry the health plans.  I buy them food each month, the ex buys them food as well and covers a 1/3 of the house cost.  I pay my own car insurance and cell phone.  But because A covers the bills and important things, I cover the fun and extra things for us.  For example I paid for our theme park passes for us and all the kids, I cover the boat stuff, tickets to things stuff like that.  A likes to say he doesn't need me, he just needs me for the things that makes life the most enjoyable.  Several months ago I ran into some you tube videos of a couple "2 Be Better"   I like them, I don't agree with everything, but I think they have an interesting take on being traditional and modern at the same time. They talk a lot about male and female energy, it was the first time I really heard of the concept.   

 

[lurkyloo]

Honestly, I feel like it’s more harmful than helpful to assign these traits as masculine or feminine energy.  I’d want to see justification for it, supported by rigorous data analysis, before I took any of it seriously…but even publishing these fluff pieces contributes to the iceberg-type* cultural associations that make it OK to pay women 15% less for the same work 

That said, while I’m generally happy with my XY-dominated household and working environment, my friend was making gentle fun of me this weekend about how excited I get to have girl time with my female friends-especially when they bring their girls over and we can play in the kitchen.  In my defense, DH was in charge of grilling most of dinner    



*enormous, with huge amounts of inertia/almost impossible to redirect, and 90% of it not easily visible.