Questions For The Ladies….

[Pink Cashmere]

But men can chime in too.

What about you, what you do, or how you live, makes you feel like you are expressing your feminine side?

I was a bit of a tomboy growing up, but not extremely so. I got married at 19yo, separated at 23yo with 2 toddlers. I think becoming a single parent with little to no help from my children’s father after that, forced me to operate and live my life with more masculine energy than feminine energy. 

At some point not long after my youngest child graduated high school, I felt like it was okay to focus more on me. Which over the next few or several years (I don’t remember the exact timeline) led to me having a better balance between my masculine and feminine energy. 

By the time I met Mister (my current SO of about 9 years), I was a softer, more feminine version of myself, than I’d been in decades. Over the last few years, I’ve gone back to having more masculine energy than feminine. I don’t like it. 

I’ve been hearing and reading for a while now, about women desiring and/or having a “soft” life, where they are free to operate in their feminine energy. Some of it is bs, but some of it strikes a chord in my soul. For women in relationships and marriages, it seems like a requirement for a “soft” life, is having a partner that helps them have a safe space to do that. So another question I have is how does your SO/spouse help foster that kind of environment for you? 

I’m just curious and interested in other people’s experiences and thoughts.

[finnime]

This is interesting. As I've gotten older I have less need to fight and defend myself and my children from the abuses of the world and of my ex. I've known and been with DH now for 22 years(!) and his acceptance and cherishing of me has let my feminine blossom. Especially since menopause, I have new creativity and appreciation of the lovely in my world. DH does call to that part of me, noticing and supporting me when I am interested in arty things or specific colors and textures that are pleasure to me. I am stronger than ever. I am also freer to be all of me.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 13, 2024 17:48:57 GMT -5 finnime said:

This is interesting. As I've gotten older I have less need to fight and defend myself and my children from the abuses of the world and of my ex. I've known and been with DH now for 22 years(!) and his acceptance and cherishing of me has let my feminine blossom. Especially since menopause, I have new creativity and appreciation of the lovely in my world. DH does call to that part of me, noticing and supporting me when I am interested in arty things or specific colors and textures that are pleasure to me. I am stronger than ever. I am also freer to be all of me.

I love this! And it is exactly what I meant by a SO/spouse that helps with having a safe space for your feminine to blossom.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Hmmm…I also had two little kids by age 23, but I’m not sure it kept me from being a girly girl.

Here is what I do that I think means “American feminine”.
(Maybe I’m misunderstanding)
🟣I wear fitted clothes. E.g. I don’t wear regular t-shirts. They make me feel frumpy.
🔹For 90% of my life my hair has been at my shoulders or below. (Not that short hair cannot be feminine but lomg hair hair is stereotypically feminine)
🔸while I don’t paint my fingernails because I cannot stand it if one is chipped, my fingernails are medium length, square oval, and generally filed. I do paint my toenails
▪️I wear skirts and dresses at least half of the time. I didn’t when my kids were little—partly because I couldn’t afford too many clothes purchases.
🔺I don’t wear a lot of makeup, but I don’t generally leave the house without mascara and at least powder. I almost wear eyeliner to work.
🟡for the last several years, I’ve worked on building up my (cheap) jewelry collection. I usually have a bracelet on, princess cut diamond studs in my ears, and my wedding set and a ring that matches my outfit in my other hand. I have several rings for my right ring finger.
🟢I have a stupid amount of shoes, but only two or three pairs of sneakers. I have mostly ballet flats, heels, and cute sandals.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 13, 2024 19:20:50 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Hmmm…I also had two little kids by age 23, but I’m not sure it kept me from being a girly girl.

Here is what I do that I think means “American feminine”.
(Maybe I’m misunderstanding)
🟣I wear fitted clothes. E.g. I don’t wear regular t-shirts. They make me feel frumpy.
🔹For 90% of my life my hair has been at my shoulders or below. (Not that short hair cannot be feminine but lomg hair hair is stereotypically feminine)
🔸while I don’t paint my fingernails because I cannot stand it if one is chipped, my fingernails are medium length, square oval, and generally filed. I do paint my toenails
▪️I wear skirts and dresses at least half of the time. I didn’t when my kids were little—partly because I couldn’t afford too many clothes purchases.
🔺I don’t wear a lot of makeup, but I don’t generally leave the house without mascara and at least powder. I almost wear eyeliner to work.
🟡for the last several years, I’ve worked on building up my (cheap) jewelry collection. I usually have a bracelet on, princess cut diamond studs in my ears, and my wedding set and a ring that matches my outfit in my other hand. I have several rings for my right ring finger.
🟢I have a stupid amount of shoes, but only two or three pairs of sneakers. I have mostly ballet flats, heels, and cute sandals.ew

In my mind, there are no right or wrong answers on this, as long as people aren’t being ugly. You mentioned a ffew things I’d like to talke more about but that will have to be tomorrow. I do sincerely appreciate you participating though. Thank you!💕

[resolution]

This is very stereotypical and I guess it is the older Gen X in me, but I enjoy cooking nice dinners for my husband. I have a bunch of cookbooks and every now and then will plan out a nice dinner with all new recipes. I know that nowadays everyone cooks, but it was a feminine role when i was growing up, and I enjoy being creative and fixing something new.

When my family was visiting I got out our old china set (from the in-laws) and the gold plated silverware (from my parents) and made a fancy dinner for everyone. 

[daisylu]

Interesting topic.

I have been very open on the board about being the rare female in my field. Until the last few years you and I had similar jobs and lives. I started as a machine operator, moved to PM tech, and then to a few different positions in parts rooms - eventually managing them until my current position. This over the course of almost 3 decades. I have worked with mostly men since I transitioned out of machine operator, which made me want to learn as much as I could so that I could not only keep up but surpass my peers. Also, I did not marry my children's fathers and prided myself on taking care of my children on my own. I did have some child care assistance from my mom (when she lost her job when the business moved another 30 miles from her home) but I insisted on paying her something very close to what I had spending on daycare. 

Add to that my body type and some sexual abuse as a 10 year old and then later in middle school because boys thought they had to right feel my larger than average chest. All of that ended up in me being ashamed of being feminine, hiding it, and coming off as more masculine. I lost count of how many males above me profession-wise said things like I had more testosterone when comparing male coworkers to me. 

But the last few years, even before my last promotion, I stopped trying to hide parts of my body and taking back some of my femininity. I was doing very well, until menopause hit me like a brick. Because of my history I did not expect the changes that come with menopause to affect me so much but it has reawakened my NEED to APPEAR more feminine. I bought 1 dress (casual, not dressy) about 5 years ago because I liked the pattern and it fit my body beautifully, but I still only wore it on vacation where no one that knew me professionally would see it. The rest of the time was jeans and tees or polos. When menopause hit me hard earlier this year I started wearing that dress more often and I bought 4 more last month. Now I wear them whenever and wherever (except when I have to be onsite for work) I want. I am starting to not even care if or how other people look at me, only how I feel. And our town is very small, so when I run errands I can expect to run into someone that I know professionally. But I no longer worry myself about that.

Some of those issues have caused some strife at home in the past - mostly around how I tend to "wear the pants" at home and how I have made it very clear that I do not need DH. He has been supportive and appreciative of some of the changes that I have made, but I still struggle with showing vulnerability.


I did not intend to write a book. 

[teen persuasion]

I've never been a girly girl, can't stand the color pink, never got the makeup gene. So I've always felt a bit outside of that feminine stereotype, even the word "feminine" creeps me out. In college I was the only girl in my year in my major, CS.

But I'm not masculine at all - on the edge between average and petite, slim. I'm much more inclined to wear form fitting clothes now than I was a few decades ago now that I'm past the pregnancy/breastfeeding years (and fashions were looser then). I always wear a colorful necklace, but that's it for jewelry other than my wedding band that's always on my finger - quit wearing my engagement ring when the kids were babies after I almost scratched one with the prongs, too problematic. Mascara, maybe concealer, maybe a touch of color on my lips is as far as I go with makeup. My hair was long when I started having kids, so I always kept it tied back or braided to keep it out of sticky little fingers. Eventually I decided it made no sense to have long hair and never wear it down, so went shorter, and shorter, and shorter with time.

Its all about practicality for me.

Now, if we want to talk about gender roles I've been heavily in the traditional female role: SAHM to 5 kids, breastfed them exclusively up to 2 years each, cook dinner every night, knit, sew, etc., the whole nine yards. I gradually got back into the workforce as DS5 went to school, very part time at first. Now I'm suddenly I'm temporarily in charge (boss left for greener pastures, need to replace her), but the kids are all adults and DH is retired. So now DH is the SAHS, making dinner and doing laundry and keeping DS5 on track with college stuff.

It's funny, I don't really view being "in charge" as masculine, I actually approach it as I'm the mom-in-charge. And before he retired, DH was a teacher, a traditionally female role. He's often commented about having to use his "Dad" voice while teaching.

Despite me being the SAHM with the kids, DH was never hands off with the kids when he was home, we parented as a team. He still steps into the role immediately as needed. When we get to visit the grandkids, he jumps right in to change diapers or play games or comfort hurt feelings or make snacks or carry tired toddlers.

[finnime]

One thing that makes DH and I a good fit is that he makes decisions and solves problems based on emotion; I do that based on thought. Thinking is what I do best. Feeling is what he does best. I'm aware that feelings do not drive me and that can lead to real problems. I rely on him to let me know what aspects I may not be considering. I do the same for him. I am also more mobile than he is, so I do things like take out the trash while he does the dishes. We hire out lawn work. Iworked as a software engineer then manager then project director, always in charge of men. DH was an analyst for congress with many women around.

Like daisylu my real turn to more feminine came with menopause which was after DH and I got together. I never really learned to do makeup but I've become very comfortable in casual dresses with sandals, and wearing earrings every day because I like looking good. I distinctly do not want to feel or look frumpy.

[happyhoix]

Hmm, interesting question.

To be honest, I don’t really try to embrace feminine things. I’ve lived in a part of the country that still mostly thinks women should be wives and moms, and worked in a male dominated industry, so I’ve spent my working years always pushing against what men think I should do. But now that I’m retiring I don’t have any desire to behave in a more feminine way. I’ll still garden and knit/crochet, but I’ve done that all along.

I consider myself a broad who doesn’t put up with bullshit and I’m ok with that. Maybe I’m an old dog who can’t learn new tricks.

[busymom]

I don't like how society tries to "mold" women, because they do it to both younger & "older" women.  For example, why must I cut my hair short after age 40?  I'm actually growing my hair longer right now (I know, I'm SUCH a rebel).  And, why do the fashion websites say women must stop wearing jeans after a certain age?  I'll wear them whenever I choose to, thank you.

As far as looking "feminine", I tend to go more girly girl on Sundays when I attend church.  I don't dress up every Sunday, but since I don't get a lot of opportunities to socialize, that's when I'm most likely to wear makeup, etc.  


I'm fortunate to be married to a man who lets me be myself.  So, if I wear t-shirts all week while running errands & doing work around the house, he doesn't care (he's most likely working overtime at work anyway).  I am putting more effort into exercise, but it's not because I think I'll match my 20's body, it's because I want to be as healthy as possible.  I don't expect to look like a Hollywood star, and frankly, after getting my hair styled & having someone else do my makeup, sitting in the chair for over 2 hours, I'm thinking I'd be bored to tears being famous, because who wants to do that every single day?  Not me.  

[bean29]

I like to dress well.  I get a manicure every 3 weeks and a pedicure every 6 weeks.  I don't wear makeup every day, but always when we are going out.  I do wear makeup more at work now, mainly because I have dry skin, and that helps "fix" it.  I used to wear jewelry and earrings more, now I just wear it when we are going somewhere.  

I try to maintain my weight, weight range for a woman 5-2" is 101-136, and I weigh about 126.  I consider myself "fluffy" as I have much less muscle mass than I did when I was younger.  DD weighs about the same is wears a much smaller size than I do.  When I met DH I worked out 2x a day some days.  Then after I had my kids it was 3-4 days a week.  I stopped working out somewhere after the pandemic.  I just could not manage my schedule and care for my pets etc.  Also, my thyroid has been removed, and I can only tolerate so much of the replacement hormone (synthroid), so I have less energy and I have a shoulder injury and my joints are problematic.  

I don't bake much, I can but my DH is diabetic so I did not want to tempt him.  He likes to cook, so I don't cook.  He also is a gardner - I deadhead the roses and plant some plants, do occasional watering, but he does the weeding and waters about as much as I do.

Like Happyhoix - I indulge my feminine self when I want, but I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it.  I do what I want, and rarely do things I don't want to.

[azucena]

Disclaimer - I may not say everything below in the most politically correct way, but my heart is in the right place.

Pink - at the risk of going off topic, I've been thinking about this feminine topic for a while now but in a slightly different context. I sort of feel jealous of (maybe too strong of a word) DD15s non-binary friends. Most of them are just so comfortable in their own skin clearly having tossed gender norms out the window. They rock short hair, long hair, hair color, great jewelry and piercings. They don't wear dresses if they don't want to, even to prom. Shoes styles are all over the spectrum and they create their very own fashions and look great while doing so. They enjoy whatever hobbies they want. They study whatever topics interest them and plan for whatever careers they want. In short, I kinda think they are doing life 'right'.

Meanwhile, as a child of the 80s, my mom forced me into dresses for church and other occasions because that's what I was supposed to wear. I distinctly remember being around 7 yrs old and saying but mom I've never seen you in a dress to which she replied something like and you're not going to because I hate them and they make me uncomfortable but you'll have to wait until you're older to decide that for yourself. And don't get me started on the toe pinching, blister causing dress shoes.

After hs dances, I've only worn a dress for my own wedding and when DH was a best man in his bff's wedding in our early 20s. My girls have never seen me in a dress. Doesn't exist in my closet. No skirts either.

I played all the sports as a kid. Grass-stained knees, constant scrapes, mostly chose to hang with the guys during recesses playing pickup bball and baseball. Always cringed at being called a tomboy bc it had the word boy in it and I'd think why can't I just be me.

I choose shoes for comfort, not fashion. I feel dressed up in a power suit but even then rarely choose to wear them except for required work functions.

I kept my hair long until late 20s even though I had no idea what to do with it. As part of pregnancy sleeplessness with DD15, I got a short, spiky cut as a time saver and rocked it for well over a decade. Covid quarantine and perimenopause brought me hair growth which is now naturally curly. I'm still deciding if I like it. My girls definitely prefer it and have made comments on how they were embarrassed of my spiky do. I got way, way more compliments from other women on my short cut than I ever do now. DH def prefers the longer hair. It's curly enough that I can just put product on it and go. Def not taking the time to diffuse it.

I rarely wear makeup since covid. I used to wear a minimal amount to the office. Working from home gives me a shield and I just go day by day, activity by activity with whether I care to wear some or not.

I do color my gray because I personally don't like how it looks growing in as it's still patchy.

I have a math degree which is historically more male. I've been lucky to be in an office that is nearly 50/50 male/female with just as many women in senior leadership as men.

I hated being pregnant because I was so sick, but I loved breastfeeding and feeling awe-inspired by what my female body was able to create and sustain.

I'm the breadwinner and have the more powerful job. I also make most of our family's decisions. Both of these have caused conflict with my husband. Since about the time I turned 40, I've decided that's really his hang up, not mine. DH likely wishes I was more feminine but I've never really hid who I am so again that's his problem.

My girls for sure notice that I'm less feminine than many of their friends' moms, but other that the hair it's never seemed to be an issue. Both love dresses and frilly things. DD15 isn't into makeup. DD11 is all about it.

[bean29]

After reading Azucena's comments I realized that I did not mention that I color my hair every 4-6 weeks.  I started doing this at DH's request, but now realize that it is important to me too. 

I don't like wearing dresses either, but I usually wear a dress to a wedding or occasionally to my Christmas party.  I feel my body looks more attractive in pants.  I don't have good legs, and I am long past the ability to wear anything more than a small heel. I am having all kinds of trouble with my left foot, so best most comfortable shoes are tennis shoes.  So, I have been getting more and more casual.  I can wear sandals at work, but with A/C on my feet get cold. Wearing Jeans again today.   

[lurkyloo]

I like nice smells.  My bathroom cabinet is jam packed with Bath and Body Works, philosophy and others    I also like tops that emphasize my boobs and de-emphasize the fluffiness around my middle.  And I like cooking and baking, although I tend to leave more of the cleanup for DH than I technically should    That’s also a side effect of leaving the lab bench and going into project management, I spent 20+ years doing hands-on experiments in the lab.  The first time I made jam I texted a pic to my PhD-JD friend with the title “kitchen autoclaving” 

I’m not particularly feminine; I have a PhD from a famed nerd institute in hard science and 80% or more of the people I work with on a daily basis are men.  I do keep an eye on whether I think there is sexism at play but I think mostly once I demonstrate competence people have respected that and me. I make a conscious effort not to be a jerk unnecessarily, but I am very, very straightforward.

I do more of the housework and mental load than DH but that’s also partly a free time thing…and he never ever complains about covering things I don’t get to, which is more than I can say for myself 

I’ve always been smart, never pretty.  I suppose we play to our strengths…no real complaints 

[lurkyloo]

Jun 14, 2024 8:45:04 GMT -5 busymom said:

I don't like how society tries to "mold" women, because they do it to both younger & "older" women.  For example, why must I cut my hair short after age 40?  I'm actually growing my hair longer right now (I know, I'm SUCH a rebel).  And, why do the fashion websites say women must stop wearing jeans after a certain age?  I'll wear them whenever I choose to, thank you.

As far as looking "feminine", I tend to go more girly girl on Sundays when I attend church.  I don't dress up every Sunday, but since I don't get a lot of opportunities to socialize, that's when I'm most likely to wear makeup, etc.  


I'm fortunate to be married to a man who lets me be myself.  So, if I wear t-shirts all week while running errands & doing work around the house, he doesn't care (he's most likely working overtime at work anyway).  I am putting more effort into exercise, but it's not because I think I'll match my 20's body, it's because I want to be as healthy as possible.  I don't expect to look like a Hollywood star, and frankly, after getting my hair styled & having someone else do my makeup, sitting in the chair for over 2 hours, I'm thinking I'd be bored to tears being famous, because who wants to do that every single day?  Not me.  

I’m glad to hear this…but also thinking that surely this should be a given in a healthy marriage?  Keeping up a facade for decades just sounds exhausting    I guess maybe some people enjoy prioritizing it.

[busymom]

Jun 14, 2024 11:11:48 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Jun 14, 2024 8:45:04 GMT -5 busymom said:

I don't like how society tries to "mold" women, because they do it to both younger & "older" women.  For example, why must I cut my hair short after age 40?  I'm actually growing my hair longer right now (I know, I'm SUCH a rebel).  And, why do the fashion websites say women must stop wearing jeans after a certain age?  I'll wear them whenever I choose to, thank you.

As far as looking "feminine", I tend to go more girly girl on Sundays when I attend church.  I don't dress up every Sunday, but since I don't get a lot of opportunities to socialize, that's when I'm most likely to wear makeup, etc.  


I'm fortunate to be married to a man who lets me be myself.  So, if I wear t-shirts all week while running errands & doing work around the house, he doesn't care (he's most likely working overtime at work anyway).  I am putting more effort into exercise, but it's not because I think I'll match my 20's body, it's because I want to be as healthy as possible.  I don't expect to look like a Hollywood star, and frankly, after getting my hair styled & having someone else do my makeup, sitting in the chair for over 2 hours, I'm thinking I'd be bored to tears being famous, because who wants to do that every single day?  Not me.  

I’m glad to hear this…but also thinking that surely this should be a given in a healthy marriage?  Keeping up a facade for decades just sounds exhausting    I guess maybe some people enjoy prioritizing it.

   Oh trust me, I've got a number of friends who have been married to men in the past, or are currently married to men who try to mold them.  DH knows me well enough that he won't try that.  

[haapai]

I'm enjoying reading this thread but am not in a place to contribute yet.  Please keep talking.  

[pooks]

I am 47 and perimenopausal, so that is where this is coming from. 

My wardrobe is not feminine. I am all about comfort.  Menopause has made me run hot, my skin is always dry, and clothes just irritate me.  So I wear mostly loose cottons, think nursing scrubs and a size too big. 

I haven't worn makeup in a decade.  I was never good at it.  I don't wear jewelry.  My hair is long and undyed.  I have tried to wear it short, but the weight seems to make it easier to deal with, so I leave it long.  I don't mind the grey yet.  It is more of a white and blends in with all the other highlights.  DH hates all smells, so I don't wear anything scented. This works out, as most scented things irritate my skin.  

I like to mother things.  So there is that.  I am never happier than when I am taking care of some living thing.  Right now I have a dog, who is one issue after the next.  I have one plant,  a poinsettia I bought Thanksgiving 2019, that seems like it is refusing to die.  

DH would be happier if I was feminine.  He finds my lack of interest in feminine things odd.  

[Pink Cashmere]

So, when I wrote the OP, I wasn’t really thinking about wearing makeup and being dressed to the nines at all times, even though that is surely one way that women express their feminine side, and that’s great. 

I had to go read my OP again to see exactly what I wrote lol. I kept writing “feminine energy”, and the replies made me have to try to figure out what exactly I did mean, so I could try to explain better.

I was speaking more of a demeanor, or way of being, however that shows up in your life. 

When I say I feel like I was operating more in masculine energy as a single parent, I still dressed nice and wore heels when I was feeling super cute, got my hair done regularly, didn’t leave the house without at least eyeliner and lipstick and things like that. And of course, I cooked, but not as much when my children got old enough to cook some things themselves. 

To me, the masculine energy was always being the one to handle business, get things done and make things happen, and always being on the alert for whatever might go wrong.

When I say I had more feminine energy by the time I met Mister, I was still working full time and handling my responsibilities, but I was also spending more time doing things just because I enjoyed doing them and/or they soothed my soul somehow, instead of just mostly things that HAD to be done. I was exploring things I was interested in, like when I was making my own body butter and experimenting to perfect the recipe. I enjoyed getting out of the shower and slathering myself in something I’d made myself. I took a yoga class after having been interested for several years, and discovered I liked it just as much as I thought I would. I bought a bicycle and discovered that riding it along certain trails soothed my soul. I was cooking more again, but it was because I was interested in taking better care of my health, so cooking didn’t seem so much like I chore as it has at other times in my life. I was more serene, softer with my words, softer in several ways. 

I’m not trying to knock what it means to other people, just trying to better explain what I was thinking it meant for me when I wrote the OP.

[Pink Cashmere]

For those of you that say your spouse or children would like for you to be more feminine, what would that look like to them?

[MJ2.0]

Been trying to find the sweet spot with this too and ...whew! I have thoughts on this but I'll have to come back later to expound on them! 

[lurkyloo]

Jun 14, 2024 13:08:25 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So, when I wrote the OP, I wasn’t really thinking about wearing makeup and being dressed to the nines at all times, even though that is surely one way that women express their feminine side, and that’s great. 

I had to go read my OP again to see exactly what I wrote lol. I kept writing “feminine energy”, and the replies made me have to try to figure out what exactly I did mean, so I could try to explain better.

I was speaking more of a demeanor, or way of being, however that shows up in your life. 

When I say I feel like I was operating more in masculine energy as a single parent, I still dressed nice and wore heels when I was feeling super cute, got my hair done regularly, didn’t leave the house without at least eyeliner and lipstick and things like that. And of course, I cooked, but not as much when my children got old enough to cook some things themselves. 

To me, the masculine energy was always being the one to handle business, get things done and make things happen, and always being on the alert for whatever might go wrong.

When I say I had more feminine energy by the time I met Mister, I was still working full time and handling my responsibilities, but I was also spending more time doing things just because I enjoyed doing them and/or they soothed my soul somehow, instead of just mostly things that HAD to be done. I was exploring things I was interested in, like when I was making my own body butter and experimenting to perfect the recipe. I enjoyed getting out of the shower and slathering myself in something I’d made myself. I took a yoga class after having been interested for several years, and discovered I liked it just as much as I thought I would. I bought a bicycle and discovered that riding it along certain trails soothed my soul. I was cooking more again, but it was because I was interested in taking better care of my health, so cooking didn’t seem so much like I chore as it has at other times in my life. I was more serene, softer with my words, softer in several ways. 

I’m not trying to knock what it means to other people, just trying to better explain what I was thinking it meant for me when I wrote the OP.

Oops 

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 14, 2024 13:41:05 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Jun 14, 2024 13:08:25 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So, when I wrote the OP, I wasn’t really thinking about wearing makeup and being dressed to the nines at all times, even though that is surely one way that women express their feminine side, and that’s great. 

I had to go read my OP again to see exactly what I wrote lol. I kept writing “feminine energy”, and the replies made me have to try to figure out what exactly I did mean, so I could try to explain better.

I was speaking more of a demeanor, or way of being, however that shows up in your life. 

When I say I feel like I was operating more in masculine energy as a single parent, I still dressed nice and wore heels when I was feeling super cute, got my hair done regularly, didn’t leave the house without at least eyeliner and lipstick and things like that. And of course, I cooked, but not as much when my children got old enough to cook some things themselves. 

To me, the masculine energy was always being the one to handle business, get things done and make things happen, and always being on the alert for whatever might go wrong.

When I say I had more feminine energy by the time I met Mister, I was still working full time and handling my responsibilities, but I was also spending more time doing things just because I enjoyed doing them and/or they soothed my soul somehow, instead of just mostly things that HAD to be done. I was exploring things I was interested in, like when I was making my own body butter and experimenting to perfect the recipe. I enjoyed getting out of the shower and slathering myself in something I’d made myself. I took a yoga class after having been interested for several years, and discovered I liked it just as much as I thought I would. I bought a bicycle and discovered that riding it along certain trails soothed my soul. I was cooking more again, but it was because I was interested in taking better care of my health, so cooking didn’t seem so much like I chore as it has at other times in my life. I was more serene, softer with my words, softer in several ways. 

I’m not trying to knock what it means to other people, just trying to better explain what I was thinking it meant for me when I wrote the OP.

Oops 

LOL! But that might just be your personality. It’s not really mine. I was doing all of that because I had to, because I was single with children. I’m not complaining about it, that’s just how it was. When I was married, I didn’t even work. Not that I’d do that again either lol.

[daisylu]

Jun 14, 2024 13:32:11 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Been trying to find the sweet spot with this too and ...whew! I have thoughts on this but I'll have to come back later to expound on them! 

Nice to "see" you! 

[happyhoix]

Jun 14, 2024 11:11:48 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Jun 14, 2024 8:45:04 GMT -5 busymom said:

I don't like how society tries to "mold" women, because they do it to both younger & "older" women.  For example, why must I cut my hair short after age 40?  I'm actually growing my hair longer right now (I know, I'm SUCH a rebel).  And, why do the fashion websites say women must stop wearing jeans after a certain age?  I'll wear them whenever I choose to, thank you.

As far as looking "feminine", I tend to go more girly girl on Sundays when I attend church.  I don't dress up every Sunday, but since I don't get a lot of opportunities to socialize, that's when I'm most likely to wear makeup, etc.  


I'm fortunate to be married to a man who lets me be myself.  So, if I wear t-shirts all week while running errands & doing work around the house, he doesn't care (he's most likely working overtime at work anyway).  I am putting more effort into exercise, but it's not because I think I'll match my 20's body, it's because I want to be as healthy as possible.  I don't expect to look like a Hollywood star, and frankly, after getting my hair styled & having someone else do my makeup, sitting in the chair for over 2 hours, I'm thinking I'd be bored to tears being famous, because who wants to do that every single day?  Not me.  

I’m glad to hear this…but also thinking that surely this should be a given in a healthy marriage?  Keeping up a facade for decades just sounds exhausting    I guess maybe some people enjoy prioritizing it.

This reminds me of the show Marvelous Mrs Maisel, where a 1950s mom taught her daughter to go to bed with a full face of make up, wait until DH fell asleep, sneak into the bathroom and remove her make up and put rollers in her hair, then an hour before her DH got up, sneak back into the bathroom to do her full makeup and fix her hair. She claimed in 30 years of marriage her DH had never seen her without make up and coiffed hair.

Lol. Some weekends I never put a bra on and certainly no makeup. That just seems like way too much work.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nothing.  Nada.  Zero.  Zilch. 

[soupandstew]

I'm not sure what a "feminine side" is exactly.  I like to cook, I like to plant things - is that feminine?  I love pastels, flower prints and ruffles - is that feminine?  I also love very short hair and being blunt, working with tools, taking on challenges - is that masculine?  I had some "friends" cut me off when I went to ultra short hair because they said I looked "butch" and were afraid others might question their heterosexuality if we continued to hang out.  

[Pink Cashmere]

link This does a decent job of explaining what I was referring to:


Feminine energy refers to a specific set of traits, considered to be the opposite of traits associated with masculine energy.

Your masculine side gets expressed when you're working toward a goal, making progress, getting things done, and pushing forward.

Your feminine side gets expressed when you move with the flow of life, embrace your creative energy, dance, play, and attune to your internal process.

Importantly, these traits are not associated with gender. The set of traits we've come to define as "feminine" do stem from the expectations we used to place on women throughout history to behave a certain way.

Likewise, the traits associated with being "masculine" are traits we used to expect from men. Today we know people of all genders can have any combination of any of these traits, and no traits are inherent to any gender or should be expected of any gender.

That said, the words "feminine" and "masculine" can still be helpful in describing two different and opposing ways of being.

It’s not from a science based source, and I didn’t have time to read the entire article. Apologies for that.

Also the link keeps going wherever it wants to go in the post, instead of where I want it.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I definitely misunderstood. I shall have to ponder this.