Some thoughts from others about a decision for us to make

[countrygirl2]

We have talked about this many times and this is what we are down too. Either one will work, one will give us more disposable income for whatever we want to do. The other will constrain our spending some but we will still be ok, just on more of a budget. What would you guys do? It's still likely a year or so away. We cannot sell anymore houses this year or rather not the other rental. Our house will have no potential capital gains outside the limit allowed.

We are thinking about the house purchase. Do we buy another house there or live in what we bought? If we don't no matter what we sell this one for we will have plenty of money for traveling, buying cars, and doing what we want, and even helping son. If we do we will still be able to live well as we are only spending on a house what we are selling our home and the rentals for. However, the prices are coming down up there though I think it will just be temporary and for those that have to sell and have large amounts of equity. They haven't here are still rising only because of lack of available housing. Also not as much to help son with and this is important to us. He doesn't have to have it, but would make his life easier if we do. And we don't mind at all, our kids are very important to us. The unknown is what we can sell our home for. We know what its worth but would be a small number here that could pay that much. It should sell for between $450 and $550k but I'm betting more toward the lower figure. But being realistic instead of a total of about $650 in proceeds if sold for $440 and taxes on other sales maybe $550, have computed nothing on capital gains yet. Now the prices are coming down some we might even be able to purchase for around $450, put more like $500. Just wish we knew what we could sell ours for and we still have to sell his folks place, but I'm pretty comfortable with what we can get out of it. You can sell houses here in the $100k to $140k all day long. We may have to replace some carpet and do some work on the garage, but no big ticket stuff, we have already done that. I'm just writing here what I'm thinking about. Hubs wants to stay in the modular but I would be happier there than he would, so not fair to him. And I want us both happy. If we are there I'm afraid he will drive son crazy looking for things to do. That is if his health holds. Decisions, decisions.

One way we will still have about $750k to supplement us with, the other between $1.2 and $1.3. Either way at age 77 we should be fine. And just to add to that, we are expected to use 1/3 of DD's SS income for her share of expenses on the home except for phones but we never have. Still we could if necessary.


We likely can get permission to build a small storage building to put my sewing and canning stuff in and for a work room for me. Hubs said I won't use it. Well if I don't he can and it would help sell the place. Also there is a triangle corner by the carport where he could likely expand his workshop into it for more of the things he wants to keep. Not real big but he could move shelving units we have into it and would store lots of his things. If he is still able to build he could likely do both somewhere around $5k I'm thinking. Still doesn't leave us a separate bedroom for grandson.

We are just totally up in the air on this stuff. Of course the other thing we could do is stay here and just travel back and forth like we are, but not ideal, I want to spend more time there. So would just appreciate others thoughts on what you would do. Someone might have a totally better idea.

[plugginaway22]

I see it as you being in the perfect place for all this to happen. You have a home in Washington that will be livable for awhile! You can sell your home in ?Indiana? and whatever other properties you are selling. After all the chips fall and cash is in the bank you will be in a perfect position to make a quick buy up there once the perfect place comes along. Set a goal of finding something up there in a year. You can handle the modular for that long! And keeping things in storage for no more than a year is not too pricey. 

This will also give you time to see how hubby does after this medical situation. He may not be able to handle the acreage you both think you want. Keep posting about this because we have a son living in the state of Washington and I absolutely love it there. But you are right about the high housing prices.

[CCL]

Don't put the cart before the horse. There's no need to rush into buying another place up there. You have a nice place already.

Agree with plugginaway. You can always put some things in storage with the goal making a decision in a year. I also like the idea of building a large outbuilding on your son's property. That way you'd have a place to store things and be helping son out, too.

I wouldn't plan to keep anything here. I think you'll be better off closer to your family. Things change. Sometimes you just need to move on.

[azucena]

You need to be of the mindset to truly downsize. The modular is great for that. Grandson doesn't need his own room, he just needs your time. Spend your time, energy, and money on family.

[seriousthistime]

A couple of things come to mind.

You want to help DS and make things easier for him, but he seems to do just fine right now.  If you help him, like maybe gift him money to put into his house, maybe improve his residence or pay down his mortgage, it is marital property subject to a split if he and his wife divorce at some point.  Do you want her to get half the money you would gift to him?  And even if they stay married, will the gift free up their own money such that she will try to spend more of what they have?  There is a way to keep it non-marital,  but it has to be separate, not put into the house.   Cash in a bank account with his name only would be one way, but how does that make things easier for him? 

As you age, travel will become more difficult. Here is what I am seeing with a friend of mine right now.  She is flying less and less to see her relatives on the West Coast, where one daughter lives, and so does one of her siblings.  Her other three kids live within a 2 1/2 hour drive from her.  They are having to spend more and more time at her place to keep an eye on her and help her out.  And it's difficult to hold down a job and have to worry about aging parents who live a distance away.  For the sake of your son, move there. Don't stay where you are now.  He will want to look in on you as time goes on.  The best way for that is to move close to where he is. 

And the best time to make these changes is before you need to!

So assuming you have decided to move there and the only issue is whether to move to the modular home or whether to buy a different place, you do not need to find something comparable to what you have.  You just need a suitable place that feels like home. If it were me, I would move to the modular and keep an eye out for a place somewhat between the size of the modular and what you have now. If you can't find anything or decide against moving from the modular, so be it.  And if you do, your ducks will be lined up in a row.

I moved away from an area I absolutely loved to live in.  When I retired, I could stay there or move someplace else.  But it was a two-story and I knew that the stairs were not ideal for aging in place.  All my kids lived from 800 miles to 3,000 miles away.  I knew if something happened it would be logistically difficult for them.  So I moved to be close to one of the kids, found a suitable home for aging in place, and hope I get to stay here for a while before the need for assisted living arises.  And I will do the same again, anticipate the need and make the change before I need to. 

I know your son moved to that area for work, a few years ago.  Is he absolutely sure this is the last move in his career?  If not, definitely stay in the modular for as long as possible.  Don't buy a more expensive place if he's going to be transferred in the future.  

[Deleted]

How exciting.  Washington is beautiful and I never got the impression, you liked where you moved to.   As someone who is dealing with an elderly person from 1,700 miles away, your son will really appreciate you being closer as you age and decisions need to be made.  So I would sell the properties you have in the current state, move to the WA house, and look for a permanent place once you get there.  Really try to be realistic with what you and your DH can handle as you age and pick a good spot for aging in place.  Best of luck!

[jerseygirl]

Yes move to Washington near your family. This will be wonderful for THEM. Your DGS is so happy to be with his grandparents, your DIL wants to learn from you. A blessing to have a DIL who values you ( of course she isn’t perfect no one is!) and moving closer will be so much better for your DS. He will want to help you and being a distance will be difficult. Plus he enjoys working with his dad

You don’t need the perfect house. You need to be with your loving family much more. You will more easily work with your DS and DIL to help with your DD. To have a grandson who loves snd values her is priceless

As you know I grew up with a dissbled sister. My mom often talked to her family that she didn’t want to ‘burden’ me and gave the impression that I couldn’t take care of her. That was not true at all but I knew this was result of her worries and guilt .
Wasn’t always easy at all. I’m not a patient person.
Let me tell you about my grandson, her nephew. He grew up having a disabled aunt like your DGS. When my grandson graduated college he received gifts from family and wrote thank you to all, giving a small anecdote about how he had been helped . Well this 20 yr old young man received a card from his aunt, $20 and a labored signature, he sent her a thank you that I and his mom will always treasure.

He wrote- thank you for teaching me kindness and patience. I thought of his words often when our mom had passed and I was caring for my sister. Thinking thank you for teaching me patience helped me often when I got frustrated with some actually insignificant issue.
I see in your posts that your dear GS holds hands with your DD, enjoys her company etc
Try to think of this, not the perfect house or location

[countrygirl2]

We have time to think I hope. The last house will be sold next year. We had planned to store stuff there, but if we live in the modular we will need to build a small shed and area by the carport up there.Whether hubs can do it or not is to be seen. But we have to have permission of the entity that owns the park also.  

Hubs says its fine if we live there, he keeps telling me that. He said it leaves extra money for anything else we want or need to do.

The big issue is going to be timing and logistics.

Right now I'm worried about him getting ok. Son has called twice today, think he is kind of concerned too. 
I expected hubs to have problems with the aneurysm or afib. I never expected cancer, where it is, of course, I know it is quite common.