making your kids execute their parent's estate as a dry run

[haapai]

Has anyone ever heard of a case where a parent who is named as the executor of their spouse's estate and still competent to do the job has declined the job in order to give their child or children who are alternate executors some practice? 

[billisonboard]

Having them work alongside with you is practice. If you decline and they are the executor of record, that isn't practice. 

[busymom]

Nope.  But they could just plain be lazy.


My "favorite" horror story was the elderly couple who, after moving into a senior apartment, did NOTHING to clean out their house.  They said their kids were inheriting everything, so they could do the work.     So the house was left "as is", for the kids to deal with, the contents and the house itself.  I thought that was SO mean.  

[haapai]

Gotta agree there.  It's kinda diabolical.  On the other hand, it would be a good way of forcing your child or children to visit you often after your spouse's death, testing how well sibling co-executors can work together, and thoroughly familiarizing the child or children of what you own. 

[haapai]

Aug 6, 2023 14:04:12 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nope.  But they could just plain be lazy.


My "favorite" horror story was the elderly couple who, after moving into a senior apartment, did NOTHING to clean out their house.  They said their kids were inheriting everything, so they could do the work.     So the house was left "as is", for the kids to deal with, the contents and the house itself.  I thought that was SO mean.  

I'd hesitate to judge that as "lazy" or "unwilling".  The couple in question, or at least one of them, might have realized that they were unable to do the job.  OTOH, that's a hell of a thing to do to your kids.  There's definitely expenses involved in clearing out a house and it sounds like the kids had to handle them all out of their own pockets.  Also, did they even have the legal right to sell or otherwise dispose of items that they did not own? 

[billisonboard]

If you have to apply force to your children, I would say you need to name a professional executor because things are going to be really messy when you pass. 

[busymom]

Aug 6, 2023 14:16:50 GMT -5 haapai said:

Aug 6, 2023 14:04:12 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nope.  But they could just plain be lazy.


My "favorite" horror story was the elderly couple who, after moving into a senior apartment, did NOTHING to clean out their house.  They said their kids were inheriting everything, so they could do the work.     So the house was left "as is", for the kids to deal with, the contents and the house itself.  I thought that was SO mean.  

I'd hesitate to judge that as "lazy" or "unwilling".  The couple in question, or at least one of them, might have realized that they were unable to do the job.  OTOH, that's a hell of a thing to do to your kids.  There's definitely expenses involved in clearing out a house and it sounds like the kids had to handle them all out of their own pockets.  Also, did they even have the legal right to sell or otherwise dispose of items that they did not own? 

     In this case, the couple walked away from their house, giving their kids no direction on what they wanted done with the contents of their house.  Having cleaned out my own parent's home, and with how long it took me, I'd be tempted to just call a junk truck & let them have at it.  

[thyme4change]

With how many people have the situation where it was crass to discuss money (and heavily burdened with emotion and complications) so Mom and Dad die and the kids have to scramble to figure out what the hell is going on - I wish it was more traditional to have the “training” in place long before health issues set in.

I had a conversation with my sister about a very specific issue and bringing it up was so uncomfortable. I told her she needed to discuss it with Dad and I got no acknowledgement one way or the other. I told myself I would have the guts to talk to him, but I have chickened out every time.

Ugh 🤦‍♀️

[mollyanna58]

My father wound up in the hospital due to a bleeding ulcer. He was pretty loopy during his 5-day hospital stay. Then he was transferred to a rehab place. I went to visit him on his first day there, and when I walked in, he said, "I'm probably going to die tonight so we need to talk about some things". I was relieved, because he was no longer loopy.  And he didn't die that night.

[movingforward]

I know exactly how much money and assets my dad has, where the will and bank passwords are located, and what he wants done upon his death. We talked about all of this over 10 years ago.

I can understand why someone might feel the need to be secretive in some circumstances. I have no children and really don't like anyone knowing how much I have.

[wvugurl26]

I've never heard of anyone doing that. It could be helpful if the surviving parent makes a list of what the steps were. I figured it out for my grandma's estate but knowing for certain would have made it easier.

[Bonny]

Aug 6, 2023 13:43:53 GMT -5 haapai said:

Has anyone ever heard of a case where a parent who is named as the executor of their spouse's estate and still competent to do the job has declined the job in order to give their child or children who are alternate executors some practice? 

DFIL's third wife declined the Trusteeship once she realized that there was no real money in the estate and wouldn't benefit further. She got the joint accounts as well as their condo (community property state).  DH stepped in as successor Trustee and we cleaned up the title to DFIL's separately owned cabin.

She also "forgot" her checkbook of their joint account at the funeral home.   That, of course made for a funny story; Wife #1 paid to have her ex burned up. 

[nidena]

The executor of my estate--my SIL--lives 2000 miles away.  I have no intention of having her do a dry-run.  Besides, I'll be dead.  I really don't care what happens to my stuff once I'm dead.  I haven't promised anything to anyone so I don't imagine there will be any fights over which of my nieces or nephew gets what.

As for my own living parent, my step-sister is the executor of her mom's and my dad's estate.  While there are things that I would like, I'm not going to lose my shit if it doesn't happen.

[swamp]

Aug 6, 2023 13:43:53 GMT -5 haapai said:

Has anyone ever heard of a case where a parent who is named as the executor of their spouse's estate and still competent to do the job has declined the job in order to give their child or children who are alternate executors some practice? 

After approximately 25 years as a practicing attorney, including estate work, I have never heard of that.   

I have heard of a parent not wanting to deal with it and pawning the job off to a child.   

I'm not sure how much practice you need.  Every estate is different, but the gist is the same. cash in the assets and pay the bills.  Follow the advice of the attorney, and accountant if necessary.  

[swamp]

Aug 6, 2023 14:34:22 GMT -5 busymom said:

Aug 6, 2023 14:16:50 GMT -5 haapai said:

I'd hesitate to judge that as "lazy" or "unwilling".  The couple in question, or at least one of them, might have realized that they were unable to do the job.  OTOH, that's a hell of a thing to do to your kids.  There's definitely expenses involved in clearing out a house and it sounds like the kids had to handle them all out of their own pockets.  Also, did they even have the legal right to sell or otherwise dispose of items that they did not own? 

     In this case, the couple walked away from their house, giving their kids no direction on what they wanted done with the contents of their house.  Having cleaned out my own parent's home, and with how long it took me, I'd be tempted to just call a junk truck & let them have at it.  

 That was generally my advice.  

Pick out what you want and get rid of the rest.  it's just stuff.  

[Deleted]

Aug 7, 2023 13:05:20 GMT -5 swamp said:

Aug 6, 2023 13:43:53 GMT -5 haapai said:

Has anyone ever heard of a case where a parent who is named as the executor of their spouse's estate and still competent to do the job has declined the job in order to give their child or children who are alternate executors some practice? 

After approximately 25 years as a practicing attorney, including estate work, I have never heard of that.   

I have heard of a parent not wanting to deal with it and pawning the job off to a child.   

I'm not sure how much practice you need.  Every estate is different, but the gist is the same. cash in the assets and pay the bills.  Follow the advice of the attorney, and accountant if necessary.  

  I think an estate of any size or complexity is going to need a competent attorney and/or accountant anyway, regardless of how "practiced" the executor is.  

[giramomma]

I would have liked a dry run.

And, in my mom's case, it would have been better to let me handle things.

Legally, she's competent.

Practically, she is not. She did not seek the help of an attorney when dad died. Or while he was still living, and they knew he was going to die, for that matter. 

She also refuses to disclose her full fiances to financial types because it's none of their business. And they have told her that they can't give her good advice, and she's OK with it.