Please share your experiences being an executor

[haapai]

or co-executor of an estate.

I signed some paperwork about two years ago agreeing to be co-executor of my parents' estates with my only sibling.   Now I want to know what I have signed up for. 

Hopefully, I won't have to know much for several years but it doesn't hurt to have some sort of preparation. 

My dad offered to show me the will but I didn't take him up on it.  They've been working with an elder law firm.  He also told me something regarding their assets but I promptly forgot all of the details.  I don't think that this is a particularly good start, so it's probably a good idea that I get a bit prepared now. 

[Tennesseer]

"Co-executors are people who are named in a will to share the duties of administering the estate of a deceased individual12. They have equal responsibility and authority over the estate and must cooperate closely with each other on all aspects of settling the estate234. Co-executors may be beneficial for larger or complex estates, but may also cause complications or conflicts for smaller or simpler ones45. Co-executors can choose their own estate lawyers, but this may increase the legal fees for the estate5. Co-executors have the same duties as a single executor, such as selecting the estate lawyer, selling real estate, distributing assets, setting up trusts, and paying commissions."

Pros and cons of having a co-executor of a will

[busymom]

Run Forrest Run!!!  


Since it sounds like your parents are still alive, NOW is the time to get as much information ahead of time as possible.  Find out who holds their life insurance, savings, investments, etc., along with any passwords you may need to access them.  It wouldn't hurt for you or your sibling to be put down as joint on at least one bank account, so you'll be able to pay bills (for example. funeral expenses, homeowner's insurance, property taxes, etc.) while getting their home ready to sell.  If you parents are agreeable, ask if you can begin to reduce the amount of clutter in their home NOW.  (It took years for me to clean out the house my parents lived in for over 50 years.  Then, after I got everything out, I had to arrange for repairs before the house could be sold.  It took a lot of effort.)  Make sure you have a good attorney lined up to walk you through the entire process.

Just for the record, I won't be volunteering to ever be executor again.  Thankfully, one of DH's siblings is handling the estate of his parents.

[wvugurl26]

Check into the laws in the state where they reside as to what requirements they put on executors. Since I'm in a different state than my grandma was and I wasn't named executor in the will, I had to get a bond. It was not cheap and ran nearly $1k.

[Deleted]

My DH was executor of his dad's estate which was small and relatively simple in our state.  I actually did all the work on it because I'm good at that stuff and he isn't.  Co-executor would have been a whole other ball game as his sibling (and co-heir) was a greedy drug addict (yep, said that quiet part out loud).  If your relationship with your sibling is good and your folks have made good plans (sounds like they did if they have engaged an elder law attorney), it may be pretty straightforward.  

You do need to know all those details although that is tough stuff to deal with. 

[cronewitch]

Start with getting the original will not a copy. Find out where they keep it. When ISO died I went to an estate attorney who filed the will in the court. He got me a letter of testimonial or something like that and a IRS tax number and told me to use that to open a checking account. I got 6 checks with the account.
He left money to two people and me everything else. I wrote checks to the two other heirs and they signed a paper saying they had received the money.
I sold, donated, gave away, kept or trashed everything he owned and sold the house. The proceeds went into the Estate of account. After I sold the house and all the bills were paid the attorney filed something to close the estate. I had to file his final tax return and wait for the refund before closing the estate and Estate of account.

It was easy for me, nobody protested or had to share. My brother did our mom and documented everything incase my other brother and I asked to see an accounting but we didn't ask.

My attorney said my investment accounts, ROTH, IRA and that sort of thing need to have beneficiaries to pass outside my estate. The person drafting the will needs to have transfer on death or beneficiaries on everything they can.
I only really needed one death certificate and uploaded it to the computer. I had to email it to pensions and brokerage and just showed it at banks and gave them copies.

If they leave someone something like a motorcycle, then sell it before they die it is just ignored.

[minnesotapaintlady]

I'm interested in this thread too.  I'm the executor for my aunt's estate. She has a lot of stuff (three houses for starters), but claims it will be easy because everything is set up with POD and beneficiaries.  I'm not real worried about it, because I think she'll probably outlive me anyhow. 

My mom has never mentioned anything to me so it's possible that all my threats to just burn everything convinced her to choose one of my cousins instead.    Seriously, she has SO. MUCH. STUFF. 

[haapai]

Mar 22, 2023 17:32:38 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I'm interested in this thread too.  I'm the executor for my aunt's estate. She has a lot of stuff (three houses for starters), but claims it will be easy because everything is set up with POD and beneficiaries.  I'm not real worried about it, because I think she'll probably outlive me anyhow. 

My mom has never mentioned anything to me so it's possible that all my threats to just burn everything convinced her to choose one of my cousins instead.    Seriously, she has SO. MUCH. STUFF. 

Unless you have evidence that your mother has done some planning, like being presented with a POA or knowing that one of your siblings has one, you are probably safer assuming that she has done absolutely no planning, is completely intestate, and hasn't paid a whit of attention to who her beneficiaries are. 

I'm probably just saying this because it's unusual for me to be even slightly more prepared than you.  And yeah, neither one of us is remotely prepared. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Mar 22, 2023 23:37:14 GMT -5 haapai said:

Mar 22, 2023 17:32:38 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I'm interested in this thread too.  I'm the executor for my aunt's estate. She has a lot of stuff (three houses for starters), but claims it will be easy because everything is set up with POD and beneficiaries.  I'm not real worried about it, because I think she'll probably outlive me anyhow. 

My mom has never mentioned anything to me so it's possible that all my threats to just burn everything convinced her to choose one of my cousins instead.    Seriously, she has SO. MUCH. STUFF. 

Unless you have evidence that your mother has done some planning, like being presented with a POA or knowing that one of your siblings has one, you are probably safer assuming that she has done absolutely no planning, is completely intestate, and hasn't paid a whit of attention to who her beneficiaries are. 

I'm probably just saying this because it's unusual for me to be even slightly more prepared than you.  And yeah, neither one of us is remotely prepared. 

I have no siblings, or should I say, my mom has no other kids...unless she made my brother she put up for adoption when he was born the executor...which is possible I guess.  But my mom makes me seem like a complete life failure in everything...including finances.  I know she has money and I'm sure she has some kind of plan, she just doesn't tell me.  Her brothers and sisters talk about that kind of stuff all the time so I suppose I could ask one of them what her plan is.  I'm guessing one of my cousins is listed as executor.  My aunt chose me over either of her kids, and I can think of a few cousins my mom would choose over me.

[Bonny]

Mar 22, 2023 16:10:45 GMT -5 busymom said:

Run Forrest Run!!!  


Since it sounds like your parents are still alive, NOW is the time to get as much information ahead of time as possible.  Find out who holds their life insurance, savings, investments, etc., along with any passwords you may need to access them.  It wouldn't hurt for you or your sibling to be put down as joint on at least one bank account, so you'll be able to pay bills (for example. funeral expenses, homeowner's insurance, property taxes, etc.) while getting their home ready to sell.  If you parents are agreeable, ask if you can begin to reduce the amount of clutter in their home NOW.  (It took years for me to clean out the house my parents lived in for over 50 years.  Then, after I got everything out, I had to arrange for repairs before the house could be sold.  It took a lot of effort.)  Make sure you have a good attorney lined up to walk you through the entire process.

Just for the record, I won't be volunteering to ever be executor again.  Thankfully, one of DH's siblings is handling the estate of his parents.

Lol, there's definitely some truth to the "Run Forrest Run!!"

Lots of good advice here, especially about being put on one of the bank accts. That helped me enormously with settling my mother's estate.

I think the most brutal question is how well you get along with your sibling/co-executor. My mother wanted to have both my brother and I as co-executors. I knew that would be a disaster given my brother's personality and financial problems. He was still a bit of pain but it definitely could have been worse. I recently spoke with a friend whose siblings took her to court. It cost close to $200k and took two years. I'm grateful for my minor problems. 

I think some of the hardest stuff is dealing with the demented parent. The paranoia, the stubbronness just feels so personal.

[tractor]

Going through this with two different estates I am part of right now, I'd say learn as much now as you can. Get the paperwork, know who's supposed to get what and identify gaps.

Even with two well-formed trusts, it's been a ton of work for the executors, and has devolved into a soul sucking, life overtaking adventure.

[wvugurl26]

Lots of good tips here. I could have avoided the bond or it would have been for a much smaller amount if the stocks had beneficiaries/TOD.

I was on checking and savings and my dad and uncle were on the house deed. That has been very helpful. I am able to access the money and pay bills as necessary. This becomes more important next month as my uncle moves out. I expect the utility bills to go down but there will still be some.

The house is not close to empty and I don't feel comfortable listing it for sale until we are past the 60 day window for claims. I know who the real estate agent will be and she has people in mind to sell it to.

Grandma's estate is relatively small and not super complicated and it's still going to take me a year.

This was always supposed to be my dad's job in my mind. Still trying to figure out how I became this grown up and responsible.

[thyme4change]

This is an interesting topic for me and I have many questions. I believe my sister is the executor- but my mom told me I had medical power of attorney because she trusted me to pull the plug. (I told her I could come over today with a big pillow and get this over with quickly. Ha ha.) That was like 10 years ago, my parents are 83-ish and look like they will live another 20 years. My dad just bought a new car. But, my sisters think it is tacky to talk about money - so everything is being ignored. I did talk to my sister this week about my parent’s second home which will stay in the family. My Dad casually mentioned once that we 3 we own it together. My sister does not want any part of that, so I told her to tell Dad that and he would adjust the paperwork for her to get more cash. I don’t know if she talked to him or not, so I will have to awkwardly bring that up with him later.

My sister has gobs of money said her financial advisor said she didn’t have enough money to need a trust. My parents do have a trust so she thinks they have gobs++ of money. I was under the impression you didn’t need that much for a trust to make sense. Anyone know if there are rules of thumb around that?

[ArchietheDragon]

Mar 23, 2023 14:11:25 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

This is an interesting topic for me and I have many questions. I believe my sister is the executor- but my mom told me I had medical power of attorney because she trusted me to pull the plug. (I told her I could come over today with a big pillow and get this over with quickly. Ha ha.) That was like 10 years ago, my parents are 83-ish and look like they will live another 20 years. My dad just bought a new car. But, my sisters think it is tacky to talk about money - so everything is being ignored. I did talk to my sister this week about my parent’s second home which will stay in the family. My Dad casually mentioned once that we 3 we own it together. My sister does not want any part of that, so I told her to tell Dad that and he would adjust the paperwork for her to get more cash. I don’t know if she talked to him or not, so I will have to awkwardly bring that up with him later.

My sister has gobs of money said her financial advisor said she didn’t have enough money to need a trust. My parents do have a trust so she thinks they have gobs++ of money. I was under the impression you didn’t need that much for a trust to make sense. Anyone know if there are rules of thumb around that?

Trust can be used for different reasons, if the reason is to not have to pay federal estate taxes, the estate would need to be bigger than $12.9MM dollar, which is the current federal estate tax exemption. 

[Artemis Windsong]

At one time, there was a thread on a step-by-step action list on what to do when someone dies and you're executor.  I couldn't find it.

The deceased lawyer actually leads what needs to be done.  The personal representative does need to be legally named by the court to do business like pay bills.  The PR may know, and mostly probably not, what needs to be done when.

Also the question of probate or not.  When probate is closed, creditors with claims against the estate cannot ask to be paid.

One thing learned was keep the persons checking account open.  My late mother's account was kept open for years.  An old life insurance policy that was mine bought by my parents had to have the proceeds deposited in her account.

Complicating is people open bank accounts then forget about them when they move.  In my case, my brother spitefully opened a savings account in CO that wasn't in any of this paper work.  I happened to remember what he told me.  The attorney did find the account and closed it.  The result can be checking with state lost or forgotten assets on line.  It's a good idea to check these sites every year or two.  Forgotten deposits for utilties, rents, what not show up there.

[Deleted]

Mar 23, 2023 14:23:05 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Mar 23, 2023 14:11:25 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

This is an interesting topic for me and I have many questions. I believe my sister is the executor- but my mom told me I had medical power of attorney because she trusted me to pull the plug. (I told her I could come over today with a big pillow and get this over with quickly. Ha ha.) That was like 10 years ago, my parents are 83-ish and look like they will live another 20 years. My dad just bought a new car. But, my sisters think it is tacky to talk about money - so everything is being ignored. I did talk to my sister this week about my parent’s second home which will stay in the family. My Dad casually mentioned once that we 3 we own it together. My sister does not want any part of that, so I told her to tell Dad that and he would adjust the paperwork for her to get more cash. I don’t know if she talked to him or not, so I will have to awkwardly bring that up with him later.

My sister has gobs of money said her financial advisor said she didn’t have enough money to need a trust. My parents do have a trust so she thinks they have gobs++ of money. I was under the impression you didn’t need that much for a trust to make sense. Anyone know if there are rules of thumb around that?

Trust can be used for different reasons, if the reason is to not have to pay federal estate taxes, the estate would need to be bigger than $12.9MM dollar, which is the current federal estate tax exemption. 

We have a trust.  We created it to simplify our affairs in the event of disability or death, as we have no family or friends to take the role of guardians or executors.  We have too little to be concerned about federal estate taxes and we are not attempting to shelter assets for Medicaid qualification.  Trusts are also useful if you wish to establish ongoing protections for a family member, perhaps special needs or to fund income stream for a family member who might not be able to manage a lump sum inheritance.  

[Deleted]

The only real challenges we faced when DH's dad died were distance and his brother.  We both worked full-time and lived 150 miles away which made it a bit challenging to meet with attorneys, appraisers etc.  The estate was very small and simple but it does take time to have 30 years of "stuff" inventoried, appraised and sold, especially when the deceased home is in a very tiny town outside a very small city.  The real estate market in the tiny town was 100% dependent on activity at a nearby military base which had once again been closed as the Pentagon cut back.  We dispersed brother's half of the cash within 6 weeks of the death, gave him his choice of the two vehicles, and then put the house on the market.  Six months into the listing contract, he was calling us and the estate attorney almost daily, pure harassment and threats.  Life was too short for that sort of misery, the estate was paying utilities, maintenance and taxes etc. so we used our cash inheritance to buy brother's share of the house and told him to get lost.  We leased the house out for a year and then sold it to a local couple.  Not long after we got a call from out of state relatives who let the brother move in with them.  He had gone through all the money (doesn't take long when it goes up your nose or in your veins) and was homeless.  They found he was stealing their mother's SS and he refused to leave.  We declined to come collect him and house him with us.  DH suggested they call the local sheriff and have him removed.  

Other than the family drama, the probate process was really straightforward.  I know it is much more complex in other states

[thyme4change]

Mar 23, 2023 14:23:05 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Mar 23, 2023 14:11:25 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

This is an interesting topic for me and I have many questions. I believe my sister is the executor- but my mom told me I had medical power of attorney because she trusted me to pull the plug. (I told her I could come over today with a big pillow and get this over with quickly. Ha ha.) That was like 10 years ago, my parents are 83-ish and look like they will live another 20 years. My dad just bought a new car. But, my sisters think it is tacky to talk about money - so everything is being ignored. I did talk to my sister this week about my parent’s second home which will stay in the family. My Dad casually mentioned once that we 3 we own it together. My sister does not want any part of that, so I told her to tell Dad that and he would adjust the paperwork for her to get more cash. I don’t know if she talked to him or not, so I will have to awkwardly bring that up with him later.

My sister has gobs of money said her financial advisor said she didn’t have enough money to need a trust. My parents do have a trust so she thinks they have gobs++ of money. I was under the impression you didn’t need that much for a trust to make sense. Anyone know if there are rules of thumb around that?

Trust can be used for different reasons, if the reason is to not have to pay federal estate taxes, the estate would need to be bigger than $12.9MM dollar, which is the current federal estate tax exemption. 

I would certainly consider 12.9M gobs++. I doubt my parents have that much. They must have done it for simplification purposes. Or maybe my parents are hiding something. 😎

[lurkyloo]

We have trusts that are nearly complete, when we can find time to review the paperwork.
 
Some reasons:  privacy.  Nothing has to go through probate and be disclosed.  Also, we own real estate in two different states and expect that to increase to 3 or 4, would be a separate probate for each state without a trust.

We have a minor child with some special needs that mean we’d rather not just hand everything over at 18.  Trust has terms that detail our wishes for his care, and also allow our trustee (SIL) the ability to “lend” a specified money to DH’s parents in case of need-we don’t expect it to be paid back, but I wanted it to be an emergency measure, not something MIL would immediately expand her spending to include 

I thought the estate exemption was doubled for a married couple, but who knows where it will wind up.  It’s not out of the question we’d bump up against the current 12.9M limit but 25.8M strikes me as rather unlikely.  Who knows.

[tractor]

I think having a discussion while they are alive will help the process. It's not that you want to take their money early, it's that they are awful hard to talk to when they are dead.

In my mothers case, she was sure she knew exactly what her husbands trust said, so she didn't need any help. Up until he had passed, and we found out he left not only the land her house (modular) sits on, but half of his estate to his daughters. They have been gray to work with, but my mother is confused and gets angry every time we try to explain it to her (That's not what he wanted!, is her favorite thing to yell at us). The reality is, if they would have just sat down and explained what the plan were while he was still alive, it would have made this process much simpler. We now have two attorneys involved, and it gets more complicated by the week.

[jerseygirl]

I was executor for my disabled sister. It was during Covid lockdown. She had a special needs trust . Her condo was in the SNT and she had a small checking account with direct deposit of her SS, I was the administrator for that checking account. She had a will and everything went to her nephews and niece ( my kids)
I did everything myself w/o a lawyer. The county clerk was very helpful with everything. My kids painted the condo and it was luckily sold in March 2020 with everything done remotely. The kids inherited condo sales almost equally with more going to DD since she bought all the supplies and did lots of the work. Furniture was taken by them or donated to Habitat for Humanity.
Jerseyguy and I have all our accounts with beneficiaries or TOD so won’t need probate for the accounts. Just house and cars would need titles changed and sold. Big problem is Jerseyguy’ s basement of large and expensive wood and metal work tools. A collector motorcycle that he refused to sell. Along with years of saving things that ‘might’ be useful some day. So finances pretty simple but clearing out basement- yikes!! If he goes first I’ll do my best to empty basement

[busymom]

That was a problem we had with my parents, jerseygirl.  My Dad hung onto a bunch of old tools that he was sure would be "valuable".  The problem is, most younger guys would rather buy new tools than old relics.  I did manage to sell some of his stuff, but he would've been shocked what was sold for scrap, or thrown away, because no one wanted it, and we definitely don't have room for more "stuff" at our place.

Also, my parents stored a lot of things in places where there was no heat or air conditioning, which ruined things that might have had some value, if they had been properly taken care of.  Oh well, the junk-hauling guys absolutely love me, since I gave them a lot of business.  That's where money was wasted:  paying to haul stuff away that no one wanted.  Even the charities are extra-picky now.  

[finnime]

I was not an executor, but in the end a co-trustee of my mother's estate. This was due to the very real problems with having my two older brothers named co-executors and co-trustees originally. My second brother, always competitive with ODB, was angry about not being in control. He became secretive and paranoid (he had other problems too). My mother had made him a joint signer on her accounts and he refused to communicate anything about them but kept what he could. ODB was fine with letting MDB manage the financials but not with him not communicating at all. It got very nasty.

Fortunately the trust allowed for the majority of the 5 of us beneficiaries to remove and replace a trustee if we wanted. So we removed MDB, named me as the co-trustee, and I worked with ODB to empty the house and sell it. I lived out of state at the time so it involved a number of trips up north.

We actually went to court to force MDB to produce an accounting of the estate. Total attorney's fees for all of us topped $180k. Ridiculous. The total estate was worth maybe $1.7 million including the house, which sold for $530k 20 years ago. A good number, but with 5 inheritors there wasn't a huge amount for each. Nothing life-changing. We always believed MDB converted mom's accounts for his own purposes. I feel dirty just saying that.

All this to say, co-executors are a bad idea unless the two have carefully delimited responsibilities and generally a history of cooperation, not competition. Better to just choose one. Much better.

[giramomma]

We have a trust. Proceeds from sale of house goes in there. I don't remember all what else. It's been a decade. And we should probably update your wills.

I would suggest getting a lawyer over DIY.

I actually don't anticipate that DH being my inlaws executor is going to be a great burden. They've planned their funeral, bought the plots, made their wishes know, have the paperwork set up, and DH has met their lawyer they've been working with.

MIL just did another huge round of decluttering. They are talking about moving into one of those nice facilities where you get an apartment and do independent living and then wrap your way to hospice or memory care. I guess the wait list is several years.

When my dad died, my mom decided to do DIY. No lawyer. No computer/internet. Which make everything much harder.

My parents had 9 years to get their affairs in order, make sure their house was set up so that mom could stay there safely and not have to deal with major repairs.

They just chose not to do anything that resembled adulting unless it was around dad's cancer treatment. I think even that was dubious sometimes.

I just don't understand where they ever thought that not doing anything like fixing settling issues on their house was something to be ignored while they went and had fun. Or thinking it was ok to not clean out the attic when they were more mobile and could do a ladder without worrying about falling.

My dad was mowing the lawn with a push mower for about the first 5 years of his treatment. They live on a half acre.  They traveled, socialized, went to shows, etc. They could have decluttered. They also had 20 years before dad's diagnosis, where they did not have to actively take care of a minor kid to get after some things. I don't know how a person can manage to waste decades of their life.

Lord help me when mom goes. The best thing to do could be to set fire on her house.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Mar 24, 2023 9:03:49 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just don't understand where they ever thought that not doing anything like fixing settling issues on their house was something to be ignored while they went and had fun. Or thinking it was ok to not clean out the attic when they were more mobile and could do a ladder without worrying about falling.

I think this is a personal decision.  I would totally prioritize running around and having fun over dealing with a settling foundation, especially if I had cancer and was told time was limited.  Heck, I do that now!  I've blown off fixing siding for almost a decade now.  

[TheOtherMe]

My parents decluttered a lot when they moved to independent living.  However, I had no idea how much stuff ended up at my sister's house.  I was put in charge of babysitting two toddlers the day of the move, so I didn't see how much stuff was actually loaded in the U-Haul.  It was way more than I had thought.  

My aunt and uncle had 5 children.  They set up a trust and transferred everything to it.  The 5 children were co-trustees.  One was a lazy bum who hadn't worked in years (the one who died recently), the daughter is a drug addict and couldn't attend her mother's funeral because she was in rehab and a third had remarried shortly before his dad died.  He and his wife had each filed bankruptcy shortly before their marriage.

The other two are quite frugal and good with money so this must have really upset them.

I'm told most of the votes on what to sell and what to keep were 3-2.   The two really didn't want to sell the farm but got outvoted.  

Because of the lazy bums years of living without money, my aunt and uncle set him up with an allowance for the rest of his life.  I have no idea if whatever was his 1/5 share stopped at his death or if his three sons will be splitting something.  

Now the votes will be 2-2.  That will be fun.

I was told last week that the four sons bought plots together in the same cemetery where their parents and my parents are.  The daughter has lived in Arizona for 40 years so I am guessing she has no interest in being in that cemetery.  

My parents and my aunt and uncle bought plots side by side, with room for four burials each.  My aunt thought the no good son would end up with them, but that will not be the case.  

[giramomma]

Mar 24, 2023 9:44:48 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Mar 24, 2023 9:03:49 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just don't understand where they ever thought that not doing anything like fixing settling issues on their house was something to be ignored while they went and had fun. Or thinking it was ok to not clean out the attic when they were more mobile and could do a ladder without worrying about falling.

I think this is a personal decision.  I would totally prioritize running around and having fun over dealing with a settling foundation, especially if I had cancer and was told time was limited.  Heck, I do that now!  I've blown off fixing siding for almost a decade now.  

Right. And you aren't leaving your house to a 77+ year old woman with limited mobility and mental health issues, either.

Nor, are your actions requiring your DS to take care of a house that hasn't been tended to since 1981. My parents did get a new roof 15 or so years ago and new boiler 9-13 years ago, depending on the day that you ask mom.

There's going to become a point where my mom will need a hot plate to cook from, because everything else will have stopped working. I'm not sure, exactly how you rationalize that as a good choice.

I can't imagine leaving my husband with essentially a trashed house if I get cancer again and die and say "Well, I had my fun, good luck to you!"

ETA: I'm also guessing that if the siding on your house caused major issues with mold that would cost you 15K to remediate..I would think that you might at least think about taking care of the situation, rather than letting get worse.

[Bonny]

Mar 23, 2023 14:11:25 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

This is an interesting topic for me and I have many questions. I believe my sister is the executor- but my mom told me I had medical power of attorney because she trusted me to pull the plug. (I told her I could come over today with a big pillow and get this over with quickly. Ha ha.) That was like 10 years ago, my parents are 83-ish and look like they will live another 20 years. My dad just bought a new car. But, my sisters think it is tacky to talk about money - so everything is being ignored. I did talk to my sister this week about my parent’s second home which will stay in the family. My Dad casually mentioned once that we 3 we own it together. My sister does not want any part of that, so I told her to tell Dad that and he would adjust the paperwork for her to get more cash. I don’t know if she talked to him or not, so I will have to awkwardly bring that up with him later.

My sister has gobs of money said her financial advisor said she didn’t have enough money to need a trust. My parents do have a trust so she thinks they have gobs++ of money. I was under the impression you didn’t need that much for a trust to make sense. Anyone know if there are rules of thumb around that?

There are many reasons to have a Trust but if you spend time on the Bogleheads the NY based atty Bruce Steiner will advise you that most people don't need them. However he grudgingly admits that owning real property in CA might make you change your mind as the court process in CA is unbelivably slow and therefore expensive.

Where are your parents' properties?

In each of my parent's cases, Trusts worked to their advantage even though they were underwater/broke. I never could have negotiated with my mother's bankers without the privacy of the Trust. I think I would have lost both properties through foreclosure.

In CA, if your home is in a Trust Medicaid can't do a clawback. I don't think that's right morally but I can't imagine what the scenario would have been like if the house that he had a partial ownership in was in play. Probably uglier than what actually happened.

We created a Trust when we lived in AZ under the assumption things in AZ would operate the same as in CA. Plus we did own four CA properties at the time in addition to our AZ house. That alone was probably a good reason. Also at the time beneficiary deeds weren't being done in CA.

YMMV. If you only have your house and bank/brokerage accounts and are leaving everything to your kids maybe a beneficiary deed for the house and TODs are good enough. I would considering a Trust if I had minor children though along with a designated guardian. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Mar 24, 2023 10:54:08 GMT -5 giramomma said:

ETA: I'm also guessing that if the siding on your house caused major issues with mold that would cost you 15K to remediate..I would think that you might at least think about taking care of the situation, rather than letting get worse.

Yeah...I'm not so sure about that.  Holes in the side of the house have to be causing problems.

[bookkeeper]

My father passed in 2015.  My oldest brother is the trustee of dad's trust.  Mom is still alive and she has her own trust.  I am successor trustee and also named POA and Medical POA.  Our parents had two trusts because at the time of their creation, the tax law at the time required two trusts for the amount of property they owned.

It is a difficult thing to be grieving your parent and hiring lawyers and accountants at the same time.  My DB decided to ignore technology up until this point and had no skills with the internet or email.  He also disconnected his land line, so faxing documents was out the window.  He also lives 20 miles from the county seat where all the paperwork must take place.  He is a very sincere flip phone kind of guy.  So, while he had all the authority to administer our father's affairs, he had very little knowledge or technical ability to get the work done.  I offered to help and we did butt heads a few times.  Mostly learning each other's management style and finding the correct path forward with everything we didn't know.

When we were at the lawyer's office, trying to get a handle on these trusts after dad's death, our attorney asked us what we were going to take for a fee to administer this trust.  That, by law, we could pay ourselves up to 2% of the value of Dad's trust as compensation for the work.  We went home and I said that he should take what amounted to a year's salary for him (he was a self employed contractor on small jobs).  I asked for $10,000 as successor, since I had to be at all the meetings and did all the tax accounting.  He thought that was crazy, that it was too much money.  I insisted, I had worked in banking long enough to know this was going to be a full time job for him for the next year.

I would say by the second year, we had gotten into more of a routine with running Dad's business and caring for our mother.  We have two other siblings that do not make any decisions for the trusts.  That choice was made by our parents, both siblings are good people that are good with money.

The overwhelming amount of stuff was a huge mess to clean up.  Our parents were in the accumulation phase for too long and then Dad got cancer.  We had an entire farm to clean up.  We started with the iron pile and obvious trash.  My Mom is a child of the depression, and can't throw anything away.  So, we had to start taking loads to the after she left for her snowbird time in Texas.  She knows we are doing it, she doesn't like it, but it needs done.  

We got through round one of losing a parent.  We have set up Mom's affairs to have an easier time of things when she passes.  All financial accounts had beneficiaries or POD.  We each will inherit property to take advantage of the stepped up basis.  We are on an aggressive gifting schedule, with the intent of distributing some of these assets now, rather than later. The timing is good, since we siblings are now all retired.

I plan on creating a trust for the assets I will receive from my mother.  I have property in three states and will inherit some real estate some day.  I have seen the benefit of bypassing probate with a trust first hand.