Train Wreak

[cronewitch]

My niece is 90K behind in her mortgage and filing bankruptcy. She just turned 50 and is married. She got the house in 2016 for 280K now worth 600K so how can she be so far behind? She had a business and let her license lapse. She had a caregiving company like Visiting Angels but couldn't find workers so ended up taking care of just one man alone then he died. She found a new job and her husband works. They have at least 6 dogs and a couple cats and a big house on a big lot. They visited my brother, her dad in Mexico when my other brother was visiting them too. My brother said her husband was buying drugs, he is an alcoholic and sometimes has drinks.

Post advice and I will let her know and tell you why it won't work. Where should they live with a dozen pets?

[finnime]

It sounds like she must have refinanced for cash out. That's how she could get so far behind, doing a refi followed by making no payments. If she has enough equity she could be forced to sell her home to repay creditors, unless the state she's in has a homesteader's provision that might protect her.

Whatever else she does or doesn't do she must keep her job. And sit down with a spreadsheet to find out how much it actually costs to live; what are her operating expenses. Another thing she'll need to do for bankruptcy, anyway.

About her husband--she needs to separate her finances from his, or everything swirls down the drain if he's into drugs.

It doesn't look good.

[busymom]

Wow!  I don't know where to begin with this.  But, first, where I live it's not even legal to have more than 3 pets, otherwise our local government considers it a hoarding case.  She needs to think about rehoming some of those fur babies.  Even if it was legal here, I can't imagine anyone with a home to rent wanting anyone with so many pets.

Is her DH willing to seek treatment, or is he in denial of his substance abuse issues?  That could be a "make it or break it" issue with their marriage.  If he won't change, she shouldn't have to do all of the work alone to dig themselves out of financial trouble.  She probably needs to join a group like Al-Anon.

Can the house be sold before it gets foreclosed?  Or has that process already begun?  I remember a coworker who got behind in her payments, and the mortgage company foreclosed even when she came up with the money to get current on her payments.


I think you won the week for a train wreck relative.  

[NastyWoman]

Does your niece also live in WA state? If I'm not mistaken that is a community property state and entangling her finances for her husband's may be impossible 

The drug use of hubby may have put her that far in arrears. I am not someone who defaults to divorce as a first solution but, unless he gets and stays clean, that may be the only way she will be able to get any chance at a financislly stable future.

[cronewitch]

They are in WA and the dogs are 5 pure bred Irish Setters, they bought the first two then had a litter and kept 3 and they have little dog or two. One Setter has a skin issue where even petting him can rip skin and cause vet bills. He was married two or three times before and divorced because alcoholic. Later she tells me they keep the wine coolers in the bedroom so the kids don't get in them. He came with minor children, he got custody, her child was grown. Then they took in a cousin or her kids. His son took advantage of the foster daughter when she was a victim of abuse before so she was moved out to another foster home, her brother stayed. His son was sent to her mother and they had to go to court to keep him out of jail borrowing from her mother. Now son is homeless living with a 17 year old and they have a daughter living in a tent. They got pregnant on purpose one miscarriage and tried again. His youngest joined the Marines. Foster son returned to abusive parents at 18. Foster girl aged out and moved on to college, hates parents and has a nice boyfriend.

I don't know how much he does drugs or if it bothers her, she didn't seem to mind him drinking on occasion. She loves him as far as I know.

I could afford to buy the house and rent it to them but they would probably not pay the rent. I could buy it and give it to them or give them enough to save the house and hope they made payments.  Seems like throwing away money. I could just make popcorn and watch the show, thinking not my circus, not my monkeys. I like popcorn, seems like a good choice.

[stillmovingforward]

I vote for popcorn. They seem like a hot mess and make one mistake after another. Maybe save the money in case the niece or one of the kids needs to bolt or a small hand-up. So they don't see you as the freedom bank.

[NastyWoman]

Mar 5, 2023 22:12:34 GMT -5 cronewitch said:

They are in WA and the dogs are 5 pure bred Irish Setters, they bought the first two then had a litter and kept 3 and they have little dog or two. One Setter has a skin issue where even petting him can rip skin and cause vet bills. He was married two or three times before and divorced because alcoholic. Later she tells me they keep the wine coolers in the bedroom so the kids don't get in them. He came with minor children, he got custody, her child was grown. Then they took in a cousin or her kids. His son took advantage of the foster daughter when she was a victim of abuse before so she was moved out to another foster home, her brother stayed. His son was sent to her mother and they had to go to court to keep him out of jail borrowing from her mother. Now son is homeless living with a 17 year old and they have a daughter living in a tent. They got pregnant on purpose one miscarriage and tried again. His youngest joined the Marines. Foster son returned to abusive parents at 18. Foster girl aged out and moved on to college, hates parents and has a nice boyfriend.

I don't know how much he does drugs or if it bothers her, she didn't seem to mind him drinking on occasion. She loves him as far as I know.

I could afford to buy the house and rent it to them but they would probably not pay the rent. I could buy it and give it to them or give them enough to save the house and hope they made payments.  Seems like throwing away money. I could just make popcorn and watch the show, thinking not my circus, not my monkeys. I like popcorn, seems like a good choice.

That would make you the train wreck as you know already that the money will go into the bottle!


So   it is

[busymom]

That's a big nope.  If you give them money, he's sure to use it to "support his habit".  The house would never be paid for.  I'd stay out of this situation.  A classic case of "not my circus..."

[Deleted]

Please count me as voting for the popcorn route.  I'm still giggling over "Post advice and I will let her know and tell you why it won't work."  I have a friend much like this woman.

[Artemis Windsong]

Enjoy to popcorn.  I hear kettle corn is scrumptious.

I also understand your emotional attachment.  Some times there is no way to help without sinking yourself. 

[CCL]

Definitely popcorn, then sit back and let them figure it out.

[toomuchreality]

Heck. You don't even know me, but you can send me your money. 💸You're probably more likely to get some of it back. 😁 😉

I do wish them the best and hope they figure things out.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Divorce and start over fresh - and hopefully clean!

a dozen pets? idk. I have a lot, not sure what I would do if I had to face renting....