The Bridezilla of All Bridezillas?

[Tennesseer]

Ask Amy: Bride-to-be wants guests to remain silent during the reception

Dear Amy: My fiancé and I are planning our wedding. As the bride, I’m planning on making certain requests of my guests, to make sure that my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I’m asking that my guests wear exclusively yellow at the ceremony.

My fiancé has been supportive, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout both the ceremony and reception (to ensure that the focus remains on us).

My fiancé said that this is irrational. He does not want to have a silent wedding.

I know it’s uncommon. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one, but we’ve had them in my family.

The guests are not permitted to speak at all during the ceremony, and the only toasts allowed are from the mothers of the bride and groom.

Instrumental music will be playing quietly.

During the reception, the guests may whisper amongst one another, but may not speak aloud.

As the newly-married couple, our focus should remain solely on one another, rather than on any rowdy guests.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect.

I want him to support me, even if we disagree on something.

Is my fiancé's lack of understanding and support a red flag?

– Silence is Golden

Dear Silence: Congratulations! You are on the verge of attaining legendary Bridezilla status.

Yes, there are many flags flying over this unusual affair (and they’re yellow, of course).

I hope your fiancé is paying attention, because if you are this self-centered now – I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for instance if you choose to have children.

Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the joining of two families.

Your fiancé's job is not to support you regardless of how dumb your ideas are. That’s not how marriage works.

Let’s start with your request that all guests must wear yellow. I have yet to see a man’s yellow outfit that didn’t bring to mind a giant banana.

Let’s move on to the silence. Generally, guests don’t speak during wedding ceremonies, unless asked to read aloud.

But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not), the idea of a silent reception goes well with your color scheme: basically bananas.

If you don’t want rowdy guests, then limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror.

Ask Amy: Bride-to-be wants guests to remain silent during the reception

[busymom]

Now there's a wedding I'd be skipping.  I don't own anything yellow anyway.  (That color doesn't look good with the skin tone of a blonde.) 


I'd encourage the groom to run.

[pulmonarymd]

Yikes!

[daisylu]

I have never heard of a silent wedding reception, but I do not think that I would ever subject myself to one. Just too weird.

I would also not attend a wedding where it was dictated what color I would have to wear. I could understand black/white, but yellow?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Found my yellow attire!


www.amazon.com/Spooktacular-Creations-Inflatable-Banana-Costume/dp/B099HVTDT9/ref=sr_1_8?crid=BURDGXB7IQG7&keywords=banana+costume+adult&qid=1670524075&sprefix=bannana+costume%2Caps%2C115&sr=8-8

[chiver78]

But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not), the idea of a silent reception goes well with your color scheme: basically bananas.



If you don’t want rowdy guests, then limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror.

this was a fantastic response. 

[Deleted]

Just when you think you've heard it all - I think she should marry herself

[haapai]

I cannot imagine what it would take to get all of the guests to wear "exclusively yellow".  The first thing that comes to mind, especially for male guests, is a whole lot of bedsheets thrown in a washing machine with RIT dye and no shoes.  Dyed mechanics overalls, which much resemble prison jumpsuits, come to mind second. 

The boy should run like hell from these bunco-type tests of loyalty. 

[imawino]

Dec 8, 2022 13:26:07 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I have never heard of a silent wedding reception, but I do not think that I would ever subject myself to one. Just too weird.

I would also not attend a wedding where it was dictated what color I would have to wear. I could understand black/white, but yellow?

lord no.  Can you even imagine?  I guess all you would hear would be people chewing?  I'd die.  Also, I assume there would be no alcohol at this function.  No. Thank. You.

This has to be made up, right?  Are there people this kooky?

[NoNamePerson]

I would show up in flaming red dress and purple hair. But then I can blame my faux pas on advanced age. 

[giramomma]

Eh. I was a little like that on my wedding day. There were a few things I wanted. I didn't go to such extremes.

My wedding was not about celebrating the joining of two families. My parents made that perfectly clear. It was about watching me go through a milestone.

My parents and DH's parents were in the same room 3 times; the third and last being my wedding. I thought they might have been in the same room for funerals when our parents started dying. That was me being overly optimistic.

We've had our issues, but I'm glad DH was willing to marry me.

We really both should have run away from each other, for different reasons.

[billisonboard]

Dec 8, 2022 13:28:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Found my yellow attire!


www.amazon.com/Spooktacular-Creations-Inflatable-Banana-Costume/dp/B099HVTDT9/ref=sr_1_8?crid=BURDGXB7IQG7&keywords=banana+costume+adult&qid=1670524075&sprefix=bannana+costume%2Caps%2C115&sr=8-8

And I found my attire

[swamp]

Why would you want I to have a silent reception?  It sounds dreadfully boring. 

[Tennesseer]

Dec 8, 2022 18:04:04 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

I would show up in flaming red dress and purple hair. But then I can blame my faux pas on advanced age. 

Òr better yet, color blindness.

[Empire the P.A.]

I wonder if there will be security at the reception to make sure everyone is properly color attired. Because you know there will be guests who didn’t know about the rules. Just picture great-aunt Esther being denied entrance to the party for her blue two-piece gown. 

[NastyWoman]

I saw these photos of Blake Lively going to some kind of an award show. She wore a COLOR CHANGING dress. All guest should go to this wedding in clothes made of this wedding and then during the reception make it into a rainbow show. And a little impromptu performance of "somewhere over the rainbow" would provide a nice touch 

[NoNamePerson]

Dec 8, 2022 19:12:41 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Dec 8, 2022 13:28:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Found my yellow attire!


www.amazon.com/Spooktacular-Creations-Inflatable-Banana-Costume/dp/B099HVTDT9/ref=sr_1_8?crid=BURDGXB7IQG7&keywords=banana+costume+adult&qid=1670524075&sprefix=bannana+costume%2Caps%2C115&sr=8-8

And I found my attire

Can I be your plus one. 

[NoNamePerson]

Dec 8, 2022 18:27:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Eh. I was a little like that on my wedding day. There were a few things I wanted. I didn't go to such extremes.

My wedding was not about celebrating the joining of two families. My parents made that perfectly clear. It was about watching me go through a milestone.

My parents and DH's parents were in the same room 3 times; the third and last being my wedding. I thought they might have been in the same room for funerals when our parents started dying. That was me being overly optimistic.

We've had our issues, but I'm glad DH was willing to marry me.

We really both should have run away from each other, for different reasons.

My soon to be MIL offered to pay for me to finish college if I would wait to marry. Told her no need since VA was still available to me till I hit 23! 

Fast forward 12 years into marriage she offered me $10,000 to divorce her baby. I told her 10 grand wouldn’t get me to the curb   I came from the wrong side of the tracks as far as she was concerned   Don’t remember my mother and them ever being in same room after marriage but lived in two different states. Oh wait, all were in attendance for my son’s wedding but that was it.   

[daisylu]

Here is another story:  NO COATS


A bridesmaid is desperate to wear a coat during a wedding that’s at “sub zero temperatures.”



She asked Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum to weigh in. The bride is getting married in rural north England. The temperature is set to drop to minus 4 degrees Celcius (24.8 degrees Fahrenheit) with a high of 1 degree Celcius (33.9 degrees Fahrenheit) on the wedding day.



“We’ve been told we are absolutely NOT allowed to wear coats throughout the whole day since it will ‘ruin the photos,’” the bridesmaid wrote.



The bridesmaids are all wearing open-toed sandals and thin, viscose dresses. The bride is allowing thermal leggings but has completely ruled out coats, and now the Reddit poster is “genuinely dreading” the wedding.



“I am quite thin and feel the cold horribly. I also am worried for my health!” she explained. “When I asked about alternative plans due to the super cold weather she just basically told us all the lump in.”

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

That one I'd tell the bride go F herself and that's the end of that friendship.  Who the F has an outdoor wedding in New England in WINTER?

Even if she allowed me a coat screw that shit.  I HATE winter, loathe it.  It's clear I'm just an accessory to enhance your delusional vision of a perfect wedding day.  Anyone who won't take my or anyone else's well being into account all for the sake of a perfect wedding is not someone I want to be friends with. 

[billisonboard]

Dec 9, 2022 11:20:38 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

That one I'd tell the bride go F herself and that's the end of that friendship.  Who the F has an outdoor wedding in New England in WINTER?

Even if she allowed me a coat screw that shit.  I HATE winter, loathe it.  I am not enabling your delusional vision of your perfect day.   I'll say home where I am warm and toasty.

At the top of a ski resort with appropriate attire for a couple who meet on the chair lift otherwise, "No".

[gs11rmb]

Dec 9, 2022 11:20:38 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

That one I'd tell the bride go F herself and that's the end of that friendship.  Who the F has an outdoor wedding in New England in WINTER?

Even if she allowed me a coat screw that shit.  I HATE winter, loathe it.  It's clear I'm just an accessory to enhance your delusional vision of a perfect wedding day.  Anyone who won't take my or anyone else's well being into account all for the sake of a perfect wedding is not someone I want to be friends with. 

Not New England but the north of England.

Still - a winter wedding in northern England will still be super cold!

[thyme4change]

Dec 9, 2022 10:57:32 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Here is another story:  NO COATS


A bridesmaid is desperate to wear a coat during a wedding that’s at “sub zero temperatures.”



She asked Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum to weigh in. The bride is getting married in rural north England. The temperature is set to drop to minus 4 degrees Celcius (24.8 degrees Fahrenheit) with a high of 1 degree Celcius (33.9 degrees Fahrenheit) on the wedding day.



“We’ve been told we are absolutely NOT allowed to wear coats throughout the whole day since it will ‘ruin the photos,’” the bridesmaid wrote.



The bridesmaids are all wearing open-toed sandals and thin, viscose dresses. The bride is allowing thermal leggings but has completely ruled out coats, and now the Reddit poster is “genuinely dreading” the wedding.



“I am quite thin and feel the cold horribly. I also am worried for my health!” she explained. “When I asked about alternative plans due to the super cold weather she just basically told us all the lump in.”

She should get one of those flesh colored bodysuits. Or - decline to be involved.

The least the bride could have done is pick shoes and a dress that are more season appropriate. Or, require matching coats for all the bridesmaids. There are many cute things the bride could do if she cared - but clearly, she is delusional.

[Opti]

Dec 9, 2022 10:57:32 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Here is another story:  NO COATS


A bridesmaid is desperate to wear a coat during a wedding that’s at “sub zero temperatures.”



She asked Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum to weigh in. The bride is getting married in rural north England. The temperature is set to drop to minus 4 degrees Celcius (24.8 degrees Fahrenheit) with a high of 1 degree Celcius (33.9 degrees Fahrenheit) on the wedding day.



“We’ve been told we are absolutely NOT allowed to wear coats throughout the whole day since it will ‘ruin the photos,’” the bridesmaid wrote.



The bridesmaids are all wearing open-toed sandals and thin, viscose dresses. The bride is allowing thermal leggings but has completely ruled out coats, and now the Reddit poster is “genuinely dreading” the wedding.



“I am quite thin and feel the cold horribly. I also am worried for my health!” she explained. “When I asked about alternative plans due to the super cold weather she just basically told us all the lump in.”

I wish there were more facts in this complaint instead of implications. I thought most normal winter weddings just took pics indoors. 

[daisylu]

Dec 9, 2022 19:58:54 GMT -5 Opti said:

Dec 9, 2022 10:57:32 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Here is another story:  NO COATS


A bridesmaid is desperate to wear a coat during a wedding that’s at “sub zero temperatures.”



She asked Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum to weigh in. The bride is getting married in rural north England. The temperature is set to drop to minus 4 degrees Celcius (24.8 degrees Fahrenheit) with a high of 1 degree Celcius (33.9 degrees Fahrenheit) on the wedding day.



“We’ve been told we are absolutely NOT allowed to wear coats throughout the whole day since it will ‘ruin the photos,’” the bridesmaid wrote.



The bridesmaids are all wearing open-toed sandals and thin, viscose dresses. The bride is allowing thermal leggings but has completely ruled out coats, and now the Reddit poster is “genuinely dreading” the wedding.



“I am quite thin and feel the cold horribly. I also am worried for my health!” she explained. “When I asked about alternative plans due to the super cold weather she just basically told us all the lump in.”

I wish there were more facts in this complaint instead of implications. I thought most normal winter weddings just took pics indoors. 

Most of the ones I've seen like the nature pics, especially if there is snow on the ground.

[happyhoix]

Dec 9, 2022 11:44:54 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Dec 9, 2022 10:57:32 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Here is another story:  NO COATS


A bridesmaid is desperate to wear a coat during a wedding that’s at “sub zero temperatures.”



She asked Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum to weigh in. The bride is getting married in rural north England. The temperature is set to drop to minus 4 degrees Celcius (24.8 degrees Fahrenheit) with a high of 1 degree Celcius (33.9 degrees Fahrenheit) on the wedding day.



“We’ve been told we are absolutely NOT allowed to wear coats throughout the whole day since it will ‘ruin the photos,’” the bridesmaid wrote.



The bridesmaids are all wearing open-toed sandals and thin, viscose dresses. The bride is allowing thermal leggings but has completely ruled out coats, and now the Reddit poster is “genuinely dreading” the wedding.



“I am quite thin and feel the cold horribly. I also am worried for my health!” she explained. “When I asked about alternative plans due to the super cold weather she just basically told us all the lump in.”

She should get one of those flesh colored bodysuits. Or - decline to be involved.

The least the bride could have done is pick shoes and a dress that are more season appropriate. Or, require matching coats for all the bridesmaids. There are many cute things the bride could do if she cared - but clearly, she is delusional.

Sure - imagine some Victorian type dresses, red plaid skirts, boots, short jackets with mutton sleeves, black fake fur muffs instead of flower bouquet - there’s lots of creative and beautiful outfits they could wear. 

And I surely hope the reception is inside. I hate eating outside where it’s so cold your dish is hot for the first bite and frigid by the last. 

[Opti]

Dec 9, 2022 20:27:45 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Dec 9, 2022 19:58:54 GMT -5 Opti said:

I wish there were more facts in this complaint instead of implications. I thought most normal winter weddings just took pics indoors. 

Most of the ones I've seen like the nature pics, especially if there is snow on the ground.

I found some outside winter wedding pics and perhaps I am too practical to see the appeal. To me it just looks like the kind of people who take selfies by the waterfalls and accidently kill themselves. 

[daisylu]

My oldest cousin’s son is getting married today. I hadn't paid much attention to the invitation other than noting the date and location until last night. It is a 4pm OUTSIDE ceremony on a cloudy day with a high of 40 degrees. The battery for my heated jacket is charging and I think it will wear leggings under my dress, for the ceremony at least. 🤣

[tractor]

We attended an "indoor" wedding last December (in Michigan). It was inside an unheated barn, cold as hell, and a stupid place to hold it, but it was the off season, and thus cheaper to rent (should have been free). I wish the invite had said "unheated" so we could of at least dressed appropriately (snow suit 😅)

[TheOtherMe]

I am thinking off season pricing is the reason DN3 is getting married in mid March.  At least it's indoors at a facility I know will be heated.

The place where DN1 got married was outdoors and they only book weddings for the warmer months.  However, only the bride and groom are protected in case of rain.