Money Habits Set by Age 7

[steph08]

My mom told me about an interesting story she saw on the news, stating that your money habits / outlook on money is the same as it was when you were 7 years old. 

Here is an article that mentions it: www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/money-patterns-are-set-by-age-7-heres-what-you-should-and-should-not-be-teaching-your-kids/

And I thought it seemed true, at least for the four people surveyed (my mom, my dad, my DH, and me). 

My mom - her mother died when she was young (2/3), and her dad was raising 4 children, telling my mom that they couldn't afford for her to be in Girl Scouts because the uniform was too expensive, they didn't have money for this or that, etc. So, she is continually worried about having enough money. 

My dad - his dad was a coal miner who became a supervisor, making $2/hr when others made $0.50 and making $10-15 when others were making $3. My dad didn't want for anything, so now, he never looks at what anything costs now - buying whatever he wants. 

Me - at age 7, I was answering phone calls from credit card companies wanting payment from my parents. I remember big piles of bills on the dining room table. Now, I'm continually worried about saving money just in case. 

My DH - at age 7, his dad was also a mine supervisor, making $80,000 in the 1980s. They were always buying new stuff, trading in cars, etc. So, DH feels like we should be spending/enjoying our salaries and not saving so much for retirement. 


Do you think the age 7 idea is true for you? 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Interesting.   

I think it's true to an extent.  DH was a very late in life baby when my FIL was well established and had made quite a bit in investments.  He wanted for nothing and by that point FIL would just buy new rather than fix things and keep them long term.  It's led to DH having complete disregard for anything he owns because he can "just buy another".  This can be annoying when it is small things but his attitude extends to BIG things like cars, computers, lawn mowers, appliances.   It has taken years of fighting for me to get him to finally accept that no some things are not supposed to be a couple uses then toss, you need to take care of them.

He never sees money as an issue it is something that is there for him to spend as soon as he gets it.   It's created huge problems in our marriage.

I'm the exact opposite.  My parents didn't have that kind of money and my dad wasn't great at managing it.  So I too have dealt with calls from various companies and loaning my parents money to help keep afloat at times.  This has made me obsessed with saving and paying everything on time.  Which runs counter to DH's life philosophy.

My grandmother was extremely controlling with money to the point of dysfunction.  That in turn led my dad to be the opposite that NOBODY was going to tell him what to do with his money.  That unfortunately sometimes has extended to bills.   I never could figure out how my dad turned out so different but after our visit I get it.  It was an extreme response to emotional trauma growing up.

Gwen takes after DH more and Abby takes after me.  Abby knows down to the literal penny how much she has and God help you if a penny is missing.  Gwen has no idea and tends to want to spend as fast as she gets it.

I don't control their birthday money.  I let them do whatever they want with it warning them that once it is gone it is gone.  My parents did the same with me.  It a good way for them to have some independence and also learn a lesson while still under my roof with a sum of money they can't wreak too much havoc over. 

BUT I can see my lessons slowly sinking in.  Gwen wanted something at the grocery store and I can't remember what it was.  She looked at the price and decided nope not worth it.  She's been going through grocery ads with me to see which store has better prices on what we want.  She worked really hard with me to find an affordable place to do what she wanted for her birthday.  I decided myself to up the budget a bit more.

She wanted to build her own snack cart and budged her own money out for it.  She carefully chose her options and even checked herself out.  She was very proud of herself, especially because she had $4 left over. 

I do disagree that you shouldn't say "we can't afford it" because sometimes that is the truth.   Trying to say that it is not a priority or we didn't budget for that all the time backfired on us with Gwen in regards to her friends' parents. She kept arguing with us that we just "chose" not to do those things and we could if I just prioritized it.

We finally had to sit her down and say we don't make as much money as them we cannot afford to do those things. .. period.  It is not a matter of us "just saving less" or moving money around.  It's the money isn't there.

There will always be people with more money than me.  No matter how much I plan or save or don't spend on other things I will never be able to afford stuff that Bill Gates can afford.   Sometimes a blunt direct "we can't afford it" is more effective IMO.

In turn there are people who have less than us and no matter how many lattes they cut out are not going to achieve some of the things we can.  So appreciate what we CAN afford to do for/with you because those people can't even afford that much.  That is something I want the kids to be mindful of as well.

[raeoflyte]

By 7 is pretty darn early. I got an allowance at that age and it cut out the frivolous asks because I wasn't going to spend my money on certain things. I remember saving up for a rainbow Brite doll when i was 5 or 6, and my infamous meltdown at 8 for a ridiculous toy my parents let me buy "on credit" that I immediately realized was not worth it, but silently counted down for 8 weeks until I could earn my allowance again.

It wasn't until I was doing chores and working for neighbors that I had enough money to make planning decisions with my money.

I think childhood impacts your relationship with money but I can't see it as such a fixed point of finality especially that young.

[justme]

Hmm I can't really recall money being a big anything when I was 7. I knew we weren't rich, but I didn't know things were as tight back then. Like when I wanted to do a lot of activities I was limited to what I could pick because they didn't want me that busy/weren't going to spend that much time when in reality they didn't have money for it. And limits on gifts I remember more of a we're not going to spoil you vs not enough money. I remember getting an American girl doll, but my grandma bought it and was impressed on me to take care of it cuz I wasn't getting another. But there was never any debt collectors or worries about food. I just thought going out to eat only every month or two was normal lol.

I'm definitely a saver and my brother is not. We weren't handed much cash as a kid, but once he got a job it was spend city and got himself into debt early on. Whereas I just naturally was more of a saver - though I've anyways had a longer term outlook.

[haapai]

There might be something to it.  I was living in a poor, underdeveloped country at that age and I seem to have quite a few attitudes about money and belongings that are a bit unusual.  I definitely remember my parents purposefully instilling them in me.  They taught me at a very early age that it was unspeakably vulgar and foolish to flash cash.  They also talked constantly about the importance of not buying luxury products because they attract thieves and possibly kidnappers and would have to be guarded so carefully that they wouldn't be fun to own.  People look at me strangely when I talk about those lessons. 

I also did not learn to save until very late in life.  I did not see my parents saving or talking about investing because they had to set up a savings program before taking an overseas assignment and it was very difficult and expensive to alter that allocation or pull money out of it while overseas.  As a result, the entire concept of saving a set amount of each check (and quite a high amount) did not take root until I was well into my thirties.  I hadn't seen them set up the allocation.  They never talked about it.  So I did not understand that they were doing it.

[TheOtherMe]

At age 7, I had no money of my own.  All I knew was my parents kept a roof over my head and kept me fed and clothed.  We didn't own a car. 

I know now we didn't have a lot of money.  There was no allowance.  There was no money that was mine to figure out what to do with.

[tractor]

Seven was a long time ago, most of my childhood is a long lost memory. I don't think I thought too much about money until I was 15-16. It wasn't until then that I wanted some. My mom/dad just bought us what we needed, which kept our wants to a minimum, although we certainly had them.

I didn't form my money habits until after college, before that it was spend, spend, spend. I'm much more conservative now, and glad that I am, especially seeing how little my dad has since his theory is "as long as you can make payments it's affordable".

[swamp]

I used to be much freer with money until i found you guys. 

Now I'm a tightwad. 

[tallguy]

Jul 18, 2022 12:55:20 GMT -5 swamp said:

I used to be much freer with money until i found you guys. 

Now I'm a tightwad. 

So you found us at six and a half?   

[swamp]

Jul 18, 2022 13:05:41 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Jul 18, 2022 12:55:20 GMT -5 swamp said:

I used to be much freer with money until i found you guys. 

Now I'm a tightwad. 

So you found us at six and a half?   

mentally, yes 

[Deleted]

Jul 18, 2022 12:42:37 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

At age 7, I had no money of my own.  All I knew was my parents kept a roof over my head and kept me fed and clothed.  We didn't own a car. 

Same here, except that my parents were doing pretty well.  There were 5 of us kids, though, and they were saving to put us through college.

I did have an allowance but I remember asking Mom to hold mine for weeks on end so it would accumulate.  Most of it got frittered away at the local Ben Franklin 5 and 10.  My sister and I did learn to sew very early and made clothes for our knockoff Barbie dolls.  As teenagers we found that knowing how to sew also made our clothing allowances go further.  (That wouldn't work anymore- with cheap fast fashion made by slave labor, the clothing itself is cheaper at Wal-Mart than buying a pattern.)

Mom and Dad hated to see us buy things they considered cheap and flimsy.  They once swept us right past the gift shop at the Henry Ford Museum because Dad said it was all junk.  Mom would sometimes yell at us when we came home with something she felt was flimsy or useless- when it was too late to go back and return it.  That, I think, was mean, but her parents had survived the Great Depression so she never forgot the lessons.  I'm giving my granddaughters cash at birthdays and Christmas and we never say a word about what they buy after the fact.  DDIL encourages them to buy something they'll actively enjoy rather than just something cute to look at but I figure this is the time to learn from the occasional buyers' remorse.

I became VERY frugal in college.  Parents paid room and board and tuition and I was determined to pay the rest from summer jobs.  I managed it well- never had to ask them for money for extras. 

Siblings and I were all great savers, comfortably retired.  One brother still lives very modestly compared to the rest of us- he owns a small sailboat but neither he nor DSIL are into travel, jewelry or fancy cars. They DIY EVERYTHING.  My sister and BIL love Caribbean cruises and she owns a crapton of jewelry- probably more than I have, which is saying a lot.  Youngest brother owns 3 houses and a Tesla.  So, we all provided for our retirement and most of us have our splurges.

DS and DDIL are very frugal- DS had examples at both ends of the spectrum.  I saved, paid the bills and watched the pennies and the Ex spent every dime he had and maxed out his credit cards.  I don't remember how DS was as a child with money- he didn't have an allowance but he knew that sometimes if he asked for a "want" I'd buy it and sometimes I'd tell him no because I'd spent the discretionary portion of the budget that week, so maybe next week. 

I'm happy to say DS decided to follow my example more closely than his Dad's and that DDIL is on the same page.

[busymom]

I heard a lot of "we can't afford it" when I was young.  And yes, that has influenced my attitude towards money & spending today. 


The big difference between me and my parents is they managed to find reliable used cars.  We haven't had luck buying used cars, even when we've had them checked by mechanics, but we've had great luck buying new cars that were reliable.  Go figure.  Whatever works...

[laterbloomer]

The only thing I can think of is that we have always shopped at the bargain stores and looked for sales. Hand me downs were a part of life and actually a treat. I remember when I got on the hand me down list for a friend of my aunt who had a daughter just the right amount older than me. She got nice stuff and I couldn't wait for the call to go pick up the bags. As an adult I do more of the "hand it around" with family and friends. It's still a treat. Basically I have never gotten the taste for high end shopping. I think that is what got established by the time I was 7. We didn't get everything we asked for but I don't remember money being given as a reason why. I was told things like "you don't need that" or just "no".
My biggest problem was my parents never really talked to me about money managent in any way so it was a lot of trial and error.

[TheOtherMe]

My parents were children of the Depression.  They never made enough money to save to put us through college.  My sister and I each paid our own way to college.

We moved to Des Moines because the factory where dad worked went on strike every summer and mom wasn't working.  Sold the house they had bought with the money from the insurance when their bowling alley burned down when I was in kindergarten.  So that house had no mortgage.

Paid $11K for a 950 sq ft brand new house in Des Moines, with a mortgage.  Bought two cars because dad was working evenings and mom worked as a waitress during the day.  Neither one had a license when they bought the cars but mom had driven tractors and pickups on the farm.  Dad hadn't done that.

An uncle cleaned out his livestock hauling truck.  Mom's family came and loaded up everything and off we went for the big city.  They unpacked everything, including putting canned goods in the cupboards.

I was babysitting by 11 or 12 and that was my spending money.  By the time I got to high school, we got one new outfit to start the school year, another for birthdays and one at Christmas.  Other than that, I bought my own clothes by putting them on lay away with no interest.  I had to do that because the stores only received 1 of the items in my size.  I was working as a waitress on Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings by then.

It was made very clear that I better start working by the Monday after graduation and I did.  Started working for the federal government and saved money by living at home and paying $10 a month in rent.  We had to learn living wasn't free.  

I quickly figured out there was a lot more money in the accounting jobs than in the secretarial jobs, so I started attending college 4 nights a week.  Finally started working part time and going to school full time.  Did 3 years of college in 2 years, including 1 summer.  

Then I headed to grad school in Colorado.  That was the best decision I ever made.

Since becoming an adult, I've had lunch with friends from grade school, junior high and high school.  All of our family situations were similar and we didn't know the difference.

[tskeeter]

While parents who model good money habits probably do pass those practices and decision patterns to their children, I don’t think it is an absolute that all children will respond to those lessons in the same fashion.  If that premise were true, siblings would exhibit very similar financial behavior.  However, I know that my older brother’s financial behavior might be best described as spend until it’s gone, then run all the credit cards up to their limits, financial train wreck.  While I’m a YMAM poster child.

I think money attitudes and practices are more of an immediate gratification/delayed gratification thing.

[giramomma]

It's true for my son.

Money burned a hole in his pocket, at age 7.

It still does now, but it's tempered. He was saving about 20% of his income from his job, which I thought was good enough. As an adult, my savings rate has been 20-30%.

DD1, not so much.

She's a saver. Until she hit about 14. Now she wants to buy things. Which is fine. I figure it's just a stage. I'm not really excited about it.

I grew up with a distorted version of money. It wasn't until I was in my late 30s that I finally learned all my money lessons and have a good/realistic relationship with money now.

Apparently, I am a slow learner.

[Deleted]

Jul 18, 2022 18:18:08 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

While parents who model good money habits probably do pass those practices and decision patterns to their children, I don’t think it is an absolute that all children will respond to those lessons in the same fashion.  If that premise were true, siblings would exhibit very similar financial behavior.  However, I know that my older brother’s financial behavior might be best described as spend until it’s gone, then run all the credit cards up to their limits, financial train wreck.  While I’m a YMAM poster child.

I think money attitudes and practices are more of an immediate gratification/delayed gratification thing.

Yes, that would be my Ex and his sister.  She and her husband were entrepreneurs who lived on peanuts when they were establishing the business but now have a net worth in (I'm guessing) the 10s of millions.  The Ex was always jealous.

TheOtherMe, my granddaughters also get hand-me-downs from cousins.  I was there once when they went through the boxes of new-to-them clothes and yes, the were happy.  DDIL has a favorite resale shop and half the family's things- clothing, toys, games, even shoes- come from there.

And I was tickled when the 5-year old, who likes to look at my jewelry, asked, "Grandma, do you have enough money to pay for all this?"  I told her it was a very good question and explained that I'd bought it over decades- AFTER paying the bills and saving for retirement.

[grumpyhermit]

I'm not sure if it was set by seven, but I absolutely think my view of money and saving was shaped by what I saw in my childhood. My parents were low earners, and while we never went hungry, and always had a roof over our heads, I was well aware that money was an issues at times (more so as I got older and more aware). 

I can remember my mom watering down the ketchup to make it stretch further (which I know feel terribly about complaining about as a kid) , my parents taking on a paper route to help make ends meet, and countless other things. 

My mother is still pretty terrible with money, and while her income is now much better and more stable than it was when I was a kid, her saving habits never caught up (though her parents, her mother in particular, was great with money).

While I have never asked to see her actual retirement balances, I am very confident I have more actual dollars saved at 42 than she does at 67. I try not to think about it too much or her lack of savings will just stress me out. She recently went from a regular FT job to a per diem schedule (she's an LPN), and I practically begged her to talk to a financial person, to at least determine what her SS/State Retirement would be before making the switch in case she became unable to work given her age or health. Needless to say, she did not, and just took the plunge. I sometimes wish I could take such a carefree approaching to well...anything, but it's just not in me.  

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jul 18, 2022 18:18:08 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

While parents who model good money habits probably do pass those practices and decision patterns to their children, I don’t think it is an absolute that all children will respond to those lessons in the same fashion.  If that premise were true, siblings would exhibit very similar financial behavior.  However, I know that my older brother’s financial behavior might be best described as spend until it’s gone, then run all the credit cards up to their limits, financial train wreck.  While I’m a YMAM poster child.

I think money attitudes and practices are more of an immediate gratification/delayed gratification thing.

That was my first thought.  My youngest spends EVERYTHING.  What he can't spend on himself he spends on friends.  He has not been able to save anything since he realized what money was.  My oldest was pretty good all through grade school and high school and then kind of went off the rails in college.  He saved up for his own $400 bike when he was 11, then a new iphone when he was 13.  My current 12 year old would be lucky to be able to scrape together enough for a Happy Meal. 

So, while I'd love to just absolve myself of the responsibility of continuing working on trying to teach them about finances since they are already both beyond hope (age 7).  I think there is still a lot that could change. 

[msventoux]

I would say it would be true for me but not my brother, so I think other personality traits and perception of your family money situation has a lot to do with it.  

I was an extremely sensitive and introverted kid. My brother is the opposite.  When I was young my father made good money and spent every penny.  What wasn’t spent on booze was spent on trucks, guns, ATVs and other toys.  My brother was super into all of those things so benefitted from it.  I wasn’t into any of those things so didn’t benefit.  My dad wouldn’t even stop at a library so I could check out some books as it was a waste of time and gas.  My father eventually was laid off/injured/fired and was no longer making good money.  He still had to have all the booze and toys though and would threaten suicide, divorce or quitting a job if he had one if he couldn’t have all the things he wanted.  Somehow my mom managed to make sure he had whatever he wanted and I was very aware of how stressful that was on her and how much we were lacking in basics to afford those things.

If I had any money when I was young I spent it immediately. I knew it would be taken from me soon if I didn’t.  When I became an adult I started saving a decent amount of my income and tried to live within my means.  My brother went down the same path our father did.  In the past few years he’s gotten a little better.  He admitted recently that he wished he’d listened to me all these years and at least contributed enough to his retirement to get the employer match.  But he’s still facing retirement in the next 10-15 years with only a few thousand saved and working in a largely physical job with a body starting to break down due to years of labor and excess.  

[cronewitch]

When I was 7 my brothers were 6 and 8. Dad got in an industrial accident and was unemployed 4 months. We kids and mom went to work picking green beans. I was earning 50 cents a day since not a good worker. My brothers about the same. I knew money was hard to get, little brother too. Oldest brother spent money the moment he got it. My teacher asks us to bring dimes to school for March of Dimes. I told her we didn't have money to give away. To me a dime was a couple hours work. Candy bars were a nickel and if I had a nickel, I was sure to get my money's worth. I would buy sugar daddy since it lasted longer than a chocolate bar. Sometimes I got sunflower seeds. Grandma gave us each a dime to get ice cream cones. I got two nickel cones because two scoops and two cones, more for my money.
Now at 74 today I was shopping for kitty litter online, looking at what was the most for my money. I can afford to just order without looking but I can't stop looking at prices.
Little brother married a spender, he talked her into saving, paying off one house then got more expensive homes, but he tried. He got 401K, her 403B and he got pensions. They now live in a lovely home with good income.
Older spendthrift brother got an Airforce pension before he was 40 but married 4 different women and has about 10 assorted children aged 52 to 23. He has a cheap home in the lowest cost of living place he could find. Money still runs through his fingers. His wife is still working.
We are 73-74-75 now and the same as at 7.

[ners]

Money was tight in my family. There were 6 children. My mother did not work outside the home when I was young.  She sold Tupperware. When I was young there was only one car.  My dad rode his bike to work sometimes.  He worked in the office at a factory.  The factory closed before he was ready to stop working.  He was eligible for a pension that included health benefits. He retired.  He went to work for the employee-owned company.  That company around the time he was 62 so he applied for SS.  

I have always tried to save money.  One of my biggest fears is running out of money.  I have one sister who spends money as soon as she gets it.  I think she has reigned in some of her spending since my father died since she now has to pay rent.

[CCL]

Jul 18, 2022 12:55:20 GMT -5 swamp said:

I used to be much freer with money until i found you guys. 

Now I'm a tightwad. 

Aren't we all?

[TheOtherMe]

On most things.  There are a couple of things where I throw caution to the wind.

[steph08]

Maybe not "set" but "influenced" is a better word. My money habits are influenced by the way money was handled/discussed around me as a child. 

I really like all the different perspectives! 

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 19, 2022 19:39:38 GMT -5 CCL said:

Jul 18, 2022 12:55:20 GMT -5 swamp said:

I used to be much freer with money until i found you guys. 

Now I'm a tightwad. 

Aren't we all?

No but then I didn't find this board until it was way to late!! No regrets though

[Deleted]

Jul 20, 2022 8:17:46 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

On most things.  There are a couple of things where I throw caution to the wind.

Yep.  When I booked the flight to Munich for the trip I took last May, I was in an "I don't care what it costs- I want to fly to Munich" mood.  I won't tell you what I spent but it was in Business Class.

My feeling is that by being frugal in areas that don't matter to you much and by avoiding waste, you CAN throw caution to the winds once in awhile.

[jerseygirl]

Don’t skimp on the luxuries

[countrygirl2]

Hubs was always careful with money, his mom said when he was a kid, he always had money. His brother spent freely even later.  I don't know if he got better but worked where he had a good pension. His wife got that after he got killed and a huge insurance payout when he died. Hubs mom was so tight with a dollar, she spent nothing. She didn't care about her house about how she looked nothing but saving. Her hubs bought anything he wanted for him. He did make sure the house was in good repair and saved too. I'm not sure if they enjoyed their lives or not, sure didn't seem to. They would get the kids $25 for birthdays and $50 for Christmas. They never got anything extra from them .

Anyway, our son is frugal, he goes around with his wife trying to get her to spend less, I would get so tired of that. He says she is doing better, I have no idea. But all she talks to me about is shopping.
But he will be fine. If something happens to him she will get a pension, SS if she doesn't remarry. I have tried to explain and she doesn't want to talk about it. She knows nothing about son's investing, SS or anything, I only hope her BIL will help if son should pass. 

Grandson seems to be like his dad but it's hard to tell, he doesn't spend but doesn't have a problem with us buying him things, but to me that is as it should be.  I really think he will be ok. We had enough money when the kids were little but my hubs always didn't want to spend. We bought used cars, used furniture, didn't go on any vacations till I was in my 30's or even then only 1 or two. He still doesn't want to. DD and I did enjoy ourselves when he worked overseas, but I want to go more. I worked for years but never got a pension or anything as with DD I had to end up quitting. Without his working overseas we would be ok, but not great. He is not good with investing, just saving and not spending it. I took chances on a few things that are earning well. But we should be ok.

I grew up where all I heard was we didn't have any money. My folks drank and I guess they never saw that as wasteful. Our relatives sure did was one of the reasons they had nothing to do with us. My folks were careful with money otherwise, very frugal. Dad's excuse was that was the only thing he did, hummm.  But finally he did better when I was in high school.  And then when I graduated from high school he was able to send me to college. In high school I made very good grades but looking back now realizing I was very depressed. I went little or did nothing, dad always said you can have fun when you grow up. Heard the same thing from hubs about later, always later. Later came and he still only works. But my folks were like us, they spent freely on the grandkids and if we needed something helped us get it. So later they were doing ok. We have done the same with ours.

DD doesn't understand money at all. She just assumes there is money in her account when she uses her ATM card. I make sure she has enough for anything she wants. She is not capable of learning.

I am both ways, I get really frugal at times, then at other times spend too much. I feel guilty for spending it. We have eaten out and spent a lot while little guy has been here. I will cut back for a couple of months to build up our 2 bank accounts again. I like to have X number of dollars in our daily use one. And extra back in our account for extraordinary expenses. So yes, a lot has affected the way I deal with money.