raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 15, 2022 10:43:23 GMT -5
I've only been to 2 wedding showers, both for sil. First one I was ridiculously drunk (my car was stolen that weekend, my friends were trying to cheer me up). I only knew my sil and mil. Typical shower, it was fine but not really my thing. 2nd was more of a family party so much better, still something I'd only want to do for someone I was super close with.
I love baby showers (not the games) and will give and go to those for anyone and everyone.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 15, 2022 10:47:21 GMT -5
I was unintentionally high during my wedding shower I don't remember a lot of it. I woke up extremely sick that day. MIL offered to cancel but everyone had gone to so much work I didn't want to disappoint. So I took a pharmacy's worth of anti-histamines and cold pills so I could stand up. We found a picture from the shower recently and OMG I was more out of it than I thought you can see my eyes are glassed over.  I still have the steak knives I was given and three of the cookbooks. I want a shelf to put those on because while I don't use them anymore they have nostalgia value. |
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jul 15, 2022 11:00:08 GMT -5
If you send a gift, make it something totally utilitarian. Picture an extension cord, step stool, basket of cleaning products. Married life is so exciting!  We got a chainsaw as a wedding present. Best. Present. Ever. The two gifts we still use are the wheelbarrow and the cookbook. |
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jul 15, 2022 12:08:12 GMT -5
This isn't that uncommon... all of my nieces/nephews did the living together for several years before getting married (they were usually together a few years before they "came out" that they were living together). The weddings all happened between ages of 28 and 32. Sometimes they even bought a house in the year before they were wed.
If you don't want to go to the shower - decline the invite. Since it's your BFF's kid - I would still send a gift (or card with $$).
I don't know any young couples who weren't living together for a few years before tying the knot officially (almost always a first marriage for both of them). Maybe it's because I live in a large densely populate urban area.
The couples who are older than mid 30's and may have ex spouses (with or without kids) seem to get married with less fanfare.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 15, 2022 12:35:54 GMT -5
My local BFF's daughter is getting married in the fall. She is almost 30 and has been living with her fiancee for many years. Her aunts are putting on a bridal shower for her. I don't want to go. She kept whining to her mom that no one was giving her a shower. I guess the aunts capitulated. I'm having a hard time dealing with this situation other than it being a blatent gift grab. When I got married 34 years ago I didn't have a wedding shower. DH and I had been living together for a couple years and we had everything we needed. Frankly as I got more into the wedding planning the more and more put off I got about how greedy the process is. The custom was to help out someone starting a new life and probably share some stories about marital life. Neither applies here. How do I tactfully decline? Her mother and I are very close and generally very honest with one another but I'm not comfortable being brutally honest and saying I think your daughter is acting like a spoiled brat.  And yes, if I say I've got other plans I'm going to be asked "what plans"?  I can call in a bomb threat. |
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 15, 2022 13:10:30 GMT -5
I’m one who waits a year before sending wedding gift! I put nice note with gift apologizing for late gift I was waiting to see if it would last 12 month. |
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Jul 15, 2022 19:05:57 GMT -5
"I have a funeral that day" usually works...
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irishpad
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Post by irishpad on Jul 15, 2022 20:20:51 GMT -5
This is going to be a lunch for the ladies at one of the aunt's houses. The aunts are in their 60s. Sexy stuff and marital aids it is 😁 Now I'm wondering what happens at the bridal showers hosted at the church  |
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ners
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Post by ners on Jul 15, 2022 22:16:32 GMT -5
If you send a gift, make it something totally utilitarian. Picture an extension cord, step stool, basket of cleaning products. Married life is so exciting! We got a chainsaw as a wedding present. Best. Present. Ever. My mother and sister's purchased my cousin and his wife a scroll saw for their shower. It was on their Bridal registry. |
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jul 15, 2022 23:53:34 GMT -5
Sexy stuff and marital aids it is 😁 Now I'm wondering what happens at the bridal showers hosted at the church You don't need to know  |
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jul 16, 2022 7:21:54 GMT -5
Fwiw, DH and I did not live together before marriage, but we each owned fully furnished homes with fully stocked kitchens. I'm not a big fan of showers so I got out of having a bridal shower, but I couldn't escape the engagement party. I also asked for no gifts in the wedding invitation (and was told on this forum that was extremely tacky). But friends and family wanted to give gifts, so I ended up with a bunch of gifts.
I really doubt the shower is a gift grab but rather that it is really common for people to look for reasons to have parties and give gifts. Different people enjoy different things is all. If you just decline your friend probably won't be bothered, she is probably wanting to share what she considers an enjoyable event with you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2022 9:09:04 GMT -5
Fwiw, DH and I did not live together before marriage, but we each owned fully furnished homes with fully stocked kitchens. I'm not a big fan of showers so I got out of having a bridal shower, but I couldn't escape the engagement party. I also asked for no gifts in the wedding invitation (and was told on this forum that was extremely tacky). But friends and family wanted to give gifts, so I ended up with a bunch of gifts. I really doubt the shower is a gift grab but rather that it is really common for people to look for reasons to have parties and give gifts. Different people enjoy different things is all. If you just decline your friend probably won't be bothered, she is probably wanting to share what she considers an enjoyable event with you. DH and I also asked for no gifts when we married- same reason. We were better off financially than many of our guests and just wanted them to celebrate with us. I knew that wasn't acceptable but I didn't care if it was tacky. We asked that people make a donation to the charity of their choice instead. |
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jul 16, 2022 11:02:52 GMT -5
Fwiw, DH and I did not live together before marriage, but we each owned fully furnished homes with fully stocked kitchens. I'm not a big fan of showers so I got out of having a bridal shower, but I couldn't escape the engagement party. I also asked for no gifts in the wedding invitation (and was told on this forum that was extremely tacky). But friends and family wanted to give gifts, so I ended up with a bunch of gifts. I really doubt the shower is a gift grab but rather that it is really common for people to look for reasons to have parties and give gifts. Different people enjoy different things is all. If you just decline your friend probably won't be bothered, she is probably wanting to share what she considers an enjoyable event with you. DH and I also asked for no gifts when we married- same reason. We were better off financially than many of our guests and just wanted them to celebrate with us. I knew that wasn't acceptable but I didn't care if it was tacky. We asked that people make a donation to the charity of their choice instead. I also think differently about second marriages as the couple is usually more established and has already had the big fuss. For second marriages I tend to lean towards the more sentimental but less expensive kind of thing. |
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 16, 2022 12:21:52 GMT -5
If you send a gift, make it something totally utilitarian. Picture an extension cord, step stool, basket of cleaning products. Married life is so exciting! We got a chainsaw as a wedding present. Best. Present. Ever. Why on earth this is the most normal thing I've read today is beyond me. Makes perfect sense that Swamp would get a chain saw. It just...does. And I agree with the majority opinion here -- go if you want, offer an excuse of other plans if you don't. No biggie. Send a nice but not extravagant gift and call it done.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 17, 2022 23:31:00 GMT -5
"I have a funeral that day" usually works... Planning ahead? 🤭 |
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Jul 18, 2022 13:48:29 GMT -5
If they have a yard, buy one of those roses in a bag or pot. Years ago, a yellow rose plant was a common wedding gift. If they like another color then that would work. Dish towels. Pot holders, kitchen do dads. A basket full of crackers and snack items.
I'm getting dishes with sunflowers on them for an upcoming wedding. The flowers she chose. I got a dress with sunflowers on it that she approved. From what I was told this past weekend might have changed.
I find out that her brothers will pick the flower that reminds them of her. She will not know until she gets her bouquet and the guys boutineers will be that flower. Edit: There are a lot of ways to show up then leave early. Drop the gift off, greet everyone, go for the punch then slip out while everyone is chatting. No comment just slip out. If someone asks where you're going just say to your car.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 18, 2022 15:19:25 GMT -5
I got married when I was not quite 30, and we had lived together for a couple years and we didn't have shit. The money and gifts we got really helped us get established. I am sure people thought we should have gotten ourselves going on our own, but alas we did not. Student loans, a recession, an illness and stupidity gave us some challenges. Not significantly more challenges than others - but enough that I didn't have a full kitchen, nice sheets or towels or a proper savings account when I married, 3 whole years after most of my friends who had showers and got all that stuff.
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