Sort of a money question, but maybe more of a personal issue

[NancysSummerSip]

I know a lot of folks here are very giving, generous people.

When you are the one fundraising for a cause, do you expect anything in return from those you've donated to in the past?

Just curious. I am doing a fundraising cycling event next week, and set a pretty modest goal of $100.00. It is for a local children's hospital.

Posted it on social media.

Not one person, including many whose fundraising efforts I have donated to in the past, bothered to read the post, much less donate.

I get it, in terms of budget and hard times, but I've donated to them and their kids' candy, gift wrap and other assorted money requests.

I can do the $100 myself, no problem, but I admit to being a little ticked off at some folks whose efforts I've supported over the years.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Yes, but I would say a difference for me is that I now "pay it forward" for kid's fundraising. In my mind, adults donated to my kid's school/activity fundraisers, so now I donate to school/activity fundraisers. I can't "pay it back" to those adults, but I do feel obligated to perpetuate it generationally. 

[laterbloomer]

I don't donate to anything my friends post online. There's just too many requests.

[buystoys]

Yeah, I see too many "causes" on Facebook.  I have a lot of friends who aren't really friends.  I added them for a game DH and I played for many years that didn't transition to the new format several years ago.  I keep many of them because that's where I get the good memes from.    I do donate to causes my RL friends ask me to.

[ken a.k.a OMK]

 Done. Have a good ride.

[Tiny]

My go to "rule" when I do good deeds (or give what amounts to a "gift") is to NOT expect anything in return and to not include needing anything in return with the "feel good" of doing the good deed. I focus on my "selfishness" so there are no "strings attached" to what I'm doing.

That doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel the bite of disappointment when I come to a situation where I might have expected the recipient of the good deed to reciprocate at some future date.

Reminding myself of my "rule"  makes it a little easier to deal with emotionally - and to not feel slighted or to hold a grudge.

That said. Facebook doesn't seem to show me all the posts from people I know. My niece posted some pictures of the kids - and for some reason with facebook it NEVER popped up on my feed. I'm not sure if it's because I didn't scroll thru all the new posts before leaving Facebook or if it only stayed on my feed for a fixed amount of time and then dropped off...

A relative did a Polar Plunge fund raiser this year (I do donate to this - the relative's group of friends always has an over the top theme and they make a video and it's often hilariously fun to watch). I didn't see the facebook post for the donation part until a day before the event - even though it was posted to facebook two weeks before. I have no idea why this happened.

I use to consider Facebook a way to keep up with family and friends - but the weird delays or ommissions has made me no longer think that way.

[pooks]

I don't buy things from fundraisers unless I really want the product or support the cause.  Even when DD was in school, we never participated in fundraisers.  So I don't expect anything in return. 

I buy girl scout cookies, because I like girl scout cookies.  I don't care at all about what the money is raised for.  I give to the food bank, foster care charities, and environmental causes, because I believe in the cause.  

[Tiny]

Best thing from the Pandemic - drive thru Girl Scout Cookie Stands... I hope the ones that happen in my neighborhood continue... There's one in a Big Bank's parking lot (where a FotoMat kiosk use to be back in the pre-digital age) and one in the "green space" for a corner gas station (it's an oddly shaped "lot" so the gas station has a large chunk of "property" that's not usable and far enough from the flow of traffic to make a safe Drive Thru GS Cookie stand very viable. )    If you need a "thin mint" fix - there's a stand going in one of those locations during GS Cookie Season.

[wvugurl26]

Not for fundraising specifically but DH and I feel that way in general about several so called friends. I'm not expecting it be equal. I am tired of feeling taken advantage of though. Among this particular group, we are one of two couples without kids. I'm certain we have the highest combined income. We also live in a place that's way more expensive and have to travel to where the rest of them live.

We've had several conversations about this in the past six months. Our decision has been to cut back on what we do. And we've been putting that into action.

In many cases, I genuinely enjoy doing nice things or something to help someone out even if it is an inconvenience to me. I've found that few people reciprocate. I'm cutting back and focusing my efforts on those who do appreciate it.

I get it that the season of raising kids is tough and time consuming. I'm not asking for equal, however, if you can't even express thanks or do something small on occasion, then I'm done spending my efforts on you. My best friend sends the occasional card with drawings from her daughter. It's not about big things but making the effort.

We made changes accordingly at Christmas last year and there will be fewer tailgates this upcoming football season. There will be no suite night at a baseball game.

[wvugurl26]

Tiny thank you for sharing your perspective. I do enjoy doing nice things and helping others. I'm trying to focus my efforts these days so I can avoid that disappointment and not feel empty. I can focus more of my attention and money on things I enjoy when I am more selective about who I am generous with.

[NancysSummerSip]

Feb 26, 2022 13:34:06 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

 Done. Have a good ride.

Awwwwww...thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it means a lot. I was a patient at an affiliated hospital 40+ years ago, so that's one reason I did it. And, well....it gets my butt out of my comfort zone. 50K is a long ride for me.

[NancysSummerSip]

Feb 26, 2022 13:55:27 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

Not for fundraising specifically but DH and I feel that way in general about several so called friends. I'm not expecting it be equal. I am tired of feeling taken advantage of though. Among this particular group, we are one of two couples without kids. I'm certain we have the highest combined income. We also live in a place that's way more expensive and have to travel to where the rest of them live.

We've had several conversations about this in the past six months. Our decision has been to cut back on what we do. And we've been putting that into action.

In many cases, I genuinely enjoy doing nice things or something to help someone out even if it is an inconvenience to me. I've found that few people reciprocate. I'm cutting back and focusing my efforts on those who do appreciate it.

I get it that the season of raising kids is tough and time consuming. I'm not asking for equal, however, if you can't even express thanks or do something small on occasion, then I'm done spending my efforts on you. My best friend sends the occasional card with drawings from her daughter. It's not about big things but making the effort.

We made changes accordingly at Christmas last year and there will be fewer tailgates this upcoming football season. There will be no suite night at a baseball game.

I do wonder if that's why I get requests as often as I do. I have no kids, either. So I think people assume because I don't have kids, I can afford to give. Which is actually kinda true. I don't have the expense of raising children. And I also understand the annoyance of not even getting thanks for donating. My middle brother's kids have never, ever said thanks. Not one of them, not once. I gave up giving to them for any reason years ago. I feel bad about that sometimes. Whereas my younger brother's kid still sends a handwritten thank you note. And yes, all but one of the kids (my nephew) is a legal adult now.

[seriousthistime]

I reposted a GoFundMe for my DS and DDIL when their preemie was born and they were faced with many unexpected expenses and hardships that lasted for months.  Some of my friends donated, some did not.  I had supported many of my friends' pet projects, so there was some reciprocity going on, but it wasn't entirely reciprocal. 

A recent situation is making me feel a bit used.  I donated a few months ago to a GoFundMe to help someone I know who was in dire, unexpected need.  The GoFundMe was quite successful to cover short term expenses while waiting for insurance proceeds.  The insurance proceeds would be enough for the dust to settle and live off of for less than a year.  The person does not have any other income, and is now spending like there's no tomorrow.  I don't think there will be much desire to donate to a second round when the money runs out. 

It's sad to see. 

[tractor]

I feel the same way, but I have to to realize that not everyone shares the same values and interests. I think the worst thing you can do is expect sympathy giving.

I learned to ignore most requests unless it's something I'm really passionate about. I have four general causes and only give to those, I no longer expect my friends to share the same interests, but I do hope they find other interests they can be passionate about. I feel it my duty to share what I have, which sometimes causes problems, but in general, the more I give (time, money, talents), the more I receive in return.