suicide *trigger warning*

[nidena]

I went to school with a young woman who took her own life.  I don't think she meant to.  I think she hoped the paramedics got there in time.

Many years ago, I had my own struggle--still do, on occasion, but let less effect me nowadays.  Contributing factors were being on my own my whole adulthood, not being okay being single for so long, being snowed in for two weeks straight, and too much introspection.

I ended up going to Walmart just to be around people and I HATE Walmart but it was the only place open at that time of the night.  What kept me here was knowing the ripple effect it would have on my family, my friends, and my military community.

For my own preservation, these years later, I've gotten much better at identifying toxic environments--both real and online--and I will remove myself from them until they feel comfortable again, if they ever do.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Feb 24, 2022 9:41:28 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

This is not meant to upset anyone. It is just some things I have been wondering about.

Do you know anyone that committed suicide?
Yes, but I am a public secondary school teacher. 


Were you surprised or could you tell they were depressed?
I'm always surprised. I think that's because of their age. 
Yes, we can usually tell they are struggling with something regarding either mental health or adverse experiences.
It's not always depression though that is the cause. 



How did it affect those close to him/her?
For parents of adolescents, it's devastating. 
For adolescents who have even heard of the student, it's hard. 

Did it make friends and family members nicer or more considerate of others?
Yes, current teenagers are more open to talking about mental health. 

If the person was bullied, did the bully feel bad?
A true bully does not feel bad. They don't see their behavior as unacceptable.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

@beckaroo , please know that asking these question does not upset me. However, I'm upset this week about this topic. That may come across in my next paragraph, but I am not directing those feelings at you. 


I am the principal of a small, rural high school. We have 345 students. One of our freshman attempted suicide at school this week. He did so by ingesting a few dozen pills. He's physically fine at this point. He's not old enough to understand the effect that has had on rest of us as adults. I certainly am not going to tell him the emotional toll it has taken on me the last 45 hours. But it has--I'm struggling. He and I, while waiting for the ambulance, talked about how he was worried that his mom would be mad at him. I told him it's not that she is mad, but that she will be sad and upset because she wants to help him but won't know how. This was at least his second attempt, but the first time he'd asked for help. He thinks the first attempt, a few months ago, went unnoticed. That attempt was at home, also by ingesting pills, but his mom just thought he was sick. 

Our school has had students enroll in it because those students were expelled from their neighborhood school for attempting suicide at school. I will not "discipline" this student. I want him to know that we love him and want him to keep coming to school no matter what. 

[ken a.k.a OMK]

Knee Deep in Water Chloe Thank you for sharing that. It's sad that we often don't realize these people are asking for help in subtle ways and we could possibly prevent suicide as the last option.

[kadee79]

When I was a senior in high school, one of the under grads committed suicide.  He hung himself at home.
His IQ was genius...and school was not a challenge for him.  He should have been moved up into college & not down with us other kids.  He was often bullied for being so smart.

[toomuchreality]

I have attempted (more than once). I've known people who did it.
I was on the phone with my boyfriend of 14 1/2 yrs, when he did it. March 20, 2006.

Every situation is different. None of them are easy. All of them are are incredibly sad.



I'm sorry for everyone's loss and heartache. I wish I could help ease your pain.

[geenamercile]

One thing I have to remind myself, and sometimes it helps is that ---" We do the best can, with the knowledge and what we know at that moment,".  Hindsight can be a great tool to learn from for the future, but it can also play hell with us mentally if we all it to be "should haves".   

[zibazinski]

I know of two. One was my sister in law’s first husband, who made sure she and his children would see him hanging. Very angry toward her obviously. The other was my son’s grandmother. That was very hard on him because they were extremely close. He looks like the male version of her. She gave zero warning. Waited for her husband to go out golfing and then went into the garage and started up the car. No one knows why. No health issues, no marital issues, no financial issues, just simply decided she was tired of living
When DH was so sick for so long, month after month, I had thoughts of it. You can get a little crazy thinking it’s never ending. But it ended and we had some more good months until it ended so abruptly. I’m still sad that we didn’t have more time together but I’m grateful for what we had. Some people never even have that.

[Artemis Windsong]

A few more that came to mind.

I didn't know him but our neighbor behind us died in his garage by hanging.

My late brother tried to stop his best friend from childhood. He saw the signs then went as far as calling his brother on the East Coast to step in. All his efforts didn't help. This is the brother whose attempt was interrupted. Another friend of my brother who was in his 20s back in the early 1970s killed himself leaving a wife and 2 kids. His brother died from what appeared to be an accidental overdose while recovering from a broken leg.

The area where our mountain cabin was had multiple suicides. My older brother, unfortunately, discovered two and also found one of his best friends.

My DIL's nephew has mental health issues. He just moved in on them one year. His mother told her sister that he was suicidal. My son was beside himself during that time never knowing what he'd come home to. The nephew just packed up one morning and left not saying goodbye or anything. He'd gone back to his mother's home in another state. Both this young man and his brother took significant bullying from the football team at the local catholic university that they played for.

My DIL's mother has suicide thoughts. That is why my GrDs and my DIL are at her house so much. When I found out about that,I knew why they were less attentive to my H. and me. I have asked this lady to go to a women's group with me but she just says I don't need any women's group. I know she's lonely and maybe has social anxiety.

I do want this thread to help people affected by these untimely transitions to process the grief.

[Artemis Windsong]

Humans aren't the only ones who transition in this manner. Driving a pickup on a highway at -50 blow zero day and the birds were intentionally flying into the grill.

[Deleted]

I have an older sibling that acts like I do not exist. It is especially bothersome because I am the caretaker for our aging father that still lives alone. My thoughts and opinions on his care simply do not matter. (Edited: She has not liked me since the day I was born.)

My aunt does not speak to me or my father. She thinks we moved a headstone in the cemetery. (Heavy! Whatever?!)

My sibling and my aunt speak to each other.

I often wonder how dysfunctional families react when there is a death by suicide.

[toomuchreality]

Mar 1, 2022 10:57:48 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

I have an older sibling that acts like I do not exist. It is especially bothersome because I am the caretaker for our aging father that still lives alone. My thoughts and opinions on his care simply do not matter. (Edited: She has not liked me since the day I was born.)

My aunt does not speak to me or my father. She thinks we moved a headstone in the cemetery. (Heavy! Whatever?!)

My sibling and my aunt speak to each other.

I often wonder how dysfunctional families react when there is a death by suicide.

I'm sorry about your sister and your aunt. Sometimes families aren't nice.
For years, my father and his sister (my aunt, I'd lived with, at birth) didn't speak to each other over a perceived slight. This meant our families didn't speak. It was ridiculous, in my opinion.


As for how dysfunctional families react, after a suicide? My boyfriend's family insisted it was his heart, not suicide. Even though my DBF had taken his mom on a week long trip on a train, so he could tell her that he was going to do it. He also told me and his brother. And He arranged and paid for the flight, for his brother to go "find" him. But his mom and dad insisted that it was his heart, per the M.E.
Well, yes, his heart did give out, because he overdosed on fentanyl, on purpose.

[Bonny]

Deleted.

[toomuchreality]

Mar 2, 2022 12:15:07 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Deleted.

Are you okay? I just want to be sure.

[Bonny]

Mar 4, 2022 1:42:14 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Mar 2, 2022 12:15:07 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Deleted.

Are you okay? I just want to be sure.

Yes. Overshared.

Thanks for checking. 

[NancysSummerSip]

My cousin and his mother were both suicides: her choice was sleeping pills and his was hanging. The husband/dad was forever scarred by it. The son was using and dealing heroin, and I think that finally sent him beyond the point of help.

I absolutely loved Danny (the husband/dad) and I think his sorrow was very close to the surface all his life, though he lived a long and productive life, even finding a new partner.

My gynecologist slit his wrists in a hospital doctors' lounge early one morning after performing surgery. Turns out he was deep in debt, with a second wife and younger set of kids. He could not keep up the practice, the child support, alimony and paying for his new life. Everyone in town was stunned, except the people who knew just how desperate his financial circumstances were.

[toomuchreality]

Mar 4, 2022 14:30:59 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Mar 4, 2022 1:42:14 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Are you okay? I just want to be sure.

Yes. Overshared.

Thanks for checking. 

Thanks. Glad to hear it.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Feb 24, 2022 17:19:08 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

Years ago, a neighbor of my mom's committed suicide. He was going through a nasty divorce and the wife was threatening to keep his kids from seeing him. He was their primary caregiver and he couldn't handle the thought. I think it would have been an unlikely outcome but he couldn't deal. My mom went in the house and found him. His kids were pretty messed up by his suicide. The police were called to the house in December and one of the now adult kids was arrested. I know ultimately he was responsible for his actions but I'll always believe she had a role and was a terrible human being for doing that.

this is really triggering for me. did anyone consider that the wife may have had a reason for wanting full custody? that there may have been a mental instability that made him a poor choice to be the primary caretaker? Was this caretaker role agreed upon, or defaulted to because he was unable or unwilling to work?

my XH tried to  commit suicide so many times, i can't even recall. the last time was 2 years after the divorce. i hadn't seen him in 2 years and he was living with his family in another country. his father still called me up to blame me for the suicide attempt.

I'm sure they thought I was a terrible human being too.