suicide *trigger warning*

[Deleted]

This is not meant to upset anyone. It is just some things I have been wondering about.

Do you know anyone that committed suicide? Were you surprised or could you tell they were depressed? How did it affect those close to him/her? Did it make friends and family members nicer or more considerate of others? If the person was bullied, did the bully feel bad?

When I was in high school (back in the 80s) a neighbor boy committed suicide. He was a pre-teen and rumor was a girl rejected him. Back then no one talked about it. They didn't even talk about it with us at school. I also had a dentist commit suicide. I was surprised because he was married with young children. The staff at his office said he suffered from depression. Both of those suicides happened back when I was young and naïve.

When I hear about the increasing rates of suicide, questions arise. 

[happyhoix]

My husband had a cousin who had two small kids and then had some kind of mental tailspin. Her husband couldn’t handle her and the kids plus work so she went to stay with her parents- her dad was a psychologist with the military so we were hopeful he could get her the help she needed.

She stayed with her parents nearly a year and seemed to be improving. She had her kids flu out to visit regularly. Then her brother also moved back into the family home with his two kids due to a messy separation (his idiot with was having sex with a student and got caught, it was all over their small town news so the brother felt he had to get the kids out of town). He brought his hand gun into the house, put it in a closet shelf where the kids couldn’t reach it but unfortunately his sister could.

It wrecked her parents, especially her dad who had a lot of guilt he didn’t recognize the signs, as a psychiatrist. Her dad is just a shell of a person and this happened 10 years ago. I try not to be angry with the cousin for doing it in her moms car, where her two nieces might have seen her, and for abandoning her own kids and DH like that, but she had to be grappling with serious MH issues of suicide seemed to be the only way out.

[Artemis Windsong]

My DD is trained as a paramedic to recognize depression and tendency. My late SIL planned his suicide for a couple of years. She never saw it coming. The 3 hour drive to their home was difficult knowing how emotional my DD would be. The family is devastated in each person's way.

My SIL was my bully. He would verbally trash me when everyone was out of the room. I would be distressed for a couple weeks after. A lot of slights like not telling me Thanksgiving dinner was ready but got everyone else at the table. The rest of the family was complicit by not notifying me. I challenged SIL a couple of times on how he treated the children. No one was left out of the verbal abuse.

The 26 y.o twin sons weren't told until they returned home from out of town work. One son had gotten out of the hospital for a blood disorder a few weeks before. The other had gotten married 2 months before. This is a blended family. The other 3 adult children were traumatized as well as their grandchildren (my great grandchildren) who had trouble processing.

Fortunately my H. had navigated through two estate settlements over the years. He/we helped her get a handle on her finances and legal issues. He employer allowed just 3 days funeral leave. She had to take personal leave for a while. She also got started right away on antidepressants and counseling. The adult children helped her move twice in 6 months. The house sold in one month so that helped.

Late SIL's mother's husband died by alcohol poisoning suicide. She had two small sons and no assets. SIL was one of the two. How it happened. Her H's first adult children decided to sneak him out of the hospital where he was being treated for alcoholism to get him drunk. He died in bed when he sneaked back into the hospital.

Years ago and I don't remember what my late (middle, older) brother's trigger was. I happened to call in the middle of the crisis. He had a loaded gun. My oldest brother and his GF were trying to talk him down. Their lives in danger also. I managed to get him to give them the gun. He was a hunter so all the guns had to be removed. After that, I don't know what kind of counseling he had.

My late brother was envious and received bullying in many forms from my older brother. My late brother was a large person with limited mental capacity in some areas. His size, overweight but not obese, and amount he ate was fodder for the bully brother. He died in 2012 from uranium exposure from his work as a mechanic in the 70s.

Mourning suicide is different from regular grief. I was in a grief group for a while but covid shut that down for me. I'll restart in the Spring.

I really hope this soul bearing does not snap/slap me back on this thread or in RL.

[Tennesseer]

Back in 1977, my aunt committed suicide on Thanksgiving night (Scotch and barbiturates).  Two weeks earlier, she told my dad she was going to kill herself.  My dad told her to stop talking nonsense.  There were a lot of mental issues going on in her immediate family including her husband (my dad's brother) and son being bi-polar and not under control. 

After my aunt's death, my dad pretty much took over control of their family and got my uncle and cousin's bi-polar issues under control along with a few other issues.  My dad always felt responsible for his sister-in-law's suicide.  But my cousin and his other two siblings told dad time and time again he saved their family.

With medication, for the rest of his life,  my uncle when on to have a good life.  He remarried.  My cousin too has remained on his meds and has had a good life.

[Tennesseer]

Feb 24, 2022 9:41:28 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

This is not meant to upset anyone. It is just some things I have been wondering about.

Do you know anyone that committed suicide? Were you surprised or could you tell they were depressed? How did it affect those close to him/her? Did it make friends and family members nicer or more considerate of others? If the person was bullied, did the bully feel bad?

When I was in high school (back in the 80s) a neighbor boy committed suicide. He was a pre-teen and rumor was a girl rejected him. Back then no one talked about it. They didn't even talk about it with us at school. I also had a dentist commit suicide. I was surprised because he was married with young children. The staff at his office said he suffered from depression. Both of those suicides happened back when I was young and naïve.

When I hear about the increasing rates of suicide, questions arise. 

I have known the below for quite some time as my dad, hus brother and their father were dentists.

A great deal of research suggests that suicide has plagued the dental profession more than any other. A November 2011 article from the Journal of Affective Disorders found that the risk of suicide is increased among health professionals and dentists held the highest suicide rate at 7.18 percent for men and women combined. The national average for men and women was reported as 0.42 percent. Male dentists hold the highest suicide rate at 8.02 percent. Female dentists hold the fourth highest suicide rate at 5.28 percent. Physicians (7.87 percent), pharmacists (7.19 percent) and nurses (6.56 percent) also hold suicide rates much higher than the national average.

Mental Illness and Suicide in Dental School: Fighting the Stigma

[tractor]

Sadly, I have had several I knew commit suicide, both young and old. Hard to even really grasp. Many people talk/think about it, but I have learned that as soon as they have a "plan" and can describe how they would do it, you need to find them help immediately. They also are suddenly "at peace"

A good friends wife went as far as buying a new dress, getting her hair and nails done, even telling her beautician she was getting ready to go on a journey. This was very out of character for her, so everyone thought "that's nice", she killed herself the next day.

Lost a kid in my youth group about 10 years ago, I'll never forget shaking his hand as he left the night before, he seemed unusually content. He knew he would never come back. ☹️

[geenamercile]

My brother did in Oct of 2011.  The first time I can remember him trying he was 9.  So no, not surprise.  Looking back, he certainly said his good by's and made peace with people as much as he could the weekend before.  He had depression, anxiety and a a host of other issues.  Self medicated with stuff.  The August before is when my shot my dad, dad was back from the hospital at that point.  It was a lot of crazy going on.  I understand it from the other side as well.

[Lizard Queen]

When I was 19, there was a guy in a larger group of friends that partied together did. I don't even remember how or why. He seemed so fun.

My dad's cousin who was getting deported despite going to extremes not to, did by a method I guess is used to enhance sex (a certain type of asphyxiation). He had a lot of mental problems towards the end--paranoia. It was not a huge shock, but it was sad.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

My mom did when I was 4. She had talked about doing it for years and tried to cope with her depression by drinking ( she was an alcoholic). Given that this was the early 1980s and there weren’t as many options for mental health treatment, she didn’t have much hope. It didn’t help that her family didn’t talk about “those things” and hated my dad. My parents were already divorced by then, as my dad couldn’t handle living with an alcoholic and was worried about my sister and I. For years, my mom’s family said her suicide was dad’s fault. They came around about 15 years later.

She was in a lot of pain and I hope she got relief. While I would have preferred she didn’t do that, I know it was because she was in so much mental pain/depression.

We had a classmate hang himself our senior year. His family never said why. He was a small guy (was probably 5’2” as a senior after lots of medical treatment) but everyone liked him. He was very smart and funny. I never saw anyone bully him but it was possible... our school admin was horrible about it and dealt with it by not talking about him and pretending he never existed (we had been classmates since 4th grade). This was the late 1990s. I think they thought suicide was contagious and if u don’t mention it, no one else will think to do it

[Deleted]

When I was a senior in high school, a popular 11th grader killed herself. That day, after school, she was hugging people and telling them they wouldn’t see her again. Nobody had any idea what she meant. She went home, cut up pictures of herself, and shot herself in the head. It was horrible and I doubt I’ll ever forget her.

When my son was 12yo, I got called at work because a teacher had found a note he’d written talking about committing suicide. It turned out that he was being severely bullied at school. It was a long, complicated, difficult, scary as hell road getting him to a better place. In addition to helping him through all the therapy and stuff I was doing at home, I was also fighting with his school and the school board to address the bullying so that school could be a safe place for him, like it should be. I was very persistent about it, showed up regularly and made it clear that I would hold them responsible and pursue legal action if those boys continued to bully my son when he finally came back to school.

One of the worst things that really pissed me off was that one of his teachers told me out of her own mouth one day I was at the school “Oh Ms. Pink, they torture him all day every day”. I was thisclose to exploding because clearly she did nothing about it, when she saw it every day. How can you allow a child to go through that every day on your watch?!

At the same time I was dealing with that, I was taking DD to doctors trying to find out what was wrong with her. I finally learned she had a congenital kidney defect and she had to have surgery. At the same time, my Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was ll literally happening at the same time. By the time I got through all that, I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression and I was broke and in deep debt. The WORST years of my entire life, and I still carry wounds, I never fully recovered mentally or spiritually.

That is why bullying is a BFD to me. I thank God my son is still here with me. I thank God I had the resources to get help for him and the strength to deal with the school about the bullying. His Dad did not help with any of it.

I have a friend who came home from school when she was 7yo and found her Mom dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. I’d always known her Mom died when she was a child, but when she told me how, I was horrified that our conversation had led to her even thinking about it. She assured me that she was ok talking about it, but I was still crying on the inside. It still hurts my heart to imagine her or any child coming home to that.

[raeoflyte]

My sister tried a few times. Her first attempt I was in high-school and very self absorbed. I think we knew she was struggling but I didn't know how much at first. The times after were less of a surprise.

I'm really, really glad she's still with us and I wish I could go back and do things differently. Ways I thought were helping were such asshole moves in hindsight. It wouldn't have changed her, but I could have been a better sister.

We'll never stop worrying. Mom and I ask each other how we think she's doing. We try to reach out without being overbearing. She's close with my kids and she comes over a lot which is good. It'll be harder as the kids get older.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My brother has talked about it often enough that my dad brought over my grandfather's shotgun and told my brother he got rid of it.   I am not sure if my brother is that depressed or if it was the medication he was on at the time driving it.  

Anti-depressants are no joke.  I've had similar scary incidents with DH.  He's on Prozac now and we seem to have found the correct dosage but I get on him all the time to take it like he's supposed to and DO NOT try to go off it himself.  

[debthaven]

The husband of one of my best friends committed suicide just over 6 years ago. We were close friends for over 30 years, although I was closer to the wife than to her husband. 

P had always suffered from cyclical depression, but NOBODY knew he was suicidal. Nobody. He was one of the kindest, gentlest, funniest people I knew. 

The morning of the day P killed himself, he transferred money to his wife for household expenses (she works but he earned more) and to his youngest son for the next semester's tuition. He ran into their cleaner on the way and chatted with her. Not exactly the doings of someone irrational.

His family will NEVER get over it. Us close friends will NEVER get over it. I think of him every single day of my life, and I know the others in our close friend group do too. 

Before P committed suicide, I used to think hey, it's your life, and if you want to end it, ultimately, that's your choice.

I absolutely DO NOT think that way anymore, and I'm frankly horrified that I once did. 

Six years later, DH and I still do our best to visit A (my friend, his wife) at least twice a month. It went from every day to every other day to three times a week to twice a week to once a week, over these six years.

Now we see each other 2-3 times/month. She lives 20 min away, one way. It increasingly feels like a burden. But A is (finally!) better, so now sometimes she comes here (very rarely), or we go out together. But she will NEVER be the same. Their 2 kids will NEVER be the same. Her oldest son is supportive but he lives abroad. Her younger son is not supportive, he lives abroad too. 

I was also stunned at how many people abandoned her after just a few months. We've been friends for over 30 years, she got me through my divorce. I think I would have had a huge breakdown and lost custody of my kids if not for A. She helps everybody she's close to. Yet plenty of the people she helped immensely weren't there for her beyond the very short term. 

Suicide is just a horrible, horrible legacy for those who are left.  

PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE ME. 

PS I forgot to mention this ... there was a spate of suicides amongst P's friends in the year or two after his suicide. Neighbors/friends/business associates. IMO, like after divorce, someone who commits suicide gives certain people a sort of "permission" to do the same. Just horrific. 

[kadee79]

Both of my parents did...my mother when I was about 4 & my dad when I was 15.  Many people who plan & then commit suicide are very good at hiding the plan and also of covering up how they are feeling.  So it's not unusual for the family to not have a clue...and it's also not unusual for them to suspect, but not do a whole lot about preventing it...mostly due to not know exactly what to do...which can be different for each person & each family.
My mother was a religious fanatic.  She didn't feel that she was good enough & wasn't doing everything she could to raise her 2 kids & be a farm wife.  In other words, she wasn't perfect, she was like the rest of us, but she felt she needed to be perfect to live up to what "God" expected of her.  I was too young to understand all that for many years.
When my father did it...there were many reasons.  He only had an 8th grade education.  When we got kicked off our rented farm, he couldn't find work due to his limited education.  That started his depression.  We tried to get him to go to school to learn a new trade, but he refused.  He didn't want to be the oldest person in a class of youngsters.  Soooo, my step-mother was supporting us...which really hit his male ego hard.  He also was still in love with my mother (found out from the letter he left me) and wanted to be reunited with her.
After he was gone...I blamed myself for many years...took me a LONG time to realize that no matter what I'd done or said, it likely wouldn't have changed the outcome.  So many left behind have survivors guilt, just like many surviving military have.
It can tear families apart, it can bring them back together or it can just change how each interacts with others in the family from then on...each case is different & how each of us handles it is also different.  There are no easy answers.  There are not always signs either.  If someone talks about it, most likely they are asking for help...so don't ignore that, see what is available in your area.  

[jerseygirl]

So sad so horrifying that so many in this small group of people know someone who has committed suicide
So sad especially for children left behind

[Deleted]

debthaven, I'll respect your wishes and not quote you but thanks for a profound post.

I've read that some people do put their affairs in order before suicide, which may explain his transferring money to his wife and for his son's tuition first.  I still remember a story in feminist literature (Sisterhood is Powerful?) about a housewife who appeared to be doing fine, but one day she put on her nicest outfit and killed herself.  Last sentence: "Every woman alive knows why she washed her floors first."

There's a widow in our church whose husband committed suicide.  Sad to say, many organized religions just worsen the blow by classifying it as a serious sin, not permitting them to be buried in sacred ground, etc.  Mine doesn't teach that (or I wouldn't be a member).  Our community supported her and she's still a member.  It's unfortunate that your friend helped so many who weren't there for her.

And yes, one suicide can trigger others.  In Ridgewood, NJ, a suburb near the one where I lived, there was a rash of suicides years ago in the high school after an initial one.

[Deleted]

My sincere thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories here.  It's shocking how many of this group have been directly touched by suicide.  I'm afraid that mental health, especially suicidal thoughts, is still a taboo subject for so many in our country.  And I think the prevalence of bullying on social media, especially among young people, has increased the problem.

Last year a prominent and beloved family at our former church experienced the unthinkable.  The husband killed his wife and tried very hard to kill their two college-age children, before killing himself.  It was a profound shock to the church community - the couple were tireless volunteers and leaders, the children had grown up in the church etc.  If anyone in the church community had an inkling of the root cause, before or after, they didn't say.  I hope the children's mental health needs are met, but suicide carries an especially dark stigma in some cultures and ethnic groups.  

[wvugurl26]

One block over last year a guy tried to kill his wife and then killed himself. Their 7 year old daughter was in the house. Mom survived but required extensive rehab. He did it in the garage. Neighbors called in the noise. I hope the daughter didn't see it but I'm not sure.

Years ago, a neighbor of my mom's committed suicide. He was going through a nasty divorce and the wife was threatening to keep his kids from seeing him. He was their primary caregiver and he couldn't handle the thought. I think it would have been an unlikely outcome but he couldn't deal. My mom went in the house and found him. His kids were pretty messed up by his suicide. The police were called to the house in December and one of the now adult kids was arrested. I know ultimately he was responsible for his actions but I'll always believe she had a role and was a terrible human being for doing that.

My aunt is head of benefits for an investment bank. Last March when we were at her beach house one morning started with news that one of their head traders had committed suicide the night before. His girlfriend was 7 months pregnant. I know that's an extremely high stress role but it's always sad. She was scrambling that day trying to find counselors.

[djAdvocate]

my grandma committed suicide when my mom was 16.
it scarred her for life.

[debthaven]

I'm so sorry kadee79  and djAdvocate and empress of self-improvement.

There have been other suicides around me in recent years, but none of them anywhere near as close as P's. DH's and my old boss (she was DH's witness at our wedding), a friend's lover of 15 years, a colleague's daughter.  

None of them affected me personally as much as P's, but all of them leave a train wreck behind. A child who commits suicide is absolutely the worst thing that one can experience. 

[empress of self-improvement]

My great-grandfather shot himself in the head. My mother attempted but I found her before the pills and booze could finish the job. Just what I always wanted to see as a 5 year old. NOT. And that, boys and girls, is why I am so fucked up. Well, the rampant alcoholism on that side of the family doesn't help either.

[swamp]

Far too many people.

[kadee79]

Feb 24, 2022 17:38:26 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I'm so sorry kadee79  and djAdvocate and empress of self-improvement .

There have been other suicides around me in recent years, but none of them anywhere near as close as P's. DH's and my old boss (she was DH's witness at our wedding), a friend's lover of 15 years, a colleague's daughter.  

None of them affected me personally as much as P's, but all of them leave a train wreck behind. A child who commits suicide is absolutely the worst thing that one can experience. 

There are a lot of mental health issues on my mother's side of the family.  She was one of 13 children (grandpa had 2 wives).  One of my older aunts (same mother as my mother) also committed suicide.  She used a shotgun & it was a mess, closed casket for her.  Her kids took it a lot worse than most & they were all adults.
There have been several also get electric shock treatments trying to do something for their mental health.  As far as I know, it didn't work.  But from those who have shared, at least 2 other aunts & 1 uncle have gone for help...as far as I know, it did help those 3.   At least they either died of old age or some other ailment they had.

[happyhoix]

Feb 24, 2022 14:13:24 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

When I was a senior in high school, a popular 11th grader killed herself. That day, after school, she was hugging people and telling them they wouldn’t see her again. Nobody had any idea what she meant. She went home, cut up pictures of herself, and shot herself in the head. It was horrible and I doubt I’ll ever forget her.

When my son was 12yo, I got called at work because a teacher had found a note he’d written talking about committing suicide. It turned out that he was being severely bullied at school. It was a long, complicated, difficult, scary as hell road getting him to a better place. In addition to helping him through all the therapy and stuff I was doing at home, I was also fighting with his school and the school board to address the bullying so that school could be a safe place for him, like it should be. I was very persistent about it, showed up regularly and made it clear that I would hold them responsible and pursue legal action if those boys continued to bully my son when he finally came back to school.

One of the worst things that really pissed me off was that one of his teachers told me out of her own mouth one day I was at the school “Oh Ms. Pink, they torture him all day every day”. I was thisclose to exploding because clearly she did nothing about it, when she saw it every day. How can you allow a child to go through that every day on your watch?!

At the same time I was dealing with that, I was taking DD to doctors trying to find out what was wrong with her. I finally learned she had a congenital kidney defect and she had to have surgery. At the same time, my Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was ll literally happening at the same time. By the time I got through all that, I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression and I was broke and in deep debt. The WORST years of my entire life, and I still carry wounds, I never fully recovered mentally or spiritually.

That is why bullying is a BFD to me. I thank God my son is still here with me. I thank God I had the resources to get help for him and the strength to deal with the school about the bullying. His Dad did not help with any of it.

I have a friend who came home from school when she was 7yo and found her Mom dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. I’d always known her Mom died when she was a child, but when she told me how, I was horrified that our conversation had led to her even thinking about it. She assured me that she was ok talking about it, but I was still crying on the inside. It still hurts my heart to imagine her or any child coming home to that.

You’re a great mom Pink. Your kids are lucky to have you.

Glad you’re in a better place now 🌹

[wvugurl26]

My brother works for DC metro. He's moved to another area now. For at least a decade though when he was in railcar maintenance, he was on the derailment team. When someone commits suicide on their tracks, once the fire department pronounces them deceased, it's up to that team to remove the body and fix the train. Several of the ones, especially one young 20 something girl, really impacted my brother.

I'm thankful that he's moved onto a different area in that organization. And thankful that he always reached out to me to talk after those incidents.

I had forgotten about that.

[Tiny]

An acquaintance's husband committed suicide. He had struggled for years with mental health issues (and the medications that went along with it). This was in the last 10 years and it's more socially acceptable to talk about it.

I believe there were a suicide or two during my HS years (there were 800 kids in my "class" and about 2000 all together in the school (late 70's early 80's)... I didn't know the students directly and it was more of a "thru the grapevine" as it wasn't announced or acknowledged at school. Kind of a "did you hear about so and so? did you have a class with them?" thing.

I know of a bunch of other deaths - but I'm usually a person or two away from it (so a friend who confides they are dealing with the emotions of having someone they know who's committed suicide for example).

The netflix show 13 Reasons (based on a book of the same name) deals with teen suicide and explores the aftermath of the death (from blaming the victim to blaming everyone, from a bully who feels no remorse (they did nothing wrong or out of the ordinary as in being a bully was acceptable behavior) to those who also did some bullying who were left to deal with feelings of guilt/shame, etc) It doesn't offer a definitive "this is the reason/answer" for suicide.   I'm not sure it's a "good show" - but it definitely explores teen suicide from many angles and perspectives  and can make viewers question their own assumptions about suicide  (what might lead to it, why someone might take their life, what "kind" of person might take their life, etc...)  
 

I imagine any one connected to a suicide has some complicated emotions to deal with and I suspect that kind of pain doesn't necessarily go away and is forgotten - but rather than one learns to live with it.

[Tiny]

FWIW: I live near a freight and commuter rail line. Every year there are a minimum of 4 deaths on the train line (the tracks run thru over 35 miles densely populate areas of track). Some of the deaths are accidents - but the majority are suicides.

There are actually 17 to 20 deaths per year along ALL the freight/commuter rail lines that run into the Big City I work in. That number doesn't change.

There were 2 deaths along my commuter line in 2020 (even with next to no one riding the train to work). That was the least number of deaths I've ever seen. It was back up to 4 in 2021. 2022 already has 2 deaths (and it's only February) - one was for sure an accident (a young commuter got clipped by an approaching train when they ventured out on to the tracks while a commuter train was blocking the crossing ( the bells were ringing the gates were down -- they ignored that and walked over 2 sets of tracks and waited for the stopped commuter train to move on so they could finish crossing the tracks. That's the number one deadly commuter mistake going around the gate.

These numbers haven't changed in the over 30 years I've been taking the train to work. 4 or so deaths per year on my line.     The deaths make me sad.  There isn't anything I can do about them.    

(I find "train deaths" and "pool deaths" and "deaths from infectious diseases to be strangely interesting... so I tend to follow them (cut out articles back in the olden days). Bus plunges are a weird thing too... but those don't happen much in my Metro area (the other deaths do...)

[finnime]

In the final 7 years of her life my mother committed suicide with hundreds of bottles of whisky. My father had died of a heart attack 10 years before my mother did. She had been a drinking alcoholic since I was about 12. She stopped for 2 years after my father died, then resumed, then got into a 5-car accident in a bank parking lot one morning. The other 4 cars were all parked. She was injured and went from the police station to the hospital to a nursing/rehab center to skilled nursing. She took herself out of the skilled nursing center and rode a taxi to home in the next state. Then she resumed drinking, knowing (she was a nurse) that it would definitely kill her. So she died of sepsis secondary to cirrhosis, complicated by malnutrition which is common in alcoholics. I miss her so much. I have some anger still, too, that she would choose to go rather than stay with us, her children.

[Deleted]

finnime, sometimes the demons are stronger than the person.  I had a cousin commit suicide at age 42 after years of fighting drug abuse.  My Ex died the way your mother did- slowly, after years of abuse with a short period of sobriety.  I can't be angry (although I CAN be angry at some of his abusive behavior). He'd lost everything that mattered to him- his job, our marriage, family relationships (including with DS) lots of Stuff he was proud of.  I honestly don't think he chose to lose all of that.  He just couldn't fight the demons.

[geenamercile]

I have worked with more then a few kids who have been hospitalized.  I think it is more common in schools then people realize.  Have you thought about suicide is one of the questions my oldest never answers with her doctor appointments.  In 7th grade during one of her break downs (I really don't like that phrase) she did try and jump out her bedroom window.  I have said this before, but one of my first memories of being a child is playing in the woods and just wanting to go to sleep and never wake up, or to be eaten by a bear.  I am sure it was more then one time, and most likely the memory is more a mix of multiple times.  I still think about it often, and yes most people would be surprise if I ever followed through.  I do have several things that keep me focus and keep those demons at bay.  My relationships with people, and the fact that I honestly believe that I am helping make the world a better place for others, even if it is on a small scale.