Help me out here

[swamp]

I got a new job in January.  I’ve settled in nicely and I really enjoy it. its much more low key than my previous jobs,  I generally go home right in time, and I leave my job at work. 

So so what’s the problem?  I’ve spent 25 years in caffeine induced mania running continually.  Add to that, my kids are pretty self sufficient, and my mom has gone into a nursing home, so my personal obligations are significantly less.  

I fund that I’ve gotten lazy, and I have a really hard time motivating myself.  I should be working out regularly, engaging in hobbies, and very organized.  I’m not.  

What is is wrong with me?  Why can’t I get my act together? 

[nidena]

Sounds like your body might be catching up on 25 years of rest and states of doing nothing which are perfectly healthy states.

[cyanne]

I think you are just in recovery. You’ve run for so long that now that you have stopped your system just wants to recover. I suspect after awhile you will be ready to take on those other tasks and find an equilibrium. 

I find I do something similar. I am so burnt out after the school year that the first few weeks of summer break I don’t do anything but the bare minimum. I think the closer you are to burn out the longer your recovery time. It used to take about two weeks for me but now it’s up to eight weeks. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

What is is wrong with me? Why can’t I get my act together?


I don't think it's about "wrong with me/you". Its' about a transition in daily life routines. For me it was--when DD#2 went to college and we weren't minute-by-minute parenting-- we also realized we were being lazy every evening. We did make conscious efforts at exercising and going places. Then the pandemic hit, so it's been weird-ish. It was/is literally a matter of forcing ourselves to get off the couch to go do stuff. 

[raeoflyte]

I operate best on deadlines. The only thing stronger than procrastinating is fear of failure and I have decades of ingrained habits to fix at some point.

What about a new hobby? Dont push yourself to do the stuff you're putting off. Find something new that takes up mental energy.

[Cookies Galore]

Enjoy the relaxation and laziness. At some point you'll be a little bored with the gift of free you've been given with the new job, and you'll find a new hobby. Even if it's just curling up on the couch and reading more. You'll figure it out.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

If you figure it out, let me know.

I spent 30+ years doing the same, where I felt like I was on a treadmill that I couldn’t get off of.  When I got sick, I had no choice.  Fast forward 9 years and anything I do I do at the absolute last minute.  I have no motivation to do anything, despite all the time I have on my hands.  Part of it is physical for me, but unless I have an appointment where I have to be someplace, it doesn’t get done.  It is part of the reason why I have been in PT for so long.  I could easily do what I should be doing on my own, but don’t.  

[giramomma]

There's a reason why I fully expect the first year or so of retirement, the only thing I'll be doing is making giant ass-dents in my couch. 

Because I will have been running around in caffeine induced mania for 30 years, give or take.

We'll see what I do after that.

One of my good friends is super active at 70. Still working, canning/preserving food, walks a couple of miles daily, does pliates, etc.

She's also had good chunks of repose in her life, including during the year. She has a cabin sort of close to you..her cabin has no electricity.  In non-covid times, she's there for 6-7 weeks a year.

I'm betting you'll get to equilibrium, eventually. It just is going to take time.

[andi9899]

Take some time and just rest. I used to run all the time like you did and I ended up in the hospital. I was constantly taking care of others and not myself so my body forced me to take a seat.

After you rest a while find something you like doing and do it. Don't know what you like? Try a few things. You'll find something.

[Deleted]

I was going to say "give yourself time" but it's almost a year. No need to ratchet your life up to the crazy pace it was before. Maybe pick ONE thing- continuing your education, developing a workout routine, finding a volunteer commitment that matters. I've been retired for 7 years now and don't know now how I kept up the pace I did back then. It's OK to enjoy some of the freedom and flexibility and have some time to be useless.

[stillmovingforward]

Switching jobs from manic pace to reasonable pace does seem to take about a year to settle in. It's like you have PTSD! At least it did for me. Now I can't imagine how I used to do it all. And I like my slow(er) pace job.

[Tiny]

What is is wrong with me? Why can’t I get my act together?

I don't think anything is wrong with you. It's been 10 months since you started your new job. I'm guessing you've settled into a new "work routine" and you no longer need to "mentally" account for trying to arrange your life around work.

Sounds like the "Blahs" have set in.

Or maybe it's just that the "grieving" period for the recent changes is winding down.
As in for all the things that have "ended" - your old job, your kids needing you, you moved to the next step with your mom. OK, some grief never goes away it just isn't around all the time. But it does loosen up. And then it's time to give doing things you use to enjoy (or maybe something you've never done before) a try.

On the other hand, if you have been "waiting" to have time to do stuff... the wait is
over. You have time. Move forward.

Try planning/scheduling/doing something small (or with a limited duration). Get back into the swing of things.

It's hard. especially if you've got something that feels more than the routine "Blahs". If it's more than the routine blahs - maybe it's time to talk to a professional about it.

(FWIW:  The "mental health" part of my employers ongoing  "coping with Covid19 and all the changes"  has mentioned that many people are starting to deal with the "Blahs".    Everything in their live is going ok, more "events" are happening as the threat of Covid19 has become more manageable (on a daily basis)  but there hasn't been that "sigh of relief" and getting back to doing all the things that we use to enjoy/do.    Easing back into new routines/trying something new was the "generic" advice for dealing with a general case of the Blahs. ) 

[Artemis Windsong]

I have the Blahs. I don't do the activities I used to enjoy like art. I let chores go. I'd rather read.

[Artemis Windsong]

I am changing my waking/daily thoughts to rested, physically strong/healthy. Mentally curious!

[busymom]

JMHO, but I think you've been pushing yourself hard, for so many years, that your body has finally said "enough".  Go ahead & rest a bit.


Ever look back on when your kids were younger, and wonder "how did I get all of that stuff done, and I kept the kids from hurting themselves at the same time"?

[lurkyloo]

LMK if you figure something out.  I can’t be arsed to do a really good job on things these days.  Good enough is good enough    Especially after the last 19 months.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Oct 10, 2021 9:51:04 GMT -5 swamp said:

I got a new job in January.  I’ve settled in nicely and I really enjoy it. its much more low key than my previous jobs,  I generally go home right in time, and I leave my job at work. 

So so what’s the problem?  I’ve spent 25 years in caffeine induced mania running continually.  Add to that, my kids are pretty self sufficient, and my mom has gone into a nursing home, so my personal obligations are significantly less.  

I fund that I’ve gotten lazy, and I have a really hard time motivating myself.  I should be working out regularly, engaging in hobbies, and very organized.  I’m not.  

What is is wrong with me?  Why can’t I get my act together? 

ADD?

Keeping myself super overloaded and stressed keeps me humming along and productive. Without that, I'm a lump.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Oct 10, 2021 10:13:14 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I operate best on deadlines. The only thing stronger than procrastinating is fear of failure and I have decades of ingrained habits to fix at some point.

What about a new hobby? Dont push yourself to do the stuff you're putting off. Find something new that takes up mental energy.

ditto on my previous comment 

[finnime]

The transition from fully scheduled days and days with options is not something that just happens easily, not if you have been more or less comfortable with go-go-go. You can tell what stage you're at when realizing you have nothing planned for the day fills you with angst (very young), or anxiety (mid-life) or glee (later mid-life) or peace (older).

I think, like the others, there is nothing wrong at all. The intense pressure is off. Now you have more time to decompress, first, then do as you like. Then teach your kids to drive: that will amp up the pressure again.

A friend I worked with in years past started, during this period, to go on exotic vacations with the whole family, trips that the kids were delighted to go on even into their 20's, before their own obligations hemmed them in. One trip I remember in particular was to the hotel made of ice in Scandinavia. His kids were 19 and 23 for that one.

[Artemis Windsong]

Mod - remove this if it's not allowed. It is free but there is an uplevel charge.

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