Bar Mitzvah gift

[jerseygirl]

Just received an invitation to Husband’s grand nephew’s Bar Mitzvah
Can’t attend as would require travel, ceremony will be streamed
We’re honestly not close to them (his mom is niece). We’re Catholics and have never been invited or attended a Bar Mitzvah but I know it’s a big milestone

We’ll send a card and a gift (check) anyone have recommendation for amount? Don’t want to be stingy but really no idea, maybe same amount as a wedding gift?

[oped]

$36, $54 or $72... pick your comfort level. 

[jerseygirl]

Feb 11, 2021 17:49:53 GMT -5 oped said:

$36, $54 or $72... pick your comfort level. 

Why weird amounts? I’ve gone to Chinese weddings and $88, $888, etc as 8 is for luck

[oped]

Its multiples of 18. Meanings of 10 and 8 are important? ... for some reason.  At least 2X and up to 4X are considered standard. My dad will give $90 but mostly to kids of his good friends, and he's not Jewish himself, so? Anyway, those three I think are the most common denominations given for a Bar Mitzva celebration. 

If you were going to a catered celebration I'd say more... but still multiples. 

[jerseygirl]

Thanks for the explanation!

[sesfw]

Interesting information.  Do you know why 10 and 8 have important meanings for Bar Mitzvah?  I would really like to know

I didn't know the number 8 is considered lucky for Chinese weddings.

Thank you for sharing.

[dannylion]

Feb 13, 2021 11:32:58 GMT -5 sesfw said:

Interesting information.  Do you know why 10 and 8 have important meanings for Bar Mitzvah?  I would really like to know

I didn't know the number 8 is considered lucky for Chinese weddings.

Thank you for sharing.

Not just for weddings.  The number 8 (ba) is considered just generally lucky because of its similarity in sound to a word that means wealth or fortune (fa).  Such connections are considered significant in Chinese culture.  The syllable for the word "death" is the same as the syllable for the number "4".  Even though the tones and, of course, characters are different for the words "death" and "4", the fact that the actual syllable of the 2 words is identical is considered inauspicious, and that syllable (si) is avoided in names for people and companies, for example, and the number 4 is avoided in other contexts, as well.  

[haapai]

You might have gotten a better explanation of "why multiples of 18" if you hadn't posted so close to the sabbath.  You might also get a knocked-out-of-the-park answer in a few minutes once the sun sets or tomorrow. 

Until then, there's always google and google can be pretty good for explaining Jewish customs and beliefs.  Your results will be much better if you click on several different answers to the search.  Basically 18 = "chai"= life (not tea). 

[NoNamePerson]

Will a gift be rejected if a person not familiar with tradition mistakenly gives $100. Or some other amount? Just curios. 

[oped]

No. Of course not, money is money and always appreciated. I think it just says you went that extra step to research it? Like ‘oh isn’t that extra nice’ instead of oh isn’t that nice’ because one is maybe just money (which is still good) and one is money and thought (giving money and innate wishes for good life).

If that makes sense?

[oped]

I just remembered the rule, not why. When I looked it up I found this for 8 and 10...

“The word for "life" in Hebrew is "chai". The two Hebrew letters that make up the word "chai" are chet and yud. Chet is equivalent to 8 and yud is equivalent to 10. So "chai", chet and yud together, equals 18. Giving money in multiples of $18 is symbolic of giving "chai" or life. There are many people who give money in multiples of $18 as presents to someone celebrating a birth, a bar or bat mitzvah or a wedding.”

[debthaven]

Jews DO tend to give monetary gifts in multiples of 18, it's true. But any and all gifts for births/bar or bat mitzvahs/weddings are welcome, monetary or not, although it IS generally customary to give monetary gifts for those occasions. Nobody would expect a non-Jew to know the (unofficial) 'rule' about 18. 

PS I am guessing that on these boards, as in general, there are a lot more non-religious Jews than religious Jews who didn't post because it was Friday night or Saturday.